Figure things out for yourself first

Number one tip: Please remember that not everyone likes that area of their vagina to be stimulated. In fact, some women find it irritating instead of arousing. This may sound odd because of the buzz about the infamous G-spot, but it is true. Pressuring yourself about it is a really bad idea, as stress is a huge inhibitor to sexual pleasure. Don't fake it for your partner. If you are the partner, do not worry about it. If she invites you to explore with her, then follow her lead. Don't feel bad if you don't find it or she doesn't like it. That does not reflect on either of you as a lover.

Try it yourself a few times before getting your partner to try it. Before sex or self-stimulation, try emptying your bladder so that you feel more confident in letting inhibitions go. Use your fingers to find the rough area and then firmly stroke it up and down in a "come hither" motion. You could also try using a curved toy to reach it. If you don't like it at all, then be alright with leaving it alone. It's not the only way to orgasm, so don't feel bad. If it feels good, continue. Press on through the "I've got to pee" stage until orgasm is reached. Some suggest that pushing out with your vaginal muscles when you feel like the big "O" is near can help you to get there. This may cause you to excrete a sexual fluid referred to as female ejaculation (more about that below).

Stimulating the G-spot can feel great even if you don't orgasm from it. Many women say that they have to "let go" when they have the urge to urinate during stimulation, and that can be difficult to do. Allow yourself to enjoy it without feeling like you have to orgasm from it. You may orgasm from clitoral stimulation in the attempt. As you experiment more, you may find your own way of "letting go."

Spend some time getting used to how it feels so that when you are with your lover, you can recognize the feeling as you experiment with different sexual positions. Try different types of stroking motions and pressure. Use your fingers or a toy in a motion like you are trying to scratch an itch on your G-spot. Continue with this motion without taking your finger or the toy all the way out of your vagina. Then try circular motions and go back and forth.

There is a lot of literature that has women with very high sex drives who
are easily stimulated discussing the G-spot, but don't confuse that with the majority. A more accurate representation of females as a whole would tell you that their likes and dislikes very greatly. For example, some women can't stand for the clitoris to be directly excited during oral sex, and others can't wait for it.

If you're living with diabetes, you've found a way to live with the changes in your life that diabetes brings, but you may want to think about the ways your sexuality may be affected by living with Diabetes (or being in a sexual relationship with someone who lives with Diabetes).

The traditional medical approach to sexuality and disability or chronic illness can be very gloomy when it comes to sexuality. Often the focus is on what won't work (and what will hurt). Well meaning health care professionals will sometimes discourage people living with Diabetes from thinking about the sexual parts of their lives. This is wrong.

Sexuality isn't a simple matter of mechanics and bodies, it's a combination of the way our bodies work and the way we feel, the changes you experience are unique to you, and professionals shouldn't be telling you how to feel or what your sexuality is going to be like post-diagnosis.

When you begin any sexual exploration you never know where it's going to take you. What starts off as a real problem can end up with surprisingly pleasant results.

For example, some people living with Diabetes find they have to start talking about sex with partners more, and the result is better sex, and more of the kinds of sex they've always wanted.

You may find that there are a variety of impacts on your sexual life as a result of living with Diabetes. Changes can occur in

• your desire to have sex
• how the sex you have feels
• what kinds of sex you want to have
• feelings of being attractive and desirable

These changes may be a result of Diabetes itself, medications you may be taking, or the often intense and unacknowledged social pressures and anxieties that come with acquiring and living with a disability.

Here are some common ways that sexuality and sexual functioning can be impacted by Diabetes, along with suggestions for dealing with these obstacles. Remember that these are only general comments, and your experience may be wildly different.

1. Increased Likelihood of Urinary Tract and Yeast Infections

   Particularly when blood glucose is consistently high, these infections can cause discomfort for women during intercourse and for men during urination and ejaculation. An important preventative measure is to maintain your blood glucose as best as possible.
   More information on urinary tract infections for women
   More information on urinary tract infections for men
   More information on yeast infections

2. Erectile Dysfunction & Prostate Problems

   Some studies suggest that at least 50% of men with diabetes have erectile dysfunction. Erectile dysfunction also occurs at a younger age for men with Diabetes. Prostate problems related to Diabetes can also impact erections, as well as have an impact on pain experienced during sexual arousal and orgasm for men. At the same time, not all men living with Diabetes will experience erectile dysfunction.

   While erectile dysfunction problems can often be resolved, when they do occur (as they naturally do for all men, regardless of disability) it can also be an opportunity to reconsider the absolute focus on penile-vaginal intercourse as the "ultimate" form of sex. There are many other ways of being sexual, and getting complete sexual satisfaction, without an erection. And having a body that is changing, and not always working the way it did in the past, can be an opportunity to explore this.
   More on erectile dysfunction and Diabetes

3. Vaginal Lubrication

   Nerve damage as a result of diabetes can cause reduced vaginal lubrication. This is a situation that is easy to fix with good quality water based or silicone based lubricant.

   4. Reduced Bladder Control

   For many people loss, or even reduction of control over bladder functioning can have a huge impact on feelings of sexiness, and can create anxiety about loss of bladder control during sex. Making sure you empty your bladder before sex, and avoid drinking a lot prior to sex is one way to deal with these concerns.

   5. General Decrease in Sexual Desire

   This can be caused by any number of things, including:
1. Medications to reduce blood pressure, for depression, and for pain reduced testosterone levels
2. Fatigue as a result of persistently high blood glucose
3. Pain experienced during sex, making sex less appealing
4. Changes in your body including weight gain. How you deal with this change will depend so much on the causes and you. If medication is a cause you may want to speak to your physician about changing the type of medication you are on. Fatigue may be making it simply more difficult to schedule sex, so planning a day around your energy level so you have time for sex when you're energy is up can work well.

Here's How:

1. Be authentic in your dirty talk.
   Dirty talk can feel silly if you expect it to be what you've seen in the movies. You might have this idea that dirty talk is something specific. But good dirty talk is completely what you make it, and to do it well, you have to be yourself. While you may take on a role in your dirty talk (e.g. the ravished submissive) you need to find something of yourself in the role. Make a list of different aspects of your personality you can draw on for inspiration.
2. Find your dirty talk voice.
   You need to find your own way of talking dirty. Your dirty talk might be low rhythmic grunts, high pitched squeals, or precise whispers. It might reflect the way you talk in your daily life, or it might express a different aspect of your personality. You don't need to pick only one voice, the element of surprise can add an extra sense of anticipation, when your partner doesn't know what they're going to get an earful of next!
3. Expand your dirty talk vocabulary.
   Most of us are raised not to swear. Dirty talk is your opportunity to pull out all the stops on the foul mouth express. Unless you're role playing calls for it, avoid clinical terms (like penis). If you're at a loss, do some research. Both of the books recommended below have lists of words. But you can do research online, by reading some raunchy erotica, or in some cases watching porn (although the dirty talk in porn tends to be unimaginative).
4. Practice dirty talk when you're alone.
   Carol Queen, author of the highly recommended Exhibition for the Shy, suggests starting on your own, talking dirty while you masturbate. Fantasize about having sex with your partner and talking dirty to them. You can start by doing it in your head, but eventually do it out loud.
5. Establish ground rules with your partner.
   One of the reasons many of us don't talk dirty is fear of sounding ridiculous, or being put down or rejected by a partner. It's important to set some rules when you're willing to take risks like this. Rules like no laughing at one another, and no judgment are important. In the heat of the moment anything can come out of your mouth, and you need to know that your partner is respectful of the ways that can be exposing.
6. Start slow the first time.
   Don't feel you have to rush right into elaborate verbal gymnastics. A great way to start with dirty talk is to describe out loud what is happening during sex. Things like "I love the way your hand feels in my…." Or "Your …feels so good on/in my…" Describe what's happening and how it feels in your body. You can also experiment by telling your partner something you're going to do to them, or something you want them to do to you.
7. Experiment with your voice.
   Most of us take for granted all the different things we can do with our voice, and the impact these changes have. Experiment with speed, how fast you talk. Some things call for a staccato barrage, while some things are best said slowly. Change the volume of your voice, try whispering, try screaming, try everything in the middle. Also play with the tenor of your voice. You can sound commanding and harsh, trembling and uncertain, and everywhere in between.
8. Make dirty talking a two way conversation.
   Once you've taken the risk and initiated talking dirty with your partner, ask them to do the same. It isn't for everyone, and you might find that you like doing it more than hearing it (or vice versa). But being on the receiving and the giving end of dirty talk can give you a different perspective on it, plus you may learn a few things from your partner you didn't already know.

So a friend of Ducky's posted about this new super sexy OhMiBod video. (Sexy but not triple-x.) Which is so sexy that Ducky went searching for more OhMiBod videos! Check this one out: