When I was in college I had an accident in the physics lab.  Hmmm.. that sounds awfully Spider-Man-esque.  lol

Actually, I was holding this REALLY heavy metal ring. Somebody had left a T-bar clamped where it should have been for hanging a funnel from, and when I stood up too quickly I bumped the back of my head on it. As a reflex, I bent forward and my hands flew upwards... and knocked the metal ring INTO my mouth.  I broke my front two teeth.

I had the teeth fixed and later had root canals on them - currently I have two great veneers that look pretty good.

But over the years, I've had to have lots of root canals. Including 2 in one molar and 3 in another. Apparently my nerves in the third molars are even more difficult to do root canals on than most people's. The one that I had 3 root canals done on started hurting again this month. On Sunday it was so bad I had to call 1-800-DENTIST to try to find an emergency dental clinic, if something like that existed in Los Angeles. Turns out they found a dentist with emergency hours on Sundays. So I went in at 8pm on Sunday evening.

I told the dentist that I didn't want to have another root canal in that tooth. She told me that she had a patient a few years ago that had had 5 root canals in the exact same tooth (#14 for those of you who know about these things). She told me that she would extract it. Unfortunately, there was a large abcess (infection) in the gum above the tooth, so she relieved some of the pressure and I made an appointment for this morning.

This morning I had my tooth extracted. I actually felt the bone crack when she expanded the bone to be able to pull the tooth out all in one piece and not risk breaking it and leaving in a tiny piece.

I am SUCH a baby at the dentist, but this dentist was FABULOUS. So nice, and so patient with me being anxious as hell. I'm going to go back to her for the replacement implant in about 4 months after the bone heals.

So... if any of you in the Valley need a great dentist, I highly recommend Dr. Berman. She's in a medical building on the corner of Victory and Tampa.

VOTE here:
http://www.thefameawards.com/home.aspx

Belladonna is nominated in the following categories:
Favorite Female
Best Ass
Best Butt
Dirtiest Girl in Porn

Evil Angel is a finalist in the Best Studio category.

Fashionistas Safado is up for Best Feature movie.

And Evil Angel has 3 movies that made the final cut for Best Gonzo:
Manhandled (Belladonna)
G for Gianna (Jonni Darkko)
Slutty & Sluttier (Manuel Ferrara)

The fans decide the winners of these awards, so vote for us now!
The awards take place at the Erotica LA convention on June 23!

POST UPDATE on Monday: well, Sasha and I never made it to Miami. There were just TOO many overbooked flights and too many people traveling during spring break. 
Sasha missed the original flight, so I stayed behind with her, and then there was nothing but standby for 2 straight days.  We didn't wait that long.  After a little more than 30 hours, we finally gave up and went home.  :(
So sorry to miss those of you who were there.

UPDATE: As of 1pm on Saturday, Sasha and I are still stuck at LAX. We have only left the airport for about a total of 6 hours over the last 30 hours.  4 to go shower and nap, 2 to eat and get some fresh air.

Everything is overbooked because of flight cancellations and spring break. We will stay on standby through the next flight, but if it doesn't happen on that one, we won't be able to make it Miami this year.  :( 

Hi all.

I'm going to the Exxxotica Miami convention from March 30 - April 1.  Genesis Magazine has been kind enough to ask me to be on the panel Everything you wanted to know about porn (but were afraid to ask).  I'll be doing the panel with a few other people each day in a seminar and Q&A format, and I believe that Sasha will be on the panel with me on Sunday. The panel is one hour long each day and starts at 7pm Friday, 3:30pm Saturday, and 4pm Sunday.

I'll also be bringing Sasha Grey to be at the Genesis booth with me to meet her fans and promote all the great work she's done for Evil Angel this last year, like Fashionistas Safado and the upcoming The Awakening of Sasha Grey (from Belladonna).  She's also been in Fuck Slaves from Jake Malone, Black Cock Addiction from Joey Silvera and a lot of other fine porn.  :)

Sasha's hours are:
Friday - 5-10pm
Saturday - 5-10pm
Sunday - 12-5pm

The convention hours are
Friday March 30: 4 - 11pm
Saturday March 31: 12 - 11pm
Sunday April 1: 12 - 7pm

We'll also be at the Genesis party on Friday evening.

Thanks again to Genesis magazine.

             
   It's not a party unless it's an XFANZ party! The hot new porn fan networking 'n' news website is co-hosting The Players Ball on Friday January 12th at the Empire Ballroom in Las Vegas, Nevada. The night will showcase a musical performance by multi-platinum hip-hop artist Too 
$hort as well as appearances by some special surprise guests -- all while porn's sexiest stars dance the night away.
"XFANZ is going to blow up the Adult Entertainment Expo! Partnering with the Players Ball, the longest-running concert series in adult, gives XFANZ the opportunity to host a killer party for the biggest stars in adult entertainment and their fans", said XFANZ Managing Director Alan Hawkins. "You just can't miss this show. XFANZ is delivering a night full of great music, the biggest stars in adult entertainment and lots of surprises!"
Entrance to the event begins at 9:45 p.m. for VIP. Doors open to the public promptly at 10:30 p.m. with D-Money hosting. 

Evil Angel's AEE stars in attendance will be Belladonna, Katsumi, Naomi, Sasha Grey, Sandra Romain, Mia Rose, Annette Schwarz and Anell.  Company owner John Stagliano will be attending with Tricia Devereaux and the rest of the company's directors.

Adult entertainers involved include: Ron Jeremy, Janine, Tyler Faith, Sunny Lane, Joanna Angel, Memphis Monroe, Tommy Gunn, Sophia Santi, Shay and Teagan Presley, to name a few.
The adult industry must be registered prior to the evening to enjoy the plush services XFANZ and the Empire Ballroom offer. The party is FREE if registered through www.xfanz.com. 
To request press passes and book interviews contact Dusty Marie.

dusty@xfanz.com  or (323) 965-0788.

I kept meaning to write and let you know how the Berlin convention went for me. Thank you all for the messages and emails asking... so I'm finally getting around to it.

Business-wise it was great. We didn't have an actual booth, so we were able to go around and see the people we needed to about sales, accounts, etc.

There's a German company that we caught bootlegging our movies, so John and the owner of Digital Playground had to go to a German police station to make statements. The great news is that the German police were VERY cooperative and then on the day after we came back to the States, the owner of the company doing the bootlegging was arrested. He's out on bail now, but at least we got the word out to most of the American companies to watch out for him.

I got to see a bunch of friends, including Christoph Clark, David Perry, Steve Holmes, Isabel Ice, Gia Jordan and Toni Ribas. I even got to meet Kelly Stafford in person for the first time.

I LOVE Berlin, btw. Such a great mix of people. It ranges all the way from very stern, conservative types all the way to people who wear S/M clothing on trains. The S/M scene is so wonderfully developed and sophisticated.

Before we had arrived, our line producer from Fashionistas Safado had arranged for us to have a European screening premiere of the movie at the main S/M club (Insomnia) that we shot at for the Safado movies. The crowd of people there really loved the movie, and it was great ambience for the club that night.

If all of that is as much as you wanted to know, then there you go. If you're willing to let me pour my story out to you, then read on:

I was wearing a latex minidress from Syren. Early in the evening when I was happily getting spanked by a German porn guy and masturbating to orgasm over and over, he pulled the dress up quickly, and it got a HUGE rip in it at the waist level. Afterwards, I tried to pull the dress back down, but realized that it would rip even worse. So I left it pulled up to my waist, deciding that walking around bottomless (I HATE panties, btw) would be better than risking walking around naked for the rest of the night.

For those of you haven't been to a full-on S/M club, there's several rules at the ones I've been to. The rule I usually like the best is this one: don't touch people unless they encourage you. Unfortunately for me on that night, a sign of encouragement especially at this particular club is exposed body parts. Basically, if any of your private parts are exposed, you're indicating that you're looking for some sort of play, and would not be upset if someone reached out and just started, well... playing with you.

So one of my friends who was at the party was kind enough to stick with me and run interference whenever I would have to be playing party hostess and walk around the club. (Thank you sweetie!) Don't get me wrong, I LOVE attention, and I was certainly getting it that night. But I tend to be more of an exhibitionist than a swinger.

After getting spanked a few times and having the kind of fun that can be had at an S/M club which included masturbating with various toys a few times and having several orgasms, I ran into a guy who had worked off-camera on production of Fashionistas Safado. He's a Turkish German guy who lives in Berlin. He's gorgeous enough to be a mainstream model, has chocolate-brown eyes, and is possibly the most kind guy I've ever met. During those two weeks of production in Berlin, I talked to him for hours at a time, and felt like he and I had become friends very quickly. One of my best friends (who was on location for Fashionistas Safado) and I talked about how attractive and wonderful he was for quite some time after we returned to the States.

Anyway, I started talking to this guy (I'll call him Z for short) and for the first time during the night, I felt embarassed that I was bottomless. Which I still don't completely understand, because during production I had had a full conversation with him when I completely naked on set after an S/M scene. Maybe because on set, there was a protocol that made it feel 'safe', whereas this night at the club, I didn't know what he was thinking and I certainly didn't feel in control of what might or might not happen. Lately, I'm not used to not feeling in control, and it was really throwing me off.

For those of you who know that I'm married with a family, and might be a little confused as to why I'd have any reason to be nervous around a guy, let me explain that shortly after shooting Fashionistas Safado, I started doing a little s/m here and there with a couple of select guys. Not a lot, and certainly not with many different guys, but just enough where I felt sexually alive again. Stuff that I had been seriously missing out on during the past 6 years or so. I love the anticipation of exploring something with a new guy... being spanked or choked, and opening myself up to trusting this new person. I do still love John VERY much, but psychologically there's a much different and more exciting feeling from allowing myself to trust someone who isn't my life partner. For the most part, it's been wonderful for me. My life is fairly complicated, and for a long time I thought I wouldn't be able to experience anything remotely sexual outside of my marriage ever again. John has always been very open sexually, much more so than I ever was, and he's been very supportive of me exploring my kinkier side once again. I'm not the type to confuse sex and love, and I'm also not the type to get attached because of attraction... not usually.

So there I was with this man that I was overwhelmingly attracted to, not knowing if he found me attractive... aware that he wasn't actually a part of the s/m scene in Berlin... afraid that he would think that the things I like to do are freakish.. and I was about ready to cry because I wanted to tell him that I wanted him to do whatever he'd want to do to me, but I was too afraid to say anything for fear of being rejected. He and I silently watched a few other couples and groups play, and then he finally told me that he had seen me get spanked and choked earlier in the night, and that he thought I looked gorgeous. I took that as my opportunity, and asked him if he'd ever find something like that interesting for himself. He said yes, so I gently took his hand and brought it up to the back of my hair while looking into his eyes. He hesitated, and I stopped breathing. He told me that he was confused, that he didn't know how John felt about all this. I laughed and said that John was upstairs spanking someone else at that very moment. Finally, Z grabbed the back of my hair firmly, and pulled me in to kiss him. It may be the best kiss I've ever had.

He pushed me against the wall and started to slowly spank me, but I quickly noticed that he didn't seem comfortable about how many people were right next to us. We tried to sneak into the room that had been used for makeup and wardrobe for the set, but it was locked, so I pulled him around a corner into a slightly secluded area. There were one or two people in another corner, but they were preoccupied. :)

He kissed me deeply, then pushed me down on my knees and grasped my hair as he spanked me hard. I looked up at him and locked my eyes with his. I masturbated and came the hardest I had all night. I could see through his clothes that his dick was hard, so when my body started to relax, I kissed him again and told him that I wanted to watch him masturbate. Unfortunately, my moaning and his slaps on my body had attracted quite a crowd, and he told me that he couldn't masturbate in front of the other guys. I was desperate to hold his dick in my hand, to kiss him as he was masturbating, to let him cum on me. So I let John know that I was leaving and I'd see him in the morning, and Z and I grabbed our coats from coat check. Luckily I had been wearing a long suede coat that night.. we had to take the subway to Z's apartment.

Once there, I got unbelievably nervous. This wasn't a porn guy. He was a normal guy... one that I was dangerously attracted to on every level. Z leaned in to kiss me deeply and asked if he could choke me while I masturbated again. How could I possibly say no? I begged him to let me feel his dick in my hands while he gently choked me. I was so emotional that my eyes started tearing up, and he mistook it for me being upset. I reassured him that I was simply overwhelmed and that in no way did I want him to stop. Quite the opposite, I never wanted him to stop. He got undressed and I knew that I was going to be obsessed with him for a long time. He was even more gorgeous naked, his dick was rock hard and more beautiful than the dicks of half of the guys in porn. After several hours of the kind of kissing usually only experienced with a person that you're completely in love with, and many orgasms later, I felt like I had to let myself pass out. I asked him if I could sleep there until daylight when I'd take a taxi home to the hotel. I fell asleep naked in his arms as he gently ran his fingers through my hair.

In the morning, I didn't want to leave. It wouldn't have been so difficult if I knew if there was a likelihood of ever seeing him again. We promised each other that we'd stay in touch. At the convention that day I saw him one last time. He pulled me aside and told me that during the day he had become confused, that he was afraid that the night before was a mistake that he regretted. I told him that I was so sorry and that I never wanted it to be anything but a fun experience for both of us. He looked so sad as he walked away from me.

When I got back to Los Angeles, after several nights straight of crying over missing him and feeling guilty about how confused and uncomfortable that night had made him, I got his email address from a mutual friend and wrote to him. I told him that I'd rather have him yell at me and tell me that I had been selfish or a was a horrible person, than to never hear from him again. It's been over a month, and I haven't heard from him. And as you can tell, I haven't stopped thinking of him..

I don't know why I suddenly felt the need to write all of this down. I still need to work out some things in my head, and maybe forcing myself to think about all this clearly enough to write about it semi-coherently, I might be able to figure some things out. I know that I love porn and being in porn. And I know that I'm not a bad person, that I would never intentionally hurt someone. But I've gotten seriously shy since Berlin. I don't want to open up to anyone new for a long time. I don't want to take the chance of being hurt, or worse yet .. of emotionally hurting someone else. I also got scared. Somehow I fell for him, and now all that stuff I used to say about sex being able to be separate from love has been shaken up.

After all of that, I guess I just want to say that if somehow someday he reads this, I just want to tell him that I'm sorry and I wish him the best.

Since I have a lot of people ask my the whats and whys of my tats and piercings, I figured I'd just go ahead and post it.

All of my body art is representative to me of a specific time and place in my life.

My first piercing was my navel.  Got it at 20 years old when I realized that porn was going to be a career for me.  I had to take it out when I was pregnant, cause I didn't want it to scar.  But I recently got my navel repierced.

My first tattoo was the Fleur de lis on the back of my neck.  My mother's family, in recent years from Quebec, can be traced back to Versailles, so I've always had a fascination with Fleur de lis.  It's one of the symbols of the Louis XIV era.
For me, I got this tattoo at age 20 when I filed for divorce from my 1st husband.  (marriage was a big mistake, long story for another day) He had always despised tattoos, so it was my way of celebrating my freedom.  Art by Cliff Cadaver.
I went to a Chicago Bears football game a few years back in Chicago when they were playing the New Orleans Saints.  I had my hair up in a ponytail, and John begged me to let my hair down so nobody saw my tattoo.  The guys behind us kept giving me such a hard time cause they thought I was a Saints fan who kept cheering at the wrong times.

When I broke up with Rob Black at age 22, I got the barbed wire/vine bracelet on my right wrist.  Rob had a barbed wire band on his arm before barbed wire was popular - WAY before Pamela Anderson did it.  I wanted to get the barbed wire to remind myself that I was stronger than ever, but had the delicate vine woven through it to also remind myself that I was still fragile and had to watch out for people who didn't have my best interests at heart.  The strength of the barbed wire and the delicateness of the vine is a dichotomy which I truly believe represents the core of my personality.  Art by Sunset Strip Tattoo.

At age 24, a week before I moved in with John Stagliano, I had my tongue pierced.  No major symbolisms to most of my piercings, just done at special times in my life.  I lost the ball once a couple years back, and let the piercing close up, but I redid it earlier this year right before shooting Fashionistas 2.

At 26, upon starting work on Fashionistas 1, I had my clit hood pierced.  To solidify my love of the S/M world.  I've since taken out that piercing and had it redone 2 more times.  I LOVE the feeling of having my clit hood pierced.

In 2005, I had both of my nipples pierced with bars.  My intention was to add to the pleasure of S/M on my nipples.  I love having my nipples played with and pulled on, especially with clothespins and clamps.  Unfortunately, the pins and clamps would snap off if they were tugged on too hard.  So what's the point in that?  So I decided to get the piercings, and once they would heal, I'd attach the clothespins and clamps directly to the piercings, and then I or someone else could pull as hard as we wanted to without it coming off.  Sadly, those piercings never completely healed.  They never got infected, and as long as I didn't directly stimulate my nipples, they were completely fine.  But after more than 9 months, just putting on light bondage clothespins would make my nipples start to bleed.  And that SO wasn't the purpose, so I reluctantly removed those piercings.

I don't have NEARLY as many piercings as I would like.  I know I will get more, it's just a matter of when and where.

As for tats, I love body art, but I've come to accept that my image was always about the girl next door who's really a freak under the sweet exterior.  I don't really wanna mess with that, at least not yet.  I HAVE dyed my hair black recently, which is a good start for now.

Getting ready to go to Indiana in 2 weeks for the Nudes a Poppin' strippers contest.

Since I'm too old to actually compete , I'm once again going with John to help him videotape.  It's about 8 or 9 hours working in the hot Indiana sun!!!

Then we'll spending a day or two in Chicago to catch a Chicago Cubs game. 

While overall, I don't really consider myself an overly superficial person, I have NEVER been happy with my nose.

I don't like how it gets wider, then narrower, then wider again to end with a bulb at the tip of my nose.

I've been considering getting a nose job for QUITE some time.  I don't know if I'll ever go through with it.  John doesn't want me to.  But I really think I'd be more confident...

Edited to clarify:

If I ever did get my nose done, I would never go overboard with it. I would just minimize the bump on the upper part of the bridge of my nose.  It's not always hugely obvious in my pictures, cause I've learned how to pose to not have it be too obvious.  To see what I'm talking about, look at the picture of me and Jazz in my profile pics.

I went skiing at Mammoth on Valentine's Day weekend this year with another family and our 5 year-old daughters.

While overall, I'm still glad I went because it was my daughter's first time skiing, and that was a really fun experience, I hurt my knee really badly.

I was getting ready to stop at the ski lodge for lunch and a beer with my friends, and another skiier who was going WAY too fast cut me off as I was entering the netted-off zone.  I had to turn too quickly, lost my balance, and my skiis ended up caught in the net in different directions with me on my butt.  My bindings didn't come off, and my left knee was twisted down and inwards.  OUCH!!!

Ski patrol took me to first aid, and the next day I had an XRay and MRI, which showed that I didn't tear my ACL as I was afraid, but I did strain my MCL really badly and I tore my cartilage.  I was on crutches for 3 weeks.

Well, 4 months later, and I'm still wearing a knee brace.  It's a much smaller brace than before.  But I might still have to have surgery.  :(

Well....... wish me luck.

I'm currently in production with John on Fashionistas 2.

We just shot for 2 weeks in Berlin, Germany, and this week we'll shoot in Las Vegas and then here in Los Angeles.

So far the best things for me of the production were getting to spend some time with Nacho Vidal, who I hadn't seen in a long time and we renewed our friendship; meeting Katsumi, who is just amazing; and getting to meet Jazz Duro, who's one of the nicest and most interesting guys I've ever met.