Give a jackass an education and you get a smartass.
Now that food has replaced my sex life, I can't even get into my own pants!
Happiness is like peeing yourself, everyone can see it but only u can feel its warmth!
On a scale between one to ten, you're an idiot!
Alex, I'll take 'Things Only I Know' for $200
A day without sun shine is like, you know, night.
A major company just developed a new paint called Blondo, it's not to bright and it spreads easily..
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor's cute, screw the fruit
And God said, "Let there be light", and there was light. And everyone said, "Hey, cool! Do You do parties?".
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
For people who like peace and quiet - a phoneless cord.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?