Sing to me my muses, lost in hot cyclops anarchy
Possession, Invention, blood blood
Spirits, spirits
Spirits, spirits, come, come
Where will these visions lead? How far dare I go?
Where will this song take me?
Into the deep UNKNOWN!

--Sha Nagba Imurru--

Random _[Thots] occur at 3:30am courtesy of a big lack of sleep, cramps and an overwhelming urge to finally completely snap, just laughing maniacally while rocking back and forth in a corner, mindlessly reciting lines of poetry, spilling blood on canvas; giving into the little voices that we ignore daily...the voices we cover up and call 'disorders'...they're all there, why not release them; spiritual intercourse, complete obliteration of the senses..._{[sometimes I sit and ask myself, what have I BECOME?]}...Someone asked me the other day while I was walking to get some coffee, what will I do when i'm old, when i'm 80, what will all my piercings and tattoos turn out to be? What will I think of it all then? My answer was, "I'm going to look at them exactly the same as I always have, how I do now and how I will when the future comes...as Art." The human body is art to me...a piece of absolutely perfect canvas, that can be molded, shaped...sculpted...pierced, inked, re-formed...re-made...into whatever you see it to be, what YOU see as beautiful. It always bothered me the wrong way when people would talk badly about body modification, it always annoyed me...I always just listened, watched these people speak their minds, the only thing going through my head, "Why is it so hard to be open about these things? What's so hard to accept...? What someone else does to their own body, their OWN...why does it affect your life so greatly that you feel the need to make possibly hurtful comments?"

This isn't anything new though, not even close. It's going to happen with everything, regardless of how anyone feels about it. I've accepted that fully, though somedays everything can rub me the wrong way, as is with almost everyone else, i'm sure. I just never understood why some people are so close-minded to things, so...ignorant...to even want to try to understand...ignorant might not be the right word, but it seems fitting to me. I've had many people randomly ask me questions about myself, the tone in their voice indicating they obviously could care less at my answer, to which, of course my answer is going to be just as equally smart-assed as their question. It's not hard, treat me with respect, and you get the same. If you genuinely are curious about something and you ask, i'm going to tell you everything you want to know. It's just common courtesy, really. At least to me anyways. <sub>[unfulfilled satisfactions & chemical reactions;; my fate there's no escape -- life itself is the assassin]

[:.:mental midgets.:.]</sub>

The human body amazes me, on a daily basis almost. It is absolutely astounding what the body can go through...even what the mind can go through;; _{[Killing me...he's killing me--infectious human waste, forefather, cancer hungry, prostate gods...killer;KILLER]} ;;The capability is beautiful...pullings, suspensions, kavadi...implants...subincisions, amputation...bloodplay...piercings, tattoos...shattered bones, torn, fragmented muscles...joints...mental breakdowns, crushed hearts..._{[map menge ou sans sel]}...other voices, hallucinations...the body and mind are truly fascinating pieces of art that should be treated as such.

_{[Say what you mean to save your soul;but leave your religion at the door--]}

The female body in particular is breathtaking, as i'm sure most agree...all shapes, all sizes..._{[Perfectly Flawed]}...every single person is gorgeous in their own right, whether they believe it or not, myself definitely included. Muses, sirens...women, womyn...serpent grrls...perfect pieces of art, that can remain as they are, or can be modified...gorgeously modified to be even more ravishing. Body modification in my personal opinion brings out the inner beauty, brings out the physical beauty overall of someone...someone not afraid to stand up, speak out..._{strike back}...not afraid to show their true selves, with their heads up high, proving to the entire world just how fucking STUNNING they are.

_{[With poetry & suffering, eye cannibalized every ounce of my pain;eye'm not ashamed, NOW YOU'RE WALKING AWAY]}

--Sic Semper Tyrannus--


Paint your face with the blood of the weak
Self-sacrifice everyone you meet
Screaming demons in my veins
Voices of the dead nurturing my pain
I survived; I'm ALIVE
I render fever to watch you burn
Kill your leaders to help you learn

Don't let go, this is too much to take aloneI WAS going to post something interesting here, then my braindied. You should go listen to Dead Enough For Life by Icon of Coil andAs We Fall by Imperative Reaction...why? Because they're amazing and Isaid so. :P

ANOTHER 6am rolls around...my sleeping schedule iscompletely fucked. Though...I don't really sleep...so I can't reallycall it a sleeping schedule. Le sigh. I want some damn sushi right now,sushi and some REALLY hot green tea. <3

In other exciting news, besides myinsomnia being awesome again, *hopefully* going to be FINALLY gettingto do a lotus suspension for my 20th birthday, thank you Valon. I fucking adore you. <333WHOOT! *flails happily* 7 months is a long time to wait, but it's short compared to how long i've wanted to do this. Fweeee.

Me and Joanna had a really long talk about star signs for somereason earlier today...err...yesterday. ^^; And we've come to theconclusion that I have some thing for Libras and a few Virgos. XD Everyguy i've ever fallen hard for, has turned out to be a Libra. For themost part, there was maybe one or two that weren't,haha. But, I don'tknow why...I was thinking about it, and I think it's because I can havean ACTUAL, intelligent conversation with them about anythingand they're not immature about anything...they tell you straight outwhat they think, and they bring my daydreamy head back down to earth,which is damn nice.

This cool night air is curious...

What's 8:45am, friday mean to me...? It means it's been pretty well2 weeks straight where I haven't been able to sleep before 10am...if atall during the day, excellent.

SO...here's a blog post that i'm sure no one will read, and theones that DO read it ALL...will probably only be two people, and theywill more than likely respond with a comment that makes me smile,sadlythat smile doesn't last like it should. And those two people, (or oneperson really) always comment, or at least texts me, asking me if i'malright...and it means the world to me, truly. <3

As for this blog post...i'm drinking tea...with a little too muchsugar, but that's ok...listening to Passenger by Deftones...becausehey, when aren't I either listening to Deftones, The Cure, ChristianDeath or Otep? :P Yeah...never. I want to just post randomlyhere...things you did or didn't already know about me, and I don't carewho knows these things, I truly don't. Personal things, random things,silly things...all of it, it's getting posted here, right now. I'mgoing to forget things on this list, which is a given...lists aren'tever truly finished...(Or if you're like me you have a book...that's alist...of lists. Teehee.)



So, I guess i'll make this sort of like...a little...one of thosequizzy things I steal off Myspace when I get bored? Whatever...fuck it,i'll just type as my fingers go...'Type as my fingers go.' There's asentence structure winner, eh?

Where to start? With my name I suppose...Nicole Angelique Lyka.(yeah, yeah go creep that on Google you fucks...I will SKULLFUCK YOUSIDEWAYS.) I personally think it has a ring to it...I do like my middlename a lot, though I never really did like being called, 'Nicole.'Hence why I have a few too many nicknames, some of which I forgot aboutuntil someone reminded me just yesterday, hehe. Funny. I love wafflesand cotton candy to DEATH...Caramilk chocolate, candy...I love candy,for the most part. Except for when I fall asleep with a candy necklaceon after someone has been nibbling on it and then I wake up with asticky rainbow neck. Teehee. Green tea, regular tea...especially withhoney is one of my favorite things to drink...coffee is a second tothat now, after working at Second Cup...coffee got a little worn off tome, hahaha. (As if it wasn't already, eh?)

{5 shots of espresso forte in one shot on your first day of work...I was waiting for my heart to explode.}

I love dying my hair...when i'm feeling sad, it cheers me up toswitch up the colors, play with make-up, take photos...paint, draw,write...meditate...light a ton of candles and just sit around,listening to music...seeing into the depths of my soul, picking apartmyself like a million worms crawling to the surface of the Earth aftera heavy rain...I love watching people, I adore listening to peopletalk, especially if it's something that's important to them, or just agood, intelligent conversation about common interests. Sigh...(JustinI miss sitting in Starbucks staring at you then laughing when you wouldask, 'So Nicole...tell me, how does that make you feel?')

I get enjoyment out of walking in the rain...I LOVE the rain...Ilove autumn very much, sadly it doesn't last long, if it all...it getsa little colder than just, 'wear a hoodie' weather. Or at least for me,anyways, I mean hell everyone that knows me knows that I have prettywell 0% body fat/heat...I think i'm in the minuses. I love drawing and writing on EVERYTHING in my sight, my desk iswritten on...cd cases, my clothes, other people...XD Everything. I loveto eat, because hey...who doesn't? You wouldn't tell by looking at methough, hahaha...I like accessories, I love the way a womans hips lookin low-rise jeans or pants that are low-ish and you can see their hipbones, hehe. *blushes*



I adore the intimate things in life...holdinghands, little kisses...touching each others face, cuddling...I LOVES tocuddle...just being close to someone you really want to be near, evenif you're just friends...i'm a HUGE...HUGE hopeless romantic, I don'thate sex, but I enjoy the little things more, I do...I get attachedvery easily...which has ended in a lot of heart ache for me, but Idon't mind sometimes...I don't regret the things i've done, there is nogood in dwelling on what's done is done. Not to say that you have tocompletely forget...but, forgiveness is *usually* big in mybooks...(There are a few select people that i'm still angry at, stillholding something against them...i'm slowly letting go now, I amgetting better...some things are a lot harder to forgive--easier saidthan done--but I AM getting around to it now, which makes me feel likea better person than they made me feel.) :::I'vesaid this in another blog and I will repeat it here again...THANK YOU.To everyone that has EVER put me down, called me names, harassed me,tried to beat me up, tried to use me...HAVE used me...told me that i'mjust a waste of skin, a waste of air...someone who won't ever make itanywhere in life, someone who will never be happy with anyone...afucking stupid CUNT...without you, I wouldn't be who I am right now, sotruly...from the BOWELS of my stitched, zombie heart that you didn'treally deserve to ever be a part of---I thank you.:::

I am a very, VERY shy person...ifanyone's ever had the chance of being alone with me, you'll know that Iget extremely shy, I giggle like a fan girl and hide my face behind myhair...depending on who i'm with...i've honestly gone farther withothers than...well, DUH...others. If you're one of those people, luckyyou. If not...well...give it some time. <3 {And for the few thatI have let close to me and you hurt me severely...as vain as thissounds, you have no goddamn idea what you gave away. I may not be verygood to myself, but I do know that i'm worth a HELL of a lot more thanjust a FUCK...so, I hope you enjoyed what lasted, because you damn wellwon't get another chance.:)} I'm extremely self-conscious...anyonethat knows me well enough knows this, on the flip side I can also beextremely vain...which...doesn't really make any sense I don't think?Haha, oh well I suppose?

I love being close to someone I like, they make me feel comfortableand calm, which doesn't happen very often...I worry a lot, I getparanoid and anxious for no reason, I always have...ever since I canremember...I can vividly remember waking up at all hours of the nightwhen I was little, shaking, cold sweats...white as a ghost, paranoidand afraid that someone was going to break into our house and kill meor something...(well, to be honest all the horror movies I adorewatching probably didn't help out my anxiety/paranoia eh?) I freeze upwhen i'm with someone...if I let myself have sex with you, or anythingclose at all...you're rare...that doesn't happen with anyone,ever...You can call me frigid or whatever the hell you want to, but Ihave my reasons...a few of you know, most don't...anyone whose made itthis far into this...is more than likely someone i've told.Sigh...9:30am.

I love blood, horror, lesbians...preferably all at once. Teehee. Play piercing, corset piercings...bloodletting/bloodplay...piercings, tattoos...traveling...video games...cuddling up withsomeone, bloody...exhausted and worn out...I have a strange fear ofneedles and pain, which...is a contradiction to my turn-ons...gofigure. I'm pretty convinced i'm one, big...(well tiny, really.:P)walking contradiction. I absolutely go INSANE if someone's biting myneck...anything to do with my neck at all, and i'm yours. <3Nibbling and kissing my wrists does it too...what else to randomly spewabout myself over the internet? I need to be coaxed into sex, or i'llshy away from you...it's just the way I am, i've been hurt a few toomany times to be any different...i'm slowly getting back into not beingso scared...which is good, it is...it's just...well, it's just the wayI am, so deal with it. <3

I love video game soundtracks...absolutely ADORE them. Silent Hill,Castlevania, Megaman, Zelda, Final Fantasy...some Resident Evilgames...Azure Dreams, Legend of Mana, Legend of Legaia, Legend ofDragoon...the list will go on forever...

-I have EVERY SINGLE Goosebumps,Goosebumps 2000, and Fear Street books by R.L Stine (Including hisbiographies and all the movies..plus the best damn game for Windows 95)

-It's a dream of mine to be in a zombie movie someday, no matter how bad it turns out to be.

-I DO want to be a model, everyone's heard me toss it around a lot, I truly really want to get into it someday, SOMEHOW.

-I fail at this whole life thing a lot, i'm not as smart as I think I am sometimes...which, wow...lack of sleep is awesome.

-I love kittens...and kitties...and, well, yeah I love teh kittehs. And snakes, and...puppies.

-Hello Kitty. (If you know me, that's ALL I need to say for that. :P)

-I refer to money as Gil sometimes and I make random video game references...ok, ALL the time.

-I'm convinced everyone is after my juicy meat body of bologna meats.

-If you buy me cotton candy and then steal me home with promises of SNES games and cuddles, i'm yours. <3

I absolutely adore and worship ancientegyptian things...accessories, photos, pictures, drawings,sculptures...the myhtology of everything...I LOVE it, ever since I canremember. I'm a very spiritual person, i'm not really religious,forsay...but, i'm definitely very spiritual...

My mind is wandering and I really want to playsome Goosebumps: Escape From Horrorland for Windows 98. I wish I couldplay it right now. Damn you XP and damn me for not being able to figureout if I really can play it on here without having to like...have adifferent operating system. SO...brain...exploding.

I'm trying to stay up all day today so that I can actually sleep at a decent time...

(On a side note: To everyonethat i've been talking to a LOT lately...i'm sorry i've been rantingand randomly talking about the same damn thing for almost a weekstraight...I can't help it. Once I have feelings stuck in my head, Ican't shake them and I don't like to share usually...so THANK YOU allfor listening to me, thank you, thank you, thank you. It means theabsolute WORLD to me!!)

P.S- To the new friends i've madein the past week (Or the friends i've managed to get closer to) Youtruly mean a lot to me...I know I don't know you as well as I hope, buthopefully in time that will change and we'll be close friends. As creepy as that might sound...hahaha...i'm not a crazy person that will rape you, I SWEAR!! *shifty eyes*...Unless of course you bribe me with candy, then you just might get glomped. Mmm...candy glomps.

It's now 10am. Whoever read his all the way through, YOU GET A COOKIE AND CUDDLES!! Remind me next time we hang out, alright? ^-^ I mean it. <333

And please comment if you did read this,haha...sigh.

P.S.S- My mind won't shut the fuck off. Am I the onlyperson who thinks it sucks that everytime you find someone you can seeyourself with...they don't want to be with you? It suxx0rz like whenyou attack a cucco in a Zelda game and the pwn your fucking face off.It hurts like Link hurts.....Wow, if only I was drinking, that mighthave actually made sense. It's like...as painful as Navi the Fairy isto your ears. I just want to say, one of the most romantic things Iever heard was, 'You're like Zelda to my Link, the Snake to Metal Gear......the CAKE to my PORTAL game.' Teehee.

OH AND I LOVE ROSES. Extremely love roses...so gorgeous. I got adozen black roses, out of season once...HARD TO FIND...and I don't haveany pictures left of them, and the ones I kept dried crumbled and diedaway, which is sad because my friendship with that person has fadedaway the same...it makes me smile knowing that I was happy though,that's all that matters now.

I know that I can be that happy again, I CAN BE...

::ANOTHER side-note:: I think thereason I haven't been sleeping too well, if at all, for the past 2weeks...my poor heart and mind...--and body mostly-- have been throughone hell of a mindfuck, SO confused and just plain...messed the fuck upabout things. I hate that I get so attached to people easily, I hatethat I somehow make myself attached to the people that will more thanlikely just end up hurting me at the end of it all, if there really wasanything to begin with. How terrible.

There's something i've ALWAYS wanted to do with someone special, just one person, really...I don't know who that person is yet, but when I find you...i'll know. I've always wanted to...be in a big room, completely lit by candles, music playing...(probably Deftones mostly)...and just play pierce, bloodlet...make a big, bloody mess all over a canvas...is it weird that I think it would be terribly romantic to just make love all over the canvas? Spread around the pretty bloodyness...ahh. That sentence probably just wrecked the emotion I was trying to convey...i'm not running on sleep, so...don't mind my terrible typing. Sigh. One day, i'll find you and we'll make the most intimate piece of art ever created, alright?

$1700 and then some.

For the BEST fucking night of my entire life. Almost 3 hours and 3 encores...so...SO worth waiting over a year for. Omfg...

And yes, yes I did cry when they came on stage....and again when they played From The Edge of the Deep Green Sea...oh yeah, i'm so cool. XD

I couldn't help it, at all....I tried wiping tears away and they kept coming, hahaha...oh man...i'm a huge music dork, but it was The Cure, come on. I've been waiting forever to actually see them, and I did.

Hehe....I am SO exhausted today for work though. :( xD

We met random people at the airport in Vancouver that were from Edmonton to see the show too, it was pretty cool. BUT OMFG THECURE HEHE...*ahem*

...A chrome disguise...

 

Haven't posted anything in awhile, because I haven't been on...I moved back to my mothers house for a few months until i'm ready enough to move back to the city with people who won't fuck around and be childish about everything. Moving with relatives is a bad idea, unless your family actually gets along, hooray.

 

Anyways. Surprisingly I don't have much to type here, except that I miss Justin, and New City and random drives at 3am to spend $20 on junk food on account of major PMS...gahhh. Anywhoo, i'm getting kicked off here,hahaha...but, leave me comments and love. I miss everyoneeee. *huggles*

Random blog about random things...about me.
(That you probably didn't know)
((Unless you were there...>>; Or they're blatantly obvious.))
(((Or...yeah, just read.)))

1. I cut SLAYER into my arm in Grade 9 during Drama class. Mmhmm. It didn't stay for more than two days. >>; I don't remember why it happened.

2. I'm highly obsessed over Zelda, Final Fantasy, Horror movies, Candy, Shiny/Sparkly/Rainbow things...

3. I'm always wearing my collar...or at least my Doors necklace. ALWAYS.

3. Children often confuse me for a cat. So I hiss at them and tell them i'm going to devour their souls.

4. Meowwwww, Ketamine.

5. I rant...a LOT. About either everything and nothing.

6. I will randomly wish you a Happy Unbirthday.

7. I swore I was never going to walk up that damn hill EVER again after I graduated.

8. ...I walked up the hill again. Plotted ways to kill self before making it up said hill.

9. Is my favorite number.

10. I see 222 everywhere. Whether it's on a clock, video game play times, random numbers somewhere...I see it all the time.

11. Gir. That is all.

12. Hello Kitty. Mmhmm. Badtz Maru is amazing too. Mmhmm. I want the bass...even though it's a Fender bass. *grumbles*

13. Zombies, blood, gore, neko kitty cosplay, real lesbians, incredibly hot gothy girls that hit on me at the mall that are pretty well just incredibly unintelligent whores, all turn me on.

14. So does listening to The Cure, and the rain, andddd Cool Water, anddd umm...OH. Oh oh oh oh ohohohoh...candles, and roses and Queen of the Damned. Seriously. That movie is like...i'm already halfway to an orgasm thinking about it. Because you needed to know. Mmhmm.

15. Taking an emo picture of yourself in the mirror does NOT make you a photographer. Really.

16. I walk by Millenium a lot to see who's working there because there's this one guy who looks literally EXACTLY like one of my bestesttttt bestest bestester friends EVER, kupo. xD

17. I get sick a lot. And I mean...a lot. There isn't too many days that go by where i'm not in some sort of pain. No joke. It's fucking ridiculous.

18. I have every, EVERY single Goosebumps, Fear Street book ever. Not a lie.

19. I'm quite obsessed with The Cure. Umm...a lot. To the point of like, squealing at work because Lovesong came on, and customers looked at me weird. >>;

20. I squeal a lot when I get excited...and I snort when I laugh too hard.

21. My internet is down so i'm typing this list on WordPad messing with fucked up fonts I can't really read. >>;

22. I like the giant, uber-1337 sized rainbow lollipops at Blockbuster.

23. I am hopelessly addicted to teh electronics. I have to get dragged out of EB Games, and Best Buy, and every other game store. Mmhmm. I loves my video games. <3333

24. If I tell you that I love you, I actually mean it. Because, I don't like to throw around words that have a lot of meaning, or at least...they still have meaning to me, but it's so over used now it makes me want to kick a smurf. >>;

25. I will kill you if you manage to piss me off.

26. Seriously.

27. I'm a kitty. =^-^= Le purrrrrr.

28. When you cross the border into Canada, there should be a big Welcome sign that has pot leaves, alcohol, hot chicks, and some guy that has a deer through his windshield on it.

29. Piercings and tattoos are usually thought of as incredibly personal to me...if i've ranted to you about it, you probably know what I mean.

30. I draw and write on everything. Everything.

31. More than likely, I will draw on YOU.

32. I like to cuddle. A lot. And I sleep like a cat, or so i've been told a few too many times. >>;

33. I get ridiculously emotional and I cry a lot over nothing, even though a few people I know assume that I have no emotion what so ever. Guess what? You're probably a cunt. And I hate you.

34. I swear a lot. Intentionally or not, either get used to it, or stfu.

35. I come off as a bitch, the quiet person in the corner, or the crazy, short, loud mouthed girl with bright hair running around yelling that the sun is on fire.

36. I'm pretty.

37. I'm finally starting to think so anyways...slowly, maybe, sort of.

38. I like to watch people. A lot.

39. I'm watching you right now. Stop wanking. Unless it's lesbian porn...then go for it.

40. Better yet, send me whatever lesbian pr0n you have. Yes.

41. Stupid people bother me to the point where I want to beat them with a blunt object, cut up the body, put the pieces into a bag, burn that bag, take the ashes and burn them again, toss the ashes into some water, and give that water to my chinchillas.

42. I listen to A LOT of music...Slayer to The Cure to Otep to The Doors to Cannibal Corpse to Staind to Nile to Garbage.

43. I had tears in my eyes when I saw Deftones live.

44. And Hatebreed.

45. ...Is planning to kidnap Otep to get them to play in Edmonton.

46. Wants to get her passport already so she can run away to a bunch of places and then come back. Mmhmm.

47. Has a HUGE obsession with dreads. Dreadfalls, real dreads...you name it. Fucking HOT.

48. Has an even bigger obsession with Cool Water. I think I already said that...

49. I'm betting no one actually read this far, and if you did read this far. You get a cookie.

50. Is dying to see the ocean at least once.

51. I love waffles, pyjama pants, nipple piercings, venoms, Satan, Robert Smith, Otep, Chino, Seifer from FFVIII, Kefka, Jim Morrison, Johnny Depp, movies, music, bass, Wayne Static, Alex Webster from Cannibal Corpse because he's nice as hell and talked to me for over an hour then helped me walk. XD, Dave Lombardo, Golden & black chocobos, moogles, Final Fantasy, Jasmine Green Tea with 2 table spoons of honey, photography, drawing, painting, doodling, rain, Cool Water, incredibly long, hot showers, backcombed hair, pretty mohawks, deathhawks, Advil Cold & Sinus extra strength, tattoos, piercings, septum pincers, or smaller CBBs, posters, artistic quotes, New City, lesbians, the occasional Swollen Members song, the Sanrio store, New York Fries, the cotton candy blizzard that was at DQ last month, halloween, gore, horror movies, vampires, nerds, intelligent people, good conversation, caffeine, teh interwebz, Chapters/Indigo/Coles, Circuit Circus, driving around with Brianna listening to the Beatles, kittens, rice, sushi, Dr.Pepper, big comfy beds, Reeses Pieces at the theater, the dragon in Silvercity, being so close to West Edmonton Mall, making random lists, hair dye, egyptian things, random necklaces/other accesories, Millenium, every other store on Whyte Ave., sleeping...

52. There's two number '3's on this list.

53. I like to sing along to the Cure and the Beatles and the Doors...a lot of the time.

54. I get called a hippie on a pretty normal basis. >>;