So then, these strange, insecure  people that feel a need to parade stickers on the back windows of their cars?

 "Baby on board".

 Really? Now why do I need to know that? Showing off  that  you are able to produce offspring?  I'm sure that goes down well with people less fortunate eh?  And what happens when this baby is NOT on board. Do you take the sticker  off? No. So, when your car is  crushed by an 18 wheeler on the M1, do you think that having a "Baby On board" sticker is gonna be helpful  to the emergency services? No, neither do I. 

 "Naughty person on board".

 What the hell are you trying to say here? Vilifying your own kid to the world? Advertising your lack of parenting skills? Or just trying to be cute in a "oh everyone with kids will appreciate this" kind of way? We don't. We think you are an idiot. Oh, and again, what happens when 'brat' is no longer 'on board'. Do you take the sticker off? Thought not.

 "Little Princess onboard".

 See above but substitute 'vilifying' for 'needlessly over promote'. Look. No-one cares mate. Ok?  

 "Dad's taxi".

 Yeah, pal, we've all given our kids a lift here and there. No need to be looking for national sympathy eh? You miserable tight old git.

 "My other car's a Porsche".

 No. I'm betting that it isn't. 

 "I give way to caravans".

 Yes. Because you've got one yourself haven't you? Otherwise you'd be shouting expletives at these bloody 'human snails' like the rest of us.

 "Stud on board".

 Doh, irony eh? Unless you look like Brad Pitt, and then  you're an arrogant T**t. So, again, it's not working is it? 

 "I've been to Alton Towers".

Yes. and waited 8 hours for a go on a  see-saw, spent £80 on some rubber food, and then another fiver on that sticker advertising their business. Well done you.

 And it's getting more specific by the day. One I saw a couple of days ago ...

 "I brake for badgers".

 WHAT? But for nothing else though? And  .... 'Badgers'? On our roads? Where, WHERE??? Damn, if we are going to be that specific I better get one of these stickers myself. How about  "I brake for the Yeti",  because, by God, I bloody WOULD!

 and finally - for now: -

 "Mother in law on board".

 So, you hate the old bag then eh? And we are all supposed to applaud you for that mean spirited gesture? Looking forward to the inheritance

though no doubt?  I seriously hope that when you are in the solicitors listening to her will being read out, the only thing heading your way is  a sticker that reads ...   "Mother in law - left us F**K ALL".  .... and then I'd like to see you stick THAT in yer bloody car window.

The EMO wannabe next door is attempting to play his shiny new drum kit. He came round to see me for advice the other day, I told him that trying to play along to that 100mph Nupunk garbage was NOT a good place to start. Suggested that he went for something more 'sedate' ........  so, he's now got hold of Fools Gold ... and suffice to say, it aint goin well. I think he has managed to get ONE beat in the right place up to now.....and that was when he fell off the stool.

Still, at least he has a real kit to learn on. I had to use my cat and dog.