Okay, here's the text that I got on my phone (story follows...hilarity possibly ensues)...

     "Good morni'n mystery lady?"  What does that mean?  I got this text at 11:23 on January 2nd...okay, no big deal, but who's number is this?  I don't know anybody with those digits.  Hmmmm.  So, I call the number. 

     "Hello?  Who's this?"

He answers with...dang, I forgot his name.  Oh well.  It is of no consequence.... 

     Well, I told he had the wrong number, but he said, no joke, "It's a code," *disclaimer*this is a fake number to protect the identity of the mentally disturbed*disclaimer* He continues on,"555 (just like in the movies...why, you ask?  because I can, and it's my story...continuing on...), because those are the first three numbers of my number.  57, because it's my favorite number, and 45 (no joke, the real 4th and 5th numbers in this guy's digits) because those numbers are in my number too.  ...and I see it worked, because here you are, my mystery lady.  What are you doing today?" 

     I reply with a "I'm going to the store with some friends," and he comes back with,

"You wanna do hook up sometime?"  I just said I was doing something, he doesn't know me.  For all he knows, I could be hideous with a hump in my back, Buddha body, and Austin Power teeth!  Please!  Please note that Tara is in the back seat listening to me trying to get off the phone with this guy...  He continues... "Well, maybe we can chill or something when you are done..."  Augh!  By now, I'm getting totally frustrated.  I don't want to meet this guy.  Oh, well. 

     I just start to cut him off, "I'm sorry, but I have to let you go.  I'm driving, and I don't want to get into an accident."  Truth.  I was driving, and who wants to get into an accident?  Not me.  But that was the only way I could think to get him off the phone. 

     He said, "Okay, I'll call you later!" and I said, "Bye," and hung up. 

Take II~ 

     The next day (i.e. yesterday) I got a call while I was going to get some gas.  Who could it be?  I don't have caller ID....I know, dumb...and I answered the phone, "Hello?" 

     I hear a somewhat familiar voice on the line.  "Hello, Mystery Woman!"  *thoughts at that moment* Oh, dang!  He really did mean it when he said he'd call me later...shoot! *end thought for now...* 

     I said "Who is this?"

     ...the reply? "It's your mystery man!"  Very original, I might add *no sarcasm intended...psyche!* 

     "Oh, it's you."

     "What are you doing?" he asks.

     "Nothing right now, just coming home from my boyfriend's house."  I was grasping straws by now.  I don't have a boyfriend, what was I thinking?  I just figured that he would leave me alone if he thought that I had one.  I was wrong.

     "So, do you wanna do something?"  Is he kidding me?  I just said that I was coming home from my (imaginary) boyfriend's house!  The nerve!  (Ha ha!) 

     "I'm sorry, but I don't think that Aaron would appreciate it."  Aaron was the first name I thought of, because I was coming home from seeing him and Tara (grasping once more, I guess).

     "You have friends, right?" What the heck does that mean?

     "Of course I do."

     "You have friends, I have friends, why don't we just hang out?"  Oh, please.  That’s a great line.  Sounds like he wants to steal me from my boyfriend. 

     “You know, I don’t think that we should meet just because you were guessing a number, hoping to find some chick to ‘hook up’ with.  I’m sorry, but I have to let you go.  Goodbye.”

     He follows that lovely rudeness with, “Okay, but if you change your mind, you know the number.  I’ll see you later.”  Who does he think he is, my friend, just because he makes up a “code” that just happens to be my number?  I think not.  He has never even seen me, as far as either of us knows.  Oh well.  I guess I’m just getting a little worked up…ha ha! 

     Long story short, that was the last I’ve heard from him so far….we’ll see.  I’ll even let you all know if he calls me back….more fodder for me.  You know, more stories, and what not.  Until then, ciao!  Blog ya later!

Rachael

If you like flies...check it!  The daddy-o of all flies!

(Insert picture of "la mosca grande" here)

Now, most of you seem skeptical, but there is a

perfectly good explanation for this...this...BEAST!!!

How awfully wretched!!!

On a seemingly normal day, a fly was zooming

across the plains of Nebraska...when suddenly a

large glob of some sort stopped it in mid-flight.  We

later came to conclude that this glob was, in fact, a

small portion of toxic waste.  This waste had

produced a curious amount of growth in the poor fly.

It realized that there was absolutely no cure, so it

continued on with its life, living from one large

raccoon to the next...until one day,  a man

named Posterius (yes, that's his name) found this

remarkable beast. 

"I've never seen anything of the sort!" he exclaimed. 

"Well, I could say the same of you, Mac!" said the fly in return. 

"Even more extraordinary than I expected..."

Posterius knew at that moment that this enormous

fly will be his...even if that means he has to destroy

it to make it so...

Many years later, the fly was having a midday

snack, when suddenly, Posterius jumped out with

a large can.  The fly was a little nervous at first,

but it quickly gained its composure and quietly

said, "Why?"

"Because...You have evaded me far too long, fly! 

It is time to finish you.  I cannot make you mine, so

you will DIE!!!"

"Oh, no!  Please, don't kill me!  What have I ever

done to you?"

"You just don't understand.  It is the fact that you

exist.  You are not meant to be."

"Do you think that I will just surrender?  I won't be

that easy to kill off, Posterius!"

The fly had long been aware of the looming presence of Posterius, watching, waiting, preparing...

"Enough talk, you insolent monster!  Taste the bitter

mist of death!"

With that said, Posterius quickly sprayed the fly

until it lie motionless on the dusty walk. 

"Ha, ha, ha!  I am the victor!  With the death of this

massive pest, I take my leave.  Never again shall the

earth be plagued by such a repulsive fiend."

Posterius dragged the fly to a nearby ditch and

without delay, tossed the fly in.  Then, Posterius

spat into the ditch containing the fly and returned

home.  Little did Posterius know, the fly had known

of his plot and had practiced time and time again,

making sure to make his death believable.  The plan had worked!  The fly waited for hours, trying with all its strength to stay in the same position, staying

completely motionless.  Once it was absolutely

sure that Posterius was gone, the fly hastily flew

out of the ditch and ascend to the clouds, never

to be seen again. 

                              The End

If you have ever wondered "Hey, how can I thank and apologize to all our bovine bretheren that have sacrificed themselves and given up their precious skin, meat, and milk for us to consume and use on a daily basis?"  If so, you can!  It's so easy!  All you have to do is read and sign this simple and easy apology/thank you letter by using the links provided below!  I have already signed it, and I feel liberated from the guilt I have harbored against myself for all these years!  It will even be read to a real cow!!!  Awesome!

<a href="http://www.sorrycow.com/lj.php">
    <img src="http://www.sorrycow.com/sorrycow-award.gif">
</a>

Rachael

P.S.~ I thank you, cow, once again for your sacrifice in order for me to enjoy a super-thick double cheeseburger while at a drive-in theatre, sitting in my luxurious leather interior BMW, wearing my stylish vintage leather pumps...You are SO brave!