(I honestly cannot remember the last time I made a post on Myspace...well, that's not entirely true. I'm vaguely sure that it was around the time when I was dealing with typical high school drama for a guy (e.g., girls). Thinking back on those old posts...LOL. It's funny how mature you can think you are at one point and then look back on yourself with a completely different opinion.)


Lately, I feel like I've been busy doing nothing but pushing people away...especially, those who I've met/got to know more within the past few months-ish (including LeaderShape over the summer). Fortunately, I've been blessed enough where some are still sticking around...not to mention, the fact that it's never too late to build up some old bridges and make new ones.

I have 673 "friends" on Facebook...and I know I haven't been a "real" friend to all/any of them. Sure, Facebook friends have deteriorated to mean "acquaintances" more or less, but I believe that's just obscuring an underlying pattern in my life right now.

What that pattern is I'm not quite sure of...or if it even exists in the first place. My gut feeling is telling me that, ultimately, I give off the impression that I don't want to let people into my life...at least not to any meaningful degree...shown by my lack of "real" friends, if there is any definition of such a phrase. What I'm trying to get at is that...it seems like my friendships tend to not make much progress (for lack of a better phrase). I could sincerely list a few people I would love to have as a really good friend but I realize cultivating a friendship takes work/time (ignoring the fact that most people don't have a lot of really good friends in the first place)...and real work/time is something that I've been avoiding lately in a variety of areas in my life but that's for another post.

Anyway...it's late, I'm using this as a distraction, and this certainly doesn't make any sense...yet, I didn't really have anyone to talk to at the moment, so I'm going to air out my thoughts here. I've always had a dilemma about posting publicly...you don't want to be vain but you also want to just get everything out in the open. There's some odd peace about the process....but what do I know? =p

Good night, world. See you tomorrow later on today.