[Setting: Barnes & Noble. Brit is cashiering.]

[Man steps up and places a book on the counter. Brit scans item.]

Brit: Do you have a membership card?

Man: Yes.

[Brit scans membership card.]

Brit: That'll be $14.03.

[Man pulls out a twenty and hands it to Brit.]

Man: I don't have any pennies.

Brit: That's fine.

Man: I don't like pennies.

[Brit opens the cash drawer.]

Man (quietly): I hate pennies.

[Brit starts to collect the $5.97.]

Man (irritated): Am I really going to get 97 cents in change back?

Brit: Do with it what you will...

[Brit hands the man the $5.97.]

Man (angrily, condescending): I thought I made it PRETTY CLEAR.

Brit: I'm just doing what I'm supposed to.

[The man puts the two pennies on the counter and marches off.]

Brit: Have a nice day.

[The man grumbles and exits.]

[End scene.]

Note: I apologize for how scatterbrained this blog is.

In the following note I am going to refer to a certain situation you may or may not know about involving a certain person I think is scum. I am going to attempt to be subtle, but it's a lame attempt, and anyway, there is only one guy at Plano that is so exceedingly lecherous and morally depraved as this. When everyone recognizes immediately who I am speaking of, it makes it ironic that he would have once upon a time claimed moral integrity in defiance of my criticism.

Here is my question:

Since WHEN was it okay to videotape someone giving you sexual favors, then show it to people?! Since WHEN was "She deserved it" a good reason for doing so?!

In addition to that fact this actually happened, this is a common attitude I see among men specifically (see, I'm not so biased). Somewhere this idea came about that if a woman was slutty enough, or dumb enough, she simply HAD IT COMING. This notion is just plain horrible, and destructive to women in our society (and I think "People" magazine is doing them in already).

First, there is the double standard we all know about: women who have sex with a lot of men are sluts, but men who have sex with a lot of women... high five! My theory is that women in sexual activity are prone to do things that have a negative connotation leaning toward demeaning. This may be unnecessarily graphic, but think about it:

"Doggie style" sex involves the woman "submitting."
"Blow jobs" involve the woman "submitting." (And the thought of men giving oral pleasure to a woman is still somehow not "submitting": double standard, of course.)
Men rape women far more often than women rape men.

Let's face it, this society (and most societies around the world) are moving toward gender equality, which generates an unsurprising amount of friction given the hundreds of years men have enjoyed being on top (no pun intended). The reason I put "submitting" in quotes is that I don't believe it necessarily has to be that way. Do you suppose "doggie style" sex and "blow jobs" really have to be demeaning to women? I mean, there have to be husbands and wives out there who engage in these activities while remaining equals.

My point is, if you think men in general are better than women, you probably also think making her bend over is a good way to assert power. You probably ALSO think videotaping her giving you head is a good way to assert power, and you'll say, "She deserved it." (I'm moving in a circle, but I'm getting to it.)

LOOK:
Regardless of how dumb, slutty, or ignorant she may have been for falling for you, it does not exempt you from faults yourself. When you say, "She deserved it..." the other half of that sentence is,

"...and I deserve to be punched in the gut for being such a chauvinist immoral scumbag."

We're moving into a new society, where men and women are equal, and if you disagree, your parents' archaic ways were passed to you and you can't get it through your head that it's wrong. You're just like the person who uses the n-word in all seriousness. You need to mature and catch up to the rest of mankind. You need to not be the friction that is keeping the world from changing for the better, or you're going to get shit for it.

And to end with an analogy:

If I see a woman drop her wallet from her purse because she didn't have the purse zipped, is it right for me to keep it for myself and say, "She deserved it for not zipping up her purse"? IT DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE DESERVED IT OR NOT, YOU DO THE RIGHT THING,

OKAY?

This has been formulating in my head since puberty, probably, but it's time for me to rage about it and maybe achieve catharsis, or at least make it so women never come near me again. Sex is our culture, and I want it to stop. There are two things that run the world, sex and money, and I can at least see the merit in a capitalist economy. But sex? It's just too much. Everywhere we go, tits and ass, tits and ass. I wish everyone would lay off.

I saw a few different comedy routines the other night that reminded how much I hate sex in our society, and then Chelsea reinforced it with a line from her fashion tips blog: "go low cut and forget about cleavage." No! Please remember that you have cleavage, and put it away! Everyone is wearing lowcut shirts, then saying, "Don't look at my breasts!"

First, it's asinine that women can blame men for being so overtly sexual when women themselves encourage it with their clothes. Second, you can't find a good boyfriend, what the fuck? Well, you're an advertisement, and when your breasts are hanging out, guess WHO is your target audience.

Third, you're all a bunch of fucking apes about this. WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS. We have conquered nature in most ways, and we build cities and inventions to separate ourselves from it, but then when it comes to sex, you have to go right back to primal instincts? "Look, I'm a good mating prospect." That's what it says. It's disgusting. It's been a long time since human beings HAD to mate that way. That was instinct, that was evolution: further the species. Our species is fucking FURTHERED. We're all alive and kicking, and if we die it will be because of nuclear war or the sun burning out, so put your goddamn breasts away.

And if you really want to keep them out, and pull your thong up so it shows above your lowrider jeans, fine, but don't lie about why you're doing. A. You're too dumb to realize you are attracting exceptionally lecherous men. B. You just want sex. That's fine, just admit it, don't be two-faced about it. Then please get away from me, and I can finally have some peace and quiet.

Strippers? Porn? Why why why do we have all this shit clogging our senses, it's unnecessary, it hurts me personally, I want to get on with my life. Why do we trivialize what a man and woman do to the point where seeing a person naked isn't special or interesting. Really, fifty years ago, if the Britney Spears thing had happened, people would have lost their fucking minds, but now? That's just another vagina for the television, big deal. Well it is a big fucking deal. It's desensitization to sex. I think I'm scarred enough that I'll be scared of my wife - "Darling, just be gentle, please..." This shit is ridiculous.

Put your goddamn breasts away so maybe we can all feel more empowered, and we'll have free time to do productive things. Thanks.

I'm not claiming to hate women just yet, so please do not criticize me until it comes out that I do.

I am very focused on increasing artistic quality of life, and that includes listening to music appropriate to the season. So here are some of the albums I have been listening to, for fall and winter. I realize winter doesn't technically start until December 22, but who cares, really? Christmas mood = winter, basically. And yeah, some of the songs may not go with the season. I just go with the overall feel of the album. You probably won't even agree with me. I don't care. I feel like doing this.

Autumn

Achilles Heel - Pedro the Lion

Especially: Transcontinental

Album of the Year - The Good Life

Especially: October Leaves

Black Sheep Boy - Okkervil River

Especially: A King and a Queen

The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan - Bob Dylan

Especially: Girl From the North Country

Gulag Orkestar - Beirut

Especially: Mount Wroclai (Idle Days)

...Is a Real Boy - Say Anything

Especially: I Want to Know Your Plans

Phantom Planet - Phantom Planet

Especially: Knowitall

Pretend You're Alive - Lovedrug

Especially: Down Towards the Healing

Transatlantacism - Death Cab For Cutie

Especially: Lightness

The Ugly Organ - Cursive

Especially: The Recluse AND Driftwood: A Fairy Tale

Winter

Anything Else But the Truth - The Honorary Title

Especially: Revealing Too Much AND Snow Day

Clarity - Jimmy Eat World

Especially: A Sunday

The Dust of Retreat - Margot and the Nuclear So & So's

Every single song, especially: Bookworm

Funeral - The Arcade Fire

Especially: Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)

Give Up - The Postal Service

Especially: The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

In the Aeroplane Over the Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel

Especially: In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

Pinkerton - Weezer

Especially: Butterfly

Plans - Death Cab For Cutie

Especially: Brothers On a Hotel Bed

While surfing through groups on Facebook (the system is essentially the same as on Myspace), I saw many ridiculous groups. It just proves how shameless/stupid people can be, but we all knew that so we can skip right to laughing about it, and I'll just cry myself to sleep tonight, in private. I'll include the title, a description if necessary, and some topics of discussion in the group. This will just be a regular feature I guess.

ABOLISHION AGAINST GAY MARRIAGE!-Keep it Illegal!!

As of today, this group has 975 members. I personally think that's about 974 members too many allowing their point of view to become trivialized with the simple atrocious misspelling of "abolition." Even if I agreed with this chick I wouldn't join. The ALL-CAPS, the exclamation points!!, it all just suggests ignorant banter. Shall we look inside and see?

Description Excerpt: "Next time you want to respond to me telling me I'm dumb...I first want you to do some homework for me...and that's to look up the legal definition of marriage. Then talk to me.
Also, here are some guidelines for you all. I want you to understand that I am not against the person themself if they are gay, just they acts that they are participating in. And YES, it does effect me if they are allowed."

First, laws change. That's the way the Constitution is designed. But what do I know? I should do my homework. Second, I like how it does effect (affect*) her, but she doesn't say why. There is nothing on the topic after that. It just affects her, okay?!

Post Excerpt: "also another point i wanna bring up is that, i dont want to go to a gay wedding we have enough social obligations and dont need anymore, by the way what is your view on polygamy"

OMGZ I wuz just thinkin teh same thing! Goin to gay wedings is just taking up my time! everyday it's all, gay wedings! im nee-deep in gay weedings. and polygamy is better than gay.

Post: "If your for gay marriage it's because you were brought up to think that anyone can do whatever the fuck they want. The hell with laws. Lets marry same-sex and get citizenship for my dog. Gay marriage is about as justifiable as having sex with animals."

Gay people quit fuckin' your animals and stealing from the CVS and murdering elderly citizens, you lawless demons!

I'm thankful that I live in a country where people have little enough to worry about that they will kill others for PS3s. Thank you for being a good person, if you've been a good person. If you haven't, that's something you can work on. We're not perfect, but if we all try to be, the world might be that much better. If you are / have been a close friend of mine, thank you for being there for me. Thank you for keeping good company.

Life is precious. That's sappy, but it's true. And it doesn't matter what religion you are, I think you're better off pretending there is no afterlife, because in the seemingly increasingly likely event that there is not, you don't want to have wasted this life. Taking things for granted isn't just shameful; it actually will decrease the quality of your life. Imagine how much better you will feel when you realize that you could have so much less. Everything you think is necessary is a luxury. I don't mean you should go give everything you own to the poor. Just don't take it for granted. Be thankful. Next time you drop your cell phone in the pool, or get in a car accident, or get a bad grade on a test, step back and remember that your life could be so much worse. I also don't mean that your problems are insignificant. I don't mean you don't have the right to complain from time to time. We all do it. Things are relative. Just keep it in perspective if you can. Don't disgrace humanity. Please, JUST BE THANKFUL.

The PS3 came out.

This morning, before work, I was watching TV. There was nothing good on, (and I've seen Bubble Boy too many times), so I flipped through and found G4, the videogame channel. Don't laugh, you've watched it before, too. If you're like me, you've heard bits and pieces about just how ridiculous everyone has become about the PS3, but nothing terribly coherent.

On G4, the hosts of whatever show were opening a PS3 (how exciting!), pulling things out of the box like Christmas. The woman said, "I found an ethernet cable." The man said, "And you can choke infants with the plastic bag, so it's two-for-one. In case next generation gaming isn't fun enough."

All by itself, it sounds like a morbid comment, but he has a point. There have been countless riots both in Japan and in the U.S. (is anyone surprised?), and I've seen plenty of newclips of fist fights, but it gets even more ridiculous. When people were in line (a long line) at 3 in the morning in Connecticut (article here), a couple armed thugs held up the line for money. Now that's a business venture. One man refused to give up the money. Like, okay, I understand that you're pulling out the big bucks for this one, but now's not the time to be heroic. He was shot and went to the hospital. Hmmm, would I rather get the PS3 RIGHT NOW instead of wait a few months, or stay alive? In plenty of other situations, people have been forced to hand over their PS3s before they even got back to their car.

And so I've seen the faux slogan: The PS3: Worth being shot for. Here we live in a country where we have few enough serious problems that we can come home at night and play videogames for leisure, but people have invariably turned it into another problem. Have you seen the graphics? It looks good, of course. But that's just the thing. The standard of living in this country is too high for people to, in good conscious, REFUSE to wait a few months to replace their older expensive PS2 for the new PS3. We're not fighting over food over here. It's disgusting. And maybe I'm biased; I've never owned a PlayStation, and I probably play videogames just a few times a month. But can I still say that patience is a virtue?

A virtue which is exemplified by those who camped out weeks in advance. To them I only have to say, do what you want. I am really amazed that you don't have something better to do. You could work those few weeks instead, and save up that money for some more games which you'll get later than you would have. It's a trade-off, I guess.

And seriously, shame on Sony. They only made a certain number (an inadequate number, if you can tell) of consoles by this time, and people are going batshit crazy (as we've observed). I know, this is America, big business, but it's not like any of the problems that have occurred were unpredictable. They could have waited for more, and saved some tension.

Search it on Ebay: the consoles are going for thousands of dollars. Thousands. Gluttony is more than gigantic burritos from Freebird's.

What this really gets down to is being thankful, in time for Thanksgiving. Of the poor children in Africa (for example) who know what a PlayStation even is, can you imagine what they would think if they heard the news of aforementioned riots and shootings and waiting in line? I'm not saying we should all donate our belongings and become hermits; I'm saying it's SPITEFUL to act in this way. Be grateful, stay home with your families, get a PS3 the right way. Most issues in this nation now are about enhancing the quality of life from great to greater. Do you understand how amazing it is that great is where we are and greater is where we're going? Let's all be fucking grateful. All over the world are millions of people just trying to make life possible.

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(This blog goes hand-in-hand with Josh's blog, so open that shit up in a new window and read them both.)

You're a lonely woman, and if you're not, you are for the sake of this blog. I'm not going to lie to you; you suck at choosing good boyfriends. This is personally painful for me and all other men who make an attempt at being good-natured, and it's painful for you when you get cheated on/cockslapped. So I'm going to help everyone out, and give you some good advice about choosing the right man.

1. Big Muscles

I know, it gets you wet just thinking about a sweaty man with his shirt off, but if he is especially fond of showing this off, (for example, it's his default picture on myspace), it's a warning sign. It says: "Please look at my body, because I have no other assets?" Think about famous, successful muscular men: Arnold Schwarzaneggar, uh... And do you want to date the governator? (Besides, his dick's probably unmanageable because it's thick as a tree trunk!...)¹

2. You've heard a lot of stories about him.

Don't believe everything you hear, right? Don't judge until you know the truth? Don't be stupid. At some point, you can't have heard twenty rumors about how he cheats on his girlfriends or something and still think everyone is just spreading rumors for fun. There's something wrong with him, and you don't want to find out the hard way that he fucks dead animals.² That spreads disease.

3. Your friends don't approve.

 If one friend doesn't like the guy you're after, it may be that he (your friend) is secretly in love with you or she (your friend) is a closet lesbian (hot!), but it's a different story of multiple friends, whose opinions you VALUE, all detect the warning signs. Get the hell out of there! Just because you want his ballsack doesn't mean you know better than all your friends. They aren't infatuated. They have your friendship to lose by starting shit, so you should trust them. Besides, your friend Jenny... she got maggots from that goatfucker.³ She knows.

4. He's too perfect... You know what I mean.

Any normal guy can be extra sensitive. Any guy can dress nice. Any guy can have only female friends. Any guy can even have a slightly effeminate voice. But he can't do all of those things and still be straight. Yeah, I know, he's like your best friend, too, and he's relatable. He's so handsome, so clean... The relationship will be great. I'm not denying that. What might not be so awesome is realizing five months later that you have been dating a closet gay. That brings out a lot of issues: the fact that you attract gay men will disturb you⁴; people will spread rumors that you turn guys gay; you'll feel guilty for coaxing him to mess around with you; you'll want to hit yourself for not noticing the fact that he was afraid of vaginas, literally.⁵

5. He makes ridiculous promises to you.⁶

For example, that he'll break up with his girlfriend(s) for you. That's my favorite. What makes you think for even a second that he's going to be a good boyfriend? How is he not going to do the same thing to you? Oh, another good example of a ridiculous promise is, "I'm going to get you a big fuckin' diamond!"

6. He's asked if he can "fuck you."⁷

This sounds like a joke, but it sadly isn't. ESPECIALLY if you're not dating a guy when he asks you that, get the hell away. Do you understand the arrangement of the pieces of his shattered psyche that has allowed him to ask you that so plainly and without shame? He's a nutjob, and if you can tell before dating him, imagine what kind of shit will happen when you are dating him. Not to mention it's a pretty decent sign that he's addicted to sex / a closet gay in reactionary denial.

7. He's asked if he can "procreate with you."

Slightly classier than number 6, but seriously, weird.

¹

² Other than that, it's fun!

³ Bestiality joke number 2.

⁴ And you might be a lesbian, just enjoying the company of a fellow sexually confused friend. That's really hot.

⁵ "Oh my God! It's a vagina!" – Josh

⁶ "It was dark. I didn't even know she was my sister. I promise!"

⁷ Come on, baby, it's fuckin' huge!

⁸ Sometimes I cross the line.