Dear Mr. D—–, (co-owner of Ironflower’s dance school)
 
Look, I don’t really have a problem with how you exploit the parenting paranoia around here for financial gain. We’re adults, after all. Most of us are well-educated. So it’s our own fault if we allow ourselves to be suckered in to overpaying for things so that our daughters fit in at your school. But. To stride into the classroom on parent observation day and to tell me - in front of my daughter, her classmates and the other parents - that I’m the only one who hasn’t bought tickets for the recital yet? That’s not okay. Some might even say it’s shitty.
 
I say it means that my daughter will be attending a different dance school next year.
 
Happily,
A soon-to-be former customer

I'm sorry to say it but I have to let my friends know- I am opening up my marriage to a second wife. Jennifer cannot carry on having my cjildren, and it is my duty to populate the world with more children, so she and I have decided that pkural marriage is the answer.
I know some of you will not agree with my lifestyle, but I need to spread my seed. It is important to me to have your support. Thanks, JZ

Dear Lovebug,
I can’t believe you are three. You are growing up so fast. I’m so proud that you have learned to put your own sneakers and coat on. (and as we have learned take your pants off!) And you are so polite with people, asking their names and introducing yourself. And to think I was so worried about your speech!
Watching you become a big brother has been amazing. You are so gentle and sweet with your baby brother, even using “mother-ese” to talk to him. For a kiddo who still loves the word “no”, you are always willing to help with your brother. I love watching you give him a kiss and a big hug.
Sometimes your passion wears me out - sometimes I’m not sure why you are SO upset for no apparent reason. But as I listen to you play - I love how you act out stories with all of your Thomas trains - I realize that there’s a lot more going on in your head than you’re telling me. I can’t wait until you’re ready to tell me everything. You are so creative and mechanical and love to help me fix things. Today I heard a crash in your room, and as I came to see that you had destroyed your dresser climbing the drawers, you looked at me unhurt and asked for a screwdriver.
And Thomas. I’m not sure what you’d do without trains. You play with them so well - for so long. But you’re also interested in them, beyond just the Thomas stories. You know a diesel from a steam loc omotive and a hopper from a coach or a boxcar. You pick out non-fiction books to learn about trains and cheerfully watch specials on the Discovery Channel about them. That’s pretty cool for a three year old.
You are my little Lovebug, filled with kisses and hugs and tackles. I love you so much and I’m so proud to be your Dad.
Love,
Dad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzcv5TJkJBA

very cool

I have had a hard time adjusting to life here in the last couple of years.
 
Mostly, I miss friends and family. And until recently, I had made few - if any- new friends. Those who have known me for a long time may find this preposterous, since I have been lauded for my outgoing personality and Alpha leanings.
 
But I DO NOT fit in here as an Alpha personality, mostly because EVERYONE is! 
 
Before I moved here a friend made a crack about NJ being trashy, or shitty in some way. This friend had never visited the state and was going off of pop culture (SNL) diggs.
 
It is popular for NY people to belittle NJ as a shithole, because ten or twenty years ago there was a problem with waste dumping from other states, the mofia, etc.
 
But I read this essay, and post this snippet as a response to all of that:
 

The Hidden State of Culture

New Jersey often brings to mind pollution and shopping malls, but it's an epicenter of artistic talent

By 
......
LEE SIEGEL

 

"Then, too, there is the particular way Jersey is positioned next to New York. Unlike Long Island and Connecticut, from where you have to drive through New York City's boroughs or Westchester to get to Manhattan, you go from Jersey straight into the glittering towers of Gotham, which confront you dramatically no matter what approach you take from the Garden State. For New Jerseyans, Gotham exists as ever-present aspiration, temptation and either haunting or competitive contrast. That could be why you find Queen Latifah's wild, river-spanning energy in Philip Roth's antic intensity and vice versa. And perhaps why Dionne Warwick sings "Promises, Promises" with such robust pathos. "Things that I promised myself fell apart..."

 

So why all the antipathy toward a place that is also the first colony to ratify the Bill of Rights, that contains numerous beautiful towns and villages, that boasts an ocean, mountains and a vast forest among its natural wonders, and that has more horses per square mile than any other state?

 

The glee that New Yorkers take in belittling their neighbors to the west is especially energetic. There are two reasons for this. First, people living in New York City are convinced that without New Jersey blocking their view, they would be able to see the rest of the country. Second, New Jerseyan Aaron Burr killed New Yorker Alexander Hamilton in a duel, the tragic consequence of negative remarks that Hamilton made behind Burr's back at a dinner party (probably something like: "Burr, that moron from New Jersey"). That Hamilton was gunned down on a Weehawken, N.J., cliff overlooking Manhattan's spectacular streets -- and not, say, on Fifth Avenue -- only added insult to injury. New Yorkers have a long memory.
......
"

 

I rest my case

 

 

Missing you all,

 

Zimmy

One of the things I love about traveling is that you can learn so many things. I mean, sure I loved being in a warmer part of the country (have I mentioned that it actually got down to freezing while we were there? It did.) and having my in-laws to share so many child-rearing duties, but the best part was going somewhere new. Okay, all the alone time wife and I got was pretty cool too, but still, I loved exploring. Seeing new things and new for the kids things was fabulous too. But nothing beats the learning.
 

I learned things about my family:
I have an odd affinity for Kool and the Gang.
Feeding Ironflower donut holes and lemonade is a very BAD idea, especially when she’s going to be riding in a car that day.
Lovebug has traindar - he can find a train no matter where he is and no matter what he is doing.
ChunkyMonkey must go to sleep at 9pm if he is to sleep through the night - any other time and he wakes up.
My Father-in-law has amazing putting baby to sleep powers.
My Mother-in-law has mastered her iPhone but is freaked out by the ATM.
I learned things about life south of the Mason-Dixon line and east of Alabama:
Apparently no one there has ever seen a triple stroller. Seriously, people stared at us wherever we went - I now have so much sympathy for those families that are “different” for some reason.
Everyone seems to have missed the highway driving section on the driving test. Also lacking: the parking skills section.
Warm Saturdays are not the day to try to park anywhere near any Smithsonian museums.
All the straight men sound like Larry the Cable Guy.
No one in Florida got the memo about tanning being bad for you.
You can find good NPR and decent country music everywhere except the New York area.
ALL senior citizens want to know “What aisle did you find that baby in?” whenever and wherever you take your infant shopping.
I learned even more about traveling with small children:
Never try it without at least one electronic entertainment device.
Museums are fine, but beaches and playgrounds are better.
And nothing beats having a TV in your vacation bedroom.
Nothing can drown out the sound of a four year old girl’s voice or a two year old boy’s tantrum, no matter how big the minivan or how loud the radio.
Construction vehicles stop being exciting after ten minutes of construction zone traffic.
Parents should have access to alcohol at all times.

I am plagiarizing my wife again, please visit her blog at http://jerseygirl89.wordpress.com/
I haven’t watched an inauguration since - I do not even remember. 

I liked Bush Sr. I didn’t like Clinton. My politics have shifted more to the left, but I maintain that I am not a Republicrat either way- I am pretty down the middle. But I never believed in either one of them. I never thought they were good men.

I believe in Barack Obama. I believe his is a good man as well as a brilliant one. I feel safe knowing he is president in a way that I’ve never felt before. I would like to bask in the happiness most people (my wife) feel.

But I can’t do that and listen to the news today.

Obama and Bush have handled this transition with class and sense. They handled the inauguration with class. But the talking heads - because it’s easier to comment on a lovely ceremony than to research and report on other news - are looking for conflict wherever they can find it. Now they’ve moved onto observing Gore and McCain at the luncheon, speculating on what they’re talking about. Hey, news professionals, they’re probably talking about how glad they are to finally be inside. Or when someone commented on "who the First Lady was wearing"-- WHAT?

I think we need to be worrying less about the media having a liberal or conservative bias and worry more about how they have a stupidity bias. There are wars and conflicts going on all over the globe. It’s now come out that we tortured prisoners. We’re still in a financial and real estate mess - one that could always be explained better. The Cardinals are going to be in the SuperBowl for the first time. So there’s PLENTY of serious news that they could be talking about. And instead CNN is telling me about what they’re eating at the luncheon and wondering what Senator Corbyn and Senator Clinton were talking about.

Wife leaves me People magazine for gossip and info about luncheons. Or I can always watch E!. Doesn’t CNN have anything better to do?

I read a lot.
 I read to my kids a lot. We just read "A Picture Book of Martin Luther King, Jr." by David Adler, Illustrated by Robert Casilla, to celebrate his birthday.
We followed this with good ole Dr. Seuss. And this just struck me as timely for a lot of us in this world, a poem by Dr. Seuss. While I was reading it to my daughter (home sick from school, poor Ironflower) I was actually inspired by it and so I thought I should post it for you fols who read my blog.
Go ahead. Read it! Read it out loud to your loved ones.
A poem by Dr. Seuss, titled “Oh, the Places You’ll Go…”
Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own.  And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
You’ll look up and down streets. Look ‘em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
And you may not find any
you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you’ll head straight out of town.
It’s opener there
in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen,
don’t worry.  Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll  start happening too.
OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t
Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
and hang-ups
can happen to you.
You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you’ll be in a Slump.
And when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted.  But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out?  Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a  train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping,
once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!
Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame!  You’ll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don’t.
Because, sometimes, they won’t.
I’m afraid that some times
you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win
’cause you’ll play against you.
All  Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you’ll be quite a lot.
And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.
But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike
and I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So…
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

I have been fascinated with spiders since I was a kid and caught my 18 month old brother eating one. (Harmless Jumping spider) I got a book at about age six from National Geographic abot spiders and read it cover to cover several times.
Now, in my adult life, I sort of pride myself on my knowledge, even though they do secretly terrify me. And so it is odd to me that there are so many instances of close encounters with spiders in my life.
Here are some recent examples:
At my good friends house in Olathe I stepped out for some air late last spring and saw one of the biggest Wolf spiders I have ever seen. Often mistakenly called (Tarantula) due to their large size for a midwestern spider and their hairy bodies, these are gentle hunters and roamers who love to feast on little beasties we do not like. So I watched her for a long time. I thought I would tap my foot by her to make her go on guard, mandibles up so I could see if her fangs could be seen, a trick I learned while taking care of Rose Hair Tarantualas (The spider will go "en guarde" shower her fangs an a craouched position) and- spidey speed- she LEAPT at my foot and attacked it! She then leapt right back where she had been, "en Guard" -- and YES I could see her 2 mm long biters!
I walked off and got my friend,. but in the interim she fled.
I was sitting here as I spend so much time doing, and I noticed this wierd thing - a blur, really- right up in front of my face and slapped the air thinking it a fly, but it continued to move slowly down. Crossing my eyes, I see it is a Hobo spider descending FROM MY BANGS!
It was in my hair. Let that sink in....
I moved him off, and decided to slay him, as Hobos are not really our friends.
The next night, same thing. But in front of the computer screen-- not in my hair, but from the cieling.
Two nights later, same thing.
Now, this was odd, and happened a few weeks ago.
Tonight. I had my drink mug in front of the keyboard as I sat back watching "Babylon AD" (not a bad film really) and thought I saw something on my mug. So I grabbed it and looked- and there was a huge Brown Recluse crawling all over it!
I carefully set the mug down, and observed as she crawled all over and finally off onto my desk, where she met a swift death. I HATE those spiders!
I know I live in my basement at my computer and my model table, but does this not seem like too much?
JZ