I must forewarn all you women in the audience that it’s recently come to my attention, not for the first time mind you, that I’m a Myspace player. Watch out, I might romance you out of your electronic pants! Read on if you dare, because this cassanova is dangerous.

Stephanie and I have had some great conversations over the last year about this topic, usually in agreement, sometimes in disagreement, but it’s always a fun discussion. Stay tuned, a little birdie told me she just might blog about this as well.

Let me start with some scenarios that will make my points clear for me, and for the sake of this blog, it is the same man and, shocking as this may sound, he WANTS to be in a relationship:

PLAYER OR NOT??

(1) During the course of a night out, our hero meets a number of women and the night ends with him holding 3 phone numbers from 3 women who come from totally different worlds. Over the next month he calls and/or texts or emails all of them, arranges for 2 dates, decides he’s interested in one of them but still goes out with the third woman (“just to be sure”).

(2) Same man, same behavior, but now, 2 of the 3 women happen to know each other. After a few phone calls, those two exchange notes about the “new” guy in their life and realize he’s the same guy.

Interlude: In both circumstances this man has acted the same way and for the same reasons, but in scenario 1, while there may be disappointment, there will be no player accusations.

Scenario 2 happens all the time, and despite being the exact same man with the exact same intentions, he may be labeled a player because he was unfortunate enough to be interested in two women who know one another. In other words, the mere publicity of his interest would have the potential to color how they perceived him.

(3) Man joins match dot com and immediately starts browsing women who fit his matches. He sends out a large number of exploratory emails and winks hoping for some replies, and eventually ends up regularly emailing about 10 different women. Over a period of time he meets 6 or 7 of them, and he even goes out with a couple of them twice before ruling them out. Then he finds a woman he likes, but after their first date he still has one or two more dates with others (again, just to be sure).

(4) Same man joins match, same exact situation, but now he sends the same introductory “Hi there, I saw your profile and wanted to introduce myself” email to two women who share an office and both of whom read his email and then share it with each other.

Interlude 2: In situation 3, all 10 women will think absolutely nothing wrong of this man, even the 6 or 7 he “rejects” will likely rack it up to a missed connection. In situation 4, the women who are strangers to one another will still feel the same way, but now 2 women might think he’s a player based purely on happenstance. Once again, publicity is the killer which slays perception.

You see where this is headed right? What happens differently on Myspace is that no matter what your intentions, whether playful, serious, casual or romantic, it’s far more public, happenstance happens.

People can and often do know each other, and everyone is reading the pages of people they like to see who is commenting, who’s a top friend, who the competition is! And, for many, competition is a huge turnoff.

True intentions are nullified by perception. Even if flirtation is intended to do what everyone else is doing in private, the publicity of desire somehow kills it for some women. It goes back to one of my favorite blogging phrases, PERCEPTION IS REALITY, and what makes a player a player is most definitely a result of the perception of the woman who thinks she’s being played.

This gets back to my conversation with Stephanie. Women want security, women want to feel special, but women sometimes have a very unfair standard for what they expect from male behavior when it comes to their interests.

Women leave friendly, silly, flirtatious comments on men's pages and blogs even when those women are married, and people think little of it. When men do it, they have to be a player.

If those same men interact with exactly as many women, but do it all privately and don’t allow comments on their page, and even if they are actually doing it to get laid, then the reality is they may be a player, but publicly it sure won’t seem that way.

As I’ve said in my own blogs on players, either a player is honest about being a player right up front, or he’s a deceptive manipulator, but in either instance the intent of his actions is to play the field, not caring that he may leave a path of emotional carnage strewn about the playing field of his life. I don't believe harmless intentions without knowledge of causing harm is the same thing.

Which finally leads me to ask, what exactly is a “Myspace player.” Is that even possible, is there really a category of “player” that is unique to Myspace?

Personally, I think not, and in fact, I find it amusing to think that someone can be a player who doesn’t get action in real life.

Perceptually, however, I see how it’s possible because a man who flirts will create a public perception of his intentions whether or not they are real, and very few people take the time to ask the very simple question “why are you doing that?”

If you’re having fun (and this goes for male or female Myspacers), and you’re not solely trying to just score a Myspace booty call with a new Myspace hottie of the week, then how can you be a player? You may be leaving a perception of such, but when THEY (go read my last blog if you don’t know who THEY are) decide you’re a player, then THEY will tell everyone about you even if THEY don’t ask you first.

If acting like a single male and having fun is all it takes to become a player, then hell, I’m damn guilty as charged and proud of it. Flirtatiously friendly yes, maybe even so far as suggestive, but dishonest and disloyal I am not.

I’ve made amazing friends on here and don’t for one second regret having gotten to know any of you that have flirted with me, but of course, if I’ve flirted back, it’s all your fault that I’m a Myspace player.