Wow. About the New Moon Drinking Game. Maybe I shouldn’t have posted that as the title. I don’t want to dissapoint you in any way. Uhm, wow. I really don’t know how to say this because I hate to dissapoint you guys, you who have been so loyal to me my first five blogs and especially those of you who followed me here from Myspace. I have been promising you a New Moon drinking gamefor a long time now and it is with a heavy heart that I come back empty handed. But I have returned from the theater and I don’t think I have anything to offer you.
What can I say? The second book was so much better in the saga and the movie followed along so much better. Now, did this breakthrough push me over to the twilight side since I’ve been on the fence about this anyway? Am I going back into school tomorrow about to give up my place on the anti-twilight side of this war? No.
Even though I have a new found respect for Stephanie Meyer and her work, I am still not a twilight fan. I think that the writing style ( of both the movie and the book) is very appropriate for the kind of fiction it is and for the kind of people it appeals to. But it’s a romance, and I think that if I liked romances I would probably like this one but I am a horror fan, and will probably always be a horror fan. But I know have respect for twilight. I am sorry for the lack of a drinking game and as for all my loyal fans, I hope you will remain to follow me, even after I tell you this: Leave Stephanie Meyer and the Twilight Saga alone.
PSYCH!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I totally liedd.
No, no, I mean, I meant some of it, like, out of the twilight saga, New Moon really was my favorite, they did follow the book a lot better this time around and sure they made mistakes, but they at leats tried to fix them sometimes. And this movie was a lot harder to make a drinking game about, but I stiull did it. And it was all for you, my faithful blog-followers.
But before I actually present to you the drinking game, I want you all to know about the painstaking process that it was for me to come up with this in time for you.
First I had to pre-order tickets, which was really painful. I actually got mistaken for a normal teenage girl. Bleck!
Second, I had to, you know, fight with people about going to see it opening day. Apparantly I’m not worthy to some of seeing it all just because I said I wanted a shirt that says Team Tyler’s Van.
I had to get signed out of school early, and I know what you’re thinking, “ Oh boo-hoo, she got to miss school and everything, what does she have to complain about?” Well, I’ll tell you, you lucky bastards, when people askedd me where I was going I had to tell them I was going to see New Moon opening day and now they think I’m a fan.
I had to watch New Moon.
In the theater ( which is more than I can say for any of you)
I had to see kids I know there and worst f all they saw me.
And finally, my handwriting is pretty bad, and by that I mean really really terrible. As Mrs. Grywalski would say ( Those of you that know her, feel free to laugh along and or tell her about this, those of you that don’t pretend you do and laugh anyway) “ I am notorious for how consummate I have become at my cacography” So I have this really really awful handwriting and it’s hardly legible and all and I was thinking how am I ( me, with the memory of a goldfish) going to remember all these rules until I have a chance to write them down. Obviously I couldn’t take my laptop into the theater with me, people would be upset. So I had no choice but to write them down as they came up in the movie. Guess What? If any of you thought my handwriting was bad before hand, you should see what I wrote while I was in a pitch black theater and couldn’t see anything. I was writing every other line, and there were still times I wrote stuff on stuff that was already there, I’m not even kidding. I think I should be onored just for deciphering any of it.
Plus, I started typing this out at 9:00 even though I type badly and slowly and promised to have this up by midnight because my laptop is malfunctioning and I couldn’t get hom until just now. How about that?
Now that you know the painstaking process I had to endure to bring this to you, it is now my pleasure to present the New Moon Drinking Game.
New Moon Drinking Game
DISCLAIMER: Yes, I’m sure you’re all very tired of reading this ( heaven knows I’m tired of typing it out.) But seriously you have no idea how much hate mail I get for these and I would like a chance to pre-emptively defend myself. I have posted a similar disclaimer on the three versions of the Twilight drinking game that came out before this, and on the box set that only one of you has ( feel special Rily). SO here we go.
Although a lot of my fellow anti-twilight people have not read the books, I have. I own copies of all three of them ( four counting the one Maddy stole) and have read them all at least twice through which is moer than I read some books. I have seen the movie numerous times and am not ignorant of the story line at all. With that saud, I can now present to you the rules.
~The Rules~
Drink whenever...
1. A yellow moon pops out of the screen and scares the shit out of you because you had no idea it was coming.
2. Somebody they did an awful job casting in the first one is back to act badly all over again.
3. Somebody they cast poorly was replaced with yet another poor choice ( victoria)
4. They cast a new character badly ( Drink for all new characters except Harry and Jane)
5. The lighting goes black and orangish and looks just like the cover of the movie
6. Edward is wearing more lipstick than Bella
7. Edwards man boobs are jiggling
8. Edward acts like an emo
9. Furthermore, he acts like an emo statue
10. Something that was supposed to be really romantic is really just creepy instead
11. Alice’s hair is not as cute
12. Jasper is really creepy, either because he’s saying nothing at all and standing there like Sweeney Todd, or he’s saying something to the effect of “ It sure would be nice if I didn’t want to kill you all the time, hey Bella?”
13. Bella gives Carlisle a look that suggests like she’s in love with him
14. Bella looks not like she’s aging to 18, but rather like she’s aging to 40
15. Edward looks like he’s about to cry
16. Edward is wearing a suit for no reason, ( you’re not cool enough to be NPH Neil Patrick Harris, so don’t even try.
17. Rosalie is a bitch
18. Charlie over-reacts to something
19. In one line Charlie shows more character depth then he did in the whole first movie
20. Something sparkles that shouldn’t
21. Something fails at sparkling even though it still shouldn’t
22. During the first half of the movie when the actors fail at emotion
23. During the second half of the movie where the actors learn how to act, but are no portraying more emotion than what was written into the book.
24. Mike’s face is really scary
25. Mike says something that is as scary as his face
26. Bella slurs her sppech so much you can’t tell what she’s saying.
27. There’s a really awful scene transition
28. Edward drives a car that is not a silver Volvo
29. Something fails at superspeed
30. You can understand how it could be easy to fail at superspeed but not why it’s currently failing at slow motion which people have been succeeding at in the movies for a long time now
31. Something fails at superspeed and slow motion at the same time
32. The wolf eyes fail to look real and/or menacing
33. September passes a lot more quickly than November
34. **** Random Drink for Charlie being really southern****
35. Jessica manages to be even more of a Mary Sue than Bella
36. A hollographic image of Edward that was not in the book appears for no reason
37. Jacob stares at Bella a little too long
38. When it comes back to him he’s still staring at Bella
39. Bella throws a slice of pizza so hard it becomes a wrench ( bad transition shot basically)
40. ***** Random Drink for Sam Uley’s Gang****
41. Someone jumps off a cliff ( do an extra shot if the cinematographer accidently made it look instead like this person was flying
42. Bella’s so used to being an emo she forgets that blood is supposed to hurt.
43. Jacob of one of his wolfy friends is without a shirt for no good reason.
44. ***** BEST PART OF THE MOVIE, DO A SHOT FOR FACE PUNCH!!!!! I HAVE NO DOUBT IT WAS A BETTER MOVIE THAN THIS ONE!!!!!!!!!!!*****
45. Harry threatens to unleash his Kung Fu skills on a bear
46. Somebody breaks a promise, or rather is accused of breaking a promise, regardless to whather or not they really made any such promise
47. They have a flashback where Edward is more sparkly in this movie than he was in the same scene in Twilight
48. A wolf looks more like one of the following things than like a wolf: bear, dog, cat, cartoon, squirrel
49. They fail at suspense, either because they just failed, or they were doing good the first three minutes of the suspensful scene and then you just got bored with it.
50. Billy tries to keep Bella away from Jacob even though he wanted them to be together in the last movie
51. Bella over explains something
52. Jacob failed at explaining something in the book but somehow manages to accheive whole new levels of explanatory failure in the movie
53. Bella wastes her valuable time figuring out something vague Jacob has said, when all she had to do was piss off one of his friends because then they would have told her anyway
54. Muffins show up that are mor intimidating then all the vampires put together just because of their size.
55. Bella knocks herself out ( or everytime a rock and a wave beat Victoria to the punch)
56. Jacob fails at CPR.
57. Victorie acts like a submarine ( no Rily, not a yellow one)
58. Alice says something to remind you how much better she is than the other “vampires” in this movie
59. Bella puts herself directly in between a were wolf and a vampire.
60. They do a great job portraying red that wasn’t in the books
61. No one bothers to look at Bella even though she’s a) out of place to an extreme degree and b) running like a maniac
62. Robert Pansiboy is Jealous of Jacob getting to show off his abs so he rips off his shirt and he has NOTHING compared to what Jacob has. ( which contributes further to his last name Pansiboy)
63. Something has chest hair that shouldn’t
64. Bella hugs and/or kisses someone who is half-naked at the time
65. EDWARD’S WEARIN A BATHROBE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
66. There’s an awkward elevator scene complete with awkward italien elevator music
67. There’s an underground base that is not so underground
68. FULL VIEW OF THE BATHROBE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
69. Edward is supposed to be writhing on the floor in pain but instead he’s just flying back while his upper lip ( and only his upper lip) wiggles uncontrollably
70. Edward’s face cracks and then puts itself back together
71. Edward’s lower body get’s flung into a set of stairs and you have an innappropriate moment where you wonder, what else cracked there?
72. There’s a scene that’s like a cross between little house on the prarie and baywatch but with sparkling.
Now, drink for the following things that nother me about the movie
· I didn’t get to see Alice steal anything
· Bella didn’t notice that the picture Edward stole of himself was gone
· There is a scene where Victoria manages somehow to outrun a bird. That’s right. Not a car or a plane, or something impressive, but a bird.
· They forgot about Quil immediately after introducing him
Now, the hard-core alcoholics can also take a drink everytime….
· Bella breaks someones heart
· Bella is almost intimate with Jacob
· Bella has to try too hard to kiss Edward
· Bella and Edward have a conversation while Edward isn’t really there at all
· Bella sends an email to an invalid address
· Bella wakes up and is still in this sparkly reality
· Bella sits on a stool that is far too small for her, or anyone else to eve dream of sitting on
Drink for the following things.
~ To remember Robert Pansiboy who had to kiss the old lady
~ For Captain Hammers camio. No, not Nathan Fillion, Captain Hammer. Oh, what, he wasn’t in this? I must have gotten confused. Why, you ask me? Well, let’s compare these two scenarios
Captain Hammer throws Penny into a pile of garbage to “save her” from on oncoming van.
Edward Cullen tosses his lover, Bella into a glass table to “protect her” from his own brother
~Victoria’s hair was actually red in this movie. ( which is more than I can say for Bella’s truck)
~They succeeded at making something look like it was traveling at superspeed for almost a whole minute.
~My cousin Ferin, totally called the “you’re grounded” line 10 second before it happened
~Edward was in a bathrobe ( sorry I can’t let it go)
~One of the vampires was actually attractive, though I won’t tell you which one.
~In memory of~
Fangoria. You were a really cool magazine until you, not only counted this as a horror movie, but put a picture from it on the cover of your magazine two months in a row, one of which was Halloween month and the other of which was my birthay. Do a shot in memory of… my ex-bible
I hope you had a lot of fun with this, If I had had more time it could probably have been better. I would also like to note that even though there were a lot more rules, I thought New Moon was a lot better, both as a film and as an adaptation.