so...i am fine with some "friends" not being the best to you at times...i think most friends are really just close acquaintances but that is a matter of sematics and is a discussion i am really not willing to to discuss now...but when a real friend..someone you trust, admire, care for and plainly just love decideds to treat you so shitty that you are forced to reevaluate that friendship is a very hard thing to deal with...now i know i open up too much, i talk too much and the most of all i trust too much... and it gets me into problems most the time...namely when you have misidentified certain people as being "friends" when they were not...i hate how my heart hurts like that..and most of the time situations liek that only tend to affect me when it happens from someone very close to me (often a girlfriend) decided to be a different person or treat me in a horrible way...but it happened to day and while one of the people i genuinely believe to be a close friend did in fact act in that regard, i was able to sit down and talk through it, even thoguh it hurt...the screwed up part is that there were others in this situation that i genuinely was distraught over the way they were treating me...now i can understand a lot.. andi am fine with taken much of the agency through empathy,...but the fact that i obviously had a mcuh higgher reagrd for them than they ever did for me is saddening and depressing to me... why cant people sometimes see confrontation as positive, even if the tone of the confrontation or discourse is heated...i am not talkign purely devils advocate stuff here either... I am just constantly being hurt by my apparent lack of being able to see into some people...maybe i am just lonely and wanting some comradry, or some kind of feelign of acceptance.... how weak huh? why do i hurt myself so much...why cant i just shut my mouth and nod??? why cant i just accept that i am not as great of a person as I would like to be...i have trouble seeing it myself anyway...i guess i shoudlnt be so surprised that others dont as well.. i guess i am just denying it... oh well...

aa

i felt like doing this...so screw you if you think it is trite

105 Facts About You

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT Ring?
nope...thought about giving one

2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
2yrs

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
yesterday i just got cash from my grandma for last years birthday (july)

4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
yep...never broke

5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
ick..bad topic...injuries make it hard

6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
music...geeky tech things

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
rib eye steak...havent had a good steak in months

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
eyes, then hair...then jaw line and neck

9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
Lost in the feelin' - Latyrx

10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Bloomington, IN

11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
Plainfield

12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
verizon

13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
depends on the mall...probably a book store

14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD:
probably student...

15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
yep

16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?:
no, not on pur[ose...but if i dial the wrong numbe i usually try to make it fun

17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:
Lucas

18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
annie and then grady

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND:
couple of weeks

20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
depends on the crave...kfc original recipe chicken breast

21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD:
"i love you too"

23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
San Francisco

24. CAN YOU COOK?
i can...if i have the right equipment and ingredients

25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
i think it is a grand am..i have an explorer that is sitting but i guess i could drive it

26. BEST KISSER:
i think i am pretty good...but most people are pretty good if they mean it

27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
cant remember...i think i cried at the end of Dancer in the Dark that i saw again again the other day..at least teared up

28. MOST DISLIKED FOODS:
too many...i have a consistency problem..but some mushrooms can kill me (allergy)

29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
i think a lot

30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
fear of failure

32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?:
i am sure i have worked a 20ish hour shift at a job...but i have stayed up 5 nights and 6 days straight working in the darkroom

33. FAVORITE MOVIE?
lots... first Star Wars is a keeper

34. CAN YOU SING?
yeah a little...i used to be decent but i havent practiced in forever

35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?
Lyrics Born (but i saw a comedian Zach Galifianakis a coupel weeks ago)

36. LAST KISS?
hmmm....depends on type of kiss (passion or familial) both havent been that long

37. LAST MOVIE RENTED:
Borat

38.ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
sketchpad/journal and ipod and cellphone

39. FAVORITE vacation spot
San Francisco and NYC

43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
laptop

44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?:
tough one...depends on my mood.... right now Zach Galifianakis

45. DO YOU SMOKE?
yep...a tobacco pipe

46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
with

47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?:
my television

48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:
not so far for me..but each relationship is different..and i have seen it work

49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
10ish

50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
they are both breakfast foods and i dont liek breakfast that much...but i guess fench toast

51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:
yes, black

52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
broken yoke over extra hard

53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:
no

54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:
annie

55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
Stepmom

56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:
Annie about baseball

58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
3

59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
jeans, t shirt, button up, boxers and socks

60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC:
"you gotta stand up for something even if you're sitting down"-lifesavas

61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?:
none

62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:
yes, but i prefer to watch

63. CAN YOU SWIM?
yep, outta practice though

70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
last night...a commercial that wasnt suuposed to be funny

71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?
8

75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?:
Jamal and Fritz (they were both there when i was born)

77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND??
Ian and Andrea's art show tonight then hanging out with Kathleen and watching the Cardinals game... work tomorrow and trying not to spend money but still watching the Cardinals game..Sunday, watching the Cardinals game and maybe paintball with the studio art guys

78. BIRTHDATE
7/18/1978

79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
happy...working in the arts and being able to make my own work...also i woudl like to keep working on my standup

85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
yep

87. ARE YOU SMILING?:
no

89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW
yes

90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
NYC or SF

92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:
no

93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:
yes

94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
i dunno... I do like "Alan Finger"

95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
dont have one anymore i dont think

96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
no..dont think i am really in school anymore

97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?:
no

98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:
yep, 2

99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER
yes, two younger

100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
no

101. ARE YOU IN LOVE?:
i dont think so...i definitely care a lot about some people...but dont think we are "in love" nor are we even dating...odd

102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
yep

103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
yep...i am feeling a need to see Grady

104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
forefinger ring

105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
go to the Lilly for work

any good vibes anyone could throw at me this week i would appreciate it...i have a phone interview for a job...

thanks all!

i just realized that most of my friends are girls... odd... not bad by any means but just odd... it is odd how thigns change over time...i still have many male friends, but the balance has definitely swung... damn, i am probably "that" guy... sigh

So yeah,
Well, I am starting to get really frustrated...it jsut seems like everythign i am doing is nothing but treading water. I need to make a change, somethign needs to change...something in some arena of my life. And unlike most times, I am actually being realtively proactive about this so far. I have been applying for jobs like a madman, andi ahve been receiving some responses but nothign thatI can get optimistic about. Ijsut found a whole bunch of new jobs to apply for in NYC, which i am excited to apply for, but still I am startign to wonderi f it is to no avail. Maybe I am just not that smart, maybe all the qualifications and experiences i have dont mean shit..maybe i am just not a good applicant. I am fearful that I am goign to get stuck in my life. I need to move on, I have to...i am going batty with the lack of progress in my professional life I am achieving...i know i am still young but shit I am not that young...fuck...
So other than that..I have been tryign to be more direct with my "relationship" status'. I dont really know what i am thinkgin by tryign to figure out my position with some people that I am interested in...i know its not really fair to them or me..since I coudl just up and go at anytime..but fuck it i am lonely... and i must say that noe of my directness seems to be accomplishing anythign anyway...other than making me feel even mroe down....and the fact that i am practically broke makes all of this worse...i mean its hard enough not having any money, but doing nothing alone sucks worse... at least when you are with someone you get to enjoy their company. fuck
nevertheless... I gotta change something...i need somethign to go right..or not even right..fuck even "well" woudl be nice... I mean today someone asked me how i was...and i answered "ok"...btu it was a fucking lie...everythign wasnt "ok".... "ok" woudl be "good" to me right now...but i cant even lie about that...damn it... oh well... i gotta go...i might just erase all this later...but ineeded to write it down... but i did curse, misspell, and use bad grammar a lot in it..so maybe i will keep it...

aaron

so i am back from "break"..which really consisted of about  3days of not wokring (only 1 one where i couldnt)...it was nice to see family, but with some of the other stuff going on in my family it put a bit of a tarnish on the proceedings.  Nevertheless, I am "back" now and still pushing to find a decent job somewhere ASAP.. i am also looking for some part-time work so if anyone knows of anythign let me know...i just need a few hours at decent pay a week. 

On a side note, I really wanted to do a stand-up comedy open mic tonight at a local venue, but I just don't have one of my little "bits" prepared enough to do...I knwo it's only like 5 minutes max... but i havent gotten up in a while, andI really don't feel like going up with any doubt... i know you are supposed to flop and bomb, and i have no problem if people don't laugh (well...a bit i am sure) at my "jokes", but i do have a problem if they don't laugh and I don't do it the way I think it shoudl be done... I am kind of upset about it actually...I have been trying to get this part memorized and performable...but it just isnt there... and ireally am not scared to get up in front of people, i got over that a long time ago (even though new fears come up everyday)  maybe next month right? 

Eh...

aaron

 

PS... i find it uncomfortable watching old people enjoy themselves...it's like watching a football game where someone breaks their arm and they show the replay...you know, when yo ucan't even watch it's so uncomfortable... not liek a car accident, where you can watch it over and over... i think there is something messed up about that...

Well, I just found out that I didn't get the job in NYC that I was being considered for...oh well though right? What was i doing being opitmistic anyway? I already am usually depressed during the holidays...usually for no reason...but now i have legitimate reason...damn, and I thought I really had a good shot...so yeah, that is where i am at now...I mean I am still in the running for another job in UCLA..but still it deosnt make it feel any better...alright i am done later veryone and if i don't get a chance to wish you a happy holiday season, have a good one.

aaron

I hate bulletins, so again i will put this in my blog

2006 Awards

1) Drinking Buddy of The Year?
Annie (watching all that basketball and baseball)

2) Lifetime service award - Longest friend
Jon Baumann

3) High Point of the year?
don't think there was one

4) Low point of the year?
That would assume there was a high one

5) Best holiday?
I don't like holidays of any kind

6) Anthem for 2006?
Honeycut-"Shadows"

7) Any regrets?
too many, but not finishing up my school crap is huge

8) Best Night out?
Cardinals winning the World Series!

9) Worst Night out?
impossible

10) Who did you spend your valentines with?
I didn't

11) Best relationship?
Annie

12) Toughest relationship?
Dad

13) Best concert?
Lyrics Born/Lifesavas/Pigeon John

14) Best New Relationship/Friend?
Kathleen

15) Best decision made all year?
The decision to get done and get out of here (that doesn't mean I actually accomplished it... but it was a good decision)

16) Best new album that you have gotten?
Too many to list.. but the Honeycut album is freakin dope

17) Proudest moment?
Nope

18) Most reliable person?
Annie

19) Best job of the year?
Lilly

20) Best Film?
Didn't watch much...at least anything that came out this year... I watched Seven Samurai again after a few years... that was probably the best

21) Favorite quote of the year?
"You know you are an alcoholic when the bartender knows your name..and you have never been to that bar" Zach Galifianakis

22) Rate 2006 on a scale of 1-10(best)
5

23) Plans for 2007?
get done and get a job

Ok, I NEVER do these things...and i don't plan to start, but this one freaked me out...i never realized how many movies (especially bad ones) that I have seen...i mean I already know I don't have a life so that was not a shocker...but 201 of 239? that is freaking crazy...and the whole time ikept wondering whether they would list ones that ended up not on the list...eh whatever.... anyways... sorry about this, i promise not to make it a habit
Aaron


Body: SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 movies, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 movies on this list. Copy this list mail, go to your own myspace account, click on Post Bulletin, paste this. Then, put x's next to the movies you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun!

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(x) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane
Total:

(x) The Princess Bride
(x) AnchorMan
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
(x) Saw
() Saw II
(x) White Noise
() White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
() The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far:

(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
(x) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
() American Wedding
() American Pie Band Camp
Total so far:

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Resident Evil 1
() Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
(x) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far:

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
(x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
() Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(x) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
(x) Robots
Total so far:

(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
(x) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
(x) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
() Eight Crazy Nights
(x) Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG
Total so far:

() A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
() The Lizzie McGuire Movie
(x) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
(x) Dumber & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
(x) Final Destination 2
() Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(x) The Ring 2
(x) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far:

(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
() Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
(x) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
(x) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far:

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
() Seed of Chucky
() Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
() Just Married
(x) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
(x) Coach Carter
() The Grudge
() The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far:

(x) Bad Boys
(x) Bad Boys 2
(x) Joy Ride
() Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremecy
() Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
() The Fog [both versions]
(x) Ice Age
() Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
() Curious George
Total so far:

(x) Independence Day
() Cujo
() A Bronx Tale
(x) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
(x) ET
(x) Children of the Corn
(x) My Boss's Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2
Total so far:

() Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
(x) Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
(x) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
Total so far:

(x) X-Men
(x) X2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
() Jeepers Creepers
() Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
(x) Reign of Fire
(x) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
(x) Cruel Intentions 2
(x) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far:

() Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
(x) The Notebook
(x) K-Pax
(x) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
() Ice Castles
() Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far:

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far:

(x) Love & Basketball
() Hostel
(x) Waiting for Guffman
() House of 1000 Corpses
() Devil's Rejects
(x) Elf
(x) Highlander
(x) Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History X
() Three
Total so far:

(x) The Jacket
(x) Kung Fu Hustle
(x) Shaolin Soccer
() Night Watch
(x) Monsters inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
(x) Willard
Total so far:

() High Tension
(x) Club Dread
(x) Hulk
(x) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) 28 days later
(x) Orgazmo
(x) Phantasm
(x) Waterworld
Total so far:

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
(x) Mortal Kombat
() Wolf Creek
(x) Kingdom of Heaven
() the Hills Have Eyes
() I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
() The Last House on the Left
() Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness
Total so far:

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
(x) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
(x) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far:

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
(x) Animatrix
(x) Evil Dead
(x) Evil Dead 2
(x) team america world police
(x) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal
Total so far:

Now Add them up and......

put "I've seen X out of 239 movies" in the subject line and repost it


read

hey all, I have a phone interview for a job in NYC this week. i am a bit stressed and nervous as you could imagine... so if you get chance i could use some words of encouragement...

also..i will be at Yogi's tomorrow for the Duke/IU game if anyone is up for it

later all