J-Zone posted this lil roundtable discussion we had last month on his page, so I'll put it on mine. If you're easily offended, go watch that new Sex & The City movie instead you spineless jellyfish!
CURRENT EVENTS & TRASH TALK WITH J-ZONE & CHIEF CHINCHILLA...Tell em why you mad.
Me and Chief have had a lot on our minds lately, so I transcribed a little convo we had. From silly to serious, there's no holds barred. If you're easily offended by unpopular opinions, read another blog.
Me (J-Zone): Hipsters have taken over Manhattan and everything within 5 miles of it and it scares the shit outta me. Some in their 30's. Get a house already stupid, slumming in an overpriced gutted factory turned loft at 30 and being condescending towards those not in your world is a tad dumb don't you think? I'm not knocking anybody. But when you have a snobbish attitude and start passing judgement on all the people that make the city run -blue collar New Yorkers that own HOMES (not rent lofts) at the edge of the city and in the surrounding counties- there's a problem. Go the fuck back to where you came from and stop talkin shit about the suburbs when you're originally from there. They ask me, "Who actually lives in a two-fare zone?" Yea, there's life beyond the L Train asshole. If you don't know who David Dinkins was, you're not a New Yorker.
Chief: You didn't know? Living in a paid off house with a lawn and driveway with your Grandmoms in a two fare zone in Queens is like soooooo un-hip Jay! We should call up 2 more people and pile in a loft and split a $5000 a month rent. Fuck ownership. That way we can the city can tow our cars for alternate side parking when were outta town. So when you say 'Yuk! How do you live without the subway?!', we respond with 'Yuk, how do you live with alternate side parking?!'
Me: After one of those magazine sponsored industry events or bullshit rooftop/loft parties (back in my never turn down an invitation to a free drink days, no matter where the party was), I was trying to disappear into my two-fare zone and be unseen. Being outsider to their little commuter friendly Scenester world was like havin Herpes. Like they'll call Westchester county "upstate" or think Queens, Long Island or Staten Island are no mans land. You piss on my parade, I piss on yours you Trustfundafarian. And by the way, when I used to get booked to do shows in these places I'd and come out doing interpolations of Big Tymer$ and Project Pat songs in 2003, they hated on me. 5 years later, all these ex-Nirvanna fans/PETA advocates are all Clipse/Lil Wayne fans with "Trap Or Die" shirts on (extra small of course). Getthefuckouttahere! But then again, around my way some adults didn't get the memo that dressin like your kids ain't cool.
Chief: If you're 50 years old, you shouldn't be in an 8XL shirt and a doo-rag and a size 10 Yankee fitted talkin to your son like one of his peers. Fathers can be cool, but not hip. Does anybody wear normal fitting clothing in 2008?
Me: Not that I can see. As I bulletined awhile back, yes Zone fans your ears heard right! That IS the instumental to my song "Edit These" on the new Dodge Journey commercial. It's been airing like crazy on BET, VH1, TV One and more. I havent seen it yet because I don't watch much TV. But I've gotten a million text messages from people who saw it. By the way, you're all being charged 15 cents per text. Expect an invoice.
Chief: I roll a BMX, but get you a Dodge Journey cause its sonically Zone approved!
Me: May 12th is the one year anniversary of me quitting drinking.
Chief: Cause you pussy.
Me: Shut up, bitch. To be honest, life is better for it. No more wakin up broke and hung over and I don't have to worry about what joker videotaped me drunk spazzin out and might put it on youtube or what hip-hop termite I gave my number to so we can "politic and build". The only thing that's hard is the occasional industry party that I get dragged to. Being sober magnifies how fake these music people are and you sit there lookin dumb watchin them look dumber. Nightlife just aint the same with a can of Redbull (not to mention, I can't sleep when I get home). I saw plenty of the fakeness at the Saturday Night Live afterparty for Gnarls Barkley. Let's just say, I give Gnarls (Danger Mouse and Cee-Lo) a lotta respect. That life and not gettin sucked in ain't easy. And fuck the paparazzi, they invade your space for real. Lucy Liu was in a trench coat and big ass sunglasses sneakin out the side door to evade em!
Chief: Hahaha, you get her number?
Me: I didn't talk to her. Stop listenin to my early albums, I'm long over that crush. Speakin of a crush, Stacey Dash, will you marry me? (see last King Magazine cover). She's every man's dream. 40 years old but looks 20. You get the visual without the audio (young girl complaining and clucking).
Chief: I been into Stacey Dash since the movie Moving with Richard Pryor, like 1988. You're late. Damon Dash has a lotta self-control.
Me: I've been back in the gym for a year now and I've been observant of a few thangs. Man that Perfect Push-Up ain't no joke. Well spent $40. If you're lookin to bulk up a taste, get the Perfect Push-Up. As seen on TV, available at GNC and most sporting good stores. That plus a lil weights and that whey protein...I'm on a mission! My JJ Evans days are over. And girls, men like a lil sumthin on the back end. Bitch, stop snortin up Peru and tyin up the treadmill for 4 hours when I'm waitin for a quick 20 minutes.
Chief: Yea girls with the pancake butt no carb/all cardio/cokehead/cigarette thing is wack. And whats up with these dudes and skinny jeans hangin off the ass? It looks like you were tryin on ya little sisters pants and they got stuck at your thigh. Then again, when you were 17 you wore your pants 8 sizes too big and let em sag to the flo'. We're just old I guess.
Me: Haha yea, I used to shop at Big & Tall Men like a muthafucka. And what's up with the Lebron James King Kong Vogue cover? While I thought it was tasteless, as a Black American I'm far more offended by the bojangling they show on BET. Nobody says shit about that.
Chief: I never understood that. If we embarrass ourselves to ourselves and our youth, that's OK. But we can't look bad to Vogue readers. That's ass backwards.
Me: I know I seem like the last person fit to discuss this because I made a career off of outlandish, silly comedy records. But there is no balance in programming whatsoever on BET. If you're gonna have unfunny piss poor minstrel show comedians, 106 & Park and Hell Date, fine. But balance the shit with BET News (where did that go?) or some videos that ain't from some non-singin broad yappin about how she needs a thug, then gets mad in her next song/video cause he dogged her ass. Or some cute little dance you shouldn't be caught dead doing over the age of 18. May as well dance for popcorn chicken. Do a 15 minute short about health insurance or something.
Chief: But we're mad about some damn Vogue cover.
Me: Figures. Now for more serious talk. As the world knows, the cops involved in the Sean Bell ambush have been cleared.
Chief: I'm disgusted, but not surprised one bit. The only thing that woulda suprised me is if all the cops were convicted.
Me: But lets be real. History has shown that its perfectly OK for cops to harass and use excessive force with young Black males without probable cause. Its one person's word against the word of the law. I know not ALL cops are bad, but in any precinct you can smell a rat . I knew as soon as they tried to get the trial moved, it was a wrap. And Judge Cooperman is 150 years old and set to retire, so what the fuck does he care? This was a travesty but if you really think about it, it shouldn't be a shock. As a victim of police brutality in the past, I've learned that most victims are ignorant of their rights and the cops use that to literally get away with murder. So in the long run, we really have no rights. The fact is, the world is fucked. No disrespect to the late great Dr. King, but non-violent protests ain't shit. His calls for peaceful change were answered with a bullet. Rallies end in people gettin beat up by the cops again and locked up, and nothing changes. I'm skeptical about all these "peaceful demomstrations" and plans to be arrested for protesting. Fuck that. But fighting back with physical force will get you killed, so we're left with cancer. You can't win. I see a long summer ahead in NYC with all them damn demonstations, pointless protests, rallies and marches...but nothing is gonna change. These cops and officials know this. They're sending us a message. 'We can kill you however and whenever we want and can get away, because all y'all are gonna do is rally outside of city hall and sing 'we want justice'. So fuckin what? Be our fuckin guests.' I have no answers.
Chief: To quote Willie D, 'fuck all that singin'. Them demonstrations ain't good for shit but calloused feet. We been doin that shit for 45 years. The only difference is now they use guns instead of hoses.
Me: Stop wastin cardboard with them damn signs. The cops and politictans are laughin at yall. And speaking of local Jamaica Queens cop related shit, the Officer Ed Byrne slaying during the Supreme Team drug shit in the 80's. He was murdered while sleeping on duty in his car, guarding a house. I clearly remember my grandfather writing a letter to mayor Ed Koch protesting the renaming of 91st Ave to Ed Byrne Ave. Now I see why. There were a shitload of people that died as innocent bystanders and do gooders trying to clean up the neighborhood that actually lived there. A lost life is a lost life, and a lotta innocent people died. That's partly why I was sent to live with moms up in Westchester. The 80's were kinda crazy over here. But nobody cared until a cop was killed.
Chief: But nothing was named after anybody from South Jamaica.
Me: Right. And even more disgusting than the Sean Bell thing was the John White case out on Long Island.
Chief: Now THAT was some bullshit. Google it if you don't know.
Me: So a buncha teens come up yelling threats to my family and racial slurs to me on my property. I come to scare em off, the gun goes off and I get cuffed. The gun charge is a given, but I get hit with manslaughter and the rest of the kids that started the shit walk? What!? Bottom line is, you come to my house threatening me and my family, that's grounds to get your top popped off. In many southern states that's law. That manslaughter rap is bullshit and this don't deserve a trial. And the kid that got killed, his mother is quoting the bible in a case where her son and his crew went out lookin for trouble?
Chief: Getthefuckouttahere. If we ran up on that kid's father's lawn talkin trash and I got popped, you'd get arrested for trespassing or some shit.
Me: Basically. That's that segregated racist Suffolk County bullshit. None of this is new or surprising, but like I said America is fucked. Shit like this will continue and there ain't shit that can be done about it. I got into a discussion with a super liberal girl that moved to Brooklyn from a small town in Maine. She told me "race doesn't matter anymore, especially in a place as diverse as New York. A Black man and a woman are running for president."
Chief: Wow.
Me: Sorry to spoil your melting pot vision of New York sweetie, but once you get past the the reaches of the subways (or in some cases, ride more than 20 minutes), the segregation you see here is as bad as anywhere (see East vs. West Yonkers, Howard Beach vs. South Jamaica or Long Island neighbors Merrick and Roosevelt). And not to mention, me being a Black person of light complexion, I get scrutiny and ignorant comments from all types of morons everytime I enter one of these "melting pot" neighborhods. Everybody claims to be so damn liberal and cultured, but all we really know about each other is what we see online/on TV/on records. So if you believe race and class are no longer issues in America, OK. Only someone living in a bubble that never faced racism would say that, and when you see Santa Claus coming down your chimney with an X-Box, tell him I said what up.
Chief: And tell him bring me What's Happening?! Season 1 on DVD . It's a wrap!!!