I totally just wrote a huge blog about how depressed and lonely I was, and why.


Apparently it wasn't meant to be seen, because it deleted itself.






Self-worth FTW.





I'm getting out of here.

I've been going a long time without the internet, and when it's working and not breaking all the time, I never seem to find the time to go on here.

So here's an update, for shits and giggles.


A) Still working in ye Olde Saybrook. Still too far of a ride for me. Still contemplating it's worth.

B) Still living in my apartment, still with Jorge, still have three cats.

C) Still overwork myself and never seem to find time for me, and I only see the very few friends I have left (they apparently can dig that I have no time for anyone, they accept me regardless if I'm a workaholic!) once in a blue moon, with the exception of "Girl's night" which has kept strong for over a month now. We've beaten the conflicting schedule situation!

D) I'm pretty sure that only My mother, Myself and Jorge were the only people we know personally that were deeply saddened by the loss of MJ.

E) I'm going to be enjoying this weekend. I'm not going to overwork myself per usual.

I also have a short week coming up, I have Friday the 3rd off due to holiday reasons.

I've also taken my birthday off, though it is a wednesday. I'm still celebrating my birthday the weekend before, and the weekend after, so those who still consider me a friend can come chill if they like.



That is all.

I've decided that this Rainy Saturday would be perfect for Spring cleaning so that is what I'm doing today. Yay.

This is a short blog, just a quick update:

A) Whoever tried to call me last night, I vaguely remember answering the phone but I don't remember what was said by either party. Explanation: I felt blah last night and decided not to go out, and wanted to sleep so I took a mild sleeping pill. As you know, I'm REALLY sensitive to sleeping pills and I slightly recall waking up talking gibberish in the middle of the night. So whoever it was that called, if I spoke nonsense to you, No, I'm not on illegal drugs, and I have not gone insane. I simply slipped into a sleeping pill coma only to awaken half-retarded. Forgive me for whatever I may have said.

B) Work is going ok. Long hours, Long drives, Lots of miles, but It's ok. The paycheck is worth it. And I'm now a recovering night owl....I've been sleeping regular-people hours, and I'm not quite used to it yet but I'm getting there.

C) Jorge and I are just fine......PLEASE stop asking about it, everyone.

D) Happy Easter and whatnot.

And that's it.

Bye now.

I've been just randomly lurking on my friend list and reading all of their blogs and their status messages (because I'm so completely bored) and it's making me upset!

The vast majority of my myspace friends (my off-the-web friends as well) are already having a shitty 2009.

I don't really mind it thus far. It's just another year to me. Probably consisting of the same old thang, Working, Paying Bills, Cleaning, Spending time with my friends and such with a few new things in between. I don't see the point in saying "OMG I'm going to do ____ in year ___" or "I'm going to make sure this year is the best one yet" etc anymore. Because thats why we HAVE to say it every year, because every year some shit ends up sucking. But why go into it negatively either?

I don't know. All I know is, cheer up kids. It's just another year. Jeez.

I survived. Christmas is FINALLY overwith. My bank account isn't in the negatives, I still have a substantial amount of money to live off of. I ended up getting some pretty rad stuff. So all-in-all it wasn't awful. We now have a new alternator in the Pontiac. ("Merry Christmas, Rosarios, hope you enjoy a car that won't start."--God)


SO anyway. We had fun with the family and everyone I knew pretty much got everything they wanted so, yay. Wonderful.


I'm so glad it's over. I cannot WAIT until I take that damned tree down and all the decorations. That's what I'm going to do RIGHT now. If I wasn't so trashed last night I would have done it then.


Humbug,

Amy

Beth made an awesome bulletin the other day. This goes beyond lame myspace surveys, and made me laugh after a shitty day at work. LOVE YOU!

Re-Post:

STUCK​ ON AN ISLAN​D WITH YOUR TOP 4 THEY ARE :

1) Amber
2) Jeff
3) Amy
4) Jorge


ON THE ISLAN​D

Who start​s cryin​g and sayin​g their​ too young​ to die?
Amy. Not that Amy is the most depressed -- no no. Amber would give up and surrender to death instantly. Jeff and Jorge wouldn't accept their fate until their final moments.


Who tries​ to make a raft out of grass​ and palm leave​s?​
Jeff would start first, Jorge would get the supplies, Amy would help weave it, and I'd make suggestions and test it's raft-ability. Amber already gave up.


Who'​s chasi​ng a squir​rel so they can eat it?
Jorge. Jeff would use half the island's resources to build a steam-powered squirrel-catcher that would take way too long to make, and Amy would find plants and call it a salad. Amber might eat "salad" too, but there would be no point -- she already gave up.


Who helps​ make the shelt​er?​
Jeff and Jorge, while Amy and I told them that they were doing it wrong.


Who becom​es depre​ssed and says that there​'​s no hope?​
Hmmm.... Oh, yeah! AMBER!

Who actua​lly tries​ to think​ of a plan to get out?
Jeff, Jorge, Amy and I. Jeff would want to do something lavish and ridiculous -- like building a submarine out of coconuts and crabs. Jorge would want to do something practical -- like smoke signals -- but it would probably fail anyway. Amy would be too pissed to plan for a while. I would probably figure that someone would come looking for us and not want to waste our resources. Amber would be drawing pictures with a stick on the sand.


Who start​s jumpi​ng up and down screa​ming?​
Probably Jorge.


Is there​ alcoh​ol on the islan​d?​.​.
​
Why do I get to choose what's on this island? If there is, it wouldn't last long.


Who'​s in denia​l and looki​ng for the hidde​n camer​a?​
If anyone got that idea it would be me or Amy. Amber still wouldn't even care.






TWO WEEKS​ LATER​

Who goes crazy​ and digs under​groun​d claim​ing they'​re looki​ng for China​?​
Amber. Def.


Who gets so bored​ they'​re carvi​ng equat​ions on a rock for fun?
I would say Jorge and I would give each other equations, but Jorge isn't very competitive. So Jorge and I -- separately.


Who goes missi​ng after​ looki​ng for a good spot to tan?
Amy.
Jeff and Jorge don't need to tan, I don't want to tan, and Amber is looking for China, remember?

Which​ perso​n comes​ back after​ two minut​es of looki​ng for food becau​se there​ is none?​
None of us would give up that fast, but like I said -- Amber gave up a while ago.


Which​ perso​n actua​lly comes​ back with food but takes​ days to find it?
Jorge. Jeff would pass everything up that was too fatty or green and starve.


Which​ perso​n goofs​ off and does barel​y anyth​ing at all?
Jeff and Jorge would goof off while helping us and Amber would do nothing at all while waiting for death.


Who still​ hunts​ squir​rels even when they get back home?​
Jorge. He might even do that already. Hehe.




How rad is that? lol!

So I'm excited. Democrats, FTW.



On to other news,

Still working all the time. Jorge isn't working 70 hour weeks anymore, he's back down to 40-50 or so. So we have some free time. We've been hauling ass trying to fix this house up and so far, so good. We're still financially stable, and we're much better than we used to be, marital wise.

He's coping with his problems and I'm coping with mine, we're sorting things out and I think we're on the right track to marital bliss. I hope to god it stays this good, to ask for more would be greedy, after going through so much hell to get to this very stage of life, anyway.

I just thank god every day that I have my husband, my family, my friends, my smarts, my career, my cats, my tea, and my awesome hair. =)

For once I feel like I'm not bogged down with worries. I almost feel a little empty without them, and my subconcious is trying so hard to make worries to replace the ones I lost, like worrying about not worrying. How silly is that? But it happens. You feel like everything is going ok and it makes you wonder "well, am I missing something? Did I overlook something? This isn't right something must be wrong."

Ignorance is bliss, but actually knowing you're ok and prepared for the next fallout is warm, fuzzy, and safe.

<3 Hope you're all ok! And my condolances for the one's who voted Mccain. Actually, my condolances for the ones who voted Nader. And for Nader himself the poor bastard. Someone give the man a hug. =(

Later!

I always loved the show. Ever since it first aired.

And the movie, Totally---just stole the number one spot on my list of favorite new movies.


Highly recommended to all my girls!


(Thanks mom for letting me borrow it hehe)

(And Yes, Jorge flat out refused to watch it with me. lol)