I just did some spring cleaning on the friends list and made my profile private to sort of block out negativity.  I'm going to trudge forward and be positive again as soon as we all heal from this nasty virus!  (Poor AJ is so sick!!!!)

I'm learning a lot about people online.  I'm learning that the true friends are still sparse and the false ones still, and always will, exist.   I am shrinking my circle of trust once again.  I have to do what makes me happy.   I'm learning as I live. 

Have a good Friday.

Paula

Remember my blog from a while back that showed the possible origin of the swine flu virus was the United States?  Now, people are beginning to believe it came from a laboratory.  I often threw around the idea that our government created the virus as a method of controlling the masses, causing us to become dependant on them.  It's only step one, I'm afraid.   I bet  there is more to come.  Check out this article:

http://www.unexplained-mysteries.com/viewnews.php?id=169656

I often wonder why people are attracted to the field of the paranormal.  Many, like me, are both curious, fascinated, and admittedly, a little comforted by the fact that a part of us still lives after our spirit dies.  There are others, however, that think of television, money, and fame.   This is a very old, worn out topic that seems to renew itself over and over and over again.

Scenario. You die.  You have not crossed over for whatever reason.  Someone senses you and snaps a photo of you.   Do you want them to sell it on Ebay?  Do you want them to sell gadgets on TV that claim they can sense you?  Do you want people to profit and become "famous" because of you? (Fame is relative, but that's a whole other topic).

Why exactly do humans crave this alleged "fame" and attention, anyway? 
It seems to me that the afterlife is yet another fad that attracts the models, tv wannabes, and fame seekers.  As soon as it is no longer profitable, these people will move on to the next fad, and mark my words, that fad is UFOs.  (It has already begun in theaters and television).  

I know what you're thinking.  "Paula! You're wearing these t-shirts and you have a website and blah blah blah".  Well... a) I'm changing my entire view based on personal experience.  b) I am going to change the type of people I interview for the website.  
There are some on there I am very proud to present -- the actual scientists that sit in the background watching this paranormal circus.   They are the ones that write real books that are truly published, not self published.  They are the ones that have done real research and don't give a crap if someone makes a t-shirt out of their face.   These people know who they are and I still admire and respect them.  (One in particular...she knows who she is). 

I also know that it seems that I've gone from positive to negative.  No.  I am simply not hiding my negative side any more.  There has to be a balance in life.

Be real!!!

Why do so many people hide behind a facade?  I'm going to cut to the chase.  If you are a dick then openly be a dick.  Don't be a dick to some people and then pretend to be someone you're not to others.  This isn't being true to yourself.  Of course, motivation is the key here.  Rhetorically, what exactly is someone's motive for pretending to be someone else? 

I have to say that at least I will admit to my shortcomings.  Admitting to them and having low self esteem are two different things.  I make mistakes like every human on the planet and do not pretend to be lovey dovey wonderful. 

I don't even know why I'm posting this.  I'm just fed up with the number of superficial people I keep running into in my life.   It feels good to vent for a change instead of always hiding.  Like I always say, being positive has its place but anyone who pretends to be positive 100% of the time is full of shit.  Everyone, mark my words, EVERYONE has a negative side.

Phew.

Done! Now, on to **BETTER** things.

And not that anyone is reading this, but before you take offense, think of this song:

"You're so vain, I bet you think this song is about you...don't you"..

LMAO.

(i.e. Ab this isn't about you)

My frog died last night.  I've been feeding him directly with a baster for 2 months because he was getting skinny. Then, he started floating and swimming funny.  I knew it was coming, but once those symptoms start, it's too late.  Poor froggy.

I didn't name this one because last time I did that, the frog died and I was too attached and sad.  I stayed detached this time.  I know.  I'm a dork.

He/she is now in the toilet bowl grave yard.

Just a cute story for you.  My friend and I apparently became pregnant at the same time, but she didn't tell anyone for a few months.  Her due date was a week before mine, but we ended up having our babies, both boys, on the same day in the same hospital.  We were texting eachother in our rooms. hahaha.  The cool part is that her other son is Chloe's best friend, so she got to see him when she visited.  Anyway, we've been getting together ever since for lunch and play dates.   I do believe that God brings people into your life for a reason!!! 

...and tired of being expected to be positive ALL the time.  It has its time and place but right  now, I am choosing to be negative!

To all the fake people in the world,  (and there are MANY), this salute is for you:


 
..and god, thank you for my 2 beautiful children, the only two people in the world who are real!!!!!

AJ is asleep and Chloe is busy with an art project, so here is another useless blog especially for you.  Now, who "you" is exactly, I have no idea.   (Make note of my sense of humor).

A note to Enfamil and Similac.  Don't sue me for slander or defamation.  This blog is based on personal experience and it is my opinion.  I know that freedom of speech doesn't really exist, but still, suing me would be useless.  You can't pluck feathers from a bald chicken.  Now, if you'd like to sue me for my debts, I'd be happy to oblige.

Now, on with the show.

I gave up breast feeding because, at the time, I could not handle the lack of sleep.  I suppose this makes me a bad mother, but that is neither here nor there.   I'm not writing to debate that highly controversial issue.  I'm writing to share my experiences with formula.

Soy formula made AJ constipated, so I switched to Enfamil Nutramigen, which has been working out fine until they decided to put Enflora in it.  Enflora is a probiotic and guess what.  It makes AJ constipated.  To make matters worse, the scoop is twice as big, so you have to use twice as much.  Already at $25 a can (AJ drinks 2 cans a week), it techincally doubles the price!!! So, I switched to the Similac version and it makes him barf.  Now, I'm trying soy again and so far, so good.  I wrote to Enfamil and they said that they are no longer making the Nutramigen without Enflorda, so I'm screwed regardless. 

I still don't understand how they can get away with charging $25 for a can of formula, anyway.  I think the government should regulate the price of it.   Ok, now, this is where people scream at me, "you should be breast feeding!!!".   Well, as I said, my mental health was very important to me at the time and he couldn't latch on, anyway.

Sorry for any spelling errors.  My memory has gone to hell since AJ was born.

Just thought I'd write.  Any ghosts out there reading? lmao

Natural things that make me feel really good:

- Exercise.  Yes, my morning walk, Wii workout, etc. leave me feeling elated.  More reason to do it more!

- Laughing, and I mean really cracking up.  A good laugh attack always gets those endorphines rolling.

- Sex.  This one is a given.  If you don't end up feeling elated, something is wrong!

- Holding my baby when he is sleeping.  There's something wonderful about having a sleeping baby nuzzled in your neck and sound asleep.  I feel so at peace and a feeling of love comes over me.  It's wonderful.

- Hugs, and I mean real, meaningful ones, not the quick, fake "hello" hugs that people give these days.  A real, loving hug feels totally awesome and gives you a rush!

- A big veggie salad.  I am not kidding!!!  When I eat one with lots of veggies (spinach, peppers, carrots, asparagus, broccoli, tomatoes, etc.) and a fat free dressing, I feel energized afterwards.  It must be all the vitamins.  Sounds silly, but it works!!!! Note: loading it up with fattening things and carbs/croutons will just make you sleepy and left feeling guilty, so skip 'em.

- A long, warm bath.  Ahhhhh. Afterwards, I am soooo incredibly relaxed I could fall asleep.  I need to do this one again really soon because it has been way over a year.  A hot jacuzzi produces the same effect and feels good on my back, too.  Ahhhhh.  Wish I had one now. hehehehe

- Chocolate, unfortunately.  I do try to avoid it because of the calories and sugar, but it is scientifically proven to give you an endorphine rush.

- Caffeine, well, it is technically natural even though it is a chemical.  It does have the potential of being abused!  Caffeine raises your heart rate by slightly raising your blood sugar.   I personally think it is fine in moderation and it gives me a short boost of energy when I am unable to take a nap (which is every day). It doesn't really produce endorphines, but it does wake me up.  It helps my migraines sometimes, too.  Again, I limit the amount I drink. Moderation is the key with everything!!!!

I'll add more when I think of them.

It's time to become revitalized and take a mental refresher on the Law of Attraction.   The Law of Attraction states that every person attracts to them exactly what they think about.  The theory behind it is that when doing so, you are changing your vibrational frequency and attracting things into your life with the same frequency.  So, it's time to think and explore what I have been attracting or pushing away in my life lately.   That is goal 1 of mine.  Re-evaluate.

Goal 2. Work on my show.  Ok, so I've been given this opportunity for a radio show and I really have been busy with the kids.  My darling infant still wants to be fed every 2 hours and wants ALL my attention in between.  My 3.5 year old also wants all my attention. So, by the time they go to bed, I'm exhausted and fall asleep on the sofa.  This ties into the first goal.  I need to think more about having time to myself to do fun things like develop a show.  Then again, what IS "me" time?  I seem to have forgotten (as I steal a 10 min break while baby takes his speed nap).  lol.  "Mom" and "me" don't really go together. "Mom" means "every one else". hehehehehehe.  (It's the sacrafice I make to create loving children).

Goal 3.  Figure out what the heck I'm doing wrong with Weight Watchers.  I'm following it to a T.  Guess this ties back to goal 1, too.  On a positive  note, I did lose 20 lbs in the past few years.  So, I need to give myself more credit.  My blood pressure is now awesome and I'm eating healthy, so there is plenty of good in this!

Goal 4.  Remember to give thanks for the things I already have in my life.  Back to my thank you journal.  This one is self explanatory!

I am human.  I steer away from the track at times, but I think it's time to take back the wheel.

I know nobody will read this, but I feel good writing it.  Isn't that what counts?