PART 4: BERLIN

sunday, july 1:
mom and i took a train from prague to berlin and were seated by this strange fat man with some sorta' consistent nasal blockage, causing him to snort and whisper to himself over and over. we laughed so hard i think i queefed the alphabet by the time we got to berlin.

this was the first weird german thing i saw off the train:


once in berlin, we checked into meininger hostel on tempelhofer ufer and i immediately called oli. i met up with him and pussy grinder at a cafe in kastanienallee. hooray!! i finally got to meet the men of my dreams! pussy grinder came all the way from poland to hang out with us. he was so cute and shy that it made my heart melt like creamed corn cuntbutter.

me and oli:


me and pussy g:


we met up with bonah and some of his buddies at a mexican restaurant, where oli serenaded me. he's so sweet. check the video for clips.

we wrote illustrated love notes:



after that, bonah, pussy grinder, oli and i sat around, humped each other and drank wine. at one point the street cleaners outside the 2nd story flat sprayed a hose at me in the window and soaked bonah's apartment. pussy g busted out the pair of menstrual panties i made just for him for his birthday and of course, pictures were snapped aplenty.


pussy g, me and olli!


pussy grinder fingerfucking my right nostril and oli flicking me off. how romantic:


true love:


me and bonah from the boyband, gut:




pussy grinder with the homemade period panties i gave him for his birthday. yes, i am serious and yes, he wears it as a mask:


hot polish love:



monday, july 2:
mom and i got up and did some tourist shit, walked to checkpoint charlie from our hostel where i picked up a great new set of foxtails. i remember it was raining and we trudged around, went to a few thrift stores. then i left mom to meet with olli to drop pussy grinder off at the bus stop and then go to Liquido's recording studio, where i laid down 2 tracks for them, one of them called "pop the bottle", not sure about the other one. check the video for clips.


oli and my mom fell in love i think:






amusing storefront:


some random street art:


oli eating my panties. how sweet!







after that, olli and i went on a quest to find the great didez, his boyband lover from the band libido airbag. it took us twenty thousand years, but we found his place and hung out... by that time in mom and i's european quest i was fucking exhausted. didez was a hottie though, a real ragtag warrior.

me and didez:


wee!


oli stayed over didez' house, so i tried to find my way to a bar near my hostel called Wild At Heart, but ended up getting lost on a train line that had stopped running for the night. in my exhaustion i attempted to walk the rest of the way and someone stopped me, telling me i'd get fucked up in a bad neighborhood if i did it, so they pointed me, in broken english, to the right tram.

SOMEHOW i managed to get there and met with my buddies texas terri bomb (my rockin' sistah from hollywood who recently moved to berlin) and pop (one of my best friends from london, in the band chemical kaos), met his friend chamblz and ended up hanging out with gogol bordello (one of the best bands ever) for the night, which pretty much ruled. after a huge beer, i found my way home and crawled into bed.... ahhhhh!

tuesday, july 3:
mom and i got up to do tourist shit, went to the brandenburg gates and the reichstag and a buncha' other shit. i was so pissy i don't remember much, but the constant ducking to get away from the snapping of cameras. mom and i had a system that when she saw someone taking my picture, she'd yell "MAP!" and i'd pull my map up over my head and we'd commence laughing. i don't know what the fuck it is about tourists, man...

the brandenburg gates:


some sculpture my mom loved cuz' it looks like someone wiped poo all over a retard's busted face. i love my mom:


we met up with olli at the berlin zoo (video), which was fucking awesome. after that, i think i took a nap and met up with pop, olli and didez at some bar that i forgot the name of. olli got sick and so we left, but not without eating a healthy dose of curry sausage, which is one of the best delicacies i ate on my european travels, only rivaled by the curry fries i had with pop in london. after we parted ways with oli and didez, pop and i hung out for the rest of the night... he's my poiritt!!

the zooOOoo:


took this for my giraffe lover friend, greasy tuckers:


oli decided to eat some cracka' ass on the way:


suck my kebab:


i don't know wtf this is, but i laugh every time i see it:


wednesday, july 4:
mom and i hit the berlin tegel airport and flew back to heathrow for a few days in london before heading home... is there more video and pics? probably! dammit i thought i was DONE WITH THIS FUCKING DOCUMENTATION!!!

VIDEO!!

PART 3: PRAGUE

friday, june 29

the first day in praHAAAAA we did mostly touristy, artsy, architectury type shit, which rules. for all you dumbasses out there, prague didn't get bombed in the war so they have retained a lot of kickass old shit that has been lost, in most big cities. i have a huge boner for art nouveau and the king of that movement is from and was a huge representative of czech culture.

okay, enough bullshit, here are some pics... we went to the church of st. michael, prague castle, strahov monastery and were cold lampin' up on the charles bridge. at one point, my mom started assaulting a fat white baby in a park and i had to pull her away. she CLAIMS that she just loves babies cuz' they're so cute and shit, but i think she secretly loves to bite through their soft exoskeletons to the tasty goo inside. this was the same day that there was a bombing in london, so the US embassy had a checkpoint and was searching peoples' cars for MOTHERFUCKING EXPLOSIVES.


this storefront is just funny...


mom and i with a prague castle guard. GO FERR THE GUNN, MAWWW!!


i like doors. suck it.




biting the asses of the masses, wooo!


mom, clueless as i lead her


in the looney bin


some weird billboard at the tram stop by our hotel. i mean honestly, WHAT THE FUCK:


tram stop by our hotel:


view of the radio tower in zizkov from our hotel. that's where the punk show was, wee!


graff at the train station


saturday, june 30th:
got up early, went to the mucha museum, which RULED! alphonse has always been one of my favorite artists and to visit his cuntry was pretty NEATO! my mom got a boner for his art too and bought a bajillion posters.

i had heard that the neighborhood, zizkov, was considered the alternative part of town with awesome shops and shows and shit, so i made mom go there with me. we got dropped off at some tram stop and didn't know what the fuck was going on and couldn't find shit. we were walking down some random street and heard the hail of metal calling from some park at the top of a hill, so we went up there and found a free, open air punk rock show where we spent the afternoon just hanging out eating food. i met a fan there, which was pretty fuckin' sweet... then i found some bootleg libido airbag tshirts, wee! there were dogs and kids around and everyone was drinkin' and chillin'. why the fuck doesn't that happen here?

more of the punk rock show is in my video at the end of this post.

then, we stumbled into the largest cemetary in prague and it was MOTHERFUCKING GORGEOUS!

some random cemetary we got lost in for awhile: olsanske hrbitovy, SCARRYYYY




graffiti on jicinska st. HALO!!


I LOVE DOORS!


after that we went back to our hotel, took a nap and then i dragged mom to this place i heard of called cross club, which supposedly played techno/gabber/electro/jungle/d&b so i HAD to go. this place was the most kickass club i've ever been to, seriously, i've seen a lot of shit and this place took the motherfucking cake. check out their website to see some of the interiors, here are my faves... but if you're in prague, GO THERE:


















my sticker outside of cross club:


when we finally made it home, we had to leave early the next day for berlin.... soon to come!!

VIDEO!!



all in all, prague was our favorite city of this trip... bitches

11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

PART 2: PARIS

monday, june 25
mom and i took the eurostar underwater train from london to paris and ended up at the gare du nord train station in northeast paris. we were welcomed by pounding rain, booked hotels and non-english-speakers. basically, we were fucked. we found some tiny room in a hotel with no lights up the 8 flights of stairs. god, i'm a diva. this is ROUGHING it for me...

some fucking gayass airshow was in town and every hotel was booked solid... or so the locals kept telling us. i'll give them an airshow... RIGHT OUT MY ASS.

tuesday, june 26:
got up early, went down to notre dome on the subway and spent 2 hours walking around with all our shit 'til we FINALLY found somewhere to stay... we thought we were gonna' have to revert to our crackwhore gutterslut beginnings and sleep on park benches, wee!!!

this is the view from our hotel room, where many projectiles were launched at many drunken parisians who were unfortunate enough to find their way down our blissful street:



after that, we walked around, took some photos















their ice cream and treats ruled! this ice cream had silver balls stuck to the outside and the handle was a tube of usable glitter. i'm a drag queen!!









and went to the eiffel tower, where i had to commemorate my 2nd trip to the top with my 2nd loogy off the top... watch the video at the end of this post!





check out the arc de triomphe in the middle of the picture:






then we ate some fancy french food, which i ended up vomitting into our hotel room's bidet later that night... YUMMY!!





the restaurant had a porno plate on the wall and started snickering when they saw us taking pics of it, heeeEEEEE. PERVERTS!



wednesday, june 27:
we went to notre dame and set some shit on FIYAHH:








then we went to the louvre, but we didn't go inside because art is for pussies:








then, off to hang out with my friend, jasmin, who trained up to hang out and take pics for the evening - here are some of his shots:







thursday, june 28:
we went to the parisian catacombes!!!







i ended up smuggling out a bone chunk in my panties and by the time i got out of range of security, i had bone marrow crumbs all up in my pussy. that's something i never thought i'd have happen: human bone marrow crumbs stuck to my vag.... YUMMY!!

VIDEO!!



then we hopped on a train to prague... we had a PIMP sleeper car... more to come with the next post!!!



VIDEO!!

so... why did i go to europe? i was SUPPOSED to go there to record a hit single that would end up making me rich and famous beyond my wildest dreams. however, that fell through.

those sorts of "to-good-to-be-true" things always do.

so i rescheduled my trip so that i would be overseas for 3 weeks rather than 3 days. the trip was, for the most part, paid for... so i decided to beat that dead horse with a 2x4 into the ground, so deep that you'd never find the condoms.. wait,, what??

and here, my darlings, is my stinky travel LOG

PART 1: LONDON

monday, june 18:
i left LA at 11am on the 18th and arrived in london at 10am on the 19th, that's 19 hours of travel with about an hour of sleep...

tuesday, june 19:
as soon as i got off the plane, i trained to central london and met up with a buddy who took me straight to a recording studio, where i laid down lead vocals on one track and backup vox on about 5 other tracks. i can't say who the recording was for or anything.. it's a SECRET, but it's gonna' kick some serious ass, so bend over and touch your toes, ma.

after that i slept for 12 hours at my friend, pop's house. he's my technicolor butt buddy in london, weeEEEEE!!!!



wednesday, june 20:
grow a beard day. had a shoot, but they cancelled... wee!

thursday, june 21:
9am shoot with team assassin at the university of arts london. i dragged my happy ass outta' bed and met up with white storm, while johnny lazer was busy collecting dead and skinned rabbits for our shoot. i shat my pantaloons with ultimate joyousness when i heard that... i love me some skanky goreparts to play with, wee! he also showed up with tons of tortured, burned and defiled barbie dolls to play with. the shoot ruled and we got some good shots. more to come when i get the cd of images in the mail, but here's a preview playing card they made for me, wee!



VIDEO!!:



after the shoot, i had to rush to meet up for the 2nd photoshoot of the day. regis hertrich was the photographer and he was so awesome and sweet with his french accent. YES!! those photos won't be seen by the light of day for a long time, so don't get your panties in a bunch over that, kiddies.

VIDEO!!



that night there was supposed to be a grime party and a punk show that we were all supposed to go to. i was supposed to meet up with roxy and chill with her peeps, but she never made it to london, wah!

friday june 22:
shoot with aiko in finsbury park. it went really well and we got some really kickass images. more to come:



candid from after the shoot:



VIDEO:



after that i blacked out for a few days... ;)

saturday june 23:
pop and i went to slimelight and met up with regis, the photographer... it was awesome and i met 3 messy stench fans, which was sorta' strange and unexpected...





MORE VIDEO!!

messy is touring europe from june 19th through july 7th!!

messy also wants to MEET HER PEOPLE (gutter muppets, geniuses, subcult icons, superfans and superfreaks)... you know who you are, folks, so NOW IS THE TIME!!

she will be in london from june 19th through june 23rd and in BERLIN from july 1-4th, but other than that, her schedule is up in the air. she will most likely be visiting these cities in this order: london, paris, rome, vienna, prague, berlin, copenhagen, and back through london.

also, messy will be travelling with just a backpack, so any free housing, washing machines or meals would be awesome!

myspace messy to make plans NOW!! she leaves MONDAY!!


img © wickedswank.org

back in oct i spent a week touring/hanging with my best buddy, mattron from gwar... feel the wrath of the photodocumentation:


hollywood blvd. is for WHORES


mattron and todd


getting ready for our photoshoot




we befriended a travelling carnival freak show, 999 eyes!!


pegleg!!





jackie of all trades


i have a crush on lowrent the clown:


dogs love him.



back on the bus, tod WANTS A HAMBURGER


meat our buttbaby! wooOOOOoo PAW!!


mattron, you won THIS battle...


backstage wit my homies


breakfast




supermodel spotted on hollywood blvd.


this year's obsession: guitar hero




post show lubb












the stories ARE true


bobbeeeeeee


hollywood suckas




YESSSS