Hello, Everyone! Happy Samhain!!!

I have just acquired a pair of spectacles which improve my vision enough to write! YAAAAYYY!!!!! I have SO missed this machine! And my Dear Readers;~) I have a pair of bifocals that I wear all the time, and it is truly a joy to be able to see faces and photos again. Especially my children, whom I have not been able to see clearly for two years. Gods, how they've changed! I have a pair of glasses that are about a 3.50 magnification power, and I use them to see what I am writing here, and to read some things that are in a mid-range, like the computer. I use a 3.50 magnifyer to help me see tiny things, like news print ( have you noticed how tiny the print is in the want ads??)along with my bifocals. I have fit-over sunglasses for indoors, and a pair for outside, as well as a telescope that hooks over my glasses to see far off. The fit-overs and telescope have not yet arrived, but I expect them shortly. I can't wait- I want to see if I can go shooting again. Either way, I can continue my writings, starting with the Gravedigger Series on AuthSpot. Earl, Martha, Frankie and the gang still have a lot to say. And they are about to beat their way out of my head. At any rate, keep your fingers crossed-I lose my glasses, forget to change glasses when I get up from the machine- as I write this, I have bruised knees and a sore foot because I fell partway down the stairs. I forgot to change my glasses, and missed a step. Ouch.

So, Dear Readers, I am definitely back. I just hope I can find my glasses...

Well, Readers, I know it has been a long absense. I FINALLY got a pair of Spectacles. With my eye disease, I have specs for EVERYTHING. Trust me- sometimes it isn't easy to keep them all straight. But I digress. That is not the topic I have come here to speak about.

Samhain, aka, Halloween, is fast approaching. With this wonderous holiday come images of witches riding brooms, black cats, evil, Satanic worship (in the extreme), and other ridiculous things.

Samhain (pronounced sow-wen) is the Celtic New Year. It is a celebration of the time when the Oak King gave of himself to the Irish people, and was ploughed into the ground to ensure good crops and plenty of food for his people the following Spring and Summer. It is when his Queen, the Morrigan, Triple Goddess, goes into mourning for her lost mate, and death and cold cover the land. This is the time when she is the Crone- the wise old woman. In Spring, the Oak King returns to her, and she becomes the Maiden, symbol of youth, innocence and fertility.

This is the origin of Samhain. There is no devil worship in the Craft- we do not believe in Satan, and we don't believe in Hell, so therefore, we CANNOT worship the devil. It's really hard to worship something you don't believe in. ( I've been in a lot of Christian churches, trust me- it is REALLY hard)

We who practice the Craft do have a code of ethics, which allows us to do no harm to another with malice. We don't cast love spells, we don't cast revenge spells, and we try to be careful what we do and what we say, for once the words are spoken, that which is spoken, IS. We believe that for every bad thing you do, it comes back on you three times, and that every good thing comes back three times.

We honor Nature, and all Her creations- including Christians. We respect the fact that others may not walk the same Path, and we don't hate them or judge them for it. Are there people who worship Satan? Yes. They are outcasts, frowned upon and reviled by those who practice the Craft of the Wise. Eight words are the motto we live by: An' It Harm None, Do As Ye Will. I personally believe this means self- harm as well as causing harm to others. To worship something so evil is harmful, and it is this one per cent or less that many unlearned people lump us in with. Once again, the few have messed it up for the many.

I am an Apprenticing Witch,as I write this. This is my chosen Path, to which I am dedicated. If this is not your Path, so be it. I respect that fact, and will not try to convert you, as I expect you not to try to convert me.You would be wasting your time and energy, just as I would be wasting mine were the roles switched.

You never know who is a witch and who is not. We come from all walks of life, from the Mega-Rich, to the Dirtiest Poor. We don't go around in robes or wear black all the time. We are just like everyone else, and we are growing in the numbers of folks who are out of the broom closet. We don't hate you, that causes harm to us AND you, so please, don't hate us. It will just eat you up. Hate is a very bad thing.

Brightest Blessings, and Happy Samhain!

Hello, Readers. I suppose that I have come to my blog today to kick myself in the ASS.

I used to have two insurances, but because of a rise in income, I lost one. I was looking forward to getting BAHA's- Bone Anchored Hearing Aids this summer. Now that chance is lost, because this is not a covered expense with the insurance I have now. The cost of only one of these special aids is about 100,000 dollars. I could buy a really nice house with that kind of cash. Problem is, it might as well be 2 BILLION dollars. Or the Moon. Or anything else unattainable for most of us. So now, I get to keep my deafness issues along with going blind. I could sit here and make at least ten excuses for why I didn't have it done when it was originally offered- I didn't feel physically or mentally ready for another surgery, I wasn't comfortable in the facility where they wanted to do it, I didn't want to do something I didn't fully understand. The bottom line is, I should have put my own fears behind me, and trusted the doctor who offered it- a very highly trained, very skilled, and kind proffessional- but I just HAD to be a proud badass. I screwed myself in the process. Now I'm wishing I had a third leg to kick myself in the ass with while I walk along with my white cane. OK. Enough whining.

I have been handed a big old bag of lemons. I have to make a big old pitcher of lemonade. I'm taking sugar donations....

Hello, again, readers! I am still on a borrowed machine, and am very light sensitive, due to the condition of my eyes. As is customary, I'm not beeing slowed down too much. I do miss my blog- I actually write a lot less often than I would like, and Earl the Gravedigger is screaming to get out of my head, but it would be very rude to turn the contrast that far down on someone else's machine.

All that being said, today my daughter graduated from preschool. Yep, my baby is now a big girl- she will go to kindergarten in the fall. That alone is enough to make most of us moms teary-eyed with the sweet memories of their growing up. I got misty eyed myself, I must admit. The thing that made me most want to cry was that I couldn't read the program; what is worst, I couldn't see my daughter as she sang with the other children. Her Grandma says she gave quite a show, mimicking perfectly everything her Music teacher did as she conducted the children in their singing. I could hear and understand her voice above all the other children. She sang her sweet little heart out, just for me, to be sure I could hear her. This was no small feat, considering my level of hearing loss, and that even though she is five, my daughter is the smallest in her class. I could not see her walk across the stage in her cap and sash, and receive her little diploma.

It is times like these that the fact of my blindness really hits me in the face, and I want to wail to the skies that it isn't fair that the other moms got to see their kids, and I didn't, even though I was there. No one ever said life was fair, and I am no exception. I should be an Instructor at the School of Hard Knocks.

These are the moments I will always miss now, and I suppose that eventually, I will get used to this, too, just like I got used to not driving anymore, and asking what time it was because I can't read the clock.

All in all, it was a sweet experience, knowing my daughter knew I was there, and knowing that she tried so hard to help me compensate for my own inadequacies. Her teacher is right- she really is a Blessing. She is a Bright Blessing.

Hello, Readers!

I hope this finds everyone well as they can be, and happy. I just had my first evaluation from the Department of the Blind and Vision Impaired in my state of our Glorious Union.

Next month, I will have something known as a low vision exam, and be assessed for magnifiers, glasses, and the like to help me do what I do. I will also receive a white cane, and be taught how to get around in my neighborhood safely with the cane, and I am awaiting the permanent Handicap Placard to hang from the mirror of any car I may be riding in, so I get the good parking all the time. (See? There IS an upside to everything)

I feel more confident now about the fact of my blindness. It is hard to accept, depending on others for so many things- I can't read any of the clocks, except my alarm clock, for instance, and so I have to ask what time it is. I can't read the labels on the spices in the cabinet, so I have to smell them til I find the ones I want for whatever I am cooking. I can't go anywhere alone, because I don't know where the hell I am once I get past my front walk.

I can't see the TV anymore, so I just listen to it, the way my grandparents used to listen to the radio. Really kind of ruins Wrestling on Friday, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, tho. That's a lot more fun to watch than turn up loud enough to hear. They are really retarded. What the hell is going on with the scriptwriters?! Has it always been so damned dumb??? I used to just watch, with the sound turned down to a reasonable level for my husband to hear, but I couldn't. Now he tries to turn it up for me, so I can listen to it, but it's so damn dumb, I can't stand it. It was enough last week to make me glad I can't hear it. I mean, I knew they talked trash to one another- all athletes do- I knew there was a story line, of sorts. But this is ridiculous. Somebody help us all. Ugh.

So that's it for me. I just got myself a little stumbling block to step over here, with this blindness issue. Not that big a deal.

So, what have you stumbled over this week?

Happy Reading!

Mary

Hello, Everyone!

I'm sorry I haven't blogged for so long. I've just been set up with the Department for the Blind and Vision Impaired in my state. I will soon receive Orientation and mobility training.

I have a condition secondary to Intermediate Uveitis, known as Neuro-optical Atrophy. Basically, my optic nerves are shriveling up like beef jerky in a slightly warm oven. Or maybe more like worms on a hot sidewalk. Yes, it hurts.

I have done all I can, and on the Seventh of this month, I will see a Neuroopthalmologist. She is a very highly specialised specialist. She will assess the MRI I had done yeasterday, as well as try to help me sort out a reason for the loss of my vision.

I bet many of you think there will be no more Gravedigger stories. Well, you're dead wrong. I have eye disease- It doesn't have me. I will continue to write, even if I have to dictate it to someone else. I refuse to let this thing make me into a cripple.

I'm still trying to accept the fact of my blindness. I want to scream at the Sky and the Earth and ask all the Gods that be why I can't have SOMETHING work right, what I did that was so awful that I must sacrifice my vision for it. But that will do no good. If it is to be, then it is to be. I must accept that which is, and move forward with my life. I cannot and I will not let this be an excuse to lay down and quit. That would be like forfeting a game because your shoe came untied. It ain't happening here, folks.

I apologise for not coming back with some links, but I am having computer issues right now, and I am on a borrowed machine.

I also want to take a moment to remember a freind of my brother's who passed away. I knew him only slightly, he was called Rusty for his red hair. He was a cool person, and the world is much dimmer without his light to shine in it. I am positive his light shines on all his loved ones from above.

Til Next Time, Dear Readers,

Mary

Hello, Again, Readers! I am happy to report that there is another (the SIXTH!) chapter in the Gravedigger series.

I have been very busy, writing, tying up loose ends with my novel, and taking care of my kids who are out for a miserable, wet, Spring Break. Living on the coast, below sea level, makes rainy weeks feel like you are quite water logged. It isn’t any better for the poor kids who get trapped inside, when they should be outside playing.

Well, that’s it from my world. I will leave the link to Earl’s new story, TIME, below.

http://www.authspot.com/Novels/Time.107559

Happy Reading!

Hello, Readers! I apologise for the long absence. My eyes have really been giving me fits.

You see, I have an Ocular Inflammatory Disease known as Intermediate Uveitis. My eye disease is considered idiopathic, which means there is no known cause. Since the prevalent medical wisdom can’t find a reason for my disease, they name it Pars Planitis. This means that the middle part of the organ or gland that produces and controls vitreous fluid in my eye, the pars plana, part of what is known as the ciliary body, is under attack by my immune system. Just like Rheumatoid Arthritis attacks the joints, and Multiple Sclerosis attacks the spine and Central Nervous System. Pars Planitis is the rarest of the diseases classified as Uveitis. Uveitis is the third leading cause of preventable blindness in the industrialised world.

When I have a flare, I am extremely light-sensitive. Due to slow smoldering of inflammation in my eyes, I have lost most all peripheral vision, and currently, my vision is slipping downhill. I have many more tests ahead to rule out various systemic diseases, such as MS. It can take years to get a diagnosis of a particular systemic disease. I have been fighting this disease since 2004.

I take methotrexate every week to quell what has been named everything from Inflammatory arthritis to Rheumatoid Arthritis, but my main goal has been to preserve my vision. Now I have cataracts on both eyes, but they are not large or thick enough to cause the dimness and spots I am experiencing. I have a difficult time seeing, and I have been unable to drive since 2005.

Currently, it seems, I cannot get enough light in any given situation. I feel as though I am looking thru a grey veil, and I have depth and color perception problems. ( I suppose it is a good thing I wear jeans alot, and mostly earth-toned clothing. My wardobe is limited, but it is functional enough for my needs. )

At any rate, after having just finished my manuscript, I desperately needed a break from writing, as I usually wear a pair of sunglasses over top of my prescription glasses, due to light sensitivity. But while writing the last six chapters of THE TRAVELERS, I had to take the sunglasses off so I could see to write. There are a few more Earl the Grave Digger stories left in these eyes, rest assured. And I most certainly have other commentary in my mind, believe me. I am formulating a few things in my mind, before putting them out here in the Ether as articles. I try to be as proffessional and succinct as possible in my article writing. Did you really think I’d stop having an opinion about things and voicing it? You did? Wow, I’m sorry. I HAVE been gone too long.

Well, Readers, that has been my couple of weeks since my last post. Just trying to rest my eyes, preserve as much vision as I can, and do the things a wife and mom does every day.

Last but not least, I want you all to light some incense or a candle or pray in your own way for a friend of our family who is currently on bedrest, due to illness. SHe is a wonderful person, and devoted mom, and we are all pulling for her and her family in this difficult time.

Thank you All so much for Reading, and I promise another Earl story soon. For those of you who do not know, or may be new, The Earl Stories are as follows:

Grave Digger

The Master’s Grave

Earl Learns He is More Than a Grave Digger

The Haunting and the Gift

Ring Around the Roses

This list is in chronological order, and can be found on AuthSpot.com, under my pen name, M.T. Bargeman. Happy Reading!

Mary 

Readers, I apologise- that last link has a typo in it.It's been a long few weeks. Forgive my clumsiness.

http://www.authspot.com/Short-Stories/Ring-Around-the-Roses.91815

I apologise for that. Thanks to one of my loyal Readers, Suzy, for pointing the bad link out to me.

Mary

BTW-

Visit her blog on Blogspot! It's really cool. Go to http;//www.lifeofasahm-suzy.blogspot.com you'll like it, I promise!!

Mary

Hello, Readers! I am back from my adventures in Family Emergency, and as promised, I have a new Grave Digger Story for you.

This one in particular, leaves open a coule of questions, and for those of you who have been following Earl's story, you know there are a few more to come, just as soon as Earl and the Crew at the Cemetery tell me what they are up to.

Thank You All so much for your kind patience, and I hope you enjoy this one.

Mary

http://www,authspot.com/Short-Stories/Ring-Around-the-Roses.91815