If you missed SKATEBIKE last week I feel sorry for you. Not in some sort of empathetic "I feel your pain" kind of way, but in a sincere, gut pulling, you-missed-some-great-shit kind of way.

FM Magazine and Emage Skateshop (with some help from that Redbull company) put on a true skate/bike mash up. Ramps were set up, races were had, and beer was consumed. Speakeasy clothing was there, along with Adam Sakorski apparel, and our favorite Cycle Jerks crew! Also, the debut of Track Shack, an up-and-coming bike shop, was on site to pleasure you bike. Keep an eye out for this shop, it is destined to be the greatest gift to Denver since the mayor made it legal to buy booze on Sunday.

As for results, Kris won the 10-mile alley cat in stellar time. Then came Chris and Declan. PBR Pick-Up went to Sam...again. The manual competition had a few goddamn good competitors, but the crown went to Cory. Shout out to Jacob who threw down some big tricks on the ramp using some random kid's board.



Check back for the next Track Attack.

Holla,
-T&P

///S-Sprints///

With the combined genius and talent of Tony and Phil, S-Sprints came to fruition at the June Track Attack! With a 50-yard sprint to 5-yard stop, the contest challenged contender's speed and ability to stop quickly…sans brakes. With a bracket system in place, the S-Sprints pitted contestants against one another in one-on-one heats until the winner was chosen. Who was that winner? None other than bike-face Tyler! He managed to stop within the sprint zone while the runner-up Garrett flew passed unable to lock up them legs.

If memory serves correct, PBR Pick-Up went to Sam Turner—again, as he managed to stuff several cans of blue ribbon into his tight pants. Best trick went to Tony with a no-handed track stand, to kick up no-handed bar-spin. Second place was awarded to That-kid-from-Boulder-that-came-down-with-that-other-Boulder-kid-named-Justice, for a no-handed, one-footed, backward skid…well done dude.

After the events subsided, a portion of the crew rode down to the Satellite bar where we screened "Bootleg Sessions 2." The incredible tricks recorded for this track bike film were so inspiring several inebriated riders left the bar in search of new tricks…Tony and Phil ended up in LODO at 2 am looking to turn some tricks.

Ladies can be pimps too,
-T&P

///CYCLEJERKS.COM///

Friday afternoons at Civic Center Park have long been a tradition for track-bike kids. As a place to drink, socialize, or play frivolous games, it has always been a pillar of the "scene," much like Justin "the Juice" is a pillar of nakedness (as realized by Justin's post-Track Attack exposé). As for what the park has become, it is still a lively point of commonality and support, and seems to adopt new patrons each month. For Track Attack May, the hodgepodge group of riders put on an impressive display of newly rendered ability in a most excellent time at the park.

The "Rerun" of old times brought back some classic events for many new-comers to the game. A willing round of bike soccer started the night off and soon ended with mild wounds and indifferent scrapes. Next, the PBR Pick-Up proved once again that Sam is the most able-bodied alcoholic among us. He stuffed 9 beers down his pants beating Phil by one can. Then came Track Stand Twister, a new addition to the Track Attack play book. After three rounds, and an amazing showdown between Juice and Chris,the winner was crowned--Chris was the most flexible track rider of the day.

The most exciting part of the evening was the hard hitting action of Foot Down. Unlike the mild-mannered version found on each coast, Denver Foot Down is fairly violent, and made for a great induction of new Track Attackers. Luckily no rims were bent, but the force of a few well-placed falls made for an enticing spectacle. Sam won, as he often does, by intimidating the shit out of everyone.

Next month, Track Attack will be housed at the FM Magazine office for a very special engagement...not to be missed. Details to come.


Whoever invented Summer should win an award--it's fucking awesome.
-T&P

It seems that without two authority figures around to run Track Attack, things get a little messy. With Tony taking time off for his lady, Phil was left to distribute beer to a teeth gnashing crowd. After a short "zombie" race was conquered (by who I'm not sure), the crowd quickly took to the idea of getting drunk--a process Phil was fond of. Apparently every case of PBR was consumed before the PBR Pick-Up could happen, leaving a well fueled group of fixy-nerds without a winner.

The results:
Everybody that rode a bike, drank a beer, or showed up in some form--wins a place in our hearts.

Keep it solid,
-T&P

The Good Friday Track Attack had a great turnout. Sprints, tricks, and enough PBR to quench the thirst of 50+ bike kids.

The sprints took place on the empty street near the Millennium Bridge, where a bracket system faced two riders against each other in a 50 yard sprint. To many people’s surprise, the event was dominated by some track-racing kid named Joe who beat Garret in the final sprint.

PBR pick-up was ruled by Sam as he stuffed 9 beers in his pants (I think he’s selling these warm groin beers on Ebay). Justin Juice also did well, but we’re pretty sure he was drinking the beers as he picked them up.

Best trick brought out the best in everyone, including 360 skids, no-handed wheelies, and gravel-gap jumping. The prize went to Lil’ Joe and his one-footed, no-handed, spin-a-wheel-on-his-head, track stand—it was a spectacle that rivals the resurrection of Jesus.

See you all next month.

…and if you don’t know, now you know.
-T&P

Track Attack February// Fast Friday Edition//


Here's a run-down of how the night went. It's all written by Jen (Hurricane) and can be found on our favorite website-- www.cyclejerks.com



The race started at 6:30, well… 6:40, at Skyline park (17th and Arapahoe) then went to 3 checkpoints: 2399 Blake, 1999 Broadway and up into the highlands at 17th and Boulder, finishing at 3 Kings Tavern. 27 racers in all.

After the race there was PBR pickup across the street. Fucking Kris won, Sam second then Tyler.

Trackstands were held inside 3 Kings, 17 kids sneaked into the small dance floor and stage. Thirty seconds of both hands on your bars, to thirty seconds of one handed then a full three minutes of no handed all timed by Phil's iPhone, so you know it was accurate. By the time it came to one footed trackstands only four people were standing, Lil Joe, Garrett, Kris and Jen. Lil Joe fell first to everyone's surprise, then Jenicane, then Garrett which means Kris won fucking everything. Gay.

DFL went to Andrew who got dragged by the driver of a car from their window almost breaking his leg. What the fuck? And on Speer Blvd, one of the busiest streets in Denver! Are these people on meth?! Yes, they probably are, that's the sad part. His bike's totaled but he still managed to come out and drink with us after he filed the police report, what a sport. He made a small speech but I couldn't tell what he was saying due to all the heckling and Maggie yelling "More carbs, less cars!" Way to be mature guys.

We had some memorable speeches besides Andrews. Kris' trackstands speech was absolutely retarded, "Without all you're help, without all you guys buying all my albums and without the lord above, it would have never happened. Thank you all." WHAT?! He won some red riser bars, painted that color so no one will be able to see the blood when it's pulled out of his ass. "Why'd you break up with Phil?" Sam heckled at Kris, "He decided he's not bi anymore." Kris retorted sadly. They were so cute together too.

"Kris is like the 50 cent of the biker world right now." Tony mentioned before Kris' second speech for winning PBR Pickup.
"All I want to know is where's Declan?!" Kris slurred during his second speech of the night. "If it wasn't for Declan's eyes inspiring me in the third checkpoint, I wouldn't have ever made it." I think Phil was a little jealous.

First female in the race and overall went to Jen, "Vaginas are the most amazing thing that were ever made." The crowd agreed, "I have one and that's why I won."

Kris was greeted to the stage for first place in the race by boo's, there was no speech this time. Top three each received a Skitch Clothing t-shirt. FLAAAAME.

Fast Friday was pretty sweet too, good job Seattle.

Overall:
1st - Kris
2nd - Brian
3rd - Lil Joe
4th - Mike
5th - Curt
6th - Juice/Robbie Tie
7th - Tyler
8th - Garrett
9th - Sam/ Jen Tie
10th - Virgin

Race Results:
1st - Kris
2nd - Bri Bri
3rd - Robbie
4th - Lil Joe
5th - Mikey
6th - Curt
7th - Juice
8th/ 1st Female - Jen
9th - Virgin
10th - Hector
2nd Female - Anna
The rest don't really matter.

PBR Pick-up:
1st - Kris
2nd - Sam
3rd - Tyler

Track Stand:
1st - Kris
2nd - Garrett
3rd - Jen
*Tyler received and answered a text message while track standing making him the most popular of all the riders.



Dust Your Shoulder Off,
-T&P

So, after much badgering from Frye, we are giving a shout out to the few survivors of the January Track Attack. For those that stayed home and watched House, it was a fucking freezing night, with light snow flurries. The champions of this event, aka: those that showed up, are as follows-


1-Fast Phill
2-Jacob (wrench at Denver Spoke)
3-Robbie
4-Frye (wants acknowledgment)

Well done. There will be no excuses for not showing up to the February Attack (Fast Friday Edition), because we are having it inside 3 Kings Tavern!

Nothin' but Net,
-T&P

For those of you that came out, you know what a great Track Attack we had—a true display of talent and ability. It was fucking cold, but that didn't stop us from taking the best trick contest mobile and hitting up Denver's finest fixed-gear spots.

Best Tricks:
-Phil's ledge to ledge transition with wheelie out.
-Curtis' no handed track-stand to one handed rodeo with rear foot tire plant.
-Tony's monkey-bar spin.
-Jen & Juice's spandex shakedown at Lipgloss.

Hasta,
-T&P

Yeah, so the clever name "Trick Track" has been dropped for the more appropriately dangerous name- "Track Attack!" Things are getting bigger and better, including free beer and a warm indoor place to ride...details to come.

-T&P

Trick Track October

The turnout for the second Trick Track was amazing! Who knew that so many kids rode pimped out track bikes and had nothing to do on a Friday night? With the addition of Sam's Ghetto Blasta' it seems like T.T. may become more popular than Lipgloss, unfortunately the male to female ratio is not quite as good. Also, Justin Juice and Pete were filming the event for the next installment of their Cycle Jerks online series. Everyone should check it out at: www.cyclejerks.com

As for the winners:

Beer Pick-Up had about 15 players, making the dispensing of Miller High Life pretty fucking easy. Sam won this round with a bunch of beers, thanks in part to the use of his vest pockets (on this note, the Rim Jobs Cycle Club is officially outlawed from Beer Pick-Up events).

Best trick was also won by Sam after a very long game of PIG. Sam won a pair of red riser bars from Salvagetti Cycles (www.salvagetti.com).

Way to be everyone,

-T&P