I found a song that it playing on repeat on my iTunes. It motivates me and I actually drew for one of the first times this summer. Yesterday, as slow and abnormal as it was compaired to all of my summer days, had a happy ending. I got my best friend back. The circumstanes don't even matter. It happend. What I did is over. I can't wait for Warped Tour anymore, although I'm dreading the death of summer.

Realizations of yesterday: Owl City is one of my all time favorite bands, I'm not sure if I still like the boy I thought/think I like, not working out when I have time to is pointless, I'm going to teach myself Icelandic, my next pay check is going to books and merch at Warped, I AM going to start a clothing company called Seahorse (up soon I hope. :D)

I can't stay in one place too long. I can't sit still. I hate Minnesota yet I love it in the back of my mind. Or my heart. I don't know. I just know that  I can't be here anymore. It's giving me nothing. I'm not growing or learning here. I want to go to Seattle. I don't know anyone there. But I just want to go. Swim in Puget Sound.

Fuck it. Forget both of you. I'm not wasting anymore time.

I have been going on 5 hours or less of sleep at night. I thought it was because of school and finals and my puppy but God, was I wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. I don't even feel tired anymore. I lay down and tell myself to drift off but my mind is so full of many things I can't wrap it around. I can't close my eyes. I can't clear a little space in my mind to tell myself to let my body rest. Next thing I know it's a few hours later and I find myself getting up again, not feeling rested or even the least bit tired. Last night, the first night of summer, it was such a blur and filled with so many emotions. I'm trying not to think about it. I really wish I could just push it away and forget it. Nothing turns out in my favor. Honestly, last night feels like it was a dream and that it never actually happened. But how can I dream if I never sleep?

"Best friends, ex-friends to the end, better of as lovers and not the other way around"

Leave it to Pete Wentz to come back in my life at a time like this.

God is looking out for me today. I'm reading all the signs.

Haha "Jesus freak" You don't know me at all.

I'm ready to pull an all nighter before the BIG (joke fyi) biology test tomorrow. I'm staying up to read a book. I love fiction. It's so real. Ha.

I'm in a funny mood.

My want list is growing larger as my paychecks start flowing in. I honestly love my job so far. I love working with animals. How could I ever be in a bad mood at work? I don't think I ever could. Anyway, I feel like I'm never home, which isn't true, but it feels like it. When I am home I'm doing homework or cleaning or getting ready for something. Everything has felt like such a huge blur lately. School's almost over and I have so many ideas for this summer. Ben's coming home in 11 days and holy freakin' crap, I can't wait. I swear I'm going down to Florida this summer to visit him while he's there. Fucking partying it up at Disney World with my brother and sister for like a week. I don't feel like I really even think anymore and I feel like this blog is a bunch of useless nonsense.

Oh and P.S. I want the hairless guinea pig at work. Seriously.

I'm caught in a triangle. A geometric shape.
With no one to talk to. To let it all out to.
Just me and my sixty degrees.
Three angles. Three unhappy people.
Unhappy in our own little world that no one else knows about.
If we all change our angles, our triangle changes.
The angles no longer fit together.
Maybe it fails, becomes something hideous.
Maybe it works, because something heavenly. 
Every angle is scared to make a move in case it's the wrong one.
Sixty, sixty, sixty. Equilateral.
That's the idea anyway.
This is not a love triangle. It's the opposite.
But that's the opposite of love?
Not hate. Never hate. I don't hate you. Or you. 

I'll just hide in my sixty degrees.

A lot happened to me yesterday. I learned a lot. Not really by things I did, but by things happening to me, things I was able to just witness. Sometimes that’s the best kind of learning. The kind handed to you on a plate. Not that I always want that, I honestly don’t. But knowing that I comprehend something without actually experiencing it, well to me that’s amazing. Some might think it’s lazy or unfair, but it’s a blessing. I just hope that I use it correctly.

I don’t even want to begin reliving the events of today through text. In a nutshell, I found out who matters, I cannot accomplish my self set goals, I am not as creative as I try to be, I’m not going to Chicago anymore, my gerbil died, I am a close minded, skeptical, cynic, and I no longer have a sister.

Tomorrow will be better? You better fucking count on it. I cannot take another afternoon like the previous two.

Spring Break seems like it’s going to make me smile. As long as my plans come through and score in my favor, I’ll be going to Chicago with my brother, mom, and possibly dad. Chicago is my favorite place in the world. It is the force that makes my heart beat, thump after thump. Last spring I encoutered the city for my first and second times. Both were life changing and I hold the memories very close to my heart and mind at all times. They remind me that pure happiness exists. The hotel I stayed in during my second visit (for the first visit I slept on the ground for Displace Me) will probably be where I stay for this upcoming visit. That alone makes me smile. Just being in the same place and recognizing something and feeling at home in a city I’ve never lived in has a great comfort to me. I’m just really excited and I can’t form much more with words about it anymore. I’ve had a huge desire to take pictures recently and I end up doing just that everytime I go to Chicago. So I have a feeling I’ll get a lot of good shots.