Its been very missful of everyone whilst im over the great big seas so drop me a line and ill return the favor i want to know how everyone is.

 

Phillip

Somehow i still am unsure of it now and we've been together for twoish years, I have been bless with a wonderful wife. Someone who knows when I'm full of shit, when I'm upset and someone who loves me for who I am (And I'm not even sure of that half the time.)I try to show my gratification and make it be known how much i appreciate her and everything she's done. To me for me and just dealing with the new fact of being a military wife and mom. There is little that i can say in words that express how i feel about her. I am just glad that somehow i managed to win her heart. To my loving wife. Forever and Always yours

-Phillip

     As time goes on you notice that things begin to change. Friends start to disappear from the picture and altogether are gone. The people you love begin to disapate and fade from sight. This is the beginning of life as we know it. Friends are merely a cover for those who wish to hurt you in the future. Those you love will always leave you for the friends you thought you had. Together, this makes up society as we know it. Nobody cares about anyone. Some people dont believe in God, you should becuase he's the one playing the cruel joke on civilization as everything begins to fade. Smiles are fake, hugs are forged. Words are said less than half-heartedly. In the long run the only one you can depend on is the eminant outlook known as death. It will never lie or cheat. It merely waits until you have had enough of the shit that life offers.

that people will always stab you in the back so what s the point in having them, Things that you never expect alwyas are the most likely to happen. I dont know why i bother with friends they crush the few thingsi hold dear, Whether i can actually hold them or not is a different story. i think that this whole friend thing has just about come to an end. I think i might try being an asshole to everyone. Lord knows it works in band. Maybe in the real world PEOPLE WILL UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not the one to fuck with, by a LONG shot!! I strike rarely but when i do theres no point in watching out because by the time you see me you've already been knocked to the ground.

Fuck This Friend Shit

-Elf AKA Phillip

People Think that i will never change. They think that i am only in a relationship fo rsex or making out. No where close i love feeling close to someone and actually having an emotional attachment. The physical attachment will come later. I wish people would quit judging me based on how i look and who i hang out with. I am tired of trying to show them who i am. I have come to realize that no one will ever understand becuase they dont want to try. They assume that i am liek that and they will alwyas think so. I give uptrying.. Let them think that i am only into fucking and shit like that and watch them mis th ewhole point of my relationships. I want to find someone i am attracted to who is attracted to me and we are emotionally attached. I once thought i found that person and then she fquit speaking to me and i dont know why.  i give uptrying to make people understand. They can get the picture if they actually look through tth eglass.

Through everything i do there is always something wrong or not good enough for those i care about or am around. There is always someone better (which is true forall of us) but that perosn seems to always rub it in my face or go after the few things i hold dear. (this is not centered towards one topic but many). I am almost done with everything unless there is someone out there who cares enough to let me know that there is a reason to keep going. i think there are a few of you out there so please tell me.

with reguards to everyone who actually cares.

A.                                                                                                                                                   Phillip Johnson

 

-If this offends anyone i am truely srry i didnt mean it, its just one of those days. -Elf

You open your eyes each morning with the thought that it is a new day and everything will be better. You never notice that eveyrthing that happened the day before is hiding under your pillow to strangle you when youleast expect it. Love will never give you another day to work with but will always haunt you throughour eternity. Regret will always follow you, forever gaining power with each action you partake in. Anger is perhaps the most deadly of everything. Anger not only follows you from day to day and grows with each action that is acted upon it but multiplies itself everytime you see one that you are mad at or envious of. Anger will forever grow whether you are happy or not. I chose to place anger in a little bottle and keep it hidden way down deep until the next day. Regret is swept under the rug, and love is locked away within my heart forever to be cherished. The next day comes and i trip over the rug and the bottle explodes sending hundreds of glass shards deep into my heart forever scarring it. Yet you go to sleep and wake up thinking its all ok. The is why the thought of tomorrow is useless, it is rather an extension of todays torture.

Everyone should hold this true to themselves.

-Elf

Throughout allof existence all that is ever wanted is the truth. The truth of existence, the truth of why we do homework, and the truth in relationships.  now im not saying that people dont tell the truth but rather that they dont tell the whole truth and that is almost as bad. As when you say one thing to a friend and you would have completely meant it if you added two or three words to the phrase. or in a conflict you only say half of what is on your mind. Even in relationships and hardships come up and an end is approaching in the near future and you only tell them half of what yoru thinking, That is what makes the truth so important. I am not angry with people like this but rather dissapointed. You can think you know a person but you can never truthfully know a person unless you are someone else who is getting to knwo that person that way you have two chances to ask different ?'s Dont we all wish we could take a step back and become someone else. Some one we wish we could be or someone that would allow us to grow more as an idividual. I end this setiment with the following phrase.

     "The apocolypse came, and the apocolypse went and yet athelius is forever around your neck."

This quote comes from a duo that their only purpose was to find out the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Never intending on hurting anyone but perhaps themselves by finally knowing everything they wanted to know.

So allow the demon in all of us to come forth and allow the mind to do what it will for no one, no matter how inocent looking, has a girly alter ego.

-Elf AKA Jazzy

Allen Phillip Johnson

When you look back on a time long since past you cant quite see it actually happening yet during that time you cant see it any other way. When i look back on the times when i was with my love i can see where the actions began to change and her persona screamed this relationship is in trouble. It couldve been leaving town with friends or having a friend come up to visit for the week end when they live 150 miles away. Maybe it was when the kisses were less frequent or when the looks got distant and it never felt quite right even though you loved her with all of your heart and you know she feels the same way about you. During the times of these hardships ending you feel as if your world is ending and mine is. I have left my heart in the hands of a goddess to do with what she wishes. When you look back to when you first gave her that heart it was wonderfully vibrant and now it is just as vibrant but has a small gash in it from the loss of togetherness. When you look back and you see the way things used to be you envy yourself and curse yourself for the scewups you must have made along the path. When i look back i see the future. In the future I am with the woman that i love and she produces a heart from a box long since stashed for safe keeping. The heart has a small gash in it and has been kissed and the gash is now a scar. The effect love has on the heart is enormous and yet we continue looking for it but my journey is over for I have found mine. I just hope she continues to love me back and eventually we end up together. No matter who she is with between now and then doesnt matter becuase i love her and she loves me and may the future bring what it will, I am ready to weather it with the help of this woman.