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My CJ Chaney

CJ Chaney


Last Updated: 11/25/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 33
Sign: Capricorn

City: SEATTLE
State: Washington
Country: US
Signup Date: 11/27/2007

Blog Archive
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Wednesday, March 04, 2009 

Category: Food and Restaurants
Everyone knows that I'm a total gadget freak. Part of that requires me to get super excited about products that haven't come out, beta test half baked products and open new products in a fashion that would make the Catholic church proud.

Imagine my surprise when I heard that my own homeboy Starbucks was releasing a new beta product and Seattle was (natch) one of the test markets!!

So I'm walking to work yesterday (it's raining) and this girl with the biggest smile jumps out and gives me a packet that looks similar to a pixie stick flavor pack. More than gadgets I love free shit. Sweet. Apparently the economy is now officially so bad that Starbux's is now getting into the instant biz. Anyways, got too slammed yesterday to actually try the coffee so just made it now.

I opened my packet, dropped into the cup, did the small hot water from the FIM sanctioned coffee machine, added one half half (thanks Wilf!!) and a pack of sugar. Mixed it up.

It's pretty good. Tastes like coffee.

BTW I don't drink coffee, almost ever.

I wonder if Starbucks is owned by Dirk Benedict? That would be fracking awesome! Maybe they'll come out with a "I'm a Cylon" blend.

UPDATE
This coffee is getting me high. For real. Suddenly Starbucks plan makes perfect sense! I bet they totally jack the price on the next hit.
Monday, January 05, 2009 

Category: Blogging

I didn't win the Blog Off 2008.

BUT

Did do much better than I thought with 1422 views and 67 kudos over 1 month. I guess there is a market for CJ-lit!!! That and it pays to run ads for your blog.

Before

After

I'll post pictures from the awards ceremony next week when Phil gets to decapitate me in front of Tom. It'll look something like this:

CJ

Tuesday, December 23, 2008 

Current mood:FREEZING
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Video 1

 

Video 2

Monday, December 22, 2008 

Category: Travel and Places

In case you haven't heard Seattle has turned into crazy snowville. Here are some pictures from my excussion yesterday.

 

Lucky I had my new umbrella to protect me!

NOT Dandruff

MySpace Seattle is about 6 blocks that way

Monday, December 22, 2008 

Category: Blogging

Here's a weekly collection of the ONLY internet stories you need, conveniently collected and filtered by yours truly. Categorized by most common interests.

SEX
-Beebo: A place for incest!
-MySpace: A place for post-mortem impregnation

VIDEOS

Remember that show Sidekicks?

Amazed at what people can produce now on their own. Still doesn't solve the acting problem... YET!

GEEK

Why is it that the cool Legos came out like 20 years after when I needed them!

Five I Am Legend Theme Parks!

Almost as cool as my new umbrella

ANIMALS

Looks like the Atlantis resort has jumped the shark

Jenn Z's Surfing Nightmare!!

..
Dolphins Clip - Funny videos are here

Whose LOLing NOW BIATCH???

FOOD

Vegans Need Not Click

If You Don't Eat Bacon the terrorists win!

This will only enhance your phermone attraction!

Sunday, December 21, 2008 

Current mood:salty
Category: Art and Photography

Being half asian I'm required to drink at minimum 5 of these a week. When I get done, I'm super thirsty so it makes me want to drink more.

Blurry iPhone cam translation: REFILL ONLY WITH YAMASA SOY SAUCE.

30% Less Sodium. Now I can replace Water completely out of my diet!

For the Visually Impaired: KIKKOMAN Brand Soy Sauce

Oh NO HE DIDN'T?????

Yeah, that's how we roll. EAT IT YAMASA-SAN (or drink it in my case)!!!!

Saturday, December 20, 2008 

Current mood:Automotivated
Category: Automotive

People are often surprised to find out what kind of car I drive. When they do, they look at me like I've just told them I eat BBQ baby flesh (actually it's much better boiled). Strangely enough, I didn't start out as a car guy. In fact, I always kind of hated those guys. They always seemed like they were over compensating.

As it turns out I've kinda turned into one of those guys. These days, my friends are surprised if I can keep a car for longer than a year. It actually started one day when I accompanied a friend of mine looking for a car. He was interested in the 350Zs when they first came out. It must've been something the car salesman slipped into my coffee because ever since I've had a penchant for cars.

Here's a brief history of my cars.

1985 Honda Accord LX (not my actual car, too few dents)

This was my first car. I got it the day I turned 16. If I recall right it had about 80k miles when I got it and power everything. Over the next six years I put over a 100k miles on that car. As Hondas are prone, it was nice good reliable transportation. With a little work here and there it held up nicely till near the end which lead to my next car.

1999 Saturn SL1 (again, not actual car but same color)

I got this car for 3 reasons: 1) I started looking for new cars because I could tell the Honda was on it's last legs. Good thing the Saturn dealership was at the bototm of a hill. I litterally had to coast the Honda in. 2) I was taken in by the advertised sales experience. At that time, buying a Saturn was unlike buying any other car. In fact, it was akin to buying pretty much everything else in this country. There was a listed price. You paid the price. You took your product home. There was no concept of sales jousting. To this day, I absolutely dread dealing with car salesmen. In fact I was just at a Ford dealership and even Vince Neil doesn't reek of that much desperation these days. 3) It had PLASTIC DOORS!! Great for someone whose previous car had tons of dents.

This was also my first brand new car. I remember distinctly asking the car salesman if I had to let the car idle for 15 minutes in the morning before I could drive it. The only disappointing thing I remember about it was that they didn't take my picture and put it on the wall as they did for all the other customers. I showed them when they tried to start the trade in they just got!

2002 Toyota Prius (Not actual car but actual MOON BLUE color, not to be confused with Purple)

Not really sure how I ended up with this car. Being a bit of a gadget otaku I went into the dealership to find out more about this new "hybrid" technology. Next thing I know I'm signing paper work for what appears to be a visually purple car, but the salesman is constantly reminding me that it's "moon blue". In any case, it was a fun car. Not much in terms of performance, but filling up once every month was fun. There's also this game that all Prius owners play in which they try to maximize their MPGs. For example, driving just slow enough so the mechanical engine never kicks in. I once got it up to 75mpg. That was a great day. Yet it was still purple which lead to the next car.

1969 Mercedes 280SL

It was about this time that I had gotten bit by the car bug, that and I was tired of being told I was driving a purple car. This car had been floating around in the family for years. I traded my Prius to my folks for it. I think most people thought that I'd get rid of it once summer past. I kept it for the next year. This thing was  work of art. It had a wood dash, over sized steering wheel, and the sound of the engine was amazing. Alas, like 40 year old cars are prone things starting to go wrong with it and finding parts was becoming difficult. That and finding a gas station that sold leaded fuel too. Which lead to the next car.

1955 Porsche Speedster Replica (2003 actual)

At the time this seemed like the ideal solution to my 280SL blues. It had the classic stylings of a vintage car, but he reliability of something that was built the last year. Alas, I drove this thing for a week before I realized that these cars were truely built for the Southern California weather. With the top up the cars visibility was similar to that of being inside a WW2 Sherman tank. On top of that, being a true speedster it didn't really have side windows like we think of them today. They were more of translucent cut aways that sat on the door edge.

Luckily, with the help of my Dad, I was able to actually return the car to the dealership (a first I'm sure) which then lead to the next car.

2001 Audi TT Quatro

This car was the next logical step. It had the styling queues of the Speedster (much more so than the Boxster) but the reliability (and visibility) of a modern car as well as the performance. This thing ran like it was on rails. On top of that it could handle adverse weather like a Hummer. I drove it all the way back and fourth between Seattle and Sun Valley without any problems (except the cop nailing me doing 100 in a 50 zone). It had seat warmers too. Girls love seat warmers. The stock stereo was strangely really good too.. Days like today in Seattle I really miss this car.

Which leads us to my current car.

2005 Ford Mustang GT

Not sure how I got hooked on this car. Probably saw a commercial or saw one on the street. In any case, I slowly became obsessed with the new Mustang design and all things Mustang. I waffled for the next year on whether I should get one or not. By chance, I ran across a guy that had one for less than a year and had done much of the work to it that I was planning on doing. I pulled the trigger. It's a very different car than it's predecessor, but equally fun. It doesn't handle anywhere near as well, but 350 rear driven horse power off the line is a different kind of fun. In addition, there is nothing like the throaty sound of this car speeding up the freeway ramp. I think one of the reasons that I've kep this car so long is the many modifications I've put into it. I'm sure it can do the Kessel Run now in less than 13 par secs.

So that's my car history. I think people are the most surprised by what I'm currently driving. I still can't get a straight answer what people expected me to be driving (perhaps something more Moon Blue).

What are you driving? What do you think your car says about you?

 

Tuesday, December 16, 2008 

Current mood:Freezing!
Category: Life

In case you hadn't heard today is officially THE DAY AFTER TOMMOROW!!!!! Apparently everywhere is in total weather armegeddon!! My friends in LA are building arks but due to Prop 8 aren't allowed to bring more than 2 of the same sex animals aboard (including humans), my friends in Portland can't protest because they're snowed in and in Seattle, the original Guns n' Roses line up must've got back together because Hell has officially frozen over. It's that F'ing cold here!!!

Oh Al Gore, if I only listened!

I've found cold weather tends to bring out strange behavior in people. My friend, who will remain nameless, tried to leave her house for work this morning, but her car got stuck ten feet out of her driveway. Being a good employee she decided to brave public transportation in.

In some places (eg anywhere outside of America [exception NYC]) public transportation is actually a viable solution. You can normally catch your method of transporation at minimum every 15 minutes and it never takes you more than that to get to any one location. In Seattle, all we have are busses. Outside of the ten block radius down town they show up once every hour (if you're lucky).  You normally have to transfer at least once and you can never get to your location under an hour and a half (even if it's 3 blocks away).

On the positive side they do run in the snow.

Back to my story. So my friend decides to take the bus in. The other great thing about local bus service (so I'm told) is the folks you meet on the bus. So my friend is sitting on the bus. Based on my friend, I'm guessing it wasn't in the back of the bus, she's more of a mid section person. If I recall from junior high, seats in the back were reserved for the kids that had either a) smoked b) wore leather coats c) had oral sex.

Actual image of the back of the bus circa 1985

Kids who got beat up a lot sat in the front, preferably right behind the bus driver (Dan was the best bus driver ever, don't let anyone tell you otherwise! He never touched me in my bathing suit area once!).

So my friend is sitting there, minding her own business, probably working away on her lap top or trying to arrange bus seating using some agile method when a 16 year old BOY sits next to her and starts conversation.

"How ya doing," he asks her.

"Oh you know, just enjoying Scrum and all"

"You ride the bus offten?"

"Only when it snows"

Things progress as the kid tries to swoon her. After being shot down (repeatedly) he brings out the big guns.

"So... you want to get together and smoke some weed sometime?"

It is now legal for 16 year olds to grow the Door Knocker.

First off, my friend is young looking, but not illegal young. In fact, I wouldn't really even put her in the Barely category either. She's pretty clearly an adult. Second, when did this become the new pick up line??? Is this the new "What's your sign"? Like if I'm in a bar, is it now appropriate to be like "Hey, if you like that drink I got you, you'll love the Canadian Super Grass I've got back at my pad".

In any case, Anna was super hungry all day today, I'm sure due to the stress of taking public transporation.

What's the worst pick up line you've used (for the boys) or been told (for the girls)?

Sunday, December 14, 2008 

Current mood:Fishy
Category: Web, HTML, Tech

I know a lot of you salacious monkies clicked on this link hoping for some NSFW action, but watch this regardless:

I'm still trying to figure out if this is real. I know it's got the number at the end, but I'm scared to dial just in case it's forwarded to an exiled prince of Nigeria.

This is the great thing about the Internets is you can find stuff like this. It exists in this weird realm that is so hyper real it just becomes sureal. There are a number of gimmes in here that just scream parody.

First, we've go the guy that looks like Dietrich Badder from his stint in Office Space or Napoleon Dynamite. I can just hear the director saying "Dietrich, try tipping your hat up when you deliver the line. Oh yeah, that makes it". Then we've got his drinking buddy, which I think might be a guy doing a impression of Frank Caliendo, delivering the Oscar winning "My wife would like this". Of course, there's the product name. I know this thing looks old; based on the vintage I'm guessing it came out about the same time as the old Freedom Rock ads ("Well turn it up man!"), but this definitely wasn't before they invented marketing groups.

How the hell did this product name get by without one person giggling? Maybe the success of their glue based product "Amazing Hard On" encouraged them to stay the course. In any case, even during the peak of my career as a webmercial extraordinare I could never have produced something of this caliber.

If some one calls the number, let me know if this is a real thing or not. If it is, order me one! What's the most sureal commercial you've seen? Back to working on my CJ Chaney Holiday extravaganza for the state capital (more on that one tomorrow loyal readers)....

Saturday, December 13, 2008 

Current mood:Audiophille
Category: Blogging
While my opponent can only provide you measly letters and words (highly overrated, especially when they are put in the correct order), I have stepped into the future and am providing my readers a AUDIO podcast of today (technically) yesterday's blog.

Enjoy. Let me know if you like these things better (cause no one likes to read!)

CJ

*UPDATED Apparently if you're subscribing to my blog via RSS you can get the link. For those who aren't it's HERE.