for anyone who might read this or is wondering about me, i am happy.  these last few months have brought me back to life.  i have developed my own person.  this person was there all along just repressed for rediculous past reason.  the people that i know and care about, one in particular, like or love me for i who i am.  for the first time in well over 4 years i feel like i can be myself.

school is rediculously awesome.  i am doing quite well in regards to grades.  i actually have  a professor who wants me to continue research into the chinese business phenom in an attempt to get published.  this is a wonderful step towards that distant PhD.

there is someone.  i didnt know i would find.  in fact i wasnt looking and there she was.  i never knew it could be this easy that it could feel so right.  part of my happiness is because she is happy.

That is all

Jared Leto is the man.  Ive been listening to 30 Seconds to Mars for several years and realized that several of his lyrics sum up how I feel about life.  This has become my anthem and has helped to offer me insight on previous events.

The Kill lyrics

What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do? (Oh, oh)
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn’t take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I’m not running from you (from you)

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You’re killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.

Ah, ah
Oh, oh
Ah, ah

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you.
Look in my eyes
You’re killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

Come break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)

(You say you wanted more)
What if I wanted to break...?
(What are you waiting for?)
Bury me, bury me
(I’m not running from you)
What if I
What if I
What if I
What if I
Bury me, bury me

I cannot even begin to describe how happy I have been over the last several weeks.  Ive met several awesome people that I have grown fond of.  Everything seems to be going great and for the first time in a very long time Ive got few complaints.  There are elements that I miss but no regrets so that is good.

It has come down to the wire.  6 days and I am out of here.  Boston hasnt been all that bad.  I have met some truely awesome people here and learned several valuable lessons. 

1) NY fans arent safe.
2) Boston fever is exactly like UT fever.
3) In a multi-cultural city, if you think a stereotype applies; then it does.
4) Play nice with your boss but remember he is not your friend.  He/she will screw you the first chance they get.
5) 3 applies to your boss and co-workers as well.
6) Love is love.
7) Apartment/condominium people are full of false self importance.
8) People will attempt to screw you.  Unfortunately if one keeps their eyes open for a few seconds, the you might realize that their methods are quite pedestrian.
9) Generally, people are stupid.  They just mask it by placing blame and their problems on others; no matter how obvious the fault (BT).
10) Work experiences and manager's personalities are fair game for graduate papers and doctural thesis.  Geoffrey Chaucer: "I will eviscerate you in fiction. Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity."
11) Packing an apartment by yourself sucks.

I am done.  I will soon be in Miami and then to Knoxville for 2 weeks or so.  At the end of August I will be attend grad school at Barry University on scholarship.
 

The end is near.  Thank God!  I cant stand were I work.  I am ready to be a student again.  At least I will get an opportunity to start over.

Today my sales guy ended up getting a req from a company that been of interest to the company and one of my recruiters.  He got the req after speaking with the person one time.  Kudos.  I have had many of these situations.  The reason I am writing this is because my manager and said recruiter immediately made mention that I had not achieved this success with said company and I have had the knowledge for almost 9 months.

There are a couple of problems with this: 1) I was told not to speak to the contact there until my manager, recruiter and I could have a discussion, 2) the contact never picked up the phone, and 3) my manager decided about 3 months ago that he would handle the process because the contact was more technical in nature.

So the blame is placed on me.  I dont want say it is because I am leaving, but it is because I am leaving.  Fortunately I will be putting in my 2 weeks tomorrow and will not have to worry about this any longer.  Because of the information that my position deals with they will probably just ask me to leave.  This is ok because MA law states that after a 2 wk notice is handed in, a company must continue to pay for the full 2 weeks.  They also cannot release someone for any reason short of gross incompetence.

This company has taught me a couple of things.  Never work for an Indian owned sales company and always look out for number one.  Those are the two tidbits that I can take away from my manager (who will be a case study in my doctural thesis).  As Chaucer said "I will evicerate you in fiction, I will demean you in prose."

I am beginning to work on some music that I recorded with some friends several years back.  Unfortunately at that time the band was not able to get together and really make things work.  The upside, the song writer is one of my best friends and thinks that hitting several of the songs again would be an excellent idea.  I am so excited about this.

There are a couple of things that I will need to get before I can successfully begin this project.  I have been shopping around for an elctronis drum set and have made 2 selections.  Now it is just a matter of buying it but that will have to wait until after I move.  I am also looking at a simple desktop suite for recording.  I have a Line 6 Toneport which is pretty good for guitars, bass, and vocals.  I just need something to properly record the drums and keys.  So exciting!

I have been looking for jobs in FL.  There are days that it looks like I am going to be royally screwed.  Others, like today, make it look like there is hope.  I guess that I will be applying for a job down there in the next month or so.  I will also need to determine if I am even going to Miami.  Jeanney occassionaly seems to think that I should move to Atlanta since my first choice of grad school was GSU.  There have also been a few times when she has suggested going back to Knoxville for a while  I am not really sure what to make of that.  I miss home and would really like to be there, but would it really make sense for me to move home for a time while she is in FL?  Time, friends, and prayer will tell.

Well I am pleased to say that in a little over 4 months I will no longer be a New Englander.  Thank God.  I know that this was meant as a lesson by the Almighty.  Soon that it will be over and I will be relocating to either Atlanta or Miami.  I should know within the next month or so.

If I never see snow again then it will be too soon.  It will take me 10 seconds to quit my job and pack up my things and 5 ot forget it forever.

The of my time in Boston is near an end.  I hate this place and would prefer to never come back.  My friends and co-workers have been a blast but there is just something off.  I guess when it comes down to it I am not a northerner and definitely not a New Englander (yes there is a major difference between the two).

My job blows.  I have worked here for just over a year and have added roughly 12 clients to my company's limited clientele list.  Sadly these 12 clients have only added 1 permanent placement and 3 contract placements (one of which I am not getting paid for).  So no extra commission money.  Currently, my boss is holding a raise over my head.  Someone thought it would be a funny idea to ask a question about where I am going to be moving to in August right in front of my boss.  So now guess who doesnt exist.  I am still waiting on a raise and from this it looks like it will never come.

I am getting ready to apply for school.  I dont know where this will put me.  I will be attending the best program that I get into regardless of that location.  Knowing that still hasnt motivated me as much as youd think.  Right now I just want out.  I never want to work in a sales job ever again.

I miss my friends back home.  I havent really developed any solid friends up here.  There are a few but nothing like those back home that I would call family.  I miss my drum set.  If you can imagine it, I begun itching because I cant play.  I tap and hum rhythms and it drives Jeanney and Im sure others crazy.  After everything gets situated with school or in Miami, I am going to start saving for a nice electric drum set.  I need to play.  I miss music and can feel its loss.

I have no explaination as to why I am apparently angry at the world.  Things havent turned out exactly as I would have imagined.  They arent bad, but they could be much better.  Right now I feel like the manged, scruffy dog in the corner that people feel sorry for and throw just enough scraps to keep alive.  This is certainly a reflection of work and unfortunately is carried into the rest of my life.

If this doesnt make sense, I will do my best to edit it later.

FUCK!!!!!  Damn car broke down again!  When it rains it pours.  Oh well.

For those that keep up, I quit the job that brought me back up to Boston.  It really sucked.  Commission blows, so anyone that reads this take note.  I did however get a new job almost immediately.  I am now working at Sigma Systems as a sales associate/account manager.  Base salary and benefits.  Yea me.

I realized the other day how much I dislike music.  I love listening to it, I just cant stand playing it.  I hear a simple song and my mind takes off in a hundred different directions on were a passage in the song could go.  The song never go there and my fingers never want to follow my ideas.  I know I should practice more but unfortunately life keeps getting in the way.  So damn it all to hell.

I get to go home on the 20th of april for a long weekend.  my sister is being confirmed that saturday morning, but that is all that is etched in stone.  I know my parents are going to want to go do something, which is cool because I miss them terribly.  They are already planning a trip to come up this way and visit me, jeanney and the grandparents.

So I finally landed a job. In fact I landed two jobs.  There were some nights of indecision, but in the end Jeanney and Boston won out.  Plus I can make a rediculous amount of money up there.  Anyhow, I am really excited to be heading back to Boston.  I think that I needed this time to figure out a few things.  But I'm set and ready.

I also get my new Xbox 360 on the 22nd.  Number 4 from the Turkey Creek EB.  So I'm debating not openning it and selling it for the going price of $699.  But then again I do want the system.  Choices choices.  I also found a bad ass acoustic guitar that I would like at musiciansfriend.com.  Its the chet atkins acoustic.  Looks really sweet and sounds even better.  The only thing that I would do to it would be to etch chets name out.  Sorry chet, but you are a country dusch.