my boots. I am moving into the lust and loneliness. Questions bombing my head,

confusion tickling me. The soldier next to me is trying to say something:  “hey brother do

you have any idea  where are we?” It’s the army training base right on border of Iran and

Iraq. “Yes basically we are in the middle of the no where”. 

I am just staring at him I have nothing to say I don’t have any feeling it’s like

A dream, a bad dream, a nightmare, am I dreaming? Is this really happening?

The sound of the G3 gun in the middle of the silence is slapping my ear just like

the monster that use to shock me when I was still Innocent. I hear the commander’s voice

from far, he is barking like an angry dog:  “Hey you lazy pigs move your buts or I will

kill you all right here”.

We are running in the group the commander constantly commanding stop, sit 

down,  standup and run.

I am hearing the sound of soldiers feet’s, they hit the ground at the same time and

saying “marg bar  America marg bar Israel”(dead to America and Israel) like a train

that goes deep in the dark and silence.

This is the longest night of my life, cold and sharp wind like an old slut making

love with my  Face and I cant get away from her. Every time that I hit the ground with

my boots I feel sorry for ants because they have to make there home again.

            It is been more than two hours that we are running. The night is never going to

end, the commander sounds crazy, I am thinking myself: “he is going to kill all of us my

bed is empty right now and I should be in it. What I am doing here?

Finally he commands stop, silence, wind, sweat, dip breath, I can’t breathe, oh I have to

Bend, I can’t breath I am choking.

A deep pain in my back I see white nothing else commander heat me with back of

the gun in my back. I can’t keep my balance, I am falling down, harsh texture of the

ground is like a soft bed for me now. I wish commander live me alone for a second. I

here: “did I say bend, now stand up”. 

He is pushing his dirty boots on my neck and saying I am the commander here and I say

What to do understood? I see millions of stars hanging from the roof of sky and light up

my dark night.

Here I am in the tight room stocked with two hounded soldiers like a can of

Sardine, listening to commander’s speech. The smell of sweat and feet distracting me

nobody had a shower since we came here it’s more than then days now. I hardly can

keep myself wake. Finally commander is not talking any more he is walking out of room,

the scary silence is trying to tell us something. I here the wind running around with panic

and then the sound of wild bullet out of  the gun  making me totally shocked I want to run

out but the doors are locked from the outside  there is no place to run we are stocked in

the room.

They are throwing some Smokey balls in the room. The room is field with smoke

that  makes my eyes etching. I am in the state of shock I here the sound of other soldiers

yelling crying and trying to run like trapped wiled horse.

The door is open now and we are out my eyes are etching and every think looks

wet I have pain in my eye I am tired I want to go home.

Vrej Sanati