A couple good friends of mine, Kyle Gerecke and Jordan Duncan will be climbing the 18,410-foot Mount Orizaba and 17,158 "Ixta" in Mexico to raise money for Big City Mountaineers.

They've got $7000 to raise and The money will fund backpacking and canoeing trips for at-risk inner-city teens in Colorado, California, the Pacific Northwest and the Boundary Waters. All our participants come from youth agencies like College Track and The Boys & Girls Club. and help a bunch of teens spend a week in the mountains next summer, and hopefully alter the course of their lives. A $18 donation will pay for part of the costs of a teen to spend a week in the backcountry with some positive role models.

So to raise part of their money, Kyle and Jordan started climbing the courthouse steps at 3am. It's about 54 steps and 32 feet.

I joined in at 1pm, really to provide moral support and get a good workout. What resulted is quite possibly the most epic thing I've done.

By the time we finished at 7pm, I ended up going 6 hours, climbed the stairs 200 times, for about ten miles.

Kyle and Jordan climbed for 16 hours, 500 climbs, for 26 miles each. That's a marathon worth of steps. I'm in good shape, but these boys are in extreme shape.

Most of the downtown businesses donated, telling us, "We've been watching you all day." as they put money in the donation box.

If any of yall are interested, you can donate via this link
http://www.summitforsomeone.org/main.php?page=4&climber=6415


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“You there with the paintbrush, you there with paper and pen Yeah we all got some sort of instruments Play them loud, play them long till the end You know we come here with empty hands, or you don’t come here at all Deal your best hand out to the marketplace And let your chips fall... If you’re gonna come round here and say those sort of thingsYou’re gonna take a few on the chin Talking about sin and redemptionYou better wear your thickest skin. Yeah sometimes you can’t please everyone, sometimes you can’t please anyone at allSew your heart to your sleeve and wait for the axe to fall”
Bill Mallonee--Skin

I'm a big fight fan. I love reading about historic battles, military history, and great generals. I've read Musashi and Sun Tzu and Clauswitz. I also love fiction with epic sweeping battles like Lord of the Rings and Akira Kurosawa films. And I also love watching athletic fights like Mixed Martial Arts and boxing and college football and even professional wrestling. These fire me up.

Perhaps the most random source of inspiration came when watching a UFC fight between Matt Hughes and Frank Trigg for the welterweight championship.

The two clinch and Hughes, the champion (who also happens to be a very strong Christian) takes an inadvertent low blow from Trigg. Under fight rules, the fight's supposed to stop and Hughes is supposed to be given time to recover.

Unfortunately for Mr. Hughes, the ref doesn't see the low blow, and when he turns to tell the ref, gets rocked with a hard left from Trigg. Hughes backs up, as he is getting rocked with punch after punch and is eventually dropped against the cage and continually beaten. Hughes manages to turtle up and clinch again, stopping Trigg's rain of punches.

THen things go from worse to even worse to horribly worse when Hughes turns his back and is put in a rear naked choke. Just as it looks like the fight is going to end, just as things look their absolute worst for Hughes, just as he's turning purple from the lack of blood and oxygen, he turns and breaks the choke. He then carries Trigg across the Octogon, slams him down and beats him.

I've watched this fight 100 times and every time I'm up on my feet.

Let's make no mistake about this friends, no matter what we do in life, we're in for a fight. In all my random jobs and creative endeavors in music and writing, as a teacher of special needs students, job coach to persons with disabilities, mentor to foster youth, industrial cleaner and roto-rooter man, I've had to fight against apathy, ignorance, learned helplessness, personal giants, inner demons, and more adversaries than I can count.

And our enemy will throw us low blow after low blow after low blow and choke us out and beat us down. THis is the reality of living in our fallen flesh and walking in a fallen world. And even if we have to tapout, we will not have lost the fight because the final victory will never belong to our enemy, and has already been won on our behalf. With that in mind we can fight on.

Former UFC Middleweight Champion Rich Franklin said, (also another Christian) "With grim determination, excuses evaporate and distractions wash away. The usual clutter in life - of time-wasting activities, non-supportive acquaintances, of destructive temptations – are filtered out. When you’ve reframed your life’s mission, you’re less susceptible to those forces that are always working to undercut your efforts. An uncompromising and urgent focus is a force that will not be denied."

August Mark Reinbold
born to Mark and Ivi Reinbold
11/11/08 @ 8:00AM at St. Lukes Hospital in Chesterfield Missouri

He is 8lbs 13oz
both child and family are doing very fine

http://www.semissourian.com/article/20081016/OPINION0107/710169996/-1/bloggers

By Chris Harris

To rock, to rap, to rally people for a concert with a cause.

The Rock/Soul/Justice concert at the Crisp Auditorium (yes, auditorium, not museum. It's on the main campus) Wednesday will feature a heavy metal band, a hip-hop act and Aaron Picar — all to benefit the International Justice Mission.

The Justice Mission started in 1997 after founders saw humanitarian groups offer health care, education and food to oppressed populations. The group of lawyers, social workers and investigators decided they wanted to provide legal aid to the downtrodden.

They recently freed 14 people from slavery in an Indian rock quarry. Slavery still exists.

The Justice Mission also helps victims of sexual exploitation and other forms of severe oppression.

The concert thing started when Post Mortum called Aaron P. and asked if he could help them fill a date on their Extreme Tour. So what did Aaron P. do? He told them sure, then found two acts that would otherwise never appear with a heavy metal act: hip-hop and himself (a singer/songwriter type).

As Aaron P. puts it, "Though musically we're all radically different, we all serve the same God. Music and God bring people together like nothing else."

A friend suggested donating the proceeds to the Justice Mission. Gas money is the most the acts will get paid.

On its website, Post Mortum, a band out of Ohio, has pictures of the four guys in a graveyard wearing black shirts and staring off camera at some unseen thing that has apparently pissed them off. As soon as the page loaded, the double bass drumming and screaming sounds came blaring from my computer speakers as the band's song "My Resentment" played for the whole office to hear.

It's the kind of music you expect to hear coming from a basement with black walls and angry moshers. I really don't know how someone masters growling and screaming at the same time, but by golly they've done it.

As menacing and gothic as this band looks, they state they're here for one purpose: God.

The Church Boys are a Christian hip-hop group with a website that allows you to submit prayer requests. They all have stage names like Big Nappsta, T-Smooth and Menace Tree. They all love rap and like "the hip-hop culture" but choose to use their talents to promote spirituality instead of delinquency, like some songs do.

Aaron P. will warm up the crowd, introduce the Church Boys, then Post Mortum will play. The concert is technically free, but donations for International Justice Mission will be happily accepted.

So I was out at the woods in Juden Creek with my dog Roxanne for the first time in weeks because the trailhead's been flooded.

I get about 100 yards up the trail and see some people, so I put Roxanne on her leash to avoid any incidence. As I approached, I noticed they were having sex right in the middle of the trail.

She turns her head and sees me, then he turns his head and sees me. They separate, pull their pants up and the guy says,

"Oh, whoops. Sorry!"

They move aside, and the guy asks, "Do you want to just go on ahead?"

I said, "Sure" and before I do, recommend they go somewhere off the trail. HE said, it had all been flooded.

As I walk past, the guys says to me, "Have you ever heard of the mile high club?"

And I say, "Yeah, sure."

And the guy raises his arms and smiles like his team just scored a touchdown, and exclaims, "First time in the woods!!"

So yeah.

Most.

Awkward.

Moment.

Ever.

Ever.

Eh-eh-eh-EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two views on Love by Aaron PICAR.


I remember the psychology class I took my freshman year of college, we talked about love. The professor was big on Sternberg's triangle theory of love. Basically, according to Sternberg, love has three dimensions: commitment, intimacy and passion. Types of love are based on which components are present. For example, liking consists solely of intimacy. Romantic love consists of intimacy and passion. Friendship consists of intimacy and commitment. Fatuous love, or love at first sight is only passion.

What struck me were Sternberg's definitions of consummate love and empty love. According to Sternberg, consummate love exists when all three parameters, intimacy, passion and commitment are present. Sternberg believes that only when these three criterion are met is love complete. However, what really hit me was Sternberg's definition of "empty love" which is love where only commitment is present. I honestly believe that nothing could be further from the truth.

From his worldview, it would be easy to look at marriages where the members of the marriage are neither intimate nor passionate with each other empty. However, I have to ask what good is love that does not commit, that does not endure, that does not persevere through trials and hardships? That is empty love. Passion will fade. Intimacy will expire. Commitment soldiers through when the others have left. One of my other teachers says, "Love without commitment isn't love."

I remember when a divorce occurred in my family. It wasn't the absence of passion or intimacy that caused the most heartache. IT was the fact that my ex-brother-in-law didn't not believe "Till death do us part" applied to him. It was his non-commitment that caused the marriage to end. When commitment left the marriage, all the passion and intimacy in the world could not have mended that marriage.

Committed love says, "Greater love has no man than this than a man who lays down his life for his friends." How can this possibly be considered empty? The fact that Sternberg regards this sort of love as empty shows me how twisted the world's definitions are. It is commitment that regards others over self, and sacrifices for the other, not out of gain but because it is right. This is God's view of love.

This is the sort of love that our Father loves us with. Yes He loves us passionately. Yes He desires intimacy, but it is His commitment to us that allows Him to express those other aspects of love with us. God is love. Love is not what He does sometimes, or is capable of, but who He is. Love is as inherently a part of God's character as oxygen is necessary for our survival. But because God is perfect love, He cannot abide us in our natural state of fallen sinfulness. Therefore He came in the form of His Son to atone for our sins on the Cross. Had He not been committed to us, Christ would have left at Gethsemane. It was His commitment to finishing the work of the Cross that fueled His passion for us and desire for intimacy. As C.S. Lewis once wrote, "Christ died for man not because man is intrinsically worthy, but because God is intrinsically love and therefore loves infinitely."

Love that is based upon convenience or "What have you done for me lately" is not love. We can search for love apart from Him, but without the author of Love, it will ultimately leave us empty. Human love has its limits because we have needs. Only one who is without needs can love unconditionally. There is only one being in existence who is without needs and that is God. Any love apart from Him is ultimately flawed no matter how sincere our intentions may be. Unless it is Him who ignites our love, it will only go as far as we can carry it. God's love is a love that is supreme. For His love is a love that defies the deepest principle of human nature. Yet when examined carefully one finds that God's love is the only possible answer for our gravest maladies.

If you ever believe you are a good person look at the Cross. The total sum of human depravity was achieved there. For it was here where we the human race took a Man who had done nothing wrong. A man who gave sight to the blind, hope to the desolate, love to the rejected, purpose to the lost, healing to the sick, food to the hungry, wealth to the poor, and so much more that is beyond our comprehension. We responded by betraying Him, scorning Him, denying Him, beating Him, and ultimately killing Him. Him who is perfect love, became all of our malice, rage, greed and so many other deplorable characteristics that we possess. The Cross is the great equalizer of all men for it is here where all men stand guilty of a crime worthy of death.

However it took the ultimate act of man's depravity for God to show us His ultimate act of love. Rather than condemning us, as He had every right to do, God showed us clemency. Had He simply restored us to the status quo, that would have been more than enough. Instead He so far exceeded that. Rather than destroying and damning us, He adopted us. It is at the foot of the Cross where all men stand upon equal ground for we are all equally in need of what only God by His love and grace has given us, and are all equally loved by Him who is love. Not even death could contain His love for us.

Sternberg's theory of love is just that, a theory. Whereas God's love has been substantiated and realized in the person of Yeshua. If we buy into the definitions of love that are written by anyone but the Author of Love, we will never experience it. Only when realize where love originates from will we be able to truly experience it. Service will expire. Gifts will crumble. Time will run out. Words will be forgotten. Only the love of God endures.

"I'll forgive you your debts, but remember my threats and hope for the best"

            Mike Schmid—"The High Cost of Living"

IT was about 2am, and I was driving to work when I passed by a house where some friends lived. There were some folks hanging out on the porch. I remembered doing the same thing, on the same porch, at the same time, and the great conversations I had, and I was saddened to realize that those would never happen again. One comrade who lived in that building returned to the motherland, and the other friend, I don't really talk to any more. Which made me realize what I believe one to be of the greatest tragedies of human existence, is that we often must sacrifice relationships in favor of personal growth. It's not that we ever intend to, it's just life and time have it's way of pulling roads apart and corroding once solvent bonds. I've come to realize that a great deal of growing up is leaving people. I don't know how many I've lost contact with over the years due to work, and school, and marriage, life as a whole. And we always promise to stay in touch, and though communication is so much easier in our day, we hardly if ever do.

For example, my adolescence was defined by playing football. It was where I derived my significance, purpose, identity and security, and developed tight bonds with the guys I played with, but after we graduated, I hardly saw any of them, even though most of us went to the same college and stayed in the same town. While football and my teammates were essential during that period, I find I typically don't have much to talk about when I randomly encounter a former teammate. There are other times I haven't seen eye to eye with others, so the best thing for both was to part.

When I couldn't see eye to eye with the brass at young life, I wasn't able to understand at the time why. I remember things ending so badly both with my home area and the property I worked with, that neither wanted anything to do with me whatsoever, that I said to myself, 'If I knew things were going to end this badly, to hell with all this crap, I'd've never gone through with any of this to begin with.' And these thoughts happened again when my late church, that is the church I grew up in and served as youth pastor/worship leader fell apart around me in spite of my best efforts to make peace. And again when I left my teaching job at my alma mater. Fortunately, I quickly got over this shortsightedness, for I came to realize that I had to go through all that to get to where I am now. Had I not endured all that, I would not have the content and ideas for all my writings.

And I can say with complete honesty, I regret nothing I did with young life, the late church, and in school, in regards to anything I did while I was serving, or in leaving any of them. The tragedy is that there are people who I can no longer have a civil conversation with, or stand to be in the same room for any length of time. These are people who were created in God's Image, every bit as much as I am. These are people who God loves desperately, and wants to make into the image of His Son. Not only did God want me to endure those fallouts, He was maintaining the lives of myself and those people with whom I was at odds.

It was God in me working through all these fallouts. The same God who wanted me to endure those frustrations, sent others to me so He could demonstrate His character. He sent others to listen to me, not to fix me because they couldn't not to offer advise because they knew I wouldn't take it, or whatever, but to just listen intently. The relationships that followed my fallouts became much deeper than they would have otherwise. I remember talking at length with the guys from my former youth group of my fallout with young life. It was working with them that I got what I never could out of young life, and that was depth. To this day, my guys are still all my best friends. My relationship with my mentor Will Wyatt and his ministry Discipleship Focus became deeper because of all of my failures and fallouts. It was what God shared with me through them when I was twenty that left such a lasting impression on me. They never denied me their council in the times I contacted them as I tried to navigate my frustrations with young life and the late church. When I returned to Discipleship Focus, my conversations with Will and the material helped me to reconcile everything in my past that I saw as me effing up.

As much as I love my guys and my mentor, and as little I regret anything, I believe it is tragic that so many people I once loved dearly I don't any more. I'm eternally grateful for my friends, but it is tragic that the high cost of living makes us sacrifice friendships for friendships. And it is far too easy for us to do it. As my friend Mike Schmid sings, "No one's forgiving, the high cost of living. Forget forgiving the high cost of living." That is I would love to have the same depth and trust with my guys and my mentor and have continued to grow in my relationships with the my supervisors for young life and the people of my late church, but it did not happen. I believe this is not the way it was intended to be. God never intended us to make such sacrifices, but ever since we rebelled, and continue to rebel, we are in a state of constant falling out, and our relationships reflect that. Just as all our relationships reflect the perfect and divine relationship the Father has with the Son has with the Spirit, the tragic reality that we build our relationships based on comfort and convenience over commitment to caring for each other reflects our fallen human nature.

We decided to become our own gods in Eden, which ruined the original relationship God intended for His creation. And we exchanged intimate fellowship with God Himself, for our own path, and the death and sickness and thorns and sin that came with it. Because we ruined the first relationship we were ever in, every relationship we've begun since is on extremely precarious ground. In the world God intended, I could have had a great relationship with my former youth group with out my relationships with the late church and young life falling out as heavily as they did. But because the world is fallen and I am rebelling against His will and purpose for me, the fallouts happened. I do it to myself, because of who I am and the fact that nothing good dwells within me and I am completely incapable of doing anything good on my own.

God would have been perfectly just to leave us where we were,

 

but He did not. Instead, He chose to redeem us and reconcile us to

 

Him, so that we would eventually be conformed to the image of

 

His Son here in this life and He will share the oneness He has with

 

the other members of the Godhead with us. IT was at no cost of

 

our own, but at a great cost to Him, which was His very own Son.

 

He sacrificed His own Son to bring us back into right standing with

 

Him. Nothing is more humbling and exalting,

 

"When I think, that God His Son not sparing,

sent Him to die, I scare can take it.

That on the cross, my burden gladly baring,

 He bled and died to take away my sin."

Because the high cost of living has been paid for by none other than the Author of Life Himself. Even though we gave up something truly great, that we can never recapture in this life and barely imagine, because of who God is, He will instead give us something greater that we will never be able to forfeit.

I find that beautiful that God uses our depravity to shine His divine character through. Just as it took the devastation of the flood to give us something as magnificent like the rainbow, God used our depravity and sin to show His love and grace. And someday, beyond my own days, God will reconcile all of my fallouts and the memories of the pain and the scars left on my fists, and my heart will all vanish like shadow dispelled by morning light. Whereas here on earth, our growth must come at the cost of our relationships, I believe that when we graduate, we will continue to grow in oneness with God and the ties that bind us together will only strengthen. It is a day I very eagerly anticipate.

It's 2am and I just finished restringing my guitar. My desk is lined with empty vessels; beer bottles, tea mugs, water bottles, etc. I put a movie on for background noise, and Roxanne, my Black Lab is sprawled out over my bed, where I should be. This is how most of my nights are. Whereas most people would be asleep at this hour, I have found sleep to be quite the elusive prey this year. So much so I'm considering giving it up for lent. Though I don't typically observe lent other than a good joke every year, but I digress.

Most of you who have known me know I have a great trouble sleeping, so I'd rather use the time to work. While most are curled warmly beneath the covers, I'm furisously working to get the ideas and songs and stories and ideas that run around unbridled in my head. If I don't get them out, they'll drive me normal, and frankly, I can't stand the thought of being normal.

I never have liked stringing my guitar. Like changing oil or haircuts, I can do them myself, but would rather someone else do it. I always mess up the first string because I've forgotten how to properly string it from the last time. I suppose my life is much the same way. I make too many mistakes that I can easily avoid by remembering the right way. But I learn and always finish better than I started.

The reason why I restrung my darlin is because tomorrow I head into Misunderstudio for the misunderstood artist to lay down some scratch tracks for what will become my first album. I met with Michael last week to listen to my songs and talk ideas. Our meeting went very well and he sees some things in my songs that I don't see. Much of all my music activity has been leading to this. Originally I planned on recording a seven song, acoustic and vocal ep similar to Eric Peters "Bookmark" or Kevin Lawson's "seven songs." But after talking with Michael I may go for the full album. I'm considering using Nick and Josh for bass and drums, and whoever else we scare up.
Earlier this year I laid some samples down with Ryan Corn to hear what my songs sound like, and did so again with Chris/Dale Bassham. These were about the equivilant of taking practice footage like we used to do for football back in the day.

I've been writing songs now for the better part of three years. I think I've written about 40 with pages upon pages of unfinished songs and half scripted verses that fade away in my head. Sometimes they'll come back to me to my surprise, which I suppose is how Anthony Quinn feels when he meets a new love child. Of the songs
I've written there about ten or twelve I think are good, two I like, two more I think are my best and two others I think are my favorites.

I think tomorrow I'll lay down my "girls on the phone" songs, "Mystery and "20 Minutes." ONe's about a girl who called me, and told me how much she dug my music and would love to meet me, but in her nervousness forgot to leave me her name or number. The other's about a girl I once loved who I decided not to call. Both songs are two of my best and I wrote them not with the intent of writing a potential radio hit single or any of that other stupid crap artists chase, but simply to express what's going on in my life. I find the songs I'm the most satisfied with are my most honest songs, and the songs I write for others. My two favorites, "Marisa" and "Love" I wrote for my dearest friends. These songs have been the catalyst in this crazy pursuit of mine. For the longest time, none of my friends had heard their songs, and now only half of them have.
I remember back in the summer playing Mitch and Julie's song for Marisa who was noticably upset at me because they hadn't heard their song.

well we're gonna remedy that. I'll keep you all posted as we go.

yours indeed
Aaron

Winter dressed the countryside, clothing blades of grass and trees in ice. It made for an ethereal sight, the way what little light would filter through the heavy clouds and land in cold casing and shine with a nearly blinding magnesium whiteness.

So I spent this past week out in LaChaumier Farms, MO, It's not really a town, it's a 500 acre farm out in the middle of nowhere. I didn't even see a mailbox on the property. There was a French style hunting lodge and log cabin at the top of the west side of the valley where we spent most of the week.

The retreat was a joint venture between L'abri Fellowship and the Francis Schaeffer Institute of Covenant Theological Seminary in St. Louis, MO. I suppose a little history is in order at this point. L'abri Fellowship is a ministry started by the theologian/philosopher Francis Schaeffer. He opened up his Chalet in the Swiss Alps to anyone who came in, and would walk with them through the mountains, and answer whatever questions they may have had about God, life, and how the two fit together. Since 1955, seven other L'abri branches have opened around the world. This retreat was held by the staff of the Rochester branch.

Jock and Alison McGregor were our hosts. They're an interesting couple, and I haven't felt more love out of two people since I studied under Will and Betty Wyatt back in college. He's an African born Englishman, and she's from Sydney and they met in Swiss L'abri and are now in Rochester, MN. They even brought their two springer spaniels, Bella and Maddie, which made me miss my own Roxanne. The McGregors are a little displaced, but still exactly where they need to be. I believe all of us are displaced, as we've been described as "Aliens and strangers" or that we "were made for another world." We try to find a shelter within this other world. This is what L'abri is.

There were 18 of us booked, which is about 8 more than they usually handle at the winter retreats. I was lucky to have my spot held, as I inquired about attending the retreat some time ago, but wasn't able to send in my registration and deposit due to business and sickness.

Early Saturday morning we lost power, and after talking to the Crawford County Electrical Co-op, we were told they were working on it, and were unsure when they'd be able to restore power. Being out in the country and on well water and septic tank, meant also we were without running water. A good portion of attendees took off. Luckily later on that evening as Jock was reading P.G. Wodehouse's "Crime wave of Blandings Castle" the power came back on. The power lasted for about another day as we got hit with two more waves of ice storms. While I was glad to have winter weather during a largely mild winter season, I didn't want it to cost us power.

We went two more days without power, and spent most of the time trying to keep warm. We lit as many candles as we had in the house and kept the fire going non-stop. We stocked up on drinking water for cooking, and tea, and drinking also. I spent most of my mornings splitting firewood. For me splitting firewood is recreation, and for the most part, at least in this country, a fireplace is a luxury. However for most of the world fireplaces and splitting firewood are necessities. The things we take for granted, most people throughout the world need to survive. Still we did the best we could given the situation was so far out of our control.

We kept getting conflicting reports on when the power would return, but did our best to go through the day as we normally would. I chose to work in the mornings so I could be coherent enough in the afternoon to study, but unfortunately the lack of power and early dusk stifled that idea. Every day was cold, I'm not sure exactly how cold, but when you can see your breath at the dinner table, that's a pretty good indication. I remember using the bathroom thinking about how miserable it all was. We had to be pretty conservative in our facilities usage, and I think the amount I was working, along with our water shortage almost dehydrated me. I was wearing the same clothes for three days, and did not shower. I went to bed wearing six layers, and for the most part slept warmly, at least after half an hour of shivering warmed me up. When I woke up, my nose, mouth and chin were still pretty frigid.

Still inspite of the vengeful cold, and lack of civilization, things were good. We did not miss a single meal, thanks to a gas stove and the extraordinary work of Alison, Sarah, Rachel and everyone else. The food was always fantastic and hot, and there was always plenty of it. There are so many who have so much less than we did, I appreciated every single bite. We still had the roof over our heads, and hot tea twice a day. We came together to form a loving, supporting community who knew the only way to navigate such a situation was together.

It was late Tuesday night, I sat in the restroom, and surrenedered myself to the fact that we likely were not going to get power again, and readied myself to go the rest of the week in the same conditions, when sure enough the lights came on. I finished up, and ran back to the lodge where we sang the doxology, and we all celebrated the return of power, heat, water.

Had that been all I gained from the week, it'd've been fine, but I learned so much more. It was wonderful of Jock to be more interested in me as a person, rather than my work. I tend to think of myself as a human doing, rather a human working than a human being. One of L'abri's main points is the spirituality of humanness, or as I always referred to it as the ministry of living. That is when we go about our days abiding and trusting in Christ for everything, our lives become spiritual acts of worship. A recent realization I came to is the best thing we can do to honor God is to be who He has made us in the places He sends us. And this is extremely liberating, as Eric Peters sings, "We try to be holy without being human first."

Another thing I learned was how interested Christ was in showing the heart of the Father. In looking briefly over the miracles in the synoptic gospels, Christ was so much more interested in showing his heart to the people, then He was demonstrating His power. Yes, He did show His power, but it's apperared to me that most of His miracles were healing the sick and broken, more than they were taming the tempest. I believe this is important because it gives us a precedent to follow. When we seek Christ's heart as our own, it is our charge to share it. As a musician and writer, it is very tempting for me to show off my abilities so people say "Whoa! Cool!" but until I share my heart, I won't be able to speak meaningfully to my age.

The third thing I gained was more maturity. I didn't want to leave L'abri. Not quite in the same way I didn't want to leave Windy Gap or Notch when I was younger, it's hard to leave a shelter.
Still, I've noticed after Urbana, L'abri, and even our little youth retreats, I haven't so much experienced an emotional and spiritual camp high, but a deepened understanding of who God is, who I am, and where I fit in this world. I suppose that's a sign of maturity or something.

I've learned that sensation and emotion only satisfy my emotions for a moment but what is substantive gives me continued understanding of the truths of God and the reality of His existence of HIs presence that I can carry with me long after the sensation wears off. And I feel sorry not only for those individuals who are always seeking the emotional high, but the institutions as well.
I've also learned that our experience changes everytime we remember it, but what we learn about God through scripture will always remain constant.

My life and personality are full of paradoxes that I'm sure would make G.K. Chesterton chortle uproariously. for example I'm an anarchist, yet taught 9th grade civics and government. I love for things that don't exist, which I wrote about earlier. Most of these paradoxes simply make me laugh, however there are some very beautiful ones.

One in particular paradox came to full frutition this week. THat is it is often when I least expect to recieve anything when I recieve the most. This has been a very busy year for me, as most of you know. Between my jobs and projects, I don't have much time for sleep. So I was looking forward to just taking a week and working, as odd as that sounds.

I came up with the intention of working and serving, and catching the seminars and speakers I could. As much as I learned and as much as I gained from those, it was the little things where God proved Himself most faithful in the little yet still profound ways. For example, when I went to pay my hotel bill, I found out that it was already covered for me. I don't know by who, but I'm greatful as I was very fearful that I would not be able to cover my bill. Again, I didn't expect to recieve anything at all but this was a huge answer to prayer.

THere were also a bunch of little things as well, getting to drive a girl in a wheelchair back to her hotel who had a bad day, running into Cliff and Jen and getting to catch up with them, as well as seeing Matt Heddle. That was more than a plesant surprise.

When I sat in on the arts seminars, I became more and more convinced of my calling for this life. Now is the time. THe gates are open, the road must be cleared and we have nations to reach. THe world is changing, as I've realized from following current events and the news, as well as reading such authors as Schaeffer, Lewis, COlson, and others, much of what was told came as no surprise.

The world is shifting away from the west, as it is abandoning much of it's identifying values, and exchaning hope for hedonism, redemptive values for relativism, and abandoning absolute truth. As a result, the people of our generation must choose to stand insteading of chosing to conform. We must chose to reach instead of settling for superficiality. We must chose to give instead of indulging, and chose to serve to find who we are.

"A chance to become what I am
Which until now I have not been.
THough I fear these changing times
If I don't seek I'll never find

The hills may fall and the sun won't set
But to fear it all is the worst regret
The gift of life is a promised death
But it's a life that's not over yet
This life is not over yet"
Jason Harwell--Declaration Song