I'm not tolerating the judgement anymore, and I am done with all of you. I don't care if you never passed any yourself, enabling it and allowing it to happen behind my back makes you just as guilty and I don't feel bad in saying so, I feel ashamed of all of you.

I have no vigilante penance to pay because I differ from you so greatly. Under normal circumstances people who aren't so closed minded appreciate the view point and differences in someone who varies from them but I have come to realize that you are belligerently subborn and will never change.

I am an Atheist, and you are Christians. I don't tell you how to live your life but I still get told by you how to live mine. Your religion comes from a book and so does mine. There is no correct religion. One is no more right than the other. There are Buddhists, Jews, Muslims, Satanists, Bahaiis, Roman Catholics, Islams, Hindus, Zionists, Confucianists, Pagans, Sunnis, Sihks, Rastafarianists, Shintos, Taoists.. there wouldn't be that many if there was only one that anyone gave a fuck about. I don't judge them, or you, yet you still make the time to judge me. No one is more correct than anyone else is. There is no proof for any religion, thats why they call it "faith", because youre trusting that its true. I believe I was responsible opting for Atheism so as not to belittle anyone who believes something so fully and seriously as all these varieties of people do. I chose to give everyone the respect of believing what they believe and stepping out of something which is too serious and illogical for me to comprehend, and not to mock a religion by calling myself part of one.

I've made choices which, while it was no right for you to pass judgement on, you did anyway. Yes, I dropped out of school and worked. Yes I got pierced. Yes I adore tattoos and I smoke and I this and I that, but I don't tell you you're wrong for the things that you do.

I had to drop out of school. You know how my home situation was at that point, and I couldn't put the added financial, emotional, and physical stress on my grandmother making her responsible for my schooling  and needs.  I'm at an age where I can , and have, taken care of both  myself and my brother, not to mention my parents.  If I can do something to benefit her, I will. I always will. Because I appreciate everything she's ever done for me if it means making a personal sacrifiice in gratitude, then so be it. I'm going to be as self efficient as I can in order to alieviate my burdens from others, step up to the plate, and be responsible for myself. It seemed admirable to me, but you seem to think I should be inconsiderate and selfish and that is something I am not now nor ever will be. I had a lot of growing up to do and I did it pretty fucking fast.

I can't work now, because I have to stay home and take care of my brother. I have to make sure he gets up for school, gets home, eats, showers, and stays out of trouble. I realize that its a parental responsibility but my mother can't do all too much with an internal IV leading to her heart thats pumping her full of antibiotics to get rid of a growth in a ventricle which will need replacement. As far as I'm concerned, this compensates for any wrong she ever could do. She had a past, yeah, and I wasn't raised in a very child safe environment, I realize that, and I know you judge her for it just as easily, and I think right now the aftermath is enough for her to look back and regret it. She doesn't need the extra slap in the face from those who act holier-than-thou. Accept what has been done and move on because I see no reason for neither the past nor present of her life having any baring on yours.

As far as my outward appearance, you are petty and shallow if you have a problem with it. I didn't have a childhood and I didn't have a great life but I never sat there and bitched about it. I just wanted to distinctify myself outside as much as I felt inside, and I'm happy with it.

As far as my interest in horror movies/horror music goes, those are just the things I've come to appreciate. It doesn't mean I'm suicidal, it doesn't mean I'm homicidal, and it doesn't mean I take virgin sacrifices. I like adrenaline. I have since I was little, and you should know I've always been that way. I used to like being scared of my jack in the box when I was in my play pen. I used to keep rereading Three Blind Mice because I thought it was funny when they got their tails cut off.  I love dressing up on Halloween. It's better to have a sense of humour about death than it is to spend one's whole life fearing it, as far as I'm concerned. And it was never a problem for anyone until I turned 13. That's somewhat backward.

I don't need to hear "Oh, the baby is afraid of you because of those things coming out of your lip" "Are those fish hooks?" "How are you ever going to kiss anybody?" "Well now I know you're never going to have kids" "Why would you do that to your body?" "That's occult!" "This is Satanism", because I never would have made a decision without thinking it through and its just plain offensive that you would consider me as being myopic about who I am and the way I present myself. All I want is to be happy, for once, and if you truely honestly cared about me as much as you pretend that you do, you would give me my space. I'm not hurting anybody.

I don't do drugs. I've never been arrested. It's never hurt me. It's never hurt you. It doesn't isolate me from anyone in society who I would consider to be a genuine person. It doesn't make me any less intelligent or productive. However, it does make you less intelligent and more obviously blind than most people I've ever met in my life. How can you honestly expect me to consider you family when you'd rather pick at me like asinine vultures with no agenda than express care.

Not that I owe you an explanation, but I'm a dignified person and I, unlike others, can justify my actions.

The last person you kissed needs you at 3 am and you have a way to their house, would you go?
Actually, last person I kissed was my mother when I said goodbye to her before I left the hospital and if she needed me at 3 AM, yeah, I'd be there. It's my mom.




When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
Today. And every day. I think about punching her often. ---UPDATE---- I did it! bahahahaha.



What was the last thing you cried about?
George Carlin died, man. Cut me some slack. I was fuckin' sad.



Do you have a friend you can tell stuff to and you're sure they won't tell anyone?
My sister, basically. And that's all I'd really trust with that.




Do your parents force you to go to church or let you make the decision?
My parents know I'm an atheist. My dad is kinda "hey cool, whatever, I don't give a fuck" and my mom is like "I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO TO TO HELL" but uhh.. that makes no sense because she's a wiccan anyway.




Is there someone you want to fight?
A couple people that I haven't, just to save the drama. I hate drama. And I'd rather not complicate lives by being violent.




Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
A couple times, but.. I've never been in love with them.




Do you believe in true love?
Not necessarily. Not for everyone, anyway. There are people who are fixed into standing alone, and some of them prefer it.




When was the last time you were disappointed?
Every day is a new disappointment, somehow.




Do you miss your past?
Yeah, in terms of not having to worry and burdens being placed on others. It's nice to have an opportunity to breathe but I've become increasingly more responsible, and it would be nice to go back and alter my life that way I could have a real childhood. It was funny because today when me and my grandmother visited my mom, she was talking about how I hated childrens books when I was little, but I would keep rereading Three Blind Mice and laughing my ass off every time the little fuckers tails got cut off. I mean, thats a nice flashback to show you that I've always been the same really, just progressively unhappy and unstable. But I try not to spend too much time dwelling on it because that's not going to get me anywhere. I have to fix NOW, not THEN.




What are you doing tonight?
Probably more stuff around the house.



Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Yeah, and it's awkward and sticky and I always wish I would have done it differently.



Do you think your ex still likes you?
I don't really have exes, I don't so much date as I do fling.


Honestly, has anyone ever seen you in your underwear?
Yeah. It happens.



Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
Plenty. A lot, actually. A whole lot.




Do you know anyone in the military currently?
Yep.



What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Cigarette.



Do you believe exes can be friends?
That's too broad of a question. There are too many circumstances which have to be observed.




When was the last time you held hands with someone?
I held hands with my sissabear when she visited.




What is wrong with you right now?
Uncertainty, insanity, insomnia, and and the physical pain attributed to moving furniture and painting walls all fucking day.



What are you listening to?
Samhain. Actually, Samhain just ended and now The Vibrators "Disco in Moscow" is on.. and I love this song.



Whose house did you go to today?
I went to the hospital to see my mom. Does that count?



Who was last to cook for you?
Me.



Do you know what you're wearing tomorrow?
It depends on if I actually go anywhere. I tend to leave in jeans and something plaid and flannel and incredibly outdated. But it's comfortable.




Do you believe that there is always room in your heart for your first love?
No. When you start making too much room in your heart for other things, you have less room to love yourself.




How have you felt today?
Sick. Achy. Sore. Pissed. Normal.



When was the last time you talked to your number 1 on top friends?
Earlier tonight.




Have you ever cried and not known what for?
Actually once, yeah. I was like "Uhh.. what?"




What are you wearing on your feet?
Skin. But I can take it off for you if  that will turn you on.


Do you like your name?
I created my name. If I didn't like it I would be rather unimaginative, huh?



Are you a morning person or a night person?
..Technically both, seeing as my peak hours are between 10 PM and 5 AM.



Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?
No, but I've made plenty of other people cry. So I'm confident in my cold and callous abilities. It's how I express love.



Have you ever dated someone older than you?
I don't really date.


Have you ever kissed in a basement?
I've never even been in a basement before. I live in Florida, fuckers. These niggas be diggin a basement all water and shit be shootin up out the fuckin ground, playa.




Do you get distracted easily?
If I'm intentionally trying to distract myself.


What does your hair look like right now?
Follicles of dead cells.


Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
Yeah. a lot. and then I went out and did it. twice.




You're stuck on an elevator with the person you've fallen the hardest for, what would happen?
Uhh.. hmm. We'd probably talk for a bit, and then both get pissed and impatient and break out the emergency door in the ceiling and climb up the ladder to the roof of the building. And then be relieved, and talk some more. And then get sick of being on the roof and find our way down. And then go do what we have to do for the day and reflect on it one day like "That shit was so cool"

 So, as a joke, I decided to take the eHarmony quizlet thingie, because I was betting that they couldn't match me with anyone at all. And I was correct. This is what it told me:

" eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. "

BUT, I still got a free personality profile! They think so highly of me!

-----------------

You are best described as:
CONSISTENTLY TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF

Words that describe you:

    * Uncompromising
    * Frank
    * Astute

    

    * Critical
    * Empirical
    * Tough

   

    * Discerning
    * Skeptical
    * Shrewd
----
A General Description of How You Interact with Others

When someone needs your help or wants you to do something you think before you act. See, at heart you believe deeply in personal freedom and individual responsibility. You think it is vital that people learn to take care of themselves so that they don't become dependent upon others. You believe that actions have consequences, and people need to accept the consequences of their actions if they are to learn from their mistakes and grow. You believe you wouldn't be doing anyone a favor if you lift someone out of trouble; they will never learn to lift themselves up if you keep rescuing them. And if you keep giving people a second, third or fourth chance, you have seen that people seldom develop the character they need to live decent and responsible lives.

You believe that compassion has a role to play in your life, in a structure of values that is encourages people to take care of themselves. Uncritical tenderheartedness does as much harm as good. You much prefer if people understand, in factual, empirical terms, how they got into trouble, and how they can lift themselves out of the mess they are in. In an emergency, of course, you're there to offer help and if someone has helped you out in the past there is no question about your loyalty. But whenever it is realistic, you are convinced people should take care of themselves.

Along with this you devote adequate time to taking care of your own needs and wants, in part because it makes you happy with your life and in part because that's what you truly believe every person should do. You cherish personal independence for yourself and others. Fostering such independence is the best way you find there is to love and care for others.
----
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

Your emphasis on personal independence and personal responsibility may seem to lack in compassion to some people. Undoubtedly you have encountered people who feel this way toward you. And some may find you to be rather selfish. You do stay focused on your own life, take responsibility for your own problems, and are not always moved by situations in which some people think some action is required. That is part of you and your basic beliefs about life. And some people will inevitably want you to be different, but that is simply not who you are.
----
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

You're true to your beliefs and you hold yourself to the same expectations as you do with others. You are critical and tough with yourself, which gives you a consistency when you are critical and tough with others. And even when others don't agree with you, people are likely to admire your frankness. You say what you believe, even if what you believe runs counter to the motives and beliefs of others.

And you keep reminding people of two things that few people can argue with, even if they don't believe in them with your single-mindedness. Personal independence and personal responsibility matter to most people, and even the very compassionate admit that sometimes their hearts get in the way of what their heads know, which is to say that people should take care of themselves whenever they are able to do so. You remind people of this, in the honest way you live your own life and in the ways in which you respond, and don't respond, to other people