Things are deprssing.  Nothing is what it is.  Everything is so complex.  I'm so tired of everything being so complex... that is why religion is so big, it simplifies everything.  I wish I could get super deep into a religion, you know?  one of those people that has to talk aobut their great religion all of the time and it's the biggest part of them, bigger than their sense of self.  Cuz selfhood is just an illusion anyhow.  So why is so much emphasis placed on it?  This is all very boring.  I wish I was not so smart.  Or if I'm not I wish I thought I was much less smart.  This earth has nowhere for me.

I can't see past the flames, my nostils are overflowing with electric lava... it's so hot, I cry and find out my tears are sulfur but it doesn't hurt it dont' burn...no not me.... but I can't stand to look at the pretty things in front of me, they turn to ash instantly and I am left only with the memory, I wish I could hear all of the wonderful sounds but my ears are coughing up saltwater rushing through the streets leaving nothing but snakes and a layer of crude oil the would be the only pretty pretty thing left, with the way the sun hits it and it reflects rainbows, but the moment I look in it's direction it bursts into flame and I sink.  not because I can't swim but because the only think left to see was the sky and I don't want to hurt it.  Maybe I'll drown.  I say maybe, but I know it's impossible.

THat makes me sad,

SAd

It gets really deep at around 12 minutes... it's so fucked up man.

I hate blogging.  it's one thing to think about stuff... it's another thing to have to write your random thoughts out for others to ponder and possibly disagree with.  especially when you don't commit to your thoughts.  I have thoughts all the tie that I hear myself think and then I think to myself... wow man... that ain't true at all.  For instance, I didn't think it was a big deal when Micheal Jackson died and I was dumb enough to announce it.  Now first of all, I do care.  He influenced everything good about pop music.  he made the genre really, like there were a bunch of different types of music and they divided the audience into several small groups wih a few overlaps, then he made POPULAR music, cause prety much every group liked it.  I was proud that a Black man had done this, he was undebatably the dopest guy in the country as far as music was concerned.... Black guys to look up to where few and far between then he went and did what I looked at as publicly condeming the attributes of blackness.  He went against everything everyone said about Black is beautiful etc.  by altering his face and skin tone until his black features where gone.  I felt like he was denouncing what we had in common, what every kid in my class had in common with him -  So great talent=a lack of blackness.  He stood for everything I stood against in that sense... being oneself, letting others know they are beautiful because you look like them excetera.... so I forgot him.  I put up a emotional blockade toward him and stopped listening around whenever it was that he became officially white skinned and skinny nosed.  NOW let me make it clear I DO NOT have any problem with people who are born white skinned (he was whiter than "White" people) or people with skinny noses (his was the skinniest ever), my problem is when people give in to the brainwashing that popular culture seems to shove in everyone's face daily.  So from bulemics to Micheal Jackson it's not fair for me to shut myself off from the victim (after all I should be trying to help them, right?)  but Micheal Jackson made me feel helpless because I couldn't help him to see that he was cool looking, all I could do was watch from afar as he destroyed his face to fix a problem that was not more than a seed of self hatred planted in the soil under the foundation of the vast entertainment factory just above his spine.  And it hurt me.  So I locked him out of my world.  He ceased to be a man to me but a symbol of talent and self-rejection, a posterchild for destroyed kids everywhere.  but he is iconic and is it not the fate of an icon's identity as a person to be lost to the ideas they represent?  I apparently focused on the wrong ideas.  I really just want to mourn with everyone else, but I'm either to selfless or to selfish to.  And here is where something 
in me kicks in and says.... "nah.  that's not true, you are a huge Micheal fan of the man and the myth and you care so much you can't even face it."  You know what I mean?

The Premiere went well...
I'll have some footage from that within the week...
I have some really spiffy Nhate Backwards shirts now that I'll be selling...
Sold some CDs to some really cool people...
By the way, if you buy a cd from me and I tell you email me, do it!
I'm not just saying that, music is best when it is the result of a social experience
so our conversations in person or via the net, will result in the energy that sparks new music.

I'm about to sleep.
rah rah!  the nocturnal!

I met a girl tonight that works a shift of something like 2am-10am in a hospital.
She reccommended Black out curtains for my room and yoga to help me sleep.
And becoming a vegitarian.  I was already considering yoga and a no meat thing somewhat, but I really need those curtains right away.  The sun is seriously screwing with my mind in my sleep...

I also met a guy who believed parents should smoke meth with their kids as a drug deterrent.  yeah.  More on that next time.  I plan to do a full on interview within the week.

NHATE > SLICED BREAD ?  you be the judge.

I was fresh back to Detroit about to leave town again in the morning, I had promised a friend a CD and forgot the CD the first time I gave it to them... anyways it's like 1 or 2am and I'm rolling home and I see a guy get stabbed or punched and then kicked by a group of 3 younger dudes... he's down for the count.... I was passing so it was hard to tell how the stomach blow worked (knife?  no knife?) but he went down and balled up pretty fast, then he was still as hell while the kids ran his pockets and stomped him then jet off into the night, So I call 911 and tell 'em "yo an old guy is balled up on the ground on the sidewalk on the northside of six mile just east of Hubbell.  Three guys just stomped him and got his wallet."  Know what the operator asks me?

Was the man on the sidewalk Black or White.  Seriously?  I said "I don't know."  

She didn't need his race to find the guy, I said, "just look for the guy balled up laying really still in that area."

She said okay.  We're dispatching  a paramedic and a police.

She didn't ask about the perps.  I guess she assumed on that...

it's fucked up out here.  It's crazy.  I wonder if he was alive.

The media is fucking stupid as a whole, no regard is shown as they sell ad time with over-inflated bullshit!

NO! The man who got pregnant? WHAT? no, call it what it is:
---Woman who cuts her hair low and boobs off while taking pills to disguise herself as a
dude, misses her period AGAIN!--- IF you are a dude or a chick and demand I call you
something else, I'll do it but I'll be thinking, "
out of my respect for you as a human with feelings I'll do it,
but this is some dumb shit for me to have to play along with."
Soooooo why the fuck is the media acting like this is amazing?
NO!!!!! It's not! Cross dressers get bitches pregnant all the time!
why is it a big deal if a mandrogenous chick gets knocked up?


Plus She's married to another chick, so where is the jizz come from anyways?
who fucked that dude ass looking chick? maybe she went went to the
doctor and bought the spooge from a catalogue, but my point is this:
If tv watchin children missed it the first time, it's reinforced now
and kids are
gonna be confused as fuck by the news screaming that they have an interview with "a pregnant man",
screw that shit. That's false advertising, it's got a cunt, men ain't got no cunts. Scientific fact. I read books hoe.



Can I not find even the most measly quantum of solace? Why does California keep catching on fire? WTF? Why is gay marriage an issue?

So I was chillin today and i noticed I was really feelin life is nice. It was weird. I love how us humans are just a bunch of chemicals and our emotions can be so fleeting. I was eating my peanut butter covered apple and having sex wif my chick and reading a book and making beet-celery juice with fresh clover honey and I realized that music cures my soul of many ailments and visual art is what keeps my idle hands busy... even though it's a problem sometimes that I'm never idle. I'm teaching kids art between studio sessions now. I suck at blogging. I need a subject to stick to.

Bender is great, I don't really like American Dad - but Roger is hilarious so I watch it sometimes.
here is my schedule today....


10:00am eat kashi while lifting weights 10:30am pee and brush teeth simultaneously.
11:00 am poop, shower. (not simultaneously)
12:00 pm boil water fix tea, writing a script for a secret movie project.
01:00 pm run errands at banks and stuff like that.
02:00 pm debauchery.
03:30 pm write song ideas down
04:00 pm teach kids technical stuff about art.
06:00 pm go home, make beats.
08:00 pm perform the music for the people, make them pay.
11:00 pm check the inter-net for information about myself.
11:08 pm write comic book stuff for meeting tommarrow.

maaaaannnnnnnn,
damn I suck at Blogging.

I'm just wondering.... cuz I will do it.

Yeah thats right Nhate Backwards is a blog whore! subscribe and I'll let you touch me with the hot iron... once just once. on my shoulder. okay?

okay?


um so tonight i bought my first kicks or a girl. I think that is a significant thiing for black peeples... so yeah.

I'm growing up. thy were cool shoes. sad thing is i was planning to get something for myself yo.
I still got my superstar ones.. i hate nikes hard ass sole. Addddeeeedaaaazzz bend like my foot so yeah. I'm looking to replace ... I got the blueprints all ready for the Second Quarter!!!!






I'll prolly get the same ones til they manufacture what I need......
but i liked the thicker fluffier tongue on the superstar 1s.. oh well it's gone like original oreos.

AND I hope adidas doesn't use sad babies to build shoes i'm scared to look! cuz those other shoe companies don't fit my feet right... 14s gota be right. and i'd have to boycott dat or something maybe i think... anyyays

when i wrote hard ass sole did it mess with your head too? It took me a minute to figure out what i wrote even heh.