So I got a new Jeff Hanneman (Slayer) ESP LTD JH-600 signature series guitar. My diabolical plan to worship Slayer at every turn is nearly complete. Funny thing is, most people bag on signature series guitars, but this is actually a nice, well made Alder wood axe.

In order to put this bitch to work, and after accidentally watching probably 10 different episodes of Metalocalypse in a row last week, Death Knell was the result.

You've probably never encountered another death metal song that samples Sesto Sento. I really have no excuse for the sort of Die Form/Church of Ecstacy bullshit in the middle. I drank a really large cup of coffee.

--Philosorapist

...and we're not on the fucking soundtrack?????

WHAT THE FUCK!!!  OUR AGENT MUST DIE!!!


Of course, we don't have an agent.  And if we were any farther from Hollywood we'd be in the Atlantic Ocean.

Either way, America will soon be waxing nostalgic about Sleestak and Land of the Lost, and here we are with the only fucking song on the subject that matters.

And here you are, ahead of the curve.


SO FUCK EM.  YOU'RE SMARTER THAN THEY ARE!!!!


rAWK!!

Too good to be true!

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2009/05/crosby_objects_to_hats_on_ice.html

"People kept throwing hats," Sidney Crosby said tonight. "I was just asking if he could make an announcement to ask them to stop. I mean, the first wave came and then I think they were all pretty much picked up, and then more started coming. So for us, we just wanted to make sure we kept kind of moving and kept the game going, wanted to try to get back in it. So wasn't complaining about anything."



HAHAHAHHHAAA!!!

ASSHOLE!

Check out the video of the Pummeler song "Ovechkin" made by Smash Mouth Hockey


Pretty damn cool!!! 

Their sites:

http://www.myspace.com/smashmouthhockey

http://smashmouth.bravehost.com/

So there's a Pens blog that's become obsessed with us, trying to find out who we are, insulting us, etc etc...IT'S (UNINTENTIONALLY) HILARIOUS!!  They've tried to goad us into interviews and "conference calls", promising not to get into a "pissing match", but their blog is nothing but lame-ass pedantic internet "fail patrol" sophistry.

But fun is fun.

I finally gave in and answered some questions they sent, on the condition that the answers are printed in full, unedited.

But since they're Pens fans, I doubt they know that that means, and they probably don't have the honor to do it in the first place...SO HERE'S THE EMAIL EXCHANGE!

--------

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: Adam

To: PUMMELER (explicit %$@#ing lyrics)

Date: Mar 31, 2009 12:38 PM

Subject: Q&A offer on the table





Hey guys. On my lunch break. Hope you respond to our q&a offer. We
get a shitload of visitors every day. It would be good publicity. We
just need explanation of that bizarre "walking billboard" quote, why
you have aliases, why one of you calls himself Lord Jupiter, what OBM
stands for, and how it feels to criticize the NHL for marketing and
making money off of Crosby while you are also trying to make money off
of Crosby with your latest song.



Let us know


---------

Only if you print responses in full, unedited:

Here you go:

1)  "Walking billboard" needs to be explained, in the post-NASCAR era???  Really?  It refers to wearing logo'd material.  One of our members prefers not to PAY to advertise for clothes companies.  Some people seem to think they're boosting their legitimacy with the prestige of the logos/labels they flaunt.  It's fake status.  Others just want to be judged by what they do, not the imagined elitism of the clothes they wear.

2)  We have aliases because it's fun, and because we know wackjob stalker Pens bloggers are likely to stay up all night obsessing on who we are.

3)  Lord Jupiter is Russian code for "Penguins fans lick themselves while sleeping".  It's a little known fact that this was on the first post-Glasnost letterhead Gorbachev had printed.  He used to order cases and cases of single ply toilet paper and maps of Pittsburgh on it.  Kind of a mystery.

4)  OBM means OBM until further notice.

5)  Are you seriously stupid enough to compare writing a song about the NHL's force-fed poster child with the actual hype machine that created the caricature in the first place?  I mean really...are you THAT fucking dumb?


Thanks!

-P

In case you missed it, we were interviewed about our hit single "Crosby Sucks" for the Washington Post.  Part of the interview was published on page 2 of today's sports section, and the rest is up on Dan Steinberg's blog, D.C. Sports Bog.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/30/AR2009033003098.html

Full interview:

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2009/03/about_that_crosby_sucks_anthem.html


The response has been overwhelmingly positive, and the playcount continues to skyrocket.  People are buying up the Pummeler album, too.  Thank you!

What's REALLY funny is all the hatemail and moronic blog responses from cavedwelling Pens fans.  I am NOT kidding when I say I've been laughing almost constantly for two days straight.

I won't bother to deal with their ridiculous complaints point by point, but it's great to know they're pissed off, and their whining justifies every word of the song.  It means we DID OUR JOB.

   

Thanks for the entertainment, and thanks to our fans!!!  LET'S GO CAPS!!!


-P

New song and lyrics!   Check the main page!

Crosby Sucks

A complainer, a lamer
not a future hall of famer
got Bettman's,
affection
but he's surely not "The Next One"
his mouth is always
running
with his swollen flapping lips
that he puckers up for
Mario
when he isn't sucking......
 
Crosby sucks
he's out of luck,
cause all the
tears and press attention will not
help him catch
Ovechkin
Crosby sucks

He's a diver, a whiner
with a wimpy
one-timer
a cheater, a bleater
and a loser, not a leader
he talks a lot
of smack because
he thinks he'll kick your butt
he'll just hit you with
his stick
and then he'll punch you in the nuts

Canadian
sensation
well at least on certain stations
a poster child for
francophiles
who dance to Zombie Nation
all his fans are morons
who
defend his every stunt
and the "C" that's on his chest
well it really
stands for...

Crosby sucks
like laser pucks, though you can
dress
him up with lipstick, you can't
photoshop statistics
Crosby sucks

A
yoni, a phony
losing races with zambonis
it's scary how you're
married
to Lemieux and Donna Cherry
you aren't worth this music
or your
40 million bucks, you'll
waste your life in Pittsburgh
and you'll never
win the Cup

Crosby sucks,
won't win the cup, how can the
fans of
Swann and Bettis
stand in line to buy his sweater?
and stand behind his
letters
when Malkin's clearly better?
Crosby sucks
 
WAAH, WAAH,
WAAH, WAAH, WAAH, WAAH, WAAH, WAAH
BOO HOO, CINDY CRIESBY

----------


Also, check out this cool Ovechkin highlight vid by a Caps and Pummeler fan, Kevin (music not ours):



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17s_NJd2_78

http://www.amazon.com/Naked-Women-Whisky-and-Wine/dp/B001N46PYM/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=dmusic&qid=1229227901&sr=8-4


Maybe that link will work, maybe it won't.  Whatever.  You know how to use teh inarnets.

Amazon.com 
search for "Pummeler"

We there.

-P

Here:

http://cdbaby.com/cd/pummeler

These versions have been beefed up and tweaked for electronic playback, and sound AWESOME in the car or on an ipod.  Individual songs will be available soon via Amazon, Napster, iTunes, etc


ENJOY!

-P