Jackson, WY is often described as Jackson Hole or at the very least the term Hole somehow always seem to come into play when you’re talking about this little tucked away town. I personally associate this description with shit holes or fuckin'... or fuckin' shit holes. This is getting disgusting.

The point I was trying to make is that, contrary to what the “Hole” suffix might imply, Jackson, WY is actually a pretty little place. Apparently, the whole "Hole" thing comes from some characteristic of this geographic region. I still don’t see it. Anyway, it has this main drag that looks like it was made to race down at 88.6 miles per hour, at the end of which, you’d skid into a brighter future. I could have just said it’s quaint.



This was the first date of the Bar Hunt tour at which we were to play an All Ages show. It was also the first date at which we were to play 2 shows in one day. I rarely do this sort of thing, which you can translate as never. It’s fairly challenging, or at least I think it is, or would be. I have a hard enough time keeping my pipes healthy playing one set a night. Some artists will do entire tours of 2 show days. I don’t have the hearty voice or the training for this kind of abuse, so I was a little nervous. Fortunately the eats were good at Cutty's and our all ages show was early with a 3 hr or so break for me before the 21+ show.

In retrospect I wish they would have combined the 2 events. It would have been pretty packed. As it went down we had two decently attended events and somehow I was able to contain myself enough to retain all the evil powers of my voice.
Highlight performance of the night for me… 101 at the underager event. That kid is spirited as hell, super friendly, original and the kind of performer who commits to his set and his words. I love to see a stage show with a frontman who allows himself to delve into the mood, free of inhibition or insecurity. 101 was throwing down, convulsions, flailing arms, wild vocal inflections and all. He did come scary close to knocking down my keys rig a few hundred times, but to his credit and with his eyes closed for much of this flailing, he never bumped it. His content was even really fun.

101 in a rare moment of stillness


Since the first set was an All Ages show and I have a weak moral fabric, I threw down a selection of my more disgusting songs right off the bat. Little did I know, some of these small town hooligans were far more rambunctious than I, a point illustrated by the hostile little miscreant who tried to go at it with Type at the merch booth after my set. He was cursing and making with the threatening smart alec talk, I guess cause Type made a comment that implied that the kid didn’t have a driver’s license or some such shit. He more or less told Type off, then haggled for 15 minutes with me over the cost of an $8 cd. I finally cut the kid a break. You had to give it up for the guy's stamina. He acted appreciative, but who could say. He was a real smart ass. A couple of times, Kubi even thought he caught the kid trying to steal merchandise but in the end, the young fella walked off with a fistful of stickers that we later discovered papered over the crucial parts of the neighborhood street signs. What a shit that kid was! You almost had to like him. Almost.

Minor Threat. This is face I make when I'm wrecking kid's lives.


The 21 + show was a little less thrilling although it did yield more silly tour slang when Tulsi was spotted making close chit chat with a cute blonde. The slang didn't come till later. First, 101 took Captain Midnite and I on a tour of late night Jackson eateries, which is like going on a hunt for the best swimming holes in a desert. To make a long story short I had to resort to Wendy’s and I hate fuckin’ fast food. I scarfed down 2 of those dry ass baked potatoes. Ick.

It was getting close to closing time and the drunkards had already laughed and rhythm-lessly dry humped each other to Coochie Coup. Tulsi concluded whatever blonde business he had brewing. The door guy Morgan turned out to be even sillier and easy going than us. He took 5 complete strangers back to his house, provided crash spots, beer and other such fun fixins and tunes. I’m not so sure how his roommates felt about this since we stayed up till the sun was rising playing music and laughing hysterically about ball tricks. 

At some point during all this chit chat someone pointed out that Tulsi was still with us and wondered why he hadn't disappeared with his new little friend. Morgan asked which little miss we were talking about and when it came out he leaned over and quietly issued a cautionary, "Oh her. She's a slut," to which Tulsi replied ethusiastically, "Gooooood. I love sluts." Good! What a humanitarian! Tulsi, savior of the sluts. Slut advocate. Jesus! I really came to love that kid over the course of the tour. He is incidentally responsible for expounding on almost all of the ball tricks.

Tulsi, Slut Supporter


It wasn't until about 10 dates into the 16 day tour when Type pointed out that this car full of "wordsmiths" managed to keep the lamest of their conversational artifacts  alive in the enduring tour slang. Gooooood.

i awoke in the all too familiar surroundings of a nondescript hotel in some random nowhere town between tour stops. it was hella early but true to his mysterious form, Type was already awake, showered and silly. i don't know how he does it. he's the last guy to crash but the first up, no matter what kind of fun he had the night before.

it's a long drive from Washington to Bozeman, and since there's no good reason to stick around a spooky little town like Spokane, we scooted after the show and crashed a couple hours closer to our Montana diggs. i was pretty pumped for this particular tour stop cause MT is a comfort zone for me. thanks to my good friends Black Mask, i've been back to Bozeman at least 4 times. i'm practically a local. Well, not exactly.

Jotorcycle

I reached out to Joe, Black Mask’s keys player, and made plans to link. We had a tradition of staying up all night after the show and playing his beautiful Steinway. Yes, Joe has a real Steinway. It’s amazing. Unlike me though, he deserves it! He’s fantastic and the stuff I aspire to be.

A few tank refills and restroom pit-stops and we reached Bozeman. The venue we were playing at was creepy as fuck, which is to say, it looked like a barn, or maybe even a garage where they repair snowmobiles and farm equipment, and as it happened, it was surrounded by barns. I felt like Eddie Murphy in 48hrs when he walks into the cowboy bar in a suit and picks a fight, only I didn’t have a gun or a well-warn Nick Nolte to back me up. By my estimation, Type was just as likely to get a beating in this place simply on the grounds that he’s a fairly strange looking character.

We crept by the bar full of scary daytime drinkers and mounted animal heads without notice. So far, so good. The sound tech for the evening turned out to be a guy name Luke that I’ve met and worked with several times so things were looking up. I set up my merchandise and stage rig. Then it was time to figure out how we were going to manifest a crashpad and a place to shower before show time. Ordinarily this wouldn’t have proven to be a problem, but Black Mask was playing 2 shows that day: One with us and one with fantastically dorky rock rap hybrids, Schwayze. Fortunately, joe picked up his cell just before the teen frenzy and gave us instructions to get to the house, the greenlight to make ourselves at home and the name of their ultra friendly, large and hairy mascot Tango. Joe pretty much rules.

Tango turned out to be just as friendly as Joe promised and in a couple hours we were showered and filled with our 2^nd dose of Subway $5 footlongs this tour. Eat fresh. Back at the venue, the old MT friends were abound. There was of course the customary awkward run in with Laura who is tough to take your eyes off of, but this time it was worse. She had a new man-friend and what’s worse, he was in the band! Then as if I wasn’t in enough trouble, she had in tow, her rascally friend Leah who was magically delicious. I hate attractive women on tour. They just remind you of how lonely the tour experience can be, so far away from the creature comforts of home. Well, that’s how it is when you’re a good boy anyway. These day’s I’m practically a monk, less the chanting, drab style and silly haircut. Alright, well less the silly haircut anyway.

Showtime was fairly typical fare. To begin, Tulsi performed another set for himself. In other words, he paced around the stage making no eye contact and in his own zone as if it was rehearsal with no crowd. I planned to try giving him the old “draw in the crowd” pep talk/consult but hadn’t seen my window or shown him enough of my own experience and ability to justify opening my mouth. He’s actually a very adept mc. I just thought it was obvious that he didn’t have much stage experience and that it was a bad way to start our tour every night by having the first act on our lineup display a glaring disparity between ability and practical know how. Still, it’s not like he was awful, he just wasn’t connecting. I’ll get to that later though cause things turned around in a major way for Tulsi.

The Let Go had a bit of a goofy night. Type was having monitor mix issues and because he couldn’t hear himself, one of the three bits of durable tour slang coined was born. After a few frustrating songs, he announced with his characteristic mania that he was “taking a knee” and commenced to exchange auditory exhibition for spectacle. It was actually kind of funny to watch, but if you know anything about Type than that probably wouldn’t surprise you. Anyway, by the last day of tour we’d used the expression “taking a knee” for just about any and every activity one might imagine. You gonna eat that? I’m taking a knee. I can’t get this fuckin’ thing to work. I’m taking a knee. So, what happened? Did you get laid? I took a knee. You get the idea.

I performed a succinct set because in this town I actually prefer to open for my openers! I love Black Mask as people and performers. They’re really fun guys on all levels and they’ve got a devoted following in the area so I banged out a tight trip through my catalogue right up to present and then danced the night away front and center for the Black Mask set. I even got serenaded while clutching joe’s stuffed turtle (was it a turtle? I don’t remember) by way of piano solo.

A few more awkward hugs goodnight than necessary with my friends Laura and Leah and I was off to bang my real MT jumpoff… Joe’s fantastic Steinway. We played and shot the shit till the sun came up. I probably should have slept some more, but it’s not every day I get to put my hands all over such a finely designed piece of machinery. Well, there are those long showers. I disgust myself. Alright. I’ll talk to you guys soon and share my musings about my first visit to the hole: Jackson, WY.

i promised myself i would do this because we had so many amazing back to back nights. i know people typically do this sort of thing as it's happening, but you're gonna have to rely on my fantastic retention to enjoy the experience. fortunately, i was on the wagon for the better part of this tour so i managed to keep it all well contained. we'll do this a few days at a time so i can give some detail and pics. here goes...

unbelievable!!!

we are winning so far which is amazing, but makes me even more nervous. we have to keep this up till friday at noon.

i don't know how many of my myspace friends are over there boosting the vote count, but i need you guys. collectively. as many of you who have ever felt grateful for the stuff i've put out even if this new isn't your cup of tea.

you already know i change with every record i make. i will get back to you stylistically cause all things work in cycles. success here makes that possible.for those of you who are down with the Spork Kills stuff, this is your chance to create action and keep an artist you're into on TV. plain and simple. so...

GO VOTE FOR THE Spork Kills "Night of the Hip 'N Dead" video NOW!!!

READ WHAT THE MTV FOLKS SAID ABOUT US.
IT'S HELLA FLATTERING!!!

http://www.mtvu.com/music/the-freshmen/pick-this-weeks-freshmen-video-041309/



YOU CAN VOTE AS MANY TIMES AS YOU LIKE.
I ENCOURAGE YOU TO BE ANNOYING ABOUT IT!

you can also write to me at sporkkills@gmail.com or louislogic@gmail.com if you have any questions or you just wanna chop it up about the video or volunteer to help spread this. i'm spending my week doing nothing but this and i would love it if you would join me if only for part of it.

cheers, louis

modern coffee machines have this feature that allows you to "sneak a cup" while the reservoir is still emptying through the filter. unless you're too health-smart to suck the black swill down or you've been living in a cave in the foothills of some distant country with an unpronounceable name, you've probably observed this
marvel of modern technology. of late, this feature has become my personal litmus test for the quality of the day ahead of me. for instance, today was a "sneak a cup" day. i'm in the midst of one such day and i thought i would share my musings with you all.



by the by, how do you take yours?

naturally, i dispense will all the pleasantries and go right in for hot and black. it's good for overused jokes, saving time and allaying disappointment by way of lowered standards. whether the crafts table at your anonymous meeting is tapped  or you're just too young and lazy to chuck that curdling half gallon on your fridge door, you don't have to concern yourself with discovering there aren't enough fixings.
i've considered treating the rest of my life this way. you know... asking less of me. if i don't expect much i can't be disappointed when i don't produce much. this is probably instilling you with little faith in the future of my music. not to worry. i'm far too melodramatic to settle for a baseline life. i think i actually enjoy the valleys and peaks the way pop stars enjoy uppers and downers.
you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life. the facts of life. there's a time you got to grow and show...



just kidding. i won't make you read all of the lyrics for that song. that's just silly. anyway, i should go. i could probably be doing something much more important than this. i know i don't update my blog terribly often but that's the way i see it. you could reading more of this crap or hearing more songs. some of you would actually elect for more songs! with that, i'm off!

the week in news is as follows...

i have a persistent eye twitch related to sleep deprivation that will not go away
my doctor explained to me that it's inhuman to sleep 4 hrs a night so...
i found out that i'm not human. which actually, if you think about it, is pretty cool.



i have 3 new grandkids. i mentioned that before. now see the evidence for yourself:



i started giving my good friend and music associate Todd Buchler piano lessons
god help him. i could use some more lessons.*

rolf is outpacing me in Spork Kills related gains even though i put in as many or more hours. the conclusion: Rolf is a more effective individual than i. henceforth i will aspire to be more ROLF and i advise you to do the same.

BE LIKE ROLF


my street team is ablaze with activity. it's thrilling and enthralling. you should wish to be on it. some highlights:

my homegirl, nat made amazing banners for us to disperse. they will be handed out momentarily to members for sharing at their needlepoint groups.

my homeslice phill single-handedly put my dust collecting url sporkkills.com to use by building a wonderful website in progress.

my canadian connect grant hooked up the fresh myspace graphics matching message board on which you can voice your disdain for me and how i always switch styles just when you're getting used to the latest experiment.

wonderful jenna has gone way out of her way to create flyers and pass them out at shows as well as using her charms and powers of persuasion to work the small miracle of getting local club DJs to actually play Spork Kills songs at the club right then and there. i don't think i could have pulled that off and i can shoot the shit like nobody's biz.

hayley has held down spork kills representation for an entire continent all by her lonesome, distributing materials to radio stations and even braving threats from jealous girls on who's boyfriends' profiles she had posted spork kills propaganda.

sean and jed became the two headed monster team captains responsible for pumping life back into the team and activities and making my participation simpler and more vital since i'm no longer charged with busy work, only providing materials that only i can provide... like me.

long story short, you guys complete me! (sheds single tear here)



*more lessons coming thanks to street teamer, filmmaker and best friend, jed i rosenberg.

this weekend, i played a show at roger williams university where i was told the unofficial replacement phrasing for the acronym RWU is rich white underachievers. not to worry, it was one of the underachievers who told me that. i don't know about you but i thought that was pretty amusing. ironic though. them there kids are no slouches when it comes to turning out for a free hip hop show. it was a decent little affair. i was surprised. look at these affluent slackers...

c/o me and my iphone


energetic eh? that shit must be shiz. i love debunking myths.

i also met some of the coolest, most fun cats to share a bill with that i've met in a while. math panda from dc area were on the event and man are those guys fun individuals. slick sons of guns even managed to con a sweet suite out of the old RWU folks. as ryn burns (math panda mc) put it, the place was begging to be partied in. we raged till i got silly and philosophical. by the end of the night i even got bonked in the face with a dusty ass couch pillow by my new friend josef ayala as i unsuspectingly exited the lavatory. and we seemed to be getting along so well earlier in the night... observe pre-facebonk:

c/o greg josselyn


so, saturday is the real gem of all this. math panda had the good grace to inform me that they were actually heading to BK, that's brooklyn in NY talk, to have an album release party the next night in a loft space. they invited me to come along and rock a set if i wanted. who am i to refuse such an offer? i also met black lung, vincent campbell and singer heidi from math panda as well as rosetta stoned who none of whom were at Rich White U but were also great finds.

so MP gave me 30 minutes, but since i've been meting the g0spel of Spork Kills by the Billy Dee Williams Colt 45 Philosophy, i didn't need that much. it Works Every Time. in brief, i kept it short and it was sweet. i brought my homey Jonny October with me for a little added treat and each of us played 2 songs. he was very fresh by the way and making headway for people with red hair, or gingers as they are often called, everywhere.

i played Black Widow and Night of the Hip 'N Dead. dude, it was fantastic. i forgot how fun it is to show up and cold call a party crowd. you know the science.. just unassumingly stroll in and win over a room full over strangers in a few quick moments. so many people came up to me offering fellatio that i got all giddy and happy-like. alright that didn't happen. but tons of people were like "yo, where can i get this?" or "damn, man you're awesome fresh, fantastic!" that did happen. i'm gonna do this shit every night that i can, any place that will let me. shit, i might come to your house. what's more grassroots than building your following one party at a time? i love it. you get the ancillary benefit of the continual party too.

so, what else. i'm reviving my street team. my assistant Sean Bargen and long time career advocate and filmmaker Jed I. Rosenberg are about to help me make some changes to the operation. all street teamers will now be required to have chips implanted into their cerebrums that allow me to pipe in my thoughts. just kidding! i'm not gonna actually share my thoughts. i have an assistant who whose thoughts will be piped in. that's the american way. push the mess onto someone else's desk.

so, on that note. i'm off to my bi-weekly Secretly A Socialist meeting to talk about how sexy free healthcare is. toodles.

......................

alright! so the last week. let's see... how was it?

hmm... fun filled. action packed. a real joyride. sounds
like a move review! it was fairly busy. here's a shortlist of things from the
week:

.. ..

delivered 4 chihuahua puppies

buried 1 poor little chihuahua puppy who didn't make it

wrote and recorded harmonies for a rock song

attended a really avant guarde rap show

gave a piano lesson

found a senior citizen a new apartment to live in

climbed a really scary fire escape w/ no rails up 4 stories

ate

slept

drank

bought some pot

smoked a little pot

grew beard (see):

watched like 12 movies

cooked 8 vegetarian dinners

cleaned

got brakes on tour van fixed

recorded guest rapping verse and doo wop harmony section

signed contract for a show at a college in RI

went to traffic court in NJ

they asked me to come back in March.

Boo.

So, what's up with you?

see.. i haven't actually come up with a New Year's Resolution yet. i'm gonna do it right here. right now. on the spot. this may take several minutes so just pretend there's a little progress bar that popped up, indicating that we're getting somewhere.



let's start with the obvious. i resolve to quit smoking. cigarettes? done. 7 years ago. pot? who told you i smoke pot? who told you i'd quit!?! poles? that's not something i do often enough to have to quit. i think it's safe to say there's no need for me to quit smoking.
let me see here... binging, purging, record store splurging. no. no. and no.
no problem with any of those. i don't have a choice about the purging thing. i don't do it for kicks and i'm not a bulimic. i have a digestive disorder and every now and then i have to...



well, nevermind. you don't wanna hear about that. it's gross and you'll think me mean spirited for sharing. i don't know if sympathy will make this any better but i've had throat surgery about 7 times for this problem and i'll no doubt have to endure it again if i stay here... on the earth that is. i don't think i'd have this problem on the moon what with the gravitational difference and all.
right. so, new year's resolutions. umm...
i resolve to spend less time on suicide girls. pass. i resolve to keep my hands off me. pass.



who would ever impose such a punishment? this is more difficult than i thought it would be. i resolve to come up with a new year's resolution. that's just circular and silly. how do you guys do this? i don't know how serious to make this thing. i mean, if i make it too easy, then it defeats the whole purpose of lofty self-improvement. if i make it too hard, then my failure will surely dent my self esteem and sap me of my drive. alright. one. two. three.
nothing. i'm gonna close my eyes and hold my breath.



hahaha. it's like i'm trying to get rid of hiccups or something. i could always ask someone to tell me what i suck at. don't get any big ideas, you! i said i could ask someone. 
ok. maybe it won't be such a big deal if i resolve to do a bunch of little things. can you have more than one? i think that's alright.

so firstly, i resolve to talk more often. not like at parties and stuff. i'm already hell at that.

OBSERVE THE DRUNK, CLOSE-TALKER IN ACTION (Poor Ethan):



i get a few in me and you better run for the doors. i meant on my blog and to my street team. smaller, more frequent messages. ok, that's not bad.
i resolve to practice more. this is good. i'm getting somewhere. although i feel a little like i just ratted myself out. i do practice daily, but i haven't been doing the 2 and 3 hrs a day thing i'd been doing in the first few years of piano study. oh yeah.. my good friend and associate Jed I Rosenberg got me some piano lessons as a present. that's so sweet. he met a new little lady and has been all happy and shit. it's awesome. i think he got the lessons before the lady though. he's just a good guy. where was i?

The Ever Beneficent & Morally Magnanimous, Jed I. Rosenberg


i have two so far. i resolve... i resolve to... you think i'm kidding. i'm really thinking this out right now. let's see. i resolve to be more evenhanded.. scratch that. too vague a start. i resolve to keep better touch with friends who are not music associates. yeesh. that's a tough one. well, i'll try it. maybe. i have to stay focused. that wasn't a resolution! i'm pep talking myself. i will... ok. this is a good one and practical. i resolve to finish the drywall on my ceiling and i won't make you guys read a big drawn out entry about it. i'll just do it. ooo. that's good. so, that's 3. that's 3 for today. that wasn't so bad, was it? i'm gonna do this again. let's see how i make out with those 3 things, although as promised, i'm not gonna say much about the ceiling thing. i'll tell you whether i did it cause otherwise i could just cheat and not do it and you'd never know. so, that's my 3. more talkie, more practice, more ceiling. got it. done. you aren't gonna recognize me after this! thanks so much for your help, guys. really. happy new year and good luck with your own pointless exercises in self-improvement.