It occurred to me recently that I have quite a few nicknames for my cats:

Mehah - Also going under the aliases Meo, Maya, Mayo, Mayonnaise, Merle, Merle Da Lerle, Squirrel, Squizz, Squizzy, Squizzoozle, Squizzmeister, Schmoogle, Schmooglepuss, Schmoogs, Schmoogie, Meo De Leo, Mr. Moogs, and Chuck's nickname for him, Meatloaf

Bella - Also going under the aliases Miss Belle, Belly, Bell-Bell, Schmelly Belly, Bellina, Princess, Pincess, Bella-Louella, Belle-Louise,  Bellaweena, Honeybun, Bunny, Miss Bun, Bunita, Bun-Bun, and Chuck's nickname for her, Meatball

And these nicknames are just the ones I can remember off the top of my head and is in no way a complete list.

I am obviously as nutty as my cats are confused of their identity.

I think it's mildly hilarious lately when people have noticed my name change.  They immediately congratulate me, assuming that I just recently got married.  If only you could see their faces when I tell them that that's my actually my maiden name which I reverted to since my recent divorce.  This is when I politely help them remove their foot from their mouths with a smile. 

Found this anonymous note taped to my front door this past Friday....typos and grammatical errors included for added hilarity:

__________________________

June 19, 2009

Hi,

Welcome to the neighborhood.

When you have company your turn your music up too loud.  I don't think people realize how far the base travels.  Your music vibrates up and down the street.

There is a sign over the mailboxes concerning music, please take time to read it.

I want you to enjoy your home and I want to enjoy mine in peace and quite.

Thank you

___________________________

I'm going to frame this and hang it on my wall to remind myself of how much I rule.....lmao.  Of course, then I'm going to crank my Marshall up loud enough to knock the frame right back down to the fucking floor. ;)

Guess we'll have to relocate band practice and find some new neighbors to piss off.

The Asian woman who works at my favorite Chinese restaurants kept going on about "How many meals do you eat per day?  How do you stay so skinny?"  It was quite difficult to keep my smartass side from answering, "Ancient Chinese secret."

So I'm sitting here cranking up my Marshall when I hear a loud pounding.  I stopped playing.   There it goes again.  Someone at the back door?  I answer.  A boy is standing there, a very familiar boy who just so happened to stop by a couple of weeks ago to ask for directions to the ball field.  On that day, I gave him directions and sent him off but I remembered that he seemed like he didn't want to leave...or like maybe he really had another agenda.  One having nothing to do with directions to the ball field. 

Today I answer the door and, again, there he stood.  He goes into some speedy dialogue about an assignment his teacher gave him...an assignment where he was required to kiss five girls and report on it to 'learn about the sexes'.  He wanted to know if I wouldn't mind 'french-kissing' him 'for three seconds'.  I nearly died!  I asked who set him up to do this.  He said he came on his own accord.   I told him I couldn't kiss him.  He asked why.  I told him I didn't feel like going to jail.  He said he promised he wouldn't tell anybody.  I told him, "Oh, they'll find out.  People always find out.  You'll discover that about life."  He asked if I had a boyfriend.  I told him yes.  I was afraid he'd ask me out if I said I wasn't taken!  He asked how old I was.  I laughed and told him I was probably at least twice his age.  He guessed that I was 26.  He couldn't have been more than 13-14 years old tops.  I told him he should ask someone his own age.  He told me I was 'the hottest girl he's seen around here' so he really wanted ME to kiss him.  I told him sorry....and that he had to go home.  "Where are your parents?  Where do you live?"  He told me lives down the street.  Surprise, surprise!  BESIDE THE BALL FIELD. 

He said that's too bad because now his teacher was going to give him an F.  I told him maybe if he explained the situation (that I was too old and therefore, illegal), she'd understand. 

The creepy thing about the situation is that the whole time he was giving me that 'drunk guy' look....you know the one where a guy gets drunk and displays in his leer exactly what he wants to do to a woman?  He kept staring at my lips and licking his own.  I honestly think he was considering just coming in for a landing and planting one on me! 

So now I'm wondering if this kid is spying on me through my windows and shit.   LOL!  I'm kind of weirded out! 

I just realized that this was the first year I've been "sans Valentine" since 18 years ago.  No wonder I'm so happy to be alone!  Gosh, looking at it this way, that looks like a prison sentence...LMAO.  Hooray for parole!

I totally dug up a file folder full of fairly nasty printed out porn in our storage area at the symphony offices yesterday.  After a quick perusal, I tossed them into the wastebasket at my desk in hopes that the janitor would notice and get a rush.  Trash is empty now.  Poor sap probably doesn't know what to think about his discovery. 

Ugh, I feel so dirty looking at the same porn I'm feeling pretty certain my ex-boss was rubbing one off to, possibly even during work hours?  Or maybe it wasn't his at all and belonged to someone from before I ever even worked here, which was YEARS ago.

Honestly though, I don't know why this person didn't take his spank-bank with him...or why he didn't just throw it out.  Leaving it in storage is strange.  Then again, maybe he left it as a token to brighten one of my future days knowing I'd eventually stumble upon it.  If so, it worked, because I nearly crapped my pants from laughing so hard. 

Sweet.

Search for any popular song + "guitar" on YouTube and you'll find a fuckton of uploaded videos of people playing Guitar Hero to that particular song.  Here I am searching for videos of people playing songs I want to learn or improve on a REAL guitar and I'm getting more Guitar Hero results than anything else.  Does it get any more boring than watching a video of some random person playing "I Hate Myself for Loving You" on Guitar Hero?  I think not. 

FAIL

Some guy came out of the business across the street, walked over to me while I was out on my smoke break and handed me a card and said, "Someone wanted me to give this to you." and then walked back across the street and into the business he had just exited.  I was weirded out.  I looked at the card and it's a "Ticket to Heaven".  It says, "If you don't need a ticket to Heaven, tear this up...if you can." (The 'if you can' part was written in sinister italics.)  On the back it has a bunch of bullshit about how if you've ever looked at a person with lust you're a sinner and all this baloney about how I'm going to Hell if I don't think about anything besides lollipops and gumdrops for the rest of my life.  What I want to know is why does everyone keep trying to save my soul?  And more importantly, how much is a "Ticket To Heaven" going for on E-bay these days?

NYC was simply AMAZING!  I always thought I could never live in the city, but this trip changed my mind.  Truth is, I'd never want to DRIVE in the city, but living there?  OH yeah.  I could handle that.  Despite my small share of bad luck on this trip, we got to do a lot of things over the 3 1/2 days we were there. 

Pretrip:  8 hours before we left to get on the train to NYC, I got an email from the hotel I had booked (Times Square Apartments) saying that there was damage to the hotel and that our reservations were canceled.  I was freaking out!  We were up half the night trying to find another hotel which (fortunately) we did....the Park Central New York Hotel by Times Square.  Very nice!

Day 1 (September 9):  Arrived in NYC via Amtrak (only $60 each way per person) and decided to go straight to Times Square after dropping off our luggage.  After a quick bit to eat at Sbarro however, my fucking bridge fell out!  So there I am missing a fucking TOOTH and having no way to fix the problem within 1 hour of my arrival into NYC.  *Tears*  A cop told us you can buy dental glue at the pharmacy, so that (temporarily, at least) solved my problem.  Yay!  I think we just walked around Rockefellar Center, Radio City Music Hall and NBC and had a few drinks at Tonic (a karaoke bar) after that.

Day 2 (September 10):  Woke up bright at early and go to take the ferry around the Statue of Liberty, checked out Central Park and did more site-seeing and then over to NBC studios where we caught a taping of The Late Night with Conan O'Brien show.  Guests were Curtis Mayfield (50 Cent), Kaitlyn Olson (from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia), Triumph the Insult Dog and musical guests, Gym Class Heroes.  It was very cool.  The bad luck continued when I injured my knee during our run to the studio which we were late for.  I don't know what's wrong with it, but I should probably get it checked out.  It's fine if it don't move a lot (which is usually the case....LOL) but in NYC where you're forced to walk A LOT, it definitely exacerbated my injury.  Ow.  We also took a horse carriage ride through Central Park.  After that, we went to the Gotham Comedy Club's All-Star show.  I don't remember all of the comics, but Jeff Garland (from HBO's Curb Your Enthusiam) was one of the comics.  Getting a drink in those comedy clubs is nearly fucking impossible though.  It's so bizarre to only have 1-2 waitresses that come around and NO bar for a person to get their own drink!!  Plus they don't even start serving until the show starts!!!  Not very alkie-friendly!

Day 3 (September 11):  Sorta got a glimpse of John McCain being driven through town.  Tried to get on Colbert Report or the Daily Show with Jon Stewart with no luck.  DID get in to be a part of the audience on three tapings of Who Wants to Be a Millionnaire, which was pretty cool.  The episodes won't air until November 17, 18 and 19.  That night we went to the Comedy Cellar, which was awesome because we got to see Colin Quinn, Louis CK (hilarious), Robert Kelly (I had already seen him once at Dane Cook's Tourgasm), Jim Norton and several other pretty big names. 

Cons: 

1. Getting drunk in NYC is nearly impossible.  Never heard of places having 2 drink minimums/3 drink maximums.  WTF??  I'm just starting to get buzzed by my third beer!  Plus the only light beer they have in NYC is Bud Light.....no Miller Lite, Coors Lite or my fav, Michelob Ultra.  Weird!  Not to mention that price.  OMG!  The one comedy club we went to (and then quickly walked back out of) charged $10 per bottle of beer!  Screw THAT.

2. Didn't get to go see a band anywhere due to lack of time.  Dammit!  One of the main things I wanted to do was go to a cool club and see a band but I guess there's always next time.

3.  Hell, didn't get to do a LOT that we wanted to, but 3 1/2 days just isn't enough.  Didn't get to see the Empire State Building or hang out in the background of the Today Show like a dork either.  ;)  And I was ready to come home by Friday anyway.  I missed my kitties and my Marshall. ;)

4.  Never found the Cash Cab....damn!  LOL We love that show.

5.  Obviously, standing outside to smoke every single time is a pain in the ass, but it's going to be like that here too soon, so I can't really blame that on New York. ;)

6.  Oh, and apparently there was a bomb threat on 9/11 at our hotel.  Wee!  The excitement!

I Heart New York!