About two years ago, I went through a very strange phase. I was, for whatever passing whim, determined to get a girl pregnant. Of course, I didn't want to be responsible for raising the child, that would be a lot of work and expensive. No, I wanted to spread my seed over vast terrains and territories without being hampered by a societal construct like "obligation." That my friends is how I got involved in the sordid world of franchising.
I would meet girls at bars and give them fake names, and we'd go back to her place. Usually, since they're drunk, they immediately want to fuck and usually don't even give a shit if you don't have a condom. Over a period of about three months I did this routine with four girls. Of the four only one even cared that I didn't have a condom, and that one even relented and let me fuck her after some heavy petting.
Needless to say, going through this phase as I was, I would ejaculate inside all the girls I brought home. On average I'd say I fucked each of them twice, give or take.
Fast forward two years; Last Sunday I happened to be walking down University street when I heard this woman screaming, "Sean! Sean!" I didn't turn around, or really pay much attention because of course Sean isn't my name, just what I told her it was. Well I hear the woman yelling "Sean!" still and its getting closer and closer and right when I think she's going to walk past me, she taps me on the shoulder. I turn around and it immediately hits me who she is and why she keeps screaming Sean. I ask her what's up, and she just looks at me all livid.
I look down and she's got a two year old kid that she's pushing around in some stroller. She says that the kid is mine and asks why I gave her a fake number. I couldn't fathom a way out of this situation and I was starting to get scared when it dawned on me. I asked her if she wanted to go get something to eat and sit down and talk, and she agreed.
The three of us, that is, Me, her, and her kid (still don't know the sex...) end up in an Applebees for some god awful reason. While we wait for our food she tells me about how she's been raising the child alone and asks me if I would be a part of her life and just would not stop droning on and on. As she was talking I was just staring at that kid; it was whining and chewing on a crayon and drooling all over the place. There's no way I could deal with that. Luckily, the waiter came just then with our food and snapped me out of it, which is a good thing, since I was about to toss the kid across the room like a football.
I got the cheeseburger with onions, pickles, ketchup, lettuce and mustard & seasoned fries on the side. I ate slowly and with conviction, staring harshly at this woman as she droned on about her boring life. Throughout the cheeseburger I had to listen to how her boyfriend abandoned her when he found out the kid wasn't his. French fries were ruined when she wouldn't shut up about her mother's medical condition. Finally, I had to listen to her complain about having to drop out of school and work full time to support this kid that is supposedly mine. I excused myself to the bathroom.
On my way to the bathroom I slipped out the door to the patio, jumped the little fence, and nonchalantly made my way to my truck. I started it and backed up. Shifting into drive gear, I saw her coming out of the doors of the restaurant, but it was too late. I hit the gas and turned out of the parking lot, leaving her there with the bill and the kid, and without a ride.
Zing