Well right now Im sorta mad and I dont know why...

Well actually I do know why. Right now I have a feeling as if Im a good friend and I get shit in return. No recognition no nothing. Shit all really. Now normally I could care less. But once just once id like to be told i was a good friend or something like that. Like I look around and see people talking about how great he or she is. This doesnt happen to me. And if I get a few things of this in sympathy that arent really meant Id actually feel offended.

I try to be the best friend I can but at times I think Im taken for granted. For instance I have many a friend who dont live here in Brisbane. Some from Moree some from the Gold Coast and elsewhere. Now out of my 'friends' so far Ive been visited by about 3. All from Moree. Last time my supposed best mate from Moree was up he didnt even call. Didnt do shit. Didnt try to find me and hang out (He knew my number. He might have had no credit but he had a house phone where he was) so it woulda taken an once of effort to do it. Now Ive been told that some of my other friends might come some time. That hasnt happened. If I was such a great friend I wouldnt have to ask for it. I sound like a fucking attention whore but I could give two shits about that right now. I sometimes need a little attention to feel like my life is even worth a fucking dollar. Otherwise Id just sit here and mope in my own sadness and waste away till Im no better then some other random attention seeking fuck.

Right I just read that and in frustration I made no sense. Fuck it.

Anyway. Just once Id like someone to just rock up and say hello and hang out. Not for me to drive however far. Thrash shit outta my car to see them for 5 minutes.

Ill see some of my friends on the weekend. Thing Im worried about now is that Ill see them say hello and thatll be it. Theyll go off and hang out with other people and not think twice about it. Now these such people (which Ill prolly offend by typing this. So sorry about that but I gotta get this off my chest) will tell me they wont but it has happened before. Not always by the same people. Its never intentional sometimes but it happens. And makes me depressed as a fuck when it does. Questions my ability to be a friend if they dont feel even the slightest urge to want to hang out with me. Im that guy who makes a lot of effort to see them yet I feel like its all in vain.

So to those that care Ill get some stuff that might mean something and other stuff that you might just do since you feel a bit of pity... Ill get through this prolly by tomorrow (after I get outta that fucked up place called tech) but till then fucks me what you should do. I dunno.

So Im sorry if I offend you but well actually maybe that might be a good thing. Since I feel no self worth atm if no one seems (to me) to actually appreicaite me at all...

EDIT - Ok so Ill mod this a tad now. Another thing that somewhat irritates me is a lack of comments. Like some people go 'comment me i will comment back but im bored so comment me' So off I go leave a comment. And does Nathan get return comment??? NO!!!!!!! DENIED!!!!! So I have had no real comments lately cept from people who leave them occasionly on my page (main 3 are Hayley, Emma and Ash) but I get no real comments from anyone else... So what does that say about me...

EDIT 2 - Also lately on msn Ive been one to start many a convo. Which sorta just dies and shit. I end up there questioning wheather it was my fault. Like Im just so fucking interesting that i should run off a goddamn cliff and no-one would notice...

EDIT 3 - Another thing that I just noticed. Sorry doesnt always fix some stuff. At times I sit there and need more. Beyond me what said more is. I get looked upon as the friend who might be nice. But prolly isnt the best friend or something. Since if I was such a good friend I probably wouldnt be getting shitty about some of my friends (well i might since we all have issues)

So really ive become so confused I dont know what im mad about now...

EDIT 4 - So this time whats come to mind. When people have problems I listen. I try to give advice and what not. When I have issues I sorta bring them up. Then its like they just go aha and then go off again. Like Im stuck there with nothing. So I dont get another persons perspective on such things... Like Im up shit creek without a paddle.

And a thing that just hit me. Is that as is one solitary sorry (which I still somewaht see as a pity thing or something) will fix it all. It doesnt always work. Ive apoligised so many times for other people.

Now this isnt me quite totally pissed off beyond recognision. Ive been madder. But if I really got all pissed off and stuff I think Id lose more friends than Id care to think. Which would make it worse. Id actually even contemplate death (as emo or attention whoreish that is)

Now I have a feeling tomorrow that people will be all normal with me. It wont be. Ill prolly still feel a bit of angst from this that wont go away till I see someone actually come and see me or something. Show some actual fucking inititive...

EDIT 5 - Last thing I think. The main thing is that about the only feedback ive gotten was a sorry. No trying to rectify the fact that Ive always driven to see someone. Nothing like 'Hey ill come to your house on say the weekend 4 weeks from now' or something.

The song playing now seems to ring true... People = Shit. Atm anyway...

So yeah I went to a gig at QUT the other night.

My mates band The September Fall was playing (among other bands) and they were awesome. I had a blast there too.

After they played (TSF were opening) I listened to a few of the other bands. They were ok but one stuck out in particular. Neighbourhood Swine. They were just crazy. Like this awesome Punk of which I havent heard in a while. So Im on the lookout for anything they have released (if they have released an EP or something)

After the gig I went with a few of my friends to a mates place on the Gold Coast. That was good. Though it was like 1am when we got there. Then on my way home the next day I was half way home before I noticed that I left an amp head at his place (he had to borrow one so I got my flatmate to lend him his) so yeah. Had to drive back for that.

But yeah other than that it was an awesome few days. It was like my weekend (Since I work during the weekend)

Anyway. Thats about all I got happening atm.

Nathan

Yeah my flatmate won a meat tray so theres a Barbie at my place. Rock up if ya want lol.

Other than that Im not doing anything. Was gonna be heading out tonight for a lap in my mates car but I dont think thats happenin anymore. We are both broke so yeah.

Anyway I think Ill leave it at that since I have nothing else worth saying.

Late night, brakes lock, hear the tyres Squeal. Red Light, cant stop, so I spin the wheel.

Brooke you have gotten that song in my head now lol

Laters
Nathan

Im gonna be kickin it in the city with my lil bro Anthony (hes not really my brother but blood would make us no closer) so yeah Im happy.

Only sucky thing is that its raining here at my joint.

So yeah thats about all I got to say today.

I have no idea what to be saying right now except I think it looks like rain and I got my free Teckademics Stickers (like 50 million of em) so if ya want some or something and you live in Australia somewhere hit me up and Ill see what I can do.

So um yeah other than that. Its gettting hot again w00t so summer is nearly back again.

Other than that I havent a clue what else to say so im bailing.

Laters.