Status: Single
City: TORRANCE
State: California
Country: US
Signup Date: 12/30/2007
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Monday, November 30, 2009
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Current mood:Uprising
Category: Pets and Animals
Hey Folks, whats shakin? Holiday hype driving you nutts? Well once again, we in the ACTUARY family have something to combat the shmooze.... The ACTUARY "DINGBAT" single has finally touched down on AMID THE WAVES! This nineteen-minute plus banger is now available on a 3" CD, and comes in a beautiful package. A defintite collector item..........some our best (or worst) yet. The sound is complimented by the hard work put into this release, and can be heard as well as seen. We thank MARCEL for putting this togther and making it possible. Much praise. Limited to 75 copies, and can only be found here: http://www.amid-the-waves.com
http://www.myspace.com/amidthewavesshop
ACTUARY PLAYS MUSIC. Sometimes. Scary, I know. Up until now, it has been a treat that can only be seen live once and a while. After much work, we have put togther the first (of many) featuring myself on bass and (E) Diffner on drums. Yes, the GOHGER/ACTUARY split 3" is available now, and is the first release to feature this miracle of life. Heavy as all hell and layered with dark noise, that is complimented by tracks from the beautiful sarangi sounds of GOHGER (assisted also by AURAL ANTITHESIS). Released on ACTUARYSOUND and limited to 100 copies. You can get yours through us here or from GOHGER here:
http://www.myspace.com/gohger
Also give a listen to his radio program on Friday nights! More info here: http://www.myspace.com/ksertunnel
Yeah buddy.
Also out now, our debut on LOVETORTURERECORDS!
Yes, the ENDOMETRIUM CUNPLOW/ACTUARY split titled "In Regards to (The Machines)" is out now. It's a tight package (that's what she said) with beautiful collaboration artwork and features (S) Hubert doing electronic work, other than his kinetic body percussion..........we would like to thank DAV for putting out this gem. It can be found here and is really limited to only 24, so good luck:
http://www.myspace.com/endometriumcuntplow
http://www.myspace.com/lovetorturerecords
REVEIWS/INTERVEIWS!
Yeah, we've been making headlines.....
Check out the new issue of PAPERCUTS magazine out now! PC4 contains a nice little interveiw with Dr. Wellman and I, and is available now..............get your copy here, complete with a free mini-CD with an ACTUARY song courtesy of PAPERCUTS RECORDS:
http://www.papercutsrecords.com/PaperCutsZine.html
Also check out the December issue of DECIBEL magazine...........there a nice little write up about the ACTUARY/PEACEMAKER/HFATTM 3 way split............good stuff, but not for those of weak stomachs, check it out:
http://decibelmagazine.com/Content.aspx?ncid=339258
This one recently surfaced as well, from a Japanese music mag called "Grindhouse".......give it a looksee (attached).
If anyone knows what it says, please let me know......
So that's about it . No "how to" this time. In closing I would like to thank everyone for helping to make this such a good year for us. Without you, alot of what we do would be possible (you know who you are). I know, don't go gettin all teary eyed on me and shit, but seriously: thanks to all that support, it means a lot.........next year promises more brutality with lots of good stuff on the horizon......it only gets better (or worse), stay tuned.
Hope all is well,
_D
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Monday, October 12, 2009
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Current mood:  blessed
Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping
Howdy folks! In accordance with our relentless pursuit of extreme sound devourment, we are proud to announce the arrival of three new release gems that are worth lacerating your ears for! Lets cut to the "chase". "TOTURE SIGNALS" is now available on SCOTCH TAPES! This is the first (and will not be the last) tape release by ACTUARY, and our first full-length as well. Some epic originals, as well as some brutal new material..............one of wich is a collaboration with with sound orthodontist ADAM REESE! This tape kicks serious ass right from the start. A true ACTUARY gem: white tapes with beautiful black and white art/insert/and labels. Get yours from us or find it here: http://www.freewebs.com/scotchtapes/http://www.myspace.com/scotchtapesincorporatedIt is limited to 30 copies, so get your while you can. $7 in canada, $8 in the US and $10 everywhere else + $1 for paypal. paypal= scotchtapes (AT) hotmail (DOT) com Al says it resembles the end of the world, but for us, it's more like the begining of the end.........either way, we thank him for putting out such a glorious release. Another smokin goodie is the release on KWARK records in Holland called "SKIN POP". Another beautiful release, also limited to 30 copies is available for purchase or trade. Odd experimentations with some drums and bass thrown in..............brutal all around. This rareity can only be found here: http://www.myspace.com/kwarkrecordshttp://www.kwarkrecords.tk/We thanks the kamiel, and the good folks at KWARK for all their hard work. Help put EINDHOVEN on the map, and check it out. Last, but certainly not least is the epic "CROONER, WITH A PISTOL" on SUBLIMINAL RECORDS. Circuit bent mayhem and brutality.............two songs, on a 3" inch CD put together by the mad greek KOSTAS. Much praise and respect to him. You can get your copy from us here, or trade here: http://www.myspace.com/silensssssLimited to 30 copies as well. Where does it all end? We don't know. We've been working hard and playing hard, and have LOTS more in store real soon like....................It only gets worse, or better. We just finished a series of recordings featuring our drummer, and myself on bass. Jam band fun with a grindcore twist................layered with relentless noise. Keep your eyes peeled. We thank everyone for their love and support. Stay tuned for some more brutal releases, as well some extra special vinyl releases to boot! Looking for that extra special gift for that certain someone this holiday season? Well look no further.............. Here is a D.I.Y. gift idea that is as fun to make as it is fun to use......................... Much praise, Enjoy! _D 
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Thursday, July 02, 2009
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Current mood:  aroused
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
Holy shit people....... How is everybody? After coming out of a "mild" blackout, I awoke to find a couple gems that I shall tell you about right now...(we do not wish to discuss what I did during the blackout, if you saw me, and witnessed any of my shennanigans, please shut the fuck up......and politely keep it to yourself.) Anywho. The ACTUARY/SEND MY REGARDS split CD on Papercuts Records is out now. This is some brutal shit, and highlights some of the newer, darker tones we've been working with, as well as the addition of live percussion.........a must have for everyhousehold, kids love it too. Joining us is the one and only SEND MY REGARDS, a duo who have masterd the craft of fine sound making. Between the two of us, we pretty much got it all covered. Copies are limited to 60, and can be found HERE at: http://www.papercutsrecords.com/http://www.myspace.com/sendmyregardss....and of course, from yours truly. But wait, theres more: Also out now from the good folks at VOMITCORE RECORDS is the long awaited ACTUARY/PEACEMAKER/HOTFUCKACTIONTOTHEMAXX 3 way split CD. This comes in a spiffy slimline DVD case and comes complete with two CD's for your noise-fetish pleasurse........so much bad-ass shit, it BARELY fits on the CD. The only thing that could possibly be more bad ass than that, would be all three groups at one time........WHICH, BY JESUS, IS ALSO INCLUDED...............HOLY SHIT! Did I mention the artwork was bad as fuck as well? You can thank Kevin Fetus for that......... Get yours through us or HERE from these fine folks: http://www.myspace.com/vomitcorerecordshttp://www.myspace.com/peaceisthevictoryMuch praise and all the glory go to those who have supported us, and beleive in what we do...........you are our everything. And much respect and hails to Papercuts and Vomitcore for whom without them this sonic assualt would not be possible. Two fine labels who have been putting it down since you were just a gleam in yer parents eyes..........check them out now. What else can I say? We've been busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest, and thanks to certain higher authorities, will continue to be so for quite some time, with new releases on the chopping block as we speak. But ass kicking wasn't always a sport you know. Sometimes it's a good excuse to let out some anger on some jackass who has it coming. Ah yes, although I am, for the most part a peace "seeking" individual, I am no stranger to the art of beating someone within an inch of their life. Lucky for me, as well as others....my card has not been drawn lately. But what of the fellow who has yet to experience the art of fisticuffs? What about the poor sap who knows not the ways of defense and offense? Well, they're pretty much screwed, however....here are some pointers that I have found that, if your lucky, might just save your bacon. Of course I can't tell you my personal pointers..........wouldn't want you to get too tough, now would I? Enjoy. (pussy fights)never make the mistake of pussy fighting, even for a second. pussy fighting is the act of pushing your opponent with your arms, or chest - often accompanied by repeatitive shouts of "you want some?" or something to that nature. this is silly. firstly, you lose any possible element of surprise (your best friend, see later). secondly, it wastes valuable slugging time. it also usually results in a large crowd gathering prior to any punching occuring, which also speeds in the response of authoritive figures such as teachers at school or police at other public venues. NEVER pussy fight. (the element of surprise)surprise is your best friend, especially in the school yard where most others are well versed in the art of pussy fighting. while they are coming you to you, pushing you with their chest, if you're tall enough - head butt the cunt! if you're not, a quick jab up under the nose, up at an angle usually does wonders as an opening move. the overall idea is: hit first, and make sure you're the last one hitting. preferably, you're the only one hitting. when perfected, you need never get hit. suitably surprising opening moves can include the abovementioned jab and headbutt. with the headbutt, don't be a hardass and butt heads - it invariably hurts you as much as them. instead, aim to hit just above your brow right smack on top of the nose. obviously causing nose breakage is a huge advantage for you - not only does it sting like fuck but it makes your eyes tear up and your sinuses start to run. three distractions in one! if your opponent is running at you and you're NOT retarded enough to try and headbutt them, then try just doing a jump kick to the kneecap. for example if your assailent is running at you with intent to "press and knuckle" (land on you and beat the snot out of you) - at the last minute, jump a small jump and aim to kick at about a foot off the ground, putting all your power into his kneecap. if done correctly, you can twist, sprain, over extend or break the joint. nasty shit, but an amazingly effective fight-stopper. if you're - shall we say - "husky" then you could quite conceivably have a good deal of success against smaller assailants with a running elbow. simply hold your right wrist in your left hand, with your elbow out perpendicular to your body. do this at the second last second, and just take like a fast step forward and WHACK take his fuckin head off. (following through)once you have gained the upper hand from the opening, it's important not to lose it. if you can last the entire fight with the upper hand (preferably never letting your oppenent land a punch), then you're virtually assured the win. if your assailant is on the ground, then use some of those submission moves you learnt on wwf smackdown!. just some hints though, most of them take a little modification to actually work. for example, unless you have huge biceps like HHH, then kurt angle's ankle lock is unlikely to do much damage. so try this on your little brother: when they're on the ground face-down, clutch the ankle in your left elbow against your chest, and press down with your other hand, in an attempt to make their toes touch the front of their shin. if your opponent is on their back and you have some time, there's a nifty lil bastard i learnt in judo (the hard way) called the "mongrel hold". simply climb on the victim, press your knee into the sternum, and pull up on the shoulders. keep pulling up till they squeal like a pig. for added entertainment, start yelling in their face "ima make you squeal like a pig baw". (if they don't go down)if they don't go down first go, it's important to still not lose the upperhand. even if they don't show it, chances are you took them by surprise (unless they're like a marine or SAS or something - in which case i can't help you) anyway. don't give them a chance to get their bearings. aim for weak points such as the nose, neck, lips (and behind them, teeth) and the solar plexus. use the first two first if possible, as they'll have markedly more effect than the last two. (countermeasures)if you have the reactions, and someone is trying to punch you, try to grab their arm. if you manage it, you can utilize their momentum and use it against them. for example, for a high punch, grab the arm, turn, squat, then when you feel an impact on your back, push up with your legs and bend over. if someone's running at you really hard, they can fly quite far (ask my cousin). for low punches, use a wrestling "irish whip". simply spin with them, and slingshot them into something like a wall or a car or something. sure, wrestling's fake, but if you put all your might into an irish whip you can do some real serious damage. the best is when they trip right before they smash into a car door or something. if someone tries to fly-kick you, try to grab their leg (and not get hit). once you have ahold of a leg, the world is your oyster (in terms of the fight anyway). there's always the infamous wrestling "dragon screw". or you can raise the leg and bring your elbow down on the front of the thigh at the same time. or always just raise the leg up and backwards and sweep the other, before promptly applying some sort of submission lock. (know your opponent's weaknesses)it's important to try and discover the weaknesses of your oponent. this is crucial to if you want to win the fight. for example, if your opponent has a large forhead, buck teeth, and a nose that has several lumps - then any attack to the head probably isn't going to do much good. try to figure out what will work and what won't. if you're fat, and your opponent is small, chances are they'll be quicker than you. your surprise attacks are going to have to be VERY crafty to make them work. (wrestling moves)now we've mentioned quite a few wrestling moves in this text. obviously - wrestling is fake. any moron knows that. some - i repeat SOME - of the moves can be used in real life ass kicking though. but not all. for example, some moves you might want to avoid are: among others. use common sense - if it's a flashy move, it probably won't do all that much. unless your confident in it's execution, don't use it. (foreign objects and weapons)think very carefully before using foreign objects as weapons. smacking your opponent in the head with a chair could kill him - so like i said, think very carefully. furthermore, when it comes to chickening out and using knives and shit (pussies do this in my opinion) remember this: if you're going to carry a knife, be prepared to be stabbed and die. if you're going to carry a gun, be prepared to get shot. (getting away with it)this is probably the most challenging part of all. getting away with it. for example, your opponent is laying in a bloody mess on the floor and the police or some teachers are heading your way in riot gear. how the fuck do you get out of this one? well you could try ass-kicking your way out of it, but i really don't like your chances of that one (especially with riot gear in the equation). if it's the police, you could start laying grounds for an insanity plea by yelling obscenities, barking at onlookers, and trying to lick your ears. if it's the teachers, immediately yell "he started it, i finished it!" or even better "he tripped! go get the nurse quick!". i dunno these are some lame ideas, but i've had a rather limited fighting experience and i've only ever been caught once and i got my ass beat and didn't lay a finger on the guy so i didn't get in trouble. ( WARNING) if you go and get your ass beat - or worse - kill someone, then that's your own stupid fault . you've been warned - i won't take responsibility for any misfortune which might result from you reading this text.
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Tuesday, March 31, 2009
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Current mood:Cult-ish
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
Howdy Ya'll! A word to the wise: The ACTUARY Live @ El Jardin 3" CD has just been released on NIHIL UNDERGROUND and is destroying speakers as I write this. It is 18 minutes of spiritual pain unleashed......all in a beautiful package, with a hand-painted cover. Much praise go out NU for this long awaited release.......copies of this, and more can be obtained through their site....check it out: http://www.myspace.com/nihilundergroundLast weekend rained noise for the ACTUARY family. The tracks for the forthcoming PEACEMAKER/HOTFUCKACTIONTOTHEMAXXX/ACTUARY 3-way split on VOMITCORE RECORDS, and SEND MY REGARDS/ACTUARY split on PAPERCUTS RECORDS have been finished, mastered, etc.......and being sent off to the puppy mills to be made into releases using the skin and teeth of underage migrant workers. These releases will be sure to bring a smile to your face, and a warm fuzzy feeling in your loins....... Despite the fact that I blew my amp up in the process (smoke?), we were able to record many a fine peices for our other up coming releases with LOVE EARTH MUSIC, SUBLIMINAL RECORDS, AMID THE WAVES, LOVE TORTURE RECORDS, SOCA TOA RECORDS, and more t.b.a.......be on the lookout. So what else is there? I've been kicking around the notion of putting the herds of mindless sheep to work for me, and starting my own cult. You should try it yourself. What's that you say? Don't know where to start? I ran into that same wall myself, but with some research, I found a guiding light. Yes, Dr. Emeril Lazarus is a prudent authority on the subject, and has this to say: "The time is right, and the time is now! The Lord has spoken to you. He has commanded you to create the New Jerusalem, to prepare for His arrival, to gather the flock, bring together the faithful, spread the Word. Blinded like Paul on his way to Damascus, you are now set to follow His Way. But how do you start such an ambitious project? How can you convince the unwashed masses that you are not just another crank? What kind of political structure do you set up for your Heaven On Earth? How do you deal with challenges to your authority--authority you received directly from On High? These are some of the questions you will be facing after the warm glow of Revelation and Epiphany have worn off. To help get you started on your way to creating a genuinely sustainable cult and all the International Recognition and Adoration of Thousands that comes with it I've been asked, no, Commended to your Guidance........" More info from the good doctor can be found here: http://www.startyourowncult.com/Now grab your self some KooL-aid, and do something with your life, help others, and get that sense of power and belonging that you have always been searching for, and enjoy! _D
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Wednesday, February 11, 2009
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Current mood: blessed
Category: Sports
Moving right along. With only slightly more blood loss, and trail of money and dead children to boot, the ACTUARY/IGOR AMOKIAN split CD on ACTUARYSOUND titled "Corrupted Circuits" is ready.........and will be available as of Friday the 13th. Scary huh? It's bad ass. And I'm not just saying that because we're on it either. One of our best releases to date. However, the bar is always rising. Get your mind out of the gutter turkey. We just finished our tracks for the upcoming Peacemaker/Hotfuckactiontothemaxx/Actuary three way split on Vomitcore, AND the Actuary/Send My Regards split on Papercuts Records..............tracks also worth destroying your ears for. Still on the way, releases from LOVEEARTHMUSIC, NIHIL UNDERGROUND, LOVE TORTURE RECORDS, SCOTCH TAPES.......and who knows who else! Will it ever end? God, I hope not. And speaking of God, has he let you down in these hard economic times? Just don't know what to do? Well, I would say to hang in there, keep the faith, and stay strong. But apparently thats not your only option. Yes, the dark lord also provides to those who seek. And how, exactly, does one go about applying for said help? Well look no more. Here are some simple, yet effective (so I've heard) ways to get in touch. Enjoy! Making a Commitment to Satan .. .. .. Had I as many souls as there be stars, I'd give them all for Mephistopheles!"
-Dr. Faustus
What happens when I make a formal commitment to Satan?
Satan looks out for his own. Satan gives us an inner strength and we become very strong in spirit. Unlike right hand path religions, where adherents are forever praying and searching for their god, Satan comes to us on his own. Many times, we can feel him. He comes to guide us when we get down, worried, or are experiencing problems.
He snaps us into line and directs us as to what we need to do to be focused and happy.
The foundation of Spiritual Satanism is in our finishing Satan's work upon humanity. This is the goal of the godhead, and is accomplished through power meditation. Humanity is currently at a very low level spiritually. When we begin to meditate, we experience profound positive changes within our lives. Satan and his Demons (The Original Gods) protect us and look out for us as we transform and achieve personal power. With Satan, we have protection that outsiders do not have. We can advance in the powers of the mind and soul as far as we wish. For outsiders, this can prove dangerous.
Satan also gives us knowledge. "I lead to the straight path without a book."
As we transform and grow, our lives change for the better and we are much happier. We learn through Satan how to take control of our own lives and destiny instead of being at the mercy of fate. We learn to heal ourselves, and to fulfill our own desires, using the powers of our mind and soul.
In making a commitment, we engage a formal ritual. This is done out of free will. We are making a choice, as opposed to being dragged off to some Christian church, and reciting canned prayers (stolen and corrupted from Eastern mantras) in front of a bunch of idiots.
With knowledge and research, we can prove beyond all doubt that the nazarene, "jehova" and ilk are all fictitious characters, stolen from and corrupted concepts to remove all spiritual knowledge so that a "chosen" few can rule the world using powers of the mind and soul. Because so many have been forcefully indoctrinated with these characters, and what they stand for (Enemies of Satan), we renounce them permanently in the dedication ritual. This proves to be psychologically healthy and liberating.
The initiation ritual is very personal, unless you decide to have friends participate, or are doing it as part of a group.
You will need:
- 1 or more black, blue or red candles (as many as you like)
- A sterilized needle or razor
- A piece of clean paper, large enough to write the prayer below
- A dry pen, where you sign your name in blood (dip the ip of the pen in your blood)
Write the following prayer:
Before the almighty and ineffable God Satan/Lucifer and in the presence of all Demons of Hell, who are the True and the Original gods, I, (state your full name) renounce any and all past allegiances. I renounce the false Judeo/Christian god Jehova, I renounce his vile and worthless son Jesus Christ, I renounce his foul, odious, and rotten holy spirit.
I proclaim Satan Lucifer as my one and only God. I promise to recognize and honor him in all things, without reservation, desiring in return, his manifold assistance in the successful completion of my endeavors.
It is important to bathe before any rituals you perform, this is done out of respect. When you are ready, you can light the candle. Take the needle, prick the index finger of your left hand, squeeze some blood out.
Sign your name in blood.
Recite the prayer either aloud or in your head
Fold the paper and let it burn in the fire of the candle. Many of us have stayed and meditated until the candle had burned itself out.
At the end of the ritual, close with the words "So mote it be." And a Big "HAIL SATAN!!"
Now wait for the good times to just roll in!
Amen!
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Friday, January 02, 2009
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Current mood:  guilty
Category: News and Politics
With only minimal blood loss, and a few casualties, the AL QAEDA/ ACTUARY split is finally done............and what a prize it is. It is limited to only 50 copies. Half of which on are their way to 'Frisco, so get it while you can.
Coming out soon is the Igor Amokian/Actuary split titled " Corrupted Circuits".
Need I say more?
Also in the works is a triple split with HOTFUCKACTIONTOTHEMAXX and Peacekeeper on Vomitcore Records.
And just when you though it couldn't get any better, we are teaming up with +DOG+ and releasing a split with them on LEM, and also doing a split with Send My Regards on Papercuts Records.
Yeah, we are making good headway in our campaign to destroy sound.......
And this is just the start. Can I get an Amen?
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Thursday, September 25, 2008
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Current mood: blessed
How to Excersize Demons
Many individuals and families are troubled by demonic possession of an individual person, object, even a dwelling or vehicle. But there are steps one can take for casting out such demons. This process is called exorcism.
Steps:
- Make sure you are a Christian, filled with the holy Spirit, and know The word of God somewhat well at least on this topic.
- Command the Demon in the name of Jesus to tell you his name(s)("In the name of Jesus demon tell me your name!)Things may get a little freaky about now.
- The demon may try to talk crap and scare you but command him to be silent in the name of Jesus!
- Using the demons name(s) command him to leave the person who he possesses now in the name of Jesus!( Exa: Bar & Rail I command you in the name of Jesus Christ to leave this persons body now!)in some cases you may have trouble but be very firm, and straight to the point with the demon(s).
- For a Material Possession(s):The thing(s) that you suspect may be possessed need to be analyzed. Overview where the item came from.Who owned it previously.Who lived in the house.Is it a religious artifact?Does it make you feel cold and shiver?When you find out what is possessed you need to determine if you should discard the item, or cast out the demon(s).Any religious materials from artifacts, idols, books, charms, clothing, Things signifying death, ect.. Need to be discarded, or burned immediately!Things such as houses, cars, places, ect, Need to be first searched for any religious materials. After those things are found and discarded then you can sanctify the material, thing, or place.
- You can do this alone but it would preferred that you have Christian brothers and sisters with you.
- Begin to worship God. Praising, singing, dancing, however you praise him.
- When you feel the Lord's presence the demons are already trembling.
- Boldly and out loud lay your hands on everything that wish to be sanctified and pray over those things. Example: lay your Hands on your books and pray out loud, Thank you lord for your sanctification, I command any demons you leave at once, I bless these books In the name of Jesus Christ. Ect... ) Let the Holy Spirit guide you.
Tips:
- Always exorcise in pairs,
- Make sure that the possessed person has nothing that may be possessed such religious artifacts, dream catchers, voodoo dolls, tribal wood carvings, idols, witchcraft materials and books, New Age Materials, etc.
Warnings:
- Do not converse with the demons
- Do not challenge the demons
- Do not command the demons to do anything on your own authority. Make sure you use Jesus name and authority.
- Do not be AFRAID and DO NOT get ANGRY or Loose your TEMPER the demons dwell and get their energy from your fear, anger and temper. And use the name of Jesus,say "by the blood of Jesus Christ" and say psalms 93 91 etc.
- Make sure you have at least some experience with ghosts and demons, as unexperienced individuals are often the ones who get hurt. For safety measures, contact an excorcist, or a priest, as they will be able to handle the situation better.
- This article will not make you an expert on excorcisms. Get some basic training. Or contact a priest or someone who works in that field.
- Make sure the possesed person is saved, or the demon might kill them as they exit their body.
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Sunday, July 06, 2008
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Actuary single was recently played on KSER's The Tunnel. A beautiful mix of contemporary and experimental underground music, it food for the soul.
Check it out Friday nights from 10pm-1am http://www.kser.org/
And on myspace....http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=112514938
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Monday, June 30, 2008
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Current mood: blessed
Category: Music
Actaury "As Is" single now in circulation. Twenty plus minutes of spiritual lobotomy, and meditative sound.
Catch it if you can.
http://www.discogs.com/release/1376984
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Monday, February 25, 2008
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Current mood: aroused
> >
> > > Insecurity distraction devices feed emotions
> > > nerve traps, coils springing, they're talking
> > > about me, psssssssssssssssssssssssssss
> > > hagus hissing, copper cleavage scratching bone,
> > > nervous circuity sending signals, misfiring
> > > synapses,
> > > tore a glance at the girl in a box, dented her
> > > complexion..........bitch
> > > Land mass shifting mindless paradigms.....I'll
> see
> > > your loss, and raise you fifty.
> > > Don't be afraid. Lap it up, bath in the
> > > imperfection, waddle in my misfortune. The filth
> > of
> > > my past is your key to happiness......click,
> > > click.......
> > > the stick of honey, pleasurable marmalade mess
> i'm
> > > in..........sweet, slowwwwwww like more-pheen.
> > thick
> > > in the tounge, frothy bubble speak to the sound
> of
> > > playground laughter, do you remember the smell
> of
> > > the black top? do you remember what she wore
> that
> > > day? daydreaming in mollasses called Wednesday
> the
> > > 23 of 07.
> > If only I could put all those happy feelings in my
> > safe haven.....
> > A harbor, if you will. A place where everybody's
> > love
> > loves each others love in a loving sort of lovely
> > way.
> > I could call it Ports of love, or Tender happy
> > pancacke harbor....Flap jackitty jippy jap, rat ta
> > tat tat.
> > pounding with blunt things w/words, w/mirrors,
> > w/boards
> > i'm bored w/money,
> > w/sex, w/stones
> > poised or thrown
> > i'm on fire
> > put me out of my...decency
> > dragged down a path
> > mamma told me so
> > i can hear her sing
> > live with what your given
> > aferlife................
> > no such thing.
> > .....Just an old match and a broken wing.
> Yet the old tyrant (lets call him that) continues
> to swing;
> His sword of hopeless devotion, in a land of loss,
> for wich he is king....
> His cock of delightful critisism, to your ass he
> will bring.
> He's not invincible; Feeling brave young lad? Then
> step in the ring.....
> Don't worry, you can do it. He's just an
> illusion...Theres just no such thing.
> The fire had taken everything. Without
> hesitation, or reflection upon consequence, a fire
> takes, it devours all. Mandy stood at attention that
> evening and watched in mesmerized disbelief as every
> christmas eve with grandma which had meant so much
> to her, as the saturday morning cartoon marathons
> with her younger sisters Terra, and little
> Clare.........the laughter, and
> giggles....................
> taken........swallowed by unfeeling merciless heat
> and smoke.
> All memories weren't pleasant. In fact
> Mandy and her younger siblings shared between them a
> kind of unspeakable fear and shame and they did just
> that concerning it.........they did not speak.
> she just stood there dwarfed by the act that she
> had committed as the heat made impressions upon her
> face and said
> nothing...................................
Nothing.
nOTHING.
Period. Dot. End of discussion.
Just me.
Me, and a plank.....
A gangway I think they called it.
On board they laugh, their trap is set....
Waiting.
Fear grips my being, every fiber of my meaningless
existence telling me not to go.
And then, without thinking, I'm in.
It's too late. They have me.
Watching the dock receed in the distance, I can't help
but wonder what might of happened........
.............................................................
returning from a much hated hiatus.........
ruled by numbers, malformed by machines,
head, back, arms, and the heart---------------ACHES!
with such relentless pessimism, i voluteer the debris i've found.......................
...............it's a race to the gallows..........................
...............DYING to win................vice versa.
>
> It just does not make sense.....
I'm at Disneyland, for chrissakes.
Who cares if they show up or not.
Yet, all the freindly people seem so out of
+REACH+
I should be fine.
They can't chase me forever, can they?
Forget it. You can have Disneyland. Give me my fishbowl back, I'm just not ready.
Foreign territory intimidates, wards me away, like so many soldiers gaurding a heavenly treasure.....
That everyone has.
Except,
+ME+
I'm just not ready, to accept.
>
not born,.. but secreted.........
like pus breaking the white peak of a viral boil,
the womb was a gutter, a bio-waste tank.....................,
and as my soft pale noggin broke the surface...... my sight was robbed from me, by a set of syphaletic cuntlips that thoroughly swathed my pupils with infection, .............................
and with a hairy sopping grin, spat the remainder of my person out onto a cold steal table, where masked witnessess handled me with the bedside manner of underpaid cooks in a truck stop diner......................
born blind,..................my ears were alive and filled with the sounds of mommies foul cursing, and sighs of relief........my nose took to para-sensory and collected her perfume of rank cunt jelly, rectal offerings,and the musk of her perspiration, and toil,...
even of her disdain......... the scent and sound of her disdain...........that stays with me still today...........
with first impressions being what they are ..........it's no wonder.
really..........theres no wondering about it.
broke the turnstile with my indecision, am i in or out, coming or
going........................can't quite get a grip around my own thinking......................can't get a read on emo 20,
these are the days,
the days indeed, when such doubt makes the heart seek out cholesterol.......some sort of answer in WRONG
there's always inspiration in injury
looking in, deep within, found a stretch of virgin skin to impale, to poke at, to cut................................
cutter
cutter.............find oneself again!
A relentless Devotional. Can you hear the distant hum? Thats your power. Thats your contentment.
Thats the curiosity that drives you. It tears through
you, like a hernia. Just accept it. It's the gift that keeps on giving, don't sanctify. It's your reward, grasp it. Then let go.
..
Forward slash. It can creep in. These are the negative effects of not retaining inertia. It grows, like a cancer, Dot, dot, Before you know, it.....its too late.
Your time has
>PAST<
Rust has set in. Slow death, in sienna layers.
Use me as your platform. You owe it to yourself. Dive right in. Doctor it up, put your name on it.There is plenty of help. I'll push the button. Allow creative vagrancy. make life your trophie.
anonymous fears,
trapped in traffic, angry dreaming, wide eyed awake. time to see yourself very clearly,
time to see what's become
you've become..................
isn't it sickening........
youre the one.............
just another one.......
the water fall of opportunity has eluded you
and drowned many,
you wish you'dve been there,
in the melee of fortune
trapped in bed
with more time to scrutinize,
more time to distort
to feel specially misused
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
the time to lay back
with eyes wide awake
angry dreaming
etc.........._
I walked upon the Duchess, sitting in her parlour, as she was prone to do on such days practicing her discipline with an amatuer vervor that was synonymous with doctor in the feild.
Yet, today, she had what appeared to be a wooden phallic instrument and was beating her lower abdomen with it, using short stabbing like motions. This seemed to bring great pleasure to the Duchess, for she moaned with a smile upon her face, as if being courted and coveted by a man of great stature and admirability.
Such things have always piqued my curiosity......
Across town, another lost soul sits in a mountain of her own self destruction.
Tears run down her flawless young face, as she is a victim of her own lack of understanding. Try as I might, I cannot quite give her the answer she seeks. She must sit in it and find her own answers, somewhere deep within the muck of what is now her life.
The murky abyss is far from inviting, and brings up random feelings and pictures from my own destitute past.
At any rate, I pick her up, dry her tears, and throw her back into the pool .....It is all I can do for now.
***********************
suspended by time.......
three lethargic hands drearily told my story today ,
the hour
the min.
the second
all hands, all coldly persistant
i swear, the half-witted fucks that decorate the garden with their transient prescence somehow stole from me my
manner,
my calm,
they sensed my sensitivities and with delightful discovery
unearthed an idiot,
a soft vulnerable
moron.
malicious..........savages
turned my minutes to
mollasses........
whispers hurt,
mumbling majority, made of fools.........
let em have it........
animals, human animals
seperate themselves
by colors, a primitive
distinction of hues.......
amusing aren't they,
animals..
human..
animals..
human..
animals
previously conceived notions fell through......I think I'm gonna burst. Nothing like the thrill of failure to help you feel=ALIVE=.
These invitations of the flesh reek of compulsion. The stench is pleasent, and a pleasure to the sight. My imagination is loose.... WATCH OUT!!!!!! I may just end up being a human after all....
my reluctance
open sore, screaming susie, sex on a lazy boy
extreme triggers
we talk all day about................
a users dream,
to shut her up with what i'm holding
always holding
soaked in lemons.....she's my -ade
rest on triggers
boldly...........
open sore, willing door, popped wide open
groping madness, skin colored motion
throbbing base-like
drive this train
into......................
velvety enclosures
satin mouths
milked my memory
fucked by restraint
sore heals
door shuts
she closes
I can't say I'm trying to win;
I just want to be.
In the name of suicide, lets sacrifice the game............
Join the spectators, its all the same.
They have their game too, pick a team, fragrant tests of man made epics.
Do they stand against the rain?
How many moons must pass, fads lay to waste?
Before my hesitation turns to crime, for the.......love.......
Ruin landscapes
the weight of ash from a distant burning
offering dust to a sky
in alleyways...
dwarfed by the ugly ass-ends of lie-scrapers
buckled pavements,
strewn about,skin colored garbage,
sqeak of baskets
hauling treasures,
i am drawn to these places
drawn.
i was wronged in such places.
in ruined landscapes, such as these
sister mable grounds me
with a story.....
she rides the bull
survives her abuses
her emotions
the rodeo.....
inspirational songs from the wheelchair
from
the mouth of a deaf girl
on the recieving end of mine
this is beauty
a broken song of muted ecstasy
drawn to such places
such spaces.......
drawn here to conclude
that we belong here..
In the here and now, now and then;
Noise fantasy invades my life, always on the verge of a very loud ejaculation...............
I welcome it, warm as toast, sweet as jelly. I grow plump on pleasure, plump on life, feeding the extasy to those that want to taste..........
Demure looks testify.
Incriminate.
Always on the verge, Momma Molasses, please help me.........
Crawl out of the flesh, absorb the light, embrace contentment
freedom is my pasture, feel free to ruin,tools of chaos at our disposal.....lets hit em hard. Fuck them up. Make em eat it, force feed it, make our mark,
Graffiti gum blaspheme, another mans sorrow,
Insane genius, let the story unfold..........
incidental, herd of ours,
back to peices, to reveal whole.
fast, then faster
acrobats whirl, capturing-selves
photo of girl
random, slim wasted.........hooked by the meats of snaggled tooth
receiving stations
pulse addicts, w/golden opportunes, sell fevered frenzy
bought without thought.....................................
duh....................................prize in the rearview
dirty offspring
lick them clean
w/affection
foul flavored parenting...............taste what you own
............the pale flavored incandescent spirituality. Floor meets ceiling in an all out bid for supremecy. I hold my court. Sometimes it's hopeless..............I want it so bad I might cry..............or eat your children. Send your daughters out to roost. Return to dry, balmy, weathered lips. I didn't sign up for this. Coast to coast, they feed your will, bring into play, this new chapter.............your my guiding light, things wil be fine after all. A spiritual crossing gaurd, we haven't even gotten to good part yet. The curb beckons.....life waits at the lines with painted emotionless faces..........watching.....idling.
digesting qustionable
mutitudes of....
whoring thrills
urine.
grass.
sugar.
ass......
.........strong armed open...stuffed w/placebo
semenic presention
filth offspring
semen rolled in mud and shit
thriving bohemia
circuitry and flesh
volting-fuckage
accustomed to...........burning,
to incest, to the tugging of wires,rabid insects,
charged by volumes,
spirit in the gutter
suffer.......... like lazerus
die twice
Third times a charm......
As they say.
They_foRCE feed me empathy.......
But at what ends. Disaster is my brother, we walk hand in hand.......At it again eh? Momma molasses told me about
+YOU+
But I didn't see it coming. Seducing me to a corner, your nails in my skin, I was but prey to resentment of your past.
Hurt me....if you must.
Its all fun until.
................
I found you on the bathroom floor, laughing.....the vile, putrid remains of a night at the theater, and dinner at home, plastered on the bathroom walls......
on the toilet
in the bathtub.
All in a days work, double vision can't fix shit.
You tormmented.......
Purple ooze...the end. Chunky.
foreign tounges lick the sesnses alive
salivary sizzzle down the spine link
in hot-tubs with majesty
pleasant the sounds of stretching
spanish sister in the corner eating mud
hold the candle
hold a note or two
make believe
make something
curves and shadows
exhales.........
panting in the dark with.............................puppies!
Vile unconditional, sewage breath.
Takes my pain, this is not a charity........subliminal mind expansion at a cost. Let this be a lesson; If you love something, let it go.....if doesn't come back, or gets stolen. Replace it with something that will kick ass. Come back with the force of thousand storms, and cleanse the earth with noise destruction.
christ flavored bread.
Crumbs of my broken faith, soft, falling, filling in the cracks. Jumps.
Home to my my newest invasion, please intro/duce yourself. My purpose. Extract heavenly earth delights, distribute amongst the people....and gather, mingle amongst the people.Jump.
Three hours I was in love with you.turns out, things have changed. Feelings rebelled, you took me for quite a spin.Life is like that sometimes. It burns with a greatness.......hold on ........don't let go when it happens. When all is said and done...do more. Frames pass me by......I can't stay awake any more. My lust for life is killing me. Making the one thing I want to enjoy, shorter, lonely.Jumps. balance. Sound to go...my cup runeth over. It's not about where to start anymore. It's not that at all.◙¦¢♣
dust pan, broom, skilled postures.....
assume the occupation of collecting
our lifes rubbish
our neglected
and rejected
parceled, peices of enthusiasm, lay waiting for redirection.
flesh on fire.
a controlled burn without scars......................
think of braking / baking bread with a storm of nymphs........................
embraced by a harem of energies..............
CREATE..............
true mission to make senseless dummies out of the overconfident the bravery of daydreamers recognized punch your arrogant reflections slap the mothers of doubt to numbing silence..............
shhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
shutup bitch............
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
hush witch
black flowers bloom ..........
a garden of sad/bad ideas, realized
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