Remember when ice cream could make everything all better?

Remember when only sticks and stones could break our bones?

Remember when the most important decisions in life were which toy to play with, where to sit at lunch and what game to play at recess?

Remember when BBF (best friends forever) really meant forever?

Remember when your $5.00 weekly allowance was more than enough to get by?

Remember when the scariest thing was the first day of school?

Remember when you could lay and watch the clouds morph in to different things in the sky?

But, now....

Ice cream is just ice cream.  It has no magical healing powers anymore.

Words are worse....the injuries that sicks and stones fade away, but the scars from words are planted in our hearts forever.

You haven't played with toys in years, lunch is an hour rush so you can get back to work and recess is just a distant memory.

You don't really know who your real friends are.  You think you know, but then you end up disappointed and hurt.

Your $12.00 per hour is barely gettting you buy.

School is a fantasyland where everything is simple...in reality you have work, which just the thought of it makes you wanna crawl up in bed and ever come out.

The clouds are just clouds, no imaginary world exists there now.

What happened to the days of carefree imagination?  And why did we want to grow up so fast then???

It's been a crazy last couple months.  Really crazy. 

I lost someone I called a bestfriend.  It hurt a lot.  I miss her still sometimes.  I miss our laughs and our inside jokes.  But, I don't need someone who will do me like she did me.  I hope the best for her. 

I'm still with Shawn.  We've had a few problems.  But, we've pulled through and I'm glad.  He makes me happy.  I've never been happier with someone as I am with him.  He's my best friend.  I can tell him everything.

I lost my job with KinderCare over some BS.  But, I am starting a new job at a new child care center called Kid Zone.  It's in St. Louis Park and I think I'm going to LOVE it.  Everyone is so cool.  And the director is AMAZING.  She's really awesome.  At first when I lost my job I didn't really want to get back in to childcare, but I realized that it's what I LOVE doing.  My passion is teaching.  And working with children. 

I really want to go back to school.  I really want to finish my degree in Business Management with my childcare emphasis.  But, I also want to work with troubled youth and their families.  I love helping people.

I'm trying to just....get by.  :) 

1.  We've gone through a lot of rough and bumpy patches, but we got through it.  And I'm glad.  You make me laugh.  When I'm with you I am the happiest person in the world.  I love just being with you.  You are becoming my best friend.  I feel like I can tell you anything.  You've been there for me for a lot of stuff and I know that I've helped you out through a lot too.  I appreciate everything you are to me.  I know you've been through a lot in your life, some of which, I don't understand.  You are a smart person and I know you will be sucessful.  You're dreams will come true, sometimes it just takes a while.  But don't lose faith.  And rememeber, I love you a lot.  More than life.  More than....everything.

2.  We don't get to hangout as much as we used to.  But, you're still the person I trust the most with everything.  I miss spending time with you.  I just want you to know that I'm SO proud of you.  You're a great person with a good heart and big dreams.  And I know you'll make all of your dreams come true. 

3. You are also becoming my best friend.  I love all of our inside jokes and craziness.  I miss working with you.  It made my day go by so much faster.  You're such a sweet and funny person.  I love you tons!

4.  You're like a little sister to me.  We haven't known each other that long, but you are so funny and you make me laugh.  Just want you to know that whenever, if ever, you need me.....I'm here.  All you gotta do is ask.

5.  I miss you so much.  UGH, we need to just quit working and hangout all day long.  I love it how we can hangout for months and months, then go for months without hanging out or talking or whatever, then start hanging out again and it's like nothing ever changed....like we've just picked up where we left off.  That's my favorite thing about us.  You are the one person who knows the most about me and still hangout with me....:) haha...are ya crazy???  LOL, you are my VERY best friend....I love you more than life.

6.  Oh boy....wow.  WELL, we were really close for a long time.  Then....not so much.  Then really close. Now, now so much again. I miss our talks.  I miss peanut butter and oreos.  I miss you SOOO SOOO SOOO much!!  You'll always be like a brother and my bestfriend.  I love you oh so much. 

7.  You truely are the person I can confide in and I know you'll love me no matter what.  You may not agree with me, but you'll always be there for me.  And the same goes for you.  I am so proud of you and a little envious.  You are doing what you set out to do.  I know you will be a very sucessful person.  You just have that about you, you don't allow yourself to fail.  I love you so much, and I'm always here for you and just a car ride away if you really need me ever.

8.  We shared almost a year of our lives together.  I really thought that you were "the one".  I now know, you weren't.  You were my first love.  You'll always have that, but that's it.  You hurt me more than you'll ever know.  But, I'm over you.  I've been over you for a long time.  But there is still that sting.  I hope you have a happy life and find whatever it is you are looking for.  As for me....I've found what I'm looking for.

9.  You are the reason I started this whole thing again.  I was hurt and offended by what you said.  You have never and probably will never like anyone that I've dated.  It's something that I'll just have to get over.  I'm happy with what I have.  I know in my heart that I have something special and no one will change my mind about it.  I think what hurts me the most about what you said is not that you called me "easy" (which I'm not), but it's that I have accepted you for you....I have never tried to tell you to not be the way you are.  I love you for who you are and not for what I want you to be.  You're my sister and I'm happy if you're happy.  I just wish you could be happy for me when I truely am happy.  But, maybe it's cause you're young....I dunno.  I'm just disappointed that you can't accept my relationships....and I would be nothing but 100% supportive of you and any relationship you had if it made you happy.

10.  You're one of my closest friends.  But, I think you are a little....naive.  You're a good person.  And a good friend.  I did something I'm not proud of and I know I should have really thought before I acted.  I love you tons girlie.

11.  You make some damn good lunch.  You're one of my favorite people at KinderCare.  You need to be a little less selfish and let me hangout with that little girl sometimes.  DON'T LEAVE US!!!!  Haha...KinderCare would be a little more boring without you.

12. I can't wait til we party this summer.  It will be GREAT times.  You always make me laugh and we always have a great time together!  I miss you lots!!

13. You were one of my best friends.  I'm very sad that we lost what we had.  I miss you a lot.  You knew everything about me.  You got me through a lot of hard times.  We really need to get together soon.

14. I miss you hottness!!  You be good to my brother.  He's a great guy!  So are you!  I need to come and visit you ASAP!

15.  When I first wrote this....I hated you.  Okay, I didn't hate you, but I REALLY REALLY didn't like you.  I'm over you too.  YOu tried to mess with not only me, but my friends too...and that sucks.  I don't know what kind of game you were trying to play, but you didn't win.  We didn't fall for you or anything you said.  

16.  I don't talk to you much....you pissed me off.  You didn't know it, but UGH....seriously.  You need to think before you speak.

17.  Grow up.  You have responsiblities.

18. You act like a spoiled brat sometimes, but you know I love you a ton.  I miss hanging out with you.

I don't have anyone else to write about....so I'm done. 

I can't believe another year has come and past.  It seems like the older I get the fast time goes.  Well, 2006 was an interesting year.  I lost a love and had a broken heart.  I moved out of my parents house.  I returned (for a third time) to Kinder Care, I learned hard lessons about guys, I finally closed the chapter of Mike and I'm completely over him, I met a lot of great new friends, and I met someone who makes me smile and laugh and makes me completely happy.  I learned to be happy with what I have and instead of wishing for things I wanted I started being greatful for things that I have.

2007 is going to another great year.  I'm sure another year of learning and growing, and I'm sure there will be hard times.  But, I've grown up in the past year and I know I will be able to handle whatever life throws at me. 

SO, Happy New Year EVERYONE!  Be safe tonight!  I love you all!

So, this whole, 20 people thing...I dunno.  I am learning too much about myself I didn't know, I mean I knew....but tired to hide.

I am looking for love.  I do crave to be in love again.  I miss the way it feels to be held by someone that loves you. 

I hate waiting.  I'm impatient. 

But, now that I have gotten played by one too many boys, I'm becoming skeptical.  I know not all guys are out to get me....but honestly, right now....that's what it feels like.  They see me as a, "sweet, naive girl" that they can take advantage of.  I hate it.  I hate having to change my outlook towards people just because of what a couple of guys did.

I have only loved one guy....and he broke my heart.  What am I supposed to think?

1.  You are my sexy love.  I love you so much.  We have so much fun together.  I can tell you anything and I know you'll keep a secret, even though I haven't always...and I'm REALLY sorry.  I honestly am.  You have been there for me through EVERY heartbreak I have had.  You've been there for me to cry to, and to celebrate with when good things happen.  You live further away now, and we don't get to see each other that much.  But you'll always be my best friend and I'm always here for you no matter what.  My shoulder is always there for you to cry on.  And if anyone ever hurts you....we'll get 'em together!  I'll love your forever and for always!  You know that!  *MUAH*

2.You are my sanity.  Seriously.  You make me laugh and make my day go by easier.  It's nice to complain about things to you and you won't be like, "Dude, shut the fuck up."  Cause you are feelin' the same things as me.  You are becoming a fast friend and I'm so excited that you came to KC.  I know it sucks sometimes, but together...we will get through it!  I love ya girlie!

3.  Wow.  You know I love you to death and would do anything for you.  You have always also, been there for me.  Through soo much shit.  I think you are one of the smartest, bravest, best people I know.  You are a great mom and friend.  I am SO lucky to have a friend like you.  You truly are one of my very best friends.  I don't know what I would do without you.  You deserve the VERY best out of life.  Because you put your heart in to everything you do.  I really respect you and your opinion.  Thank you SO much for always being there when I needed you.  And I want you to know that I'm ALWAYS here for you.  Whenver.

4. I love you.  Because we truly have been through everything together.  You are a best friend that I have had forever and will have forever.  I love your bluntness.  Sometimes it does come off as harsh, but sometimes the truth hurt...(but I'm not a slut :)  I want nothing but happiness for you.  If you are happy with yourself then I am happy for you.  I am here for you no matter what.  And even though I am older than you...I look up to you.  You are SO brave and you don't care what other people think....don't change.   I do worry a lot about you.  Especially the whole....drinking thing.  I mean, have fun....just be careful.  Cause I don't want anything bad to happen to you ever!  I love you!

5.  Another one of my true bestfriends that I will have forever.  You're stuck with me.  I love you to death and you know it.  I am here for you anytime you need me.  I'm only a phone call or car ride away.  You know that right?  I am SO proud of you.  You are doing what you set out to do.  You're going to college and finishing soon.  You are also my rolemodel.  I just hope that I can be yours too...lol.  I'm glad that you are happy!  I love you!

6.  I don't even know where to start here.  I loved you with everything I had.  Honestly and openly.  I gave you my heart.  You were my one true love.  And I'll never forget about you.  You'll have a place in my heart for always.  But, I've moved on.  I'm no longer angry with you, and you can't hurt me anymore.  I tried to say goodbye to your memory so many times, but your memory ended up sneaking back in.  But, now....I'm over it.  I'm over you.  Good luck, I hope you find happiness and live a long and happy life.

7.  I've known you for over 5 years.  And you have given me good advice.  You make me remember that I'm a good person and that someone would be lucky to have me.  You make me feel better about myself.  Thank you so much for that.  It really means a lot to me.

8 & 9.  I miss you guys.  I've known you practially forever.  But don't see you two near enough!  We def. have to change that!  We have SOO many fun memories together.  My childhood was a happier thing because you guys were there to make it fun.  Would never be able to pick a fave memory, because I loved them all....I love you guys.

10.  Basically, I think you suck.  You are the most pathetic BOY I have ever met.  I call you boy, because a MAN would never do to a woman what you did to me.  I don't hate you, because I don't hate anyone...but I REALLY don't like you.  I feel sorry for any woman that meets you in the future and I feel sorry for the woman and kids you have now.  You are a liar and a coward.  Just remember this...Karma is a bitch.  What goes around comes around...

11.  I think you are such a cutie and I'm glad my friend found you.  BE good to him....cause I'll kick your ass if you make him cry!  But, no...seriously...be happy together...laugh and kiss and hold on to each other. 

12.  We kinda drifted apart huh?  It makes me sad because we were so close when we were younger.  I miss those days.  But, we both have grown up and changed a lot.  I miss the times we shared and would love to get that back.  You got me through the hardest time in my life....thank you.

13.  I love you to death.  I think it's funnny how we can go from hanging out everyday, talking everyday to not at all....sometimes for months...but then when we do hangout....we just pick up where we left off.  It's what makes our friendship so special.  I love you to death.  We've had our ups and downs, but we never let the downs ruin our friendship.  You'll always be concidered my best friend.  You know everything about me and you still love me...lol.

14.  I miss working with you.  You made laugh.  I hope everything works out for you.

15.  Sometime I think you think you are better than everyone else.  But, you are young, so I let it go at that.  You are a very nice person and I can see you going far in life.  Just keep your head up and remember that you shouldn't step on people to get you to the top.

16.  I MISS YOU!  I can't wait for summer!  We are gunna party!  We were in a similar situation for about a minute til I found out...my guy was a LOSER.  But, I think you should do what makes you happy.  Who cares what other people think.  Sometimes it's okay to be selfish.  You can't help who you like.  I love you girl!  Blondies, Sally's, Brothers, The Library....we'll be there this summer!  WOOT!

17.  I'm sorry....you don't know what for.  But I do.  I hate myself for doing it.  But, I was won over by charm.  By that fake shit.  You are a great friend, I suck.  I love you.

18 &19.  I love you both more than anything in the world.  You have made me who I am today.  I am the woman I am because of you.  Thank you for everything you have done for me, scarficed for me, gone through for me.  I'll never be able to repay you....but I do love you!

20.  I miss you a lot.  You were my buddy.  Sometimes, I wonder if you are watching over me.  From our cloud in the sky.  Hoping I am making you proud and missing you and thinking about you everyday.  I love you so much! 

Does anyone ever wonder what they were put here, on Earth, to do?  I mean, seriously think about it?  Not having cable or internet has given me a lot of time to think about my life and where it's going.  Right now I seem to be stuck.  I'm not unhappy with my life.  I love my friends and family.  I get out and meet new people and have new experiences, but I feel like there is something missing.  Or someone.  I don't know.  I just am…feeling….stuck.  Like, not overly happy, but not unhappy either.  I just….am, if that makes any sense. 

I am one person that hate change.  But, I feel like I need to change some stuff in my life. 

My job?  Maybe, but I love the people there.  We have all become close and they are all like a second family to me.  And even though I complain a lot about them, I love all kids that I work with and all the kids in other rooms.  I love seeing them everyday and watching them grow in to little people.  It amazes me.  J  But, I really don't get paid enough for what I do.  It's not all about the money…I don't work JUST for the money…God knows if I did I wouldn't be working at KinderCare.  Am I willing to give up 5 years of relationships at work for a slightly higher pay?  I don't know.

I am changing the location that I live.  As much as I love living alone and doing my own thing….I get a little lonely sometimes.  I am looking for a house to rent with people.  I don't know who for sure yet.  But, I want roommates.  I need to have someone here with me.  But am I willing to give up MY space and alone time?  We'll see.

My friends are awesome.  I seriously couldn't ask for better friends, cause there could be no one better.  I am so greatful for each of them.  They all make me who I am.  I know that's corny, but it's 100% true.  None of them could be replaced

.

My family….haha, wow.  What to say about them?  I love them to death.  I feel that I have gotten closer with them since I have moved out.  Yet, sometimes I feel like I'm out of the 'loop'.  Sometimes, I miss living at home.  But, I know that I am 24 years old and I need to have this time to be independent from my parents. 

So, I feel like I am at a cross-roads and I don't know which way to go.  Because I am happy with certain aspects of my life, but I know that I could and should be doing more.  Sometimes I hate being an adult.  Life was SO much easier when the toughest decision was, "What kind of cereal should I eat for breakfast?"

So, I bought this book, "It's Called A Break Up, Because It's Broken."  It's a great book.  Even though, in the first 2 pages, it made me cry.  But I really did take a lot of what this book is saying to heart. 

I'm beginning to realize, that Mike and I were never in the same relationship, at least not in the end.  I loved him from day one.  But, he may have started out loving me, but lost that love he had for me somewhere along the lines.  I don't know why or how, he might not either, but it was just lost.  I mean, in my head for a long time, I thought, "He's thinking about me, he misses me, blah blah blah."  But, he obviously doesn't miss me that much cause he doesn't call or anything.  Which, hurts, yeah...but it's good.  Cause he's moving on.  And I am finally ready to move on. 

I thought I still loved Mike, but I think I'm more in love with what we were.  The idea of what Mike was.  I mean, sure.  I still care about him.  And he'll always be concidered my first love, but there is a guy out there, perfect for me.  The one....my one.  And I'll be more in love with him than anything.  And we'll share more wonderfully, perfect memories with him then I ever did with anyone before.  I just have to be patient...I'll find him.  I know it. 

My break up with Mike hurt.  I think mostly because it came out of no where.  And for reasons that are unknown to me.  I used to want to know why....I thought I had to know why.  For a sense of closure or whatever, but now....I don't really need to know.  I'm sure in his mind his reasons were valid and made sense, so that's all that I have to know. 

I'll remember the times we had...but I know there are bigger and better things out there for me.  I am NOT going to let anyone bring me down. 

So, I guess what I'm saying is.....I'm over it.  :)  And that feels SO good to say!