This feeling
It is consuming me
But I am still intact
Did something go wrong?
Did I do something wrong?
It is all in the past now
The smug, overcast cloud looks as my Vessel passes by in spite
But, if it is truly the past
Something is wrong
I feel it still, as effervescent as it was
Something is still wrong
I am kept in the dark
But the sun is in plain sight
Maybe I am just not thinking clearly
What is wrong, I may not know
As I lay, a cascading feeling of bliss flies by
One that once was
It taunts me as I stare into the seemingly dark horizon
Something is wrong
Is it?

We can only percieve what is in front of us.
Unless
We fix whatever is wrong.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-L-BbLV1IAA

I apologize for the lack of video in the actual blog, but Myspace was being stupid and wouldn't let me post up the video on it. I was able to provide you with a link though.
I know I suck hahaha.

Today, I went to Victoria Gardens along with Samuel, Stephanie and Nick. It is always a blast to be with them and we endured quite the slew of good times as we traversed through the winding depths of the outdoor mall. We saw Yes Man. Funny and alluring, although suspect to less-than-droll moments ending up in concerned looks around to see if anyone else was laughing.

After the flick, we trudged our way onward to whatever was in our undecided path. We seemed to be running in circles around the massive store ridden madness that is Victoria Gardens. In the process, I proceeded to say little. Not intentionally, but for my own period of reflections. Innappropriate as the time and place may seem, it felt a bit unconventional since I was risking the seemingly imminent vexations of my friends. These reflections consisted of random feelings jumbled about in my bed. Hackneyed as the thought of it may be, I was lost in thought for the most part. However, something dawned on me during this time of contemplation.

The reasons for this collective comtemplation seemed to be fluctuating with the finesse of an angry beehive. These inconsistencies of my stream of consciousness perplexed me, leaving me with the lightest trace of curiosity. I had no clue as to what was motivating these thoughts anymore. My need for sequacious thought processes seemed rather out of reach today. The massive tangle of thoughts seemed to be the core of my existence, so to speak. The center of all things tied to me. It was all I cared about, all I thought about. All I seemed to know.

Maybe this year has left me some things to think about. Have I been regressing these thoughts? Have they all spawned spontaneously from bottling up? Has some other catalyst related to recent events been the source of this onslaught of thought? I have yet to find out. The thoughts have been as jumbled as the maze is often seen. I am but the lone captor, trying to honestly find my way out.

'Til next time, this has been Raul's Blog. Ciao.

---Raul

Lately, things have been comparative to that of the idea of Purgatory. Absence. Not as much physically as mentally; the absence of anything stimulates the mind's susceptibility to confusion and perplexing conundrums. The absences are those of substantial and problematic catalysts that are bound to affect anyone. Unpleasant, Beatific, and Droll are some words to describe the complexity of the dwelling spectrum known mostly to those experienced in Life's full worth. No matter what the case, though, these are the crystallized forms of life's obstacles and joys, many of which come to provide those lessons from the experiences of growing through Life, allowing us to take our mistakes and learn from them to further better our future with the newfound knowledge we have been given. My predicament, however, consists of the Absence of these experiences. Nothing fulfilling towards the bettering of my life has really crossed my path lately. It is not as much a feeling of emptiness as much as a longing for the experiences we subconciously crave to learn from and the meaning of the lessons learned from them. This Absence has influenced me to generally present a laggard and inconsiderate affectation towards the greater means of things in the world. So far, music persists to provide me with a sense of fulfillment, but I have also been searching for something more. Something that will cure the insatiable, coveting thirst for enlightenment of the mind. Until then, I shall have to rely on whatever is presently in my arsenal to persist through this ever enduring funk that has proven to take its toll upon my thought processes. Until then...well...the sun does set on the everlonging horizon, winking a profound and promising hope for tomorrow...why can't I grasp that sense of hope and see another bright and shining day full of prospect and reverie?

One can only foresee as much as the human body allows it to, I suppose. 'Til then...We can only look out into the dark horizon after the sun has set...

--Raul

Swiftly screeching sillhouettes
Bind my ever struggling aura.
The aura that keeps me sane;
Yet trapped.
This is my guerdon, my curse, my longing.
The need to be felt.
Feelings surpass my status quo
So that there is no conviction.
Nothing to judge, hate, bias.
Yet here I am.
Still bound by the effervescent thread.
I ask myself:
"Was it worth it?"
Hoping that a key can come my way, by my own accord
Til the sun sets, I wait...

The Mind.

A jarring catalyst of thought processes that many come to oversee in their own blank, absent minded stride through life. I have been under the impression that I had a firm grasp upon most of the inner workings of my mind; how they affect me, when, where, how, and why. Apparently, many of these interpretations have gone under the radar and only as of late have I revealed many blots in the escutcheon of my own perceptions of cognizance.

Lately, I have begun to find myself to abhor many of the wistful thoughts that cloud my mind so dearly. No particular reason why, it just is.

The affectations that I have been extending towards others have been negative ones; ones I truly did not mean to emulate. The repercussions have been seemingly dormant for the most part, but the writhing agony of the things yet to come haunt me even in my daydreams.

Interesting, to say the least, are the way these agonizing are presenting themselves: by being as discreet as possible. Intangible to the mind, if you will. One might say it is "all in my head." I am no nabob to doubt, either.

Through the pilgramage of life, we try not to adulterate the true meaning of living, one of the major aspects being perceptions towards one's outlook upon themselves. Are we truly happy with who we are? What we mean to ourselves? What we mean to others? I don't mean to prate on with less-than-intelligible queries upon moral outlooks, but it seems to me that it is necessary. Oh well.

Until next time. This has been Raul's blog.

Ciao,
-Raul

So, as of late, I have been perusing substance of the musical kind in order to healthily keep my auditory senses healthy. I have come across a lot of stuff, including Pain of Salvation, Bruddah Iz and much more

But I have found someone on youtube that constantly brings me back to his page. His name is Ronald Jenkees and he makes music with keyboards. His maturity of composition astounds me, especially with his skill in improvisation. Sadly, I cannot figure out how to post vids on my blog, so just go youtube him.

Anywho, school and band have been keeping me busy. I'm also still going through the "no homework at night" phase thing. Hopefully I break out of it soon. I'll try to post more blogs soon though

Keep on drumming, even if you don't!
--Raul

So school has surely taken its toll on me in recent weeks. My two AP classes have become a bit easier since I have gotten used to them. However, with my commitment to my TV Production class and Band, it still has proven to be quite taxing to manage. Also, I've been going through a sort of phases in which I don't do ANY homework the whole day. Weird. I still get it done though. Bahahaha. And to think I can resume my colloquious antics with friends as well. Lately, the workload has been substantially lower and I thank God for that. This paragraph was just meant to take a chance to rant about the educational underminings of what is my life.

Otherwise, life has been peachy keen. Drumming has obviously been a large part of it and I am content with it hahaha.

Today went by like any other. Spanish, TV, History, Pre Calc, English and Band. Pretty mundane to say the least.

Wow, I can't even write a meaningful blog. Darn boredom...