For those of you who dont know yeasterday was my 22 birthday. As  i woke up my thoughtys traveled to the amazing birthday i had last year. And aafter thinkling of that it made me miss all my friends that are in Utah. So my birthday actualy was sad. I have come to realize that as you get older a birthday is just more of a hassel more expensive and i think the next birthday i celebrate will be 25. to all my friends who read this i miss you plese wriet me:(

As i drove home with my little brother tonight we had a shouting match. he is depressed for some reason and was taking it out on my becuse i love him and i was trying to talk to him and help him. as he bashed on me it made me wonder a few things and made me depressed.
Am i really a horrible person? am i really so offal looking that people are my friends because the are sorry for me? do all i deserve is to be never loved and friendless? Am i a failure? if so why do i continue to exist?
 am so sad and depressed i can't see the screen as i type through tears.
I really miss my friends and the love and support i get from them. please if youhave a minute and you are reading this can you tell me: Is somthing wrong with me?

so lately life has just been hell. it started on what i am calling devil friday. i work at sonic and on fridays i work drive thru. so first i gat there tired couse i work till close on thurdays. then not only do i spill blue cocunut every whaer i also spill pop on my self. and two of my totals came to 666.
plus drive thru is always bad. first you get the huge super charged trucks that you cant even hear over. then you get peple who are like uhhhhhhh. uuuuuummmmmmm. tonight i had a guy who said(and i qoute.
'uuuuhhhh can i get a uuuuhhhhh........ can i get a uuuuhhhh". i am going to have nightmares that are just going to uuuuuuhhhhhh uuuuuuummmmm uuuuuuuuhhhhhhh uuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmm...!!!!! t
saturday my Happy (gay) friend tom comes to work with out having slept and still drunk. plus ther was an 8am meeting and i didnt get to sleep till 2am. (is ther a support group for anime addicts).that whole day was one long "tom do this, Tom do that(my happy friend)
then today i backed up into my sisters car and tore off her bach bunper on her van. to sum the last  three days up, i appear in court on Sept. tenth for "reckless backing up resulting in an accident.
plus latlely my sister has been on the war path, starting fight all the time. i reallt thought she was going to hate me forever. she doesnt.
well i just needed to vent. my main hope is that i learn the lesson my higher power is trying to teach me or i figure out how i am doing this to myself so i do not have to go through thids again. two accidents in a summer is enough.

So on campus housing is great. you have tons of friends and lots of fun. except when two groups want the tv and one groups is the minority.
tonight i went down stairs to ask for the tv next. nicely and like the RA said i should. not only was i told no very meanly, i was also gang rapped verbally by a couple of my hall mates. i dont know why i let them make me mad, it just did.
i a m so frustrated. it one of thoughs get really angry and hurt something feeelings or cry in frustration alone in your room till you kind of feel better and yet still angry. thank god for friends. that all there is to it. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh angry is not good yet crying is so girlish and emberrasing.
 the worst part is when you are telling a friend about it and you are so angry you cant think of what to sya and when you go to talk you are on the brink of crying so you have to leave unless you want to cry in front of people.
the worst part for me is i am a happy person and all my dorm know me as THE happy person of the dorm. so when you arent well they know. so here i ahve vented and got it all out and it helped, a little.

Oh beautiful lovley living spring
thy blooming has just begun
and with thy smiling sunny face
my nose begins to run

oh how bright the days and blue sky are
the piles of snow have melted
to replaced each mountain instead
with piles of tissues to burn

the sun feels nice upon my face a
and the birds sing nicely to
but the thing that lives in the middle of me face
is burning and falling in two.

to all you poor and sickly kinds
that deal with allergies
here is our ode to &%$@ spring time
and  a kleenex for your sneeze
AAAAAAAACHOOOOOO

LOve NOna

There are two things right now that are really making me mad about spring: engaged people/engagments and spring hair changing.
    i go to college at a utah school and, like last year, spring is when the young adult poulation becomes twitterpated. this involves a million and one engagemants that includes all the couples from last semester and all the new couples this semester. it feels like love is in the air and everyone and their dog is think one thing: "how fast can i get married". spring is the season of life and all the things that come with it( if you know what i mean) and it is cute in a nuasiating and enduring sort of way.
    the next issue to address that irritates me is how with spring comes chang and with change comes new hair styles. there have been many people in my dorm and many people on camus  that have decided to change there hair in some way. from trimming to dying. if you have ever dyed your hair for some people it becomes some what addictive and i personally love dying my hair. unfortunatly i am at the moment trying to grow out my hair and not dye it. for a hair dying addict not being able to do this while others around you are doing so is very very very very very very very very very  frustrating. plus to get rid of dyed hair you grow it out. so i have vented and i should be fine(this week).