i mean really, what do i want for Christmas this year??

other than a PS3 *cough* asking for since it came out *cough* haha......

i mean, sure, i've asked for stuff before, you know, stuff that a person can get for me or i can get for myself if i have the means to do so....

but what do i truly want?? yeah, a physical object can make me happy, but only until it breaks, wears out, runs out, whatevers-out, disappoints me (because i over estimated how 'cool' it would be), or until something brings me down....

but what do i want, that i know i can truly cherish??

make amends with old friends (depending on circumstances mind you)?? well, lets face it, i can do that at pretty much anytime, its just a matter of taking the time to do it and both people willing to do so.....

or for all the tension still floating around my house to disappear completely?? well if that happened, i wouldnt truly be able to appreciate the things about my family that really matter, cause i wouldnt notice those things....

no, i know what i really want. i want something i've never truly had.

love, or at least someone to be with, that cares and feels for me as more than just a friend and vice versa....

i've got love from my family, my friends, and my friends who are like family to me, but thats a different kind of love. i mean don't get me wrong, i truly appreciate it and cherish it, but the love you get from family and friends, is always abundant....

i want that feeling that you can only get from knowing, that there's someone out there that wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them, because when you're with them, you know that this person is more than just family, more than just a friend, but someone that makes you feel that being with them is simply just right, that nothing but time can determine if the two of you were meant to be together.....

because lets face it, time is something you can't stop, because it's constantly moving and has been constantly moving since God knows how long.....

but even then, just being around this person makes you feel that even time doesnt matter, because (as corny as this is about to sound) when you're with them, time just stands still.....

yeah yeah yeah, "Well go do something about it Oscar," "Just wait, you'll find someone," "If you've waited this long, then when you finally do find that person, it will have been all the more worth waiting for,".....honestly, i don't know how much longer i can wait.....

i've never wanted this feeling more than anything, ever before.....

i've always been able to put it aside, ignore it, when actually i've just hidden it (very well i might add, haha) from friends, and myself, using the importance and urgency of school and work over everything else.......

but being so close, and getting increasingly closer, to the end of this year and the begining of the next, its getting harder to hide it from myself, which is always the easiest thing to do, but if i'm finding it harder and harder to hide it from myself everyday, is it becoming more obvious to everyone else around me??




i don't know, i guess i just have to try a little harder than usual to hide it.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uufF94Hydwk

if you havent already seen my bulletin, here it is on my blog, thanks for taking time to check this out

i got really bored, and i mean really bored, and decided to look at a bunch of my old messages and comments and what not, and noticed that i lost a couple chances at making some friends and even lost contact with some people that were really good friends that took time out of their days to talk with me through messages and comments......

and i felt really bad about all that. i mean, i've occasionally said that i wish there were people i'd kept in touch with, but never did anything about it......

but this time its different i'm going to actually do something about it and do my best to get back in touch with certain people, and i encourage everyone to do the same....

anyone who is reading this, if you feel there are friends or just people in general that you wish you'd kept in touch with or settled a situation with, or whatever reason fo that matter, get in touch with those people. it may not work and you may just lose touch with them again, but it'd worth to know you tried......

so call a friend you haven't talked to in a couple months or a couple years, who knows, maybe they wanted to get in touch with you again....

hmmm, interesting that all i want for my birthday is upgrades for my airsoft gun (and a friggen PS3), haha....

FTK Full Tune Up Kits (G3/MC51) by Systema (http://www.trinityairsoft.com/p-153-g3mc51-ftk-full-tune-up-kits-systema.aspx)

King Arms PSG1 Style Grip (http://redwolfairsoft.com/redwolf/airsoft/ProductDetail?prodID=23426)

Tokyo Marui Low Profile Mount For G3/MP5 Series / CA33E(LOW PROFILE) (http://redwolfairsoft.com/redwolf/airsoft/ProductDetail?prodID=14362)

Classic Army RIS System for G3 SG1 (http://redwolfairsoft.com/redwolf/airsoft/ProductDetail?prodID=10372)
or
G3 RAS for G3 Series (http://www.trinityairsoft.com/p-310-g3-ras-for-g3-series.aspx)

Echo 1 MP5 TFB A4 AEG Airsoft Gun (http://www.trinityairsoft.com/p-1252-echo-1-mp5-tfb-a4-aeg-airsoft-gun.aspx)

G&P MP5 Handguard w/ Green Laser (http://redwolfairsoft.com/redwolf/airsoft/ProductDetail?prodID=20691)

G&P Flashlight & Tactical Handguard for MP5A4/A5 (http://redwolfairsoft.com/redwolf/airsoft/ProductDetail?prodID=8700)

so yea, if you got anyof those for me, i'd be happier than fucking hell and love you for all fucking eternity.....

=]

i left for five years and didnt say a word about it.....
left with leaving notes or messages, just up and left......
what would you do? would you notice? would you care?

and goodbye of 2008.

Or well, its more what my resolution for the new year is. First off, I want to build on my resolution from last year, which I feel I won't have a problem doing. My resolution for this year however is to 'build new and fix/finish old bridges'.

Or in other words, I want to make more new friends this year than I ever have, wether its completely new people or people I could have been friends with, but just never took the time to do anything about it. And seeing as that I saw alot of, especially near the end, 2008 as 'burning bridges', but I also ended up not finishing or damaging other bridges along the way. So what I want to do is fix or finish those bridges.

I just feel that certain aspects of my life would be different if I had become friends with different people. I'm not saying I regret making the friends I have, I just regret not become friends with alot of people I could've been friends with. And yes, something I actually regret. If there was ever a year to turn that around, its this year. And thats what I intend to do.

Hopefully if you didn't have a resolution for this new year, maybe you might think about making one now. Best wishes to all.

trust issue: for reasons some may know, and for reasons most people will never know, i have trust issues. i feel like i cant trust anyone but very few people. if you have to think about wether or not you're one of those few people, then you probably arent. i used to be the kinda person who was willing to trust from the get go. not completely from the get go, but i had the understanding that to be trusted, you had to be willing to trust in return, true, but someone has to be willing to trust first. i used to be that guy. but for various reasons i'm no longer that person. but honestly, i want to be that person again. i just don't know how long it'll take me, if i even become that person again.

relationship status- not looking: a couple people know why i'm done with the whole relationship/dating thing for the time being. trust issue being one of the reasons. the last two girls i was willing to be straight up with werent willing to be straight up in return, and whats worse is for different reasons each, i pretty much got screwed over. i just feel that i can't trust any girl period right now, except for my sisters and 2 friends. i do not want to get shit on (figuratively) again. another reason is that right now, i guess the only way to put it is to make myself feel better first. its not a lack of confidence, believe me, people can vouche that i have plenty confidence. its just that, i dont want to take a chance with a girl, and then fuck it all up just 'cause i'm not feeling good on life or i dont have a positive enough of an outlook. i want to be at a point in my life that i'm not just satisfied with, but its really where i want to be. i guess the second reason is the biggest part of why i don't want a relationship right now.

money: simple enough. i have a job, but i'm still not getting enough. so, i either need a second job, or kill someone for somebody for some large amount of cash, and i'm pretty sure its obvious which one i'm gonna go with.

school: missed summer quarter, so i gotta hella cram. only takin one class for fall quarter since i already have to take my final early, i want to make sure i'm focusing my efforts on passing that final before i leave for winter vacation to Japan. winter quarter is going to suck ass, period. gonna be cramming 3, maybe 4 classes, shit. oh well, gotta sacrifice what you want to do for what you have to do.

car: i love the fact that i have an '83 Celica with a 22RE, and the fact that my dad GAVE it to me. but lets face it, i need something to drive tht saves gas instead of my dads gas guzzling Infiniti QX4, and the Celi' just requires too much time to work on it that i don't have. on top of that, if its the transmission thats fucked and not just the transmission line, then i'm not going to dish out the money to get a new one, fuck it. i need something that runs GOOD, gets good gas to the gallon, doesnt look like shit, and something i can work on over time.

if i didnt have to get to sleep so as that i have energy for the day, i'd think about some other shit. otherwise, i might update this, might not. either way, i got some things to take care of.

creepy???...quite possibly....not for me anyways, but i think some people might think it is....


so right now i'm sitting in this really big room in my house, and i happen to be sitting on he sofa next to the winow....and there's some writing on the window....plus only half the window had condensation on it, like the lower half, and its only on one side to, cause its a sliding window....anyways, isnt usually that a whole window collects condensation, both sides if its a sliding window??.....did i mention none of the other widows in the house DONT have condensation on them.......

and oh yeah, the writing on the window says : HELP ME (the me is actually below help)


no bullshit, swear.....

and honestly, i feel a bit helpless myself now cause i feel like helping??, but i dnt kno who to help or how for that matter......

anyways.....

input, opinions, i'd like'em...constructive mind you......either my cellphone or comments on this blog.....

16199627705

this damn theory and words of wisdom that i've learned over the years......

and u kno what else???

for once i'm not feeling bad about my situation in life....haha

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
lets start with some of the proven theories that originated from "words of wisdom" that i got all from older friends (both male and female) who were like older siblings to me........

first off, anyone can get a 'physically beautiful' person to talk to them.....one just has to remember that you must be genuinely interested in conversation and getting to know the person, and must convey those intentions.....if there are intentions to just get them into bed or simply just to get physical in some way, then it will show through the person's actions and words.....(note: a wingman can help to convey those good intentions)

secondly, if you want to meet a person of the opposite gender and get their phone number so as to make a new friend and get to now the person better, intentions of conversation and genuine interest are still important to convey.....this is known as 'macking your game'.....your game is simply how you approach a person you may or may not know, and how you convey your intentions.....i am not specific with the intentions in this case, because sadly, people now mack their game just to get physical with a person......but back to what's important......to get to the objective number, wether or not it was intended to get a phone number in the first place, you cannot simply just ask for a number straight out or early in the conversation.....first one must generate a simple conversation...this can be done by asking about the weather or asking about a event that had or had not happened recently (in the case you choose an event that my be fictional, make sure not to over indulge).....after the conversation is started, then names can be introduced.....in this case, a friendly handshake is a good way to convey friendly intentions...structured, but gentle mind you for the guys.....ladies, also be structured, but lady like....we dnt like it when a girl has stronger grip than us.....mind you, you do not have to be the person to generate a conversation, but guys, girls like a guy with confidence...the same can be said vice versa, but someone has to make the first move regardless......but moving on.....after conversation has been going on for a good at least 10-15 minutes (dnt actually time it, do it off of instinct...just casually look at ur watch ONCE), then try to pick up the phone number....not the person, but the number......how you pick up the number is up to you...you can be creative or you can be straight forward......but remember, time and pace yourself......

the third important piece of advice, having a tight game.....this is probably the most simple to learn about and understand, but the hardest to master.....as contradictory as this may sound, a tight game is a free and flexible game that can adapt......part of how you adapt your game to a person is observation...watch a person for a couple minbtes (5 or 6), but DO NOT stare and do not be conspicuous.......after you get a measure of how you feel you should approach a person, go in and start macking.....regardless of how you must adapt your game though, you cannot be too strong or too weak......coming on too strong may scare the person, but will definitely chase them away....if its too weak, then they will not be impressed and will think your not a confident person.....its not enough JUST TO find the confidence to approach a person, but to keep that consistent......if while observing, you notice that it is a group, then your game must definitely be versatile......if its a group of just girls, and there is just one person you want to get to kno in particular, then approach and introduce yourself to everyone, but pay just a little more attention to that one person...not too much, but just enough to be noticable.....if its a mixed group of people (men and women), then you can either approach and introduce to everyone immediately, or be a bit indirect.....wait till the one person in particular leaves to go to the bathroom or something, 'cause if there is just one or more than one girl, we all know that girls do not go to the bathroom alone....when the girls or the one girl in particular leaves to do so, go up to the guys and introduce yourself as a guy, but if your straight, then be careful with how you approach them, cause you do not want to convey that you are gay ir you are in fact straight and want to get to know one or more of the girls (if there is more than one girl with the group)....with any luck, the guys will see that your an ok person and introduce you to the girls when they get back....mind you, as long as you stick to the first step and be genuinely interested in conversation and getting to know people, the chance the guys introduce you to the girls will be likely.......(note: a wingman can help by getting the attention of everyone else)

remember, that although not required, a wingman (whose purpose is to help his homeboy get the attention) is very helpful.....if you're alone and do not know anyone in town, then its still ok......

i usually have blogs up quite fast when something significant happens or i just want to rant and let off some steam, but this one is different......i actually felt that this one needed thought.......

there isnt really anything to say except congrats to everyone.....12 years of learning, both academic knowledge and life lessons, and we finally did it......everyone has had their own shares of ups and downs and even shared them......but through it all, we stuck with it, and made it......

it finally came full circle....its all come back to us.....all of our hard work and perseverance.....a feeling more rewarding than anything you can ever recieve.....

i can't really think of anything to say other than all of that, and the following......

to my friends who i met here in Port Orchard in 1st grade......its been 11 years since i've known you all......regretably, not many of you will read this becuase i moved so long ago that connecting again was actually that hard.....but even with that huge 6 & 1/2, maybe even 7 & 1/2 year gap, it was still moving to have heard ur name and maybe even saw you at graduation wiht thought in my mind "ive otherwise known that person since the first grade, and we're here now. wow".....i hope to see all of you more before i once again leave for Japan......

my friends that i made in Japan......look at us.....6 years, and we're here now......we've all been there for each as much as we all could, even after we all moved at such crucial parts of our high school lives......but before we all moved, before we all became high schoolers......when we were elementary kids in the 6th, 5th grade for some of you......we started friendships that are still held together to this day, or layed down the stones to waht was a strong friendship or to what was a rough path that has led us here.......some of us lost alot of time over the years, but its time i'm sure was well made up for with friendships rekindled and even old rivalries resolved and put aside for laughs.........some of us have been firend since we met and even after we've all moved, we;ve kept in touch and kept each other tegother....we've all done our best to keep each other from breaking down......i'm sure that we will continue to do so for years to come no matter the distance......

to my friends i made both only last year and this year....no matter how long we've knwon each other, all of you are what made living in this ratty old town tolerable....some of you i've come to be closer with than others (bestie...[=), while others i hope to get to know better before we go our seperate ways.......and even though i'm moving back to Japan for 2, maybe 3 years, i promise to come back to visit all of you as well as to keep in touch.....i will do my very best to keep our friendships as strong as they are right now and definitely make them stronger.....all i ask of you all is to remember me always.....

to my parents, i cannot say thank you enough times or do anything to thank you both enough......you're whats motivated me these past 12 years to graduate.....my wish, to make you both proud on my graduation day, has come true.....that is all i ever wished and prayed for, and after 12 years of my hard headedness and arguements, nothing will ever make me happier than how i felt when i saw the smile on both your faces after the ceremony.....i will love you both endlessly......

there is nothing more to say......

or not that i can think of for that matter......haha

only that all i can say is best of luck to all of you......i pray for the best for each and everyone of you......i hope to see you all in the very near future.....keeping in touch is crucial for all of us.......live long and prosperous lives to those i may never see along the road, and for those i may........

well, this is the end to what is most probably the most important and only blog that i put so much thought into.....i hope any of you that read this keep to heart what i have said here.......