USELESS CHILDREN's MySpace Blog |

http://www.aversion.com/bands/uselesschildren/index.cfm
There are two type of punk concerts. One, you just might come home with a super-attractive member of the opposite sex. The other you just might come home with a bloodied nose. If Useless Children's debut EP is any measure, you're much more likely to spend the wee hours licking your wounds that playing kissy-kissy with a one-night stand.
Useless Children is a six-song blast of scare-the-parents hardcore. Over and done with in nine minutes flat, an EP is the perfect format for this sort of scorched-earth hardcore. Much longer than this EP's brief running time and your speakers are likely to melt down. With singer Cinta's vocals adding a banshee-like wail to the fury, Useless Children comes off like a rough and dirty Australian cousin to bands like Schoolyard Heroes or Be Your Own Pet.
Useless Children follow a single-track, seek-and-destroy battle plan, which, considering the band's love for hardcore and thrash, isn't too shocking. Although the band's debut EP doesn't do much to add to the pantheon of hardcore thought or sound, the trio's certainly good at contributing to its raw power and shrieking volumes. "These Things Change," one of the EP's longest songs at a whopping 1:52, marshals guitars and bass set to bore through concrete with proto-metal riffs that check the Los Angeles hardcore heyday of 25 years ago as Cinta screams her way into a frenzy. "Can't Feel Like This" is spastic sludge-core, with overblown guitars nudging ever closer to metal, though the band's vocal tracks add a strangely accessible element to the sound. "Your War" and "Leave Us Alone" continue the trend, as Useless Children trade every last shred of subtlety for paint-peeling, migraine-tempting power.
Hardcore's supposed to be about risking bodily injury, not finding your soul mate, so Useless Children should fit right in to the long, long line of bands well equipped to thrash and crash their way into a short, violent entry into hardcore's list of up-and-comers.

EP REVIEW - VICE MAGAZINE

http://www.viceland.com/int/v15n11/htdocs/records-326.php

This record sounds like a high-school thrash band fronted by the bitchiest little sister you’ve ever met. That’s probably the most accurate review I will ever give in my entire life.

UNCLE SHARKEY

EP REVIEW - TIME OFF
Category: Music

Man,
it's not until you hear a punk rock band doing it properly that you remember why
it's such a worthwhile endeavour. Useless Children are a three-piece who scream
along at a frenetic pace with such a tight efficiency that you barely notice the
songs change. I've got no idea what the lass is screaming over the vaguely
melodic chorus of 'Spastic Nation' but I'm sure it's probably something cool,
and I'm extremely grateful they didn't include the lyrics so I'll never know. If
I was drunk at one of their gigs and it went for under half an hour then I would
no doubt begin crapping on to my forever patient friends about how all bands
should sound like that and the ones that don't are pussies and how I'm only
going to listen to punk again until I got out my iPod and remembered how rad
Jay-Z is. Fucking brutal and awesome, the whole CD goes for about nine minutes
and would renew my faith in something if I wasn't such a jaded jerk. I still
will try to see them live, but I'll try and go on my own, like one of those
weird guys with glasses and beards that go to shows on their
own.

EP REVIEW - MESS + NOISE

http://www.messandnoise.com/releases/2000156

This is fast. Not a Slayer kind of fast, more a, “So here’s that recipe you

wanted. Got a pen? I only have 30 cents credit on my phone” kind of
fast. Drummer and main vocalist Cinta not only bashes the beejus out of
the kit in Usain Bolt-like speed, she also spits out words like she is
tumbling head first onto the sidewalk. Break neck. No song goes for
longer than two minutes. This is punk rock that ain’t gonna wait around
for no-one

Useless Children are a three-piece outfit that have made an impact

on the local Melbourne scene in their short time together. And this
short EP, produced by Mikey Young (Eddy Current Suppression Ring/Ooga
Boogas), is a good document of their live show. That document, or
rather thin pamphlet, is short, fast and, yes, loud. Galloping is often
used to describe a CD like this, and the guitar riffs by Rob, who also
plays in Cut Sick (another band who will never be mistaken for Low),
certainly don’t trot.

Despite the insane speed of songs like ‘Spastic Nation’, the band

manages to hold a decent shred of melody. Useless Children certainly
aren’t a “thrash” band in the “bandana and upturned cap sense” of the
word. And on songs like ‘Sounds’, the low-end bass rumblings of Steve
recall the bruised melody of early Hard-Ons.

The surreal black-and-white photography of the packaging – a young

child who (I hope) is sleeping by the banks of the Merri Creek –
contrast sharply with the manic pace of the music, but it’s beautiful
nonetheless.

Urgent urgency? Jeez, I don’t know. Listen to this and feel for heart palpitations.

by Tim Scott

Review: Razorcake

USELESS CHILDREN:
Self-titled: CDEP
Huh?! Where are these manically screamed female vocals coming from? It blares right into your face with a force that is hard not to notice. Backed by some pretty solid sounding punk rock, the music starts out with fists a flying. Heavy and wild with just enough speed to keep things interesting; this band changes things up to keep it from being cookie cutter. I don’t know what may be in the water in Australia. From what I’m hearing, it may be the best drug I haven’t tried –Donofthedead (Exo)