All,

We at DAHQ are getting ready for an extreme performance on May 22nd. It's going to change the way you think about music...Well maybe not, but it will certainly be fucking awesome! I am loving it. New song...Maybe two. We will see. My Name in Lights. Las Vegas Lights.

Brandon

Who is Malvern Thompson? And why is he awesome? I found this on craigslist.

To Whom it may concern:

My name is Malvern Thompson. I am a President William Henry Harrison Impersonator. I used to be a painter/artist/poet/cat stylist, but it didn’t work out. In my performances I sit in a rockin’ chair and regale the audience with tales of the olden days. Mid way through I announce I am cold, exactly five (5) minutes later I cough and then die. I return to the stage with a powdered wig my semi-nude body covered in white. I become the Ghost of William Henry Harrison or “Chilly Willy” as he is known throughout the show. As a ghost I talk about the “specter” of communism. This is the most fun part of the act, as I lead the crowd in a stirring rendition of Yankee Doodle as I wave my flag. I have my dog don a half confederate half communist flag and I spray him with a super soaker to simulate capitalism’s triumph over tyranny and socialism. It’s quite a show. I will be more than happy to present this program to your business/family/friends/employees/sports team for a fee of $5,000. It’s completely worth it. Just think, your patrons and staff will be entertained and I will $5,000 richer. I could use the money in these difficult economic times. That’s my pitch. If that doesn’t work for you, I also do a show where I play Alan Alda from MASH. Not Hawkeye Piece but Alan Alda. I do things like get the mail, read the paper, things Alan Alda does to relax. This show is less entertaining but less expensive. This performance is only $4,995 as I do not have to insure a dog. Hope to hear your decision soon. Let me know when I can come to your home, business, or birthday party. Also...I need half of the money up front(Bills).



Yours in Christ

Malvern Thompson

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I would just like you to know that in a little over 3 weeks I will present my new show. It should be epic. You need to be there.

Lillys
2515 N. Lincoln
Chitown
May 22
9
$6

You head will explode!

Well,
You all need to check out Snugglewood. It is my good friend Victor's bedroom project. His tune Druglord was part of an EP he recorded in a weekend based on a dream he had about being a Cowboy fighting crime. He has rerecorded it. It sounds great. Maybe he will permit a DAH remix of it. I would love to perform it live with him. SHHH! Don't tell him... I miss playing with him.
Brandon

Did you know that Activia is awesome? I didn't before I got sick. When all you consume for several days is broth and Jello, it's remarkable what tastes delicious. My exhaustion following my hospital stay lasted an entire week. Greatly affecting my vacation time. IE screw it over huge. Punk Punk Punk. Now I'm fine. Great huh. Boring. Come to my show tonight.

When I woke up, they were transporting me to my room. My parents were bedside and I was super groggy. What followed was a goofy blur as I was wheeled to my room. I feared that my IV would get ripped out, caught on a door or something else. Getting pushed on a gurney while laying down is actually quite frightening. When I got to the room...i was treated to a breakfast of broth and jello. MMMMMM. Lily sat bedside as I drifted in and out of consiousness all day. I remember fighting to stay awake, wanting to go home, and then having to stay the night. A female orderly laughed at me and yelled "You want diaper!" after I trusted a fart that was not a fart at all but a shart. She just didn't want to clean up after me. I got to use a commode. Nothing is more satifying that taking a dump in your room. Oh wait yes there are a million things more satifying. Lily and my parents remained supportive during the whole ordeal. I continued to drift in and out all night. Lily stayed with me at the hospital late, and then went to my house to check on my cat Ruby and spend the night. She was there when I woke up the next morning. She is the most wonderful women in the world! The doctor came in mid morning. What a goofy guy? He kept saying I was fine, but we needed to wait for the results of a test. What he didn't know was the test took 48 hours. Eventually he figured it out and I was discharged. This was excellent. More about my recovery soon.

Yo! Show this Friday. At the Mutiny. It is going to rule! Playing with Aras and the Voldkas, also a Cure cover band. Don't tell ASCAP.
Love you,
Brandon

All,
Check it out! My first Negative review. Sweet!
It's linked below.
http://www.ohsweetnothing.com/2009/04/division-and-honoresass.html
 

Hey kids,

I haven't written in a while, but I just thought I would give the internet a little taste of what I've been up to the last 3 days.

I've been up to... the hospital.

Yes children, Monday night after work and a work out I returned home after stopping at Bowman's Bar for a chicken sandwich. After eating I began to have severe diarrhea, and terrible nausea. Since I was working on my new song Champion I tried to push through but at around 10 I could barely sit up. So I started drinking copious amounts of liquid to reverse the dehydration that was occurring inside my body. However, it just seemed to make matters worse. I retired to my bed where I began to shake and shiver with chills. No matter what I did I could not get warm enough. It was at this point that my lovely lady Lily called me. I tried to explain what was happening to me. She was immediately concerned as she had never heard me so sick. She encourage me to drink some chicken broth, which I did. I then tried to sleep off the sickness. As I laid in bed though, that pukey feeling began and I ran to the bathroom. As soon as I finished vomiting and going to the bathroom I started to panic. I had not been able to keep any fluids down.

Well... I better go to the ER while I still could. Using the post vomitting stomach okness window I got in my car and drove to Swedish Covenant Hospital. I had been there once before when I split my chin open on the floor attempting the worm, drunk at a party. I parked my car and stumbled into the hospital. Tony, a white haired Chicago style Itailian male took my information. I tried to answer him as concisely as I could holding back the nausea. I took a seat and watched a cop throw several homeless people out of the waiting room. As I waited I realized I had on one sweater, one hoodie, one zip hoodie, and one winter coat. I was still cold. Finally the chills subsided. They called my name. As I went back for triage I had a hard time keeping my bearings. They took my temperature... High 100's... As I began to describe my symptoms I felt that same pukey feeling. I stood up and looked for a place to vomit. I asked should I puke in the biohazard container? The nurse shouted no use this... She was quick on the draw and handed me a plastic tub just as I was in the doubled over motion of pre vomit. It was like a choreographed Ballet. The handoff was in perfect rhythum with my vomitious refrain. After I finished I had was a half full tub of all the water I had consumed in the last 3 hours. Needless to say they gave me a bed immediatly.

As I waited to see the doctor the nausea got steadily worse and the eminent torrent of diaherrea was stifled... They checked my vitals and a transvestite came to take my blood. I think I jokingly called her a vampire. Ha ha. She has never heard that I am sure. Also I was pretty messed up. Finally after all the checking was done they gave me an IV and some anti nausea medicine. At first the medicine made me feel so much better. I could feel the life rushing back into me. My lips and mouth were extremely dry and I asked for some water. I took intermintent sips of the water. After about a half hour the nausea returned. They gave me another round of nausea medicine and it did nothing. I tried to rest. I think I fell asleep. When I woke up my IV bag was empty, it stayed empty for a while as they deceided if they were going to give me some more fluids. I spoke with the doctor and told her I wasn't really all back yet. She order another liter. My body drank it up pretty quick. I still however did not have to go #1. I was still extremely dehydrated. The nurse said that they would discharge me if I felt wel enough, but she wanted me to sit up in bed for a while to make sure I was ok. She unhooked the IV but left the tube in me incase I needed to get hooked up again. I had to go to the bathroom 5 times in about 30 minutes. Also I had a 100+ fever that had not calmed down. I could not sit up in the bed any longer. I told the doctor that I felt pretty much the same as when I came in. She deceided they would admit me. The only problem was there were not any open beds. I would have to wait in the ER until something opened up. I was hooked up back to the drip. The nurse told me they were giving me a sedative to help me sleep. I asked if I could call my loved ones and tell them I was being admitted. She handed me the phone. I called Lily, My Parents, and Work to tell them  I was staying overnight. She pushed the sedative into me. I drifted off.

So shit,

I got off the plane and met up with the Tubring guys. I didn't really know how to act in the van. I didn't have van legs and as a result was really awkward moving into the back seat. I must have stepped on everyone's stuff twice. I wanted to make a good impression, because I would be with these guy's for the next five days. The only guy I was close with at the time was Rob, but over the next five days I would grow to like everyone and establish common ground as the weirdo one man band with a degree in obnoxious ness. Oh did I mention that on my flight was Adult Film Actor Rod Fontana. Crazy!

As we loaded up the GPS and headed to the Keswick Democratic Club, I got pretty excited. My first tour as DAH. I was so happy. We stopped and the venue and found it deserted. We were there way too early. So we headed to Target to get some necessary items. It turned out I hadn't brought a pillow. A crucial mistake on tour. I purchased a pillow at the Target, along with Purel, and some Cocoa Butter as my hands were dry as hell. When we got back to the van I delicatly spread the Cocoa Butter on my hands. I didn't want to stink up the Van with girl. Turns out the Cocoa Butter was a welcome odor from the stink of Rock N' Roll Flatuance.
Then disaster:
The Van's Check Engine light went on... A hush fell over the van. We drove to an Autozone because they do free Check Engine diagnosis. It turned out the Van was running a little lean, what ever that meant, but the tech said it wasn't anything serious. We headed along after adding some coolant. Trouble seemed eminent, but stayed at bay.

We headed to the venue, and had some drinks to settle in. I met the guys from the other band on the tour the Ideamen. Who by the way are fuckin' awesome. We hung out, drank. By the time I took the stage I was a little bit lit. I gave everything I had left as I was tired from work and travel. It was a good first tour set, blasting through all the hits. The crowd seemed to enjoy themselves. I took quite a tumble as I put my foot up on the monitor, to say I got messed up was an understatement. My back was like, screw you. I pulled it together knowing that beer was just a song or two away. Thanks Louisville. I had so much fun.

After the show we went to a philly style pizza joint that was so rad it wasn't even funny. Rob's friend Nico put us up at her exceptionally nice house. Rad.
Oh tour...It's the shit.

Brandon