Ok so the basic rundown, for those of you who wish to know, is this Im going to:

Thailand
Vietnam
Cambodia
Laos

I will be going with a group called global expeditions which is the same group i have gone to mexico with the past 2 summers

This trip though fun and awesome as its gonna be will not just be a luxury vacation for me I am going as a missionary to these places

The trip length will be 2 months Im leaving in about another 5 hours and will be returning on the 6th of august sometime in the afternoon or night hours i dont remeber the exact time off the top of my head ;)

many of you who are reading this now probly already know most of the information in here as many of you have been aware and helped to support me in this journy for which i must thank you because without your support this trip would not be happening and Gods love would not be known to these predominatly Buddhist cultures withing the lives we will have the opportunity to touch while we are there

I am planning on taking lots of video and pctures while i am there so you can exspect to see some of where i have been upon arival back home

please keep me in your prayers as this trip is long and to some nations that have been heavily persecuted for a long time

Please keep the group i will be traveling with in your prayers as well

Prayer specifics for me and the group:

1.Our health
2.That we would have the oppotunity to share Christ in bold new ways
3.For the people we will be ministering to that their hearts would be softend
4.Spiritual protection
5.That we would finish the trip having not only ministering to others but having been 6.ministered to ourselves through eachother who are going on the trip
7.Travel free of hassles from one country to the other

Lastly please remeber I Love you all and will miss you lots while i am gone but i will be back and i will be wanting to hang out with you all again soon once i do get back to share the awesome stories that i know will come of this trip.

I love you all and will be missing you much

God Bless,
          Josiah

A thousand emotions rush through my veins
Bleeding out a thousand diffrent colored stains
This peircing thought continualy strikes me
Like a hot steel blade cuting ice from my heart
So I set myself afire so thousands will come from miles to see
This light burn in me
Fueld by the afflictions of my pains
Run unto the valley where Christ shall cast away the shadows of defeat
Oh God! Hear my plea of breaking from this worlds vices
Save me for the waters growing steadly above my head
Suffocating slowly the pride in my life
I am the weeping whore at your feet
JESUS CHRIST!
Alabaster tears shall fall from my eyes
God i plead baptise me with fire and let me burn
Guide my heart in the way you would choose
God I am nothing without you
This body will die and this flesh will rot
This life will end and another name forgot
Teach me to turn the other cheek
To run the extra mile when forced to go the first
To bless those who curse me
But mostly to love those who hate me
Let me live in the power of your name
God that through me only glory be brought to your name
Praise and honor alone do i wish to bring to the King of Kings
Rose of Sharon, Bloodied, My God the Lamb of God!
Cleans this soul shreaded by the shrapnal of a war
Remove the transgresions i have comited from me
Lust was my god
Music was my god
Pride was my god
Adultry was my god
Murder was my god
Yet you say THou shalt have no other Gods before me
So here I am
Free from the traps that were set for me
No more will the gods I have so faithfully served stand in the way
God raise a mighty generation repentant of their Godless ways
No more shall we have a form of Godliness and deny your power
Lord let your fire fill us Let your children be the sons of Revival

THis is part 2 of my previous blog which is part of an article i found on pluggedinonline.com which i thought was really good part 3 will be posted next week sometime i think and i will post it here for you when it gets posted there
God Bless,
              JOSIAH
Last week I wrote about U.S. advertising's effects on my not-yet-fully-Americanized psyche. And, yea, verily, the adjustment to life in this country continues.


Case in point: My first reencounter with an American movie theater felt like walking into a roomful of alien cyborgs.


This happened near Los Angeles, so among other precautions, I had to make sure I hadn't accidentally stepped onto a Terminator set. I hadn't. Before the film played, people sat down with weird metal objects glued to their ears. They had various glowing-screened devices in hand. Their thumbs were spinning madly across them.


More baffling still, some of these cyborgs kept talking to themselves. Or maybe it was to the wall or empty seat next to them, I couldn't tell. Other, less bionic ticket holders didn't seem to think this was strange.


I knew what a cell phone was, certainly. But what were these people using? My friend, who had definitely not been out of the country and under a rock as I had been, poked my arm. She could tell I wasn't in Inner Mongolia—or even Kansas—anymore. She said, "Bluetooth."


"Is that a pirate?" I joked, knowing what it meant, but never having seen it in action like this. She rolled her eyes, laughed and explained the finer points of how communication had changed in our country. A lot.


And it continues to morph. I've been back in the States for about six months now, and I'm still amazed occasionally. To me, how Americans communicate often feels more a like a tutorial in how to avoid communication.


Gizmos and Pixels and Texts, Oh My!
A few weeks ago I was at home working online when my housemate sent a Facebook message from downstairs. But let me restate this: She knew I was only a few feet away and she still sent me a digital message. Once I'd read her post and laughed, I shut my laptop and practically sprinted to her, barely missing the cat on the last step. "Oh, please!" I said, feigning disgust when she could see me in the kitchen. "Talk to me! We are not going down this road!"


She laughed and said she'd done it to tease me (because good friends know your buttons). But kidding aside, her joke is real. The note made me realize how easily many of us have slipped into a "messaging habit" with those we would otherwise speak to in person. This type of high-tech, low-touch "talk" seems to be becoming the norm.


And to someone who's just returned from countries that greatly value community and close relationship, this is nothing short of amazing. No, it's alarming. It looks as if we are becoming a nation of pixely one-liners, cryptic texts and emoticons. The joke on T-shirts is, "i text people who are sitting next to me." But it's so common today that you probably didn't even laugh when you read that.


As a wise Englishman once said—100 or so years ago—"The more elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate."

Don't get me wrong. I like social networking and I've quickly picked up the fine art of texting. These things are fun and they serve a real purpose. But face-to-face conversation and interaction mean much more than a series of electronic notes or mobile calls from a theater. I'm far from crazy about the idea of Twitter trumping chatter. So many Americans seem content with IMs and forum posts that are conveniently positioned around entertainment options and busy schedules.
Examples of this are everywhere. When I traveled with a youth group recently, I watched teenagers in the van chat on cell phones, listen to mp3s and play video games—all without so much as breathing on their seat-belted neighbors. They texted BFFs elsewhere rather than getting to know the teens around them. Hardly anyone talked to anybody else in the vehicle for hours.

And on a road trip I took from Oregon to Colorado, I watched the "dining dead" pop up like zombies over pancakes and pizzas. Wherever I stopped at a restaurant for a meal, I was amazed to see couples and families eat breakfasts, lunches and dinners in silence—for excruciatingly long periods of time. (I wanted to scoot over to them just to inject small talk!) Sometimes one or all were entranced by a BlackBerry, laptop or a DS. Sometimes they just stared at the big-screen TVs that seem to now spontaneously sprout from the walls inside U.S. eateries.


In all fairness, maybe these diners had been traveling all day and were tired. Maybe they'd just suffered a major loss and were in shock. Or maybe the older couples had been married for so long they could actually read each other's thoughts. Nah, probably not.


Could media and technology be to blame for our diminishing levels of significant dialogue and seeming disinterest in one other? Do we have so little to say to each other because we haven't studied much of the world beyond iTunes, TV Guide and Xbox lately?


Reach Out and Touch Someone
Probably none of us can precisely answer those questions. But we could start to figure it out by asking ourselves if the Internet, gaming and conjecture about the next Grey's Anatomy episodes are replacing real interaction. And by real interaction, I mean contact that helps us genuinely know and love other flesh-and-blood humans, not the pixels that represent them—or even the pixels they like to watch.


The next step is this: If media is indeed changing or even replacing relationships, it's time to reevaluate how we interact with it. Because if the allure of all things digital continues, in 20 years we'll be taking wafer-thin, thought-activated laptops to dinner instead of people.


And I don't want that to happen. If for no other reason than to protect another hapless expat who has grown used to meaningful conversations over foreign food from having an even harder time adjusting. Because then she, too, will grieve what we will have needlessly lost: the art and pleasure of meaningful conversation.

this was a really good article i found on pluggedinonline.com that i thought i would share
In this 3-part "Culture Shock" series, Plugged In Online's newest writer grapples with moving back to the U.S. after spending nearly five years living in Asia and Africa. This is Part 1.



I used to think I was a reasonably well-adjusted person. But then I had to move back to the United States.


Donning U.S. culture again felt like wearing a sweater that's four sizes too small: I stuck out of it. I squirmed to make it fit. I felt beyond absurd. Different aspects of American life that had once felt normal now felt uncomfortable and—dare I say it—horrifying.


Before my homecoming, I'd spent almost five years teaching in East Africa and rural China. Both are far-flung regions where life is relatively slow and uncomplicated compared to our frenzied, disproportionate U.S. existence.


Living life outside the reach of American advertising, for example, was much more serene. It was also freeing since I had space to ponder things beyond how my abs look, the kind of car I drive or the clothes I wear. In fact, I'd been living in areas where many people wear the same clothing almost every day—without their friends (or Stacy London) staging an intervention.


So reentering our consumer-driven, image-mindful country felt like jumping naked into a glacial lake. (Well, at least my shock and audible gasping were probably pretty similar.) I came home to American friends who were ashamed to carry the same attractive, perfectly useful purse for more than a few months—forget about wearing a sweater twice in one week.


As terrible as it may sound, during my first days back I wanted to smack several people and yell, "Get over yourselves!" Instead, you'll be relieved to know I bit my tongue and tried to smile a lot.

Inadequacy Is the New Black
Once back in the West, I was instantly warned of my serious shortcomings. An advertisement in the airport told me I could hold my head higher if I'd have cosmetic surgery. Radio commercials on the ride home touted teeth-whiteners and designer jeans guaranteed to slim. And when I turned on a television—for the first time in about a year—a smug, collagen-lipped woman flatly announced that I'm fat. She'd been a "huge" size 12 (like me), but after dropping 40 pounds, men finally noticed her. I sat there wondering if this might be because her mouth was now bigger than her hips.

When I turned the TV off—instead of giving it away, as I'd initially been tempted to do—magazine spreads prolonged the criticism. It seems I lack a shocking amount of crucial, life-advancing stuff: Oprah's book-club pick, the right wardrobe, emotional fulfillment through yoga, an ideal haircut, fat-burning food, life-altering laundry soap, mind-boggling sex, fantasy vacations, George Foreman's grill and perfectly clumping cat litter. (Thankfully my cat is reasonable and doesn't mind clay.)


A steady stream of "the-Joneses-are-better-so-you've-got-to-do-more" messages poured from every form of media I experienced. It all felt outrageous and vulgar, as if perfect strangers were attacking my very worth. Because, actually, they were.


The self-conscious, materialistic American roller-coaster ride was already killing me. Only weeks before I'd been content. Now I felt pressured to run just to keep up. I hadn't started buying or doing new things to enhance my supposedly deficient self, but a deep, secretive, very worried part of me wondered if I should. Everyone else seemed to be doing it. And everyone else looked a whole lot better. Didn't they? Especially with Ikea-sleek houses, the latest electronics, three sets of dinnerware and closets full of those slimming jeans.


Nothing Numbs Like Excess
Even during difficult financial times, we still have so much in the United States that we don't fully recognize or appreciate a lot of it. And as I watch those around me extend themselves in order to get more, I can't help but think that the intoxicating push to accept all of this as "normal" hugely affects each of us in some way.


Actually, there's a little game of sorts you can use to test this theory. Try it with a group of kids. If you don't have access to children, try it with a group of adults who act like children. It might measure, on some level, how much the pressure to amass possessions and be fulfilled through them has influenced our society:


First, find an empty glass bottle and a stick. Next, place the bottle on an empty stretch of dirt—if you can find one wedged in between all the concrete. Invite the group to roll the bottle around with the stick, pass it with their feet or run around with it for a few minutes. Then observe their responses.


Will they invent new games with their bottle and stick? Smile with delight? Giggle with glee?


I predict not.


But in parts of the Third World with few resources and even less income, I have watched boys play with Coca-Cola bottles for an entire hour. And they didn't feel at all deprived. Resourceful to the core, they could have fun and be creative with lots of things we wouldn't even consider in the West.


Why? Possibly because American advertising had never told them that a bottle is boring.


Get Me Off This Crazy Culture!
As I reacclimated, I pictured George Jetson screaming, "Jane! Stop this crazy thing!" I felt a lot like him at first, because I wanted off the American ride. I wanted out of my very own country that bore me and brought me up. It felt insatiable compared to the other places that had felt so much more satisfied.


But for some reason—and this has to be God's work, not my own culture-shocked machinations—I realized that I don't have to participate in the madness.


I can say no.


So instead of waving my arms and babbling to summon the men in white coats when I'm dragged to the mall, I've instead learned to pray while navigating it. I especially pray for patience when walking through pet stores that sell doggie g-strings and high-end boutiques with $400 shirts that don't seem a whole lot different from the ones I walk past at Wal-Mart.


And the more I navigate and pray, the clearer my path through life becomes.


Among other things, I've realized anew that our culture is just a culture. It's not the definitive means to estimate our worth if we don't achieve its punishing standards. Our identities, for instance, don't depend on physical attractiveness, "coolness," books we read or toys we play with. Our worth is in Christ, not in what any of the Joneses think of us. Our value isn't even based on what we think of ourselves, because identifying us is God's job.


Maybe you haven't experienced reverse culture shock as I have, but you've got to admit that living in this country is stressful. The advertisers' enchanting call to accomplish and acquire is irresistible at some point—even when we don't fully recognize how it affects us.


So I'll pose this question to you, just as I've posed it to myself over and over again in the past few months: Do I have this possession, or does it have me? Ask it every time you begin to believe you're better or more secure than others because of the lifestyle you've cultivated.

Let the Joneses win, I say. And wear the same sweater twice in one week, just to drive the point home.

Im still alive but my vital signs are fading slowly silent
Screaming pains cross through my brain at screaching pains
These thing leave me breaking on my knees
I am left laying here motionless waiting for help to arive
Waiting patiently i have nothing left but to scream your praise
Though i sit here paralysed from the face down
I live now only to sing praise of you name
Every other little thing has been striped away
Im laying here with no reason to praise your name
Just the hope i find in your sacrifical name
My vital signs are fading slowly farther away
Shatering like perfect glass dolls when the child loses intrest
Even so let the words that spill from my lips
Like water over a cliff
Not hit the ground without bringing forth a sound of praise
God take these twisted messed up days
Let them bring only glory to your name
And by your grace let forgiveness sing over mine

Wasted time spent cutting deeper into my heart
I negleted the things that mattered
You were put in a box upon that shelf
The one i have familarized you with far to well
Can I redeem the treasures you have given me
Or are they too far from me
Can i be trusted with a jewl again after such loss
Can you forgive me when i cant even do that myself
You bled and saved me
but God im not even worth the tears you shead
Can i be trusted to take care of what you give
Or is all to be taken back away
Can i have another chance to do thing right for you
Not for my glory but yours
This is the afliction of my heart
The ever present haunting thought
Can i trust you with every thing
Or is this disease gonna haunt me till death do us part
Questions with answeres i cant find
Am i blindly leading you on a leash
Or am i really trusting your guiding me where you desire
The question that answeres all these
Can i Trust you to take care of that i care for
Lord i need your streangth because without it
I will be trusting myself alone
In my weakness you are made strong
Lord i just ask you not hold your streanght from me
because trusting you is the hardest thing i have no choice but to do

Where are you now God when im screaming
Screaming till my throat bleeds without ceasing
Dont abandon me now when i want you the most
Inmy weakness you are strong but Lord please
Remeber to pass some of your streangth along
Like david Oh God! Like david do i wish i could be.
Maybe im closer to him than lead to think
Though he brough great praise to your name
He too was breaking at the seams
Yet thought I have been such a disgrace
Take me as i am take this from me I give it to you
I surrender everything here upon my knees
This is where I will be God waiting to see
See your purpose and perfect will for me!!

Ok so long story short i have been struggling with some stuff goin on in my life right now and one of the biggest has been the confusion the diffrent circumstances have created but today i prayed and asked God to help me out give me some answers because i dont get what to do i am at a complete loss and feel as if i am gonna loose everything that matters to me no matter what i do and i have been spending quite a bit of time the last few days more than normal praying and reading my bible and over that time there have been some things that really have stood out alot and helped me cope with everything going on the first is
Psalms 18
¹ I love you, O LORD, my strength.
 ² The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
       my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
       He is my shield and the horn ^[a] of my salvation, my stronghold.
 ³ I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
       and I am saved from my enemies.
 ⁴ The cords of death entangled me;
       the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
 ⁵ The cords of the grave ^[b] coiled around me;
       the snares of death confronted me.
 ⁶ In my distress I called to the LORD;
       I cried to my God for help.
       From his temple he heard my voice;
       my cry came before him, into his ears.
 ⁷ The earth trembled and quaked,
       and the foundations of the mountains shook;
       they trembled because he was angry.
 ⁸ Smoke rose from his nostrils;
       consuming fire came from his mouth,
       burning coals blazed out of it.
 ⁹ He parted the heavens and came down;
       dark clouds were under his feet.
 ¹⁰ He mounted the cherubim and flew;
       he soared on the wings of the wind.
 ¹¹ He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
       the dark rain clouds of the sky.
 ¹² Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
       with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
 ¹³ The LORD thundered from heaven;
       the voice of the Most High resounded. ^[c]
 14 He shot his arrows and scattered the enemies ,
       great bolts of lightning and routed them.
 ¹⁵ The valleys of the sea were exposed
       and the foundations of the earth laid bare
       at your rebuke, O LORD,
       at the blast of breath from your nostrils.
 ¹⁶ He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
       he drew me out of deep waters.
 ¹⁷ He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
       from my foes, who were too strong for me.
 ¹⁸ They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
       but the LORD was my support.
 ¹⁹ He brought me out into a spacious place;
       he rescued me because he delighted in me.
 ²⁰ The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
       according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.
 ²¹ For I have kept the ways of the LORD;
       I have not done evil by turning from my God.
 ²² All his laws are before me;
       I have not turned away from his decrees.
 ²³ I have been blameless before him
       and have kept myself from sin.
 ²⁴ The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
       according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.
 ²⁵ To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
       to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
 ²⁶ to the pure you show yourself pure,
       but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd.
 ²⁷ You save the humble
       but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
 ²⁸ You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
       my God turns my darkness into light.
 ²⁹ With your help I can advance against a troop ^[d] ;
       with my God I can scale a wall.
 ³⁰ As for God, his way is perfect;
       the word of the LORD is flawless.
       He is a shield
       for all who take refuge in him.
 ³¹ For who is God besides the LORD ?
       And who is the Rock except our God?
 ³² It is God who arms me with strength
       and makes my way perfect.
 ³³ He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
       he enables me to stand on the heights.
 ³⁴ He trains my hands for battle;
       my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
 ³⁵ You give me your shield of victory,
       and your right hand sustains me;
       you stoop down to make me great.
 ³⁶ You broaden the path beneath me,
       so that my ankles do not turn.
 ³⁷ I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
       I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
 ³⁸ I crushed them so that they could not rise;
       they fell beneath my feet.
 ³⁹ You armed me with strength for battle;
       you made my adversaries bow at my feet.
 ⁴⁰ You made my enemies turn their backs in flight,
       and I destroyed my foes.
 ⁴¹ They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—
       to the LORD, but he did not answer.
 ⁴² I beat them as fine as dust borne on the wind;
       I poured them out like mud in the streets.
 ⁴³ You have delivered me from the attacks of the people;
       you have made me the head of nations;
       people I did not know are subject to me.
 ⁴⁴ As soon as they hear me, they obey me;
       foreigners cringe before me.
 ⁴⁵ They all lose heart;
       they come trembling from their strongholds.
 ⁴⁶ The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
       Exalted be God my Savior!
 ⁴⁷ He is the God who avenges me,
       who subdues nations under me,
 ⁴⁸ who saves me from my enemies.
       You exalted me above my foes;
       from violent men you rescued me.
 ⁴⁹ Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD;
       I will sing praises to your name.
 ⁵⁰ He gives his king great victories;
       he shows unfailing kindness to his anointed,
       to David and his descendants forever.
This has helped me realize their is hope and that God will watch over me and take care of me if i let him he is good and he is just he knows my needs and he meets them yes i have hit a rough patch of being attacked by the enemy and it has been affecting me greatly but he will give me the strength i need to get through :)
the second is
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins
I have to admit this one peirced me straight in the heart and explained so much of the problems i have been having in my own life right now because i have been letting little things that dont matter get to me because i was tracing it back to a thought of not being respected and that hurts more than naything else Respect is something that i care about more than almost anything yes its good to know you are love but i want respect more than love and i have felt as tho i was not being respected at all wen the real issue was i am not loving deeply enough to let it cover those things that bug me
The third thing i have discovered is this
1 Corinthians 7

Marriage

 ¹Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.^{[a] 2}But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. ³The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. ⁵Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ⁶I say this as a concession, not as a command. ⁷I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
 ⁸Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. ⁹But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
 ¹⁰To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. ¹¹But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
 ¹²To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. ¹³And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. ¹⁴For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
 ¹⁵But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. ¹⁶How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
 ¹⁷Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. ¹⁸Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. ¹⁹Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts. ²⁰Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. ²¹Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. ²²For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ's slave. ²³You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. ²⁴Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.
 ²⁵Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. ²⁶Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. ²⁷Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. ²⁸But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
 ²⁹What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; ³⁰those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; ³¹those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
 ³²I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. ³³But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— ³⁴and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. ³⁵I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
 ³⁶If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. ³⁷But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. ³⁸So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.^[b]
 39A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. ⁴⁰In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
This spoke alot to me because no i am not married and im prolly not gonna be for a long while yet but there is a very important truth to be found in all this the fact that i am gonna be someday and i should be thinking more about the things talked about through this and considering these things cause if i am to ever lead someone in a life saying of marriage together i have to nderstand these things and they are not all easy to live out i have been considering these things alot tho lately and realizing i need too work on becoming a better husband even now unmarried dating is training for when you are married someday and i have been leaving a bad impression of what it will be like when married to me by failing to be who i should have been rather i have let the stress get the better of me and wear me out the biggest thing here is the idea that rather than calling out and relying on God during the times of trouble i let the little idea i could handle this on my own, power me, and motivate me this was the wrond solution cause i ended up saying thing that were not what God would have said.
lastly
Psalms 55 and 56
 ¹ Listen to my prayer, O God,
       do not ignore my plea;
 ² hear me and answer me.
       My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught
 ³ at the voice of the enemy,
       at the stares of the wicked;
       for they bring down suffering upon me
       and revile me in their anger.
 ⁴ My heart is in anguish within me;
       the terrors of death assail me.
 ⁵ Fear and trembling have beset me;
       horror has overwhelmed me.
 ⁶ I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
       I would fly away and be at rest-
 ⁷ I would flee far away
       and stay in the desert;
       Selah
 ⁸ I would hurry to my place of shelter,
       far from the tempest and storm."
 ⁹ Confuse the wicked, O Lord, confound their speech,
       for I see violence and strife in the city.
 ¹⁰ Day and night they prowl about on its walls;
       malice and abuse are within it.
 ¹¹ Destructive forces are at work in the city;
       threats and lies never leave its streets.
 ¹² If an enemy were insulting me,
       I could endure it;
       if a foe were raising himself against me,
       I could hide from him.
 ¹³ But it is you, a man like myself,
       my companion, my close friend,
 ¹⁴ with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
       as we walked with the throng at the house of God.
 ¹⁵ Let death take my enemies by surprise;
       let them go down alive to the grave, ^[b]
       for evil finds lodging among them.
 ¹⁶ But I call to God,
       and the LORD saves me.
 ¹⁷ Evening, morning and noon
       I cry out in distress,
       and he hears my voice.
 ¹⁸ He ransoms me unharmed
       from the battle waged against me,
       even though many oppose me.
 ¹⁹ God, who is enthroned forever,
       will hear them and afflict them—
       Selah
       men who never change their ways
       and have no fear of God.
 ²⁰ My companion attacks his friends;
       he violates his covenant.
 ²¹ His speech is smooth as butter,
       yet war is in his heart;
       his words are more soothing than oil,
       yet they are drawn swords.
 ²² Cast your cares on the LORD
       and he will sustain you;
       he will never let the righteous fall.
 ²³ But you, O God, will bring down the wicked
       into the pit of corruption;
       bloodthirsty and deceitful men
       will not live out half their days.
       But as for me, I trust in you.

Psalm 56

For the director of music. To the tune of "A Dove on Distant Oaks." Of David. A miktam . When the Philistines had seized him in Gath. ^[c]

 ¹ Be merciful to me, O God, for men hotly pursue me;
       all day long they press their attack.
 ² My slanderers pursue me all day long;
       many are attacking me in their pride.
 ³ When I am afraid,
       I will trust in you.
 ⁴ In God, whose word I praise,
       in God I trust; I will not be afraid.
       What can mortal man do to me?
 ⁵ All day long they twist my words;
       they are always plotting to harm me.
 ⁶ They conspire, they lurk,
       they watch my steps,
       eager to take my life.
 ⁷ On no account let them escape;
       in your anger, O God, bring down the nations.
 ⁸ Record my lament;
       list my tears on your scroll ^[d]—
       are they not in your record?
 ⁹ Then my enemies will turn back
       when I call for help.
       By this I will know that God is for me.
 ¹⁰ In God, whose word I praise,
       in the LORD, whose word I praise-
 ¹¹ in God I trust; I will not be afraid.
       What can man do to me?
 ¹² I am under vows to you, O God;
       I will present my thank offerings to you.
 ¹³ For you have delivered me ^[e] from death
       and my feet from stumbling,
       that I may walk before God
       in the light of life.
This was again just very encouraging to read and has helped me to be encouraged in my faith and feel like all hope is not lost if i cry out to Jesus he will help me and lead me on through this and help me endure the hard times God has been good and he is merciful in my times of need am i saying that life is easy to deal with right now not at all but i am saying God has been there with me and i am relying on him now because he is the only way things will fork out e has gotten my attention in a big way because i have been putting him off more and more in my life lately because i had no way to fit him into my time i spend awake save the 2 mins at night i pray b4 i go to bed and the lil bit of the bible i read just so i can say i did and no other reason aside from that.
All this even tho i know its long was posted for one reason to share my struggles i have been going through and hope to encourage those you you who may also be struggling with the scriptures and hope they can help you as much as they have helped me no its not easy and yes its hard to deal with what im going through and i still dont understand it but God dose and he will ultimately pull me through if i just leave it in his hands and trust him to be my guide :)

I have a confession to make i have been doing something i shouldnt have been doing the simplest way of putting this is found in Mathew 7:2-5 where it simply says this
      ³"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
I am guilty of this i let the little things that dont matter so much get to me and I have hurt someone i care about verry deeply get hurt by that as david puts it in psalms 39:1
¹ I said, "I will watch my ways
       and keep my tongue from sin;
       I will put a muzzle on my mouth
       as long as the wicked are in my presence."
I should have put a muzzle on my mouth i didnt and now i am regretting it I was oblivious to how what i was saying could possibly make you feel i rejected your feelings putting mine before yours and i was wrong in doing this I really screwed up and i am sorry i hurt you really i am but plz keep me in your prayers as i will continue to keep you in mine.
I should have been a servant unto you making shure your needs were met and making shure you are all good and well both emotionaly and spiritual Ripping at you like i did was a failure on my part to love you the way you deserve and should be loved I did not love you as christ would have me to rather i became the hypocrit and thought only of myself I was foolish and wrong to do so and i really honestly mean it from the depths of my heart when i say that i love you unconditionaly i am not gonna love you any less just because you do something i might not like but i failed you in my primary Job as your boyfriend to esteem you higher than myself and i have failed you in that aspect.
Brittani I want you to understand How much regret i feel for having let loose on you and the reason i am saying all this in a blog rather than a message is because i want you to understand that i know i genuinly messed up and i dont care who knows i did n/e more this isnt something easy to publish but i want you to know I LOVE YOU!!! and me making a public statement that i screwed up is my way of asking you to forgive me and too let everyone who sees and reads this hold me accountable for the wrong i have done its not easy letting them know but i am desprate to save the relationship we have and carry it onward i dont want it too end here. I am a liar i am a theif and yes i do things i shouldnt every day im just asking you to forgive me for that which i have done against you and Love me for who i am just the same as you want me too.
I am sorry my love,
                         JOSIAH D DARR

right now i want to blow up so many things are getting to me like they shouldnt and its keeping me awake this constant deluge of negative thought action and observance. How can one be happy in such a twisted world when everything about it tears your flesh apart. How can i be happy with uncertanty at every corner taunting me with eager arms. I am lost in a sea floating aimlesly about without vision or purpose, but what mabye 10 years more. The driftwood has rotted i drifted so long, and my weary arms cant carry me on. To be brought to this point of surendering all, just to realize im lying atop it all. Yet what good is this life at all. When all i know how to do is fall closer, closer, and closer to an abyss of endless torment. Only to realize this glimer of light was really nothing at all. I strugled with addiction, depression, suicide, and amongst it all you stod there laughing as i felt the pain of this fall. Like the eagle you grabed me from it all. Then like a determined little fish i attempted to survive the fall. Names i have many mostly terrible, if even that at all. I am left here asking are you realy worth it all, but your coy smile says it all. My backs now turned on the ways of old, and my death is lurking just outside the door. I had no clue it would end so fast, but you were not supprised at all. I hid in this little castle watching the circus pass below. Now i know why they warned me not to take part, cause its ripping my trust just so. I want to belive you but its becomming so hard. So for now ill just have to take faith in the honestly of your word.

Riders decend upon the land like locust
Sword and shield in hand
Like a great cloud the armies advance
And like the plauge they fall
Isreal without its walls shall stand and stay
Let the nations proclaim in that day of Justice
The name of the Lord no longer in vain
Let them see his wrath as the flames reign from above
Not one shall survive yet Isreal remains unscathed
A cruel verse of justice over the slain shall be proclaimed
And let no longer the name of the Lord be used in vain
May Israel not cut wood for seven years
From the weapons built to bring wrath upon his choosen
May a flame ascent unto heaven seven years strong
Seven months it will take to burry those who made that foolish mistake
Beware oh foolish one of the fire that reigns from the sky

So this is what you get when you live your life the way i wanted it to be this is what you get when you have no promise of tomarow only the garuntee of eternity this is what you get when you place you hope in me!

so this is the rejection i will suffer for be comming the me you wanted the me you dreamed of well before any saw light of me this is the obbsession that drove you to die for me why should you exspect any less from me

this is the sacrifice i gave to thee but simply charity to the widowed and the orphaned to the desprate in need real religion this is to me self sacrifice daily indeed giving willingly in the subtlety surly awaits a reward from me