My mother would work hard washing the blue uniforms of fathers. One day while washing one of the uniforms for my father, she found lip stick markings on the collar, and that began her internal fire hell, suspecting, and believing cheating was going on with father and some bitch, as she called out in conversation. Like two best friends, I would watch my mother talk to my oldest sister. They would talk about the lip stick markings on my fathers work shirt.

My father came home from work late as my mother waited in the dark with the only light coming from the fire place. A shoe box was sitting on the table in the dinning room where she sat as mid-night hour approached. Father opens the door. Mother with her eyes burning red like volcano rocks, threw the lip stick shirt at my fathers face and said, "Who the bleep is she!" Father was drunk, and yelled back to her "your choking me you witch, leave me alone bitch". Mother opens the shoe box as us children of 7, 10, and 12 years old, watched. Out of the box came a real gun, "Saturday night Special", twenty-two, a gun! Mother raised the gun as my father lunged toward mother, grabbing the gun out of mother’s hands. Off my father went, with the gun running out the house. 

Right that next day my mother some how, found where my fathers and his sex partner where. Back in the seventies, there were no GPS (global positioning satellites), so mother was well crafted in ESP. Who really knows how, but she found the car of my fathers parked in a drive way, in front of a big white house that looked like an older country house, with a large porch. Peeking up a window which appeared to be at a low enough level for me to peak in, I seen a bed, with blankets and someone under the covers moving. My guess was it was the mistress of my fathers, and my father. I wasn't sure what sex was yet, but I guess they were having sex. My mother was furious as hell fire. She banged on the window, calling her all sorts of names, like, you could imagine.

At about the age of thirty my life had fallen, failed, and broke down, for a reason. I was married to a Japanese woman. She had been a fan of ..Hollywood.. rock bands that were popular in the nineties. She was a hot, like really sexy girl wearing American second hand store jeans, and two inch high open laced shoes. Oh, and needed a green card to be legal in the ....United States..... The first time I kissed her breast at the beach, I nearly fainted. Over the course over five years with her, I got used to her breast. A cool thing she did was, placing a cotton white towel that would wait for me almost every time I finished with my shower.
 

At the time I was working at a video store on Sunset strip. I got into a lot of trouble at work, and co-workers would pick on me and the managers were often challenged with me. To my surprise often we were helping customers that were stars, Hollywood big stars. Ya, the trouble I would get into, was like. This low-budget movie video I produced, check on YouTube if you like, called "UFO STATE OF EMERGENCY"; I had package the video, and sold it in the video store, with out telling the managers. One of the managers caught me, well why wouldn't they, the video sat on the front counter. The manager sat me down in a meeting and told me I was fired if I continued to sell my video in the store. I ended up, blowing up, inside, and quitting my job there at the video store. As did, different jobs of my life from security, movie extra work, construction, "I quite!" was line I would say.

When the video store job ended, the Japanese wife of mine told me about this vegetarian group, and how they would meditate in the mountains, for ten days. Pretty cool I thought. Just follow some rules. So I went. There is a steep hill and rocky rusty colored trail I'm walking on, following a group of other people who also join this mission, from the sleeping cabin to the mediation room. A gong sound was ringing as the signal that it was time to meditate. Entering in a room never allowed talking, nor looking at each other. Making eye contact was not allowed. For ten days in solitude, reflecting on the air we breath. My mind began to let go of language, problems, feelings, and deeper past memories of pain. Forgiveness and peace became the true way to live. I began to notice that I was connected to every thing around me and everything inside of me. I noticed that it was an amazing concept that I was lucky to even be living experiencing life in the form of a human being.  At some point near the ninth days of meditation desire to speak again to humans, became temptation. I did by accident, I talked once to a cook who made the vegetation food, and I said something like what's for dinner.

I went back to ....Los Angeles.... with my Japanese wife and was a new, different, unique person. I realized all I imagine often came true. On the ride back to ....Los Angeles.... I meet a person who did some snowboarding, we talked and got into the idea of making a snowboard video. The snowboard movie, we made, produced it, premiered it, and it was just wired. It had images of homeless people on it and snow board stunts and scenes of teenagers in the mall saying "F" words. And at some point in the movie I showed my penis to the audience, ya, in the movie. I am laughing now, but then I felt I was making a statement. Hey, at thirty years old I was a bit crazy, after all that meditation, that was the movie I made. Never could show my parents, my father, adopted father, was often discussed with any art, film, or music I created. My partner never made it to the premier and moved back to the ....Utah..... We lost contact, mostly because I wanted to. He never paid for the stuff, the filming or production, I and others producers paid. Well not to much paying myself, but the investors took the lost and who were they? Taking the lost were my Japanese wife, friends and snowboard companies. When we had the premier people were shocked, walked out with strange looks on there faces. Soon after that I found out my Japanese wife was cheating on me and we got a divorce. I asked, pleaded her to stay with me. She left me. Just of about a week of her leaving me I received a hernia lifting something at a busboy job in a restaurant, and then I was not able to pay rent or work. An old woman gave me advice and saying I should move back to my home town, back in with my mother, so I. And that snowboard movie, I dumped it off in a dumpster some where in ....Los Angeles.....

The weeks before my step father had been cheating on my step mother, in the way of having sex with a woman different than my mother, I remember a father that was often holding a fresh can of cold beer, with a smell of every drunk person to come in my life, came a command for me to grab, open, and hand another beer to him. Like the time he was delivering ....United States.... postal mail while guzzling and driving, which in the 70's, seemed to be not such a big deal to him. The wheels and engine moved with the postal jeep that carried all the mail in the back. Some were underneath the mail I would sit next to a cold six pack of beer. Kind of reminded me of being on a ride of some sort, I was about six years old at the time. There before me was over a thousand letters, a bumpy ride, as we delivered house by house seeing flashing blurry trees and a happy drunk.