Check out DAW's Dan Bialek in his two new videos on Dotcomedy.com.

1) Dudes In Bed (featuring Jeff Danis and Ryan O'Neill): http://video.dotcomedy.com/player/?id=140083

and

2) Dan on the Street: http://video.dotcomedy.com/player/?id=141373

Very funny stuff. But don't take our word for it. Click the links above.

 

Attention Drink at Work Fans:

We'll be on a brief hiatus this summer as we relocate our weekly stand up show somewhere around NYC for the fall. The location is TBD so we'll keep you posted. But don't worry. You can still get your DAW fill on our website (drinkatwork.com) or check out our videos on dotcomedy.com (some of them are posted right here on Myspace).

Also -- we're putting on a huge show at Comix on August 9th that you have to come check out. It'll be hosted by Lizz Winstead, the creator of Comedy Central's "The Daily Show," and will feature other hilarious comics like Adira Amram, Giulia Rozzi, Jesse Popp, Lonesome Jack, Greg Barris, Jon Lang, Katina Corrao, and our own Sean Crespo.

The show starts at 8pm -- Thursday, Aug. 9th -- and is happening at Comix (353 W. 14th Street)

Buy tickets here: http://comixny.com/event.aspx?eid=220&sid=669

Here's what we're listening to this week: Ardor Begot Apathy by Die Romantik Brown Boxes by The Spinto Band Christine by Monsters are Waiting Kite String to Mark the Way by The Martha Dumptruck Massacre If you would like to be included in the DrinkPod, email us a link to your mp3 and we'll check it out.

Here's what we've been listening to this week: I'm Sorry by Lonesome Jack Stockholm by I Am Jack Blue Bird by The Rosebuds Mariposa by Luigi If you would like to be included in the DrinkPod, email us a link to your mp3 and we'll check it out.

“Back when I started out all the cops in New York were Irish, so if you weren’t a son of Erin you weren’t going to be one of the city’s finest. That’s why a lot of the superheroes during my time were either Jewish or Italian. It was our only ticket into crimefighting. And in the end I think it really worked well for both groups. We usually lived in the same neighborhoods so we could help each other out, one group would fight crime on Saturday, the other on Sunday.” “If you think Wonder Woman was the only broad in the Superfriends you really don’t know those guys.” “I got screwed out of every royalty check owed me. Magnifying Glassman action figures. Magnifying Glassman lunchboxes. Magnifying Glassman x-ray specs. I didn’t see a damn dime from any of it.” “It was better when we had the superhero system. No lone wolfs, just leagues. Everybody had a specific identity and knew what their role would be. The leader would say, “This one deals with national threats. That one prevents world annihilation. That one handles bank robberies.” You played the role assigned to you and you got good at it. You got recognized for it. Sure, sometimes you wanted to stretch or work with another group but you were secure in your job. You were secure in your powers. None of this anxiety masked as mystery. You want a mystery? Then find out who took all the cheesecakes from Lindy’s!” “I’m just saying, if someone calls a superhero for help they shouldn’t have to talk to customer service in Jaipur.” “When I was just starting out everybody suggested superhero names, none of them good. An agent even said I should go as ‘Eumenides.’ I asked, ‘Who the hell is Eumenides?!” He said it was the Greek god who punished the wicked and unjust. Great, just what I wanted—to strike fear in the hearts of classics professors.” “Okay, what I don’t get about the Wonder Twins is say the girl just polished off a rice dish when some emergency required her to take the shape of a pigeon. Would her stomach explode?” “Of course, it was imperative back in the 40’s that no one knew you were ethnic, superhero or not. So a lot of the original crimefighters had to change their names to come across as all- Americans. You never heard of Clark Kentilowski, did you? That’s why I put the word “magnifying” in front of my last name. Only problem, now I was stuck carrying around a magnifying glass for no reason. I mean seriously, what the hell was I supposed to do with that thing? Set someone on fire if they sat real still under a hot sun?” “Who knew when the Justice League merged with the League of Doom there’d be so many redundancies?” “There was this villain, The Conjurer, who enjoyed great success as an archcriminal. He raised the dead to rob banks. He not only turned all the cats against their owners but also somehow taught them to use guns. The guy was good. Real good. But after awhile he felt he had gone as far as he could as an evildoer. I mean, once you get an entire city to give up recycling there’s only so much more you can do. So he decided to see flex some new muscles as a superhero, use his powers only for good. Only problem was, despite how many lives he saved everyone kept seeing him as a bad guy. The cops kept following him. People would run back into the burning building rather than let him carry them to safety. No matter how hard he tried, the public just would not see him in a new light. To them he would always be the guy who exploded the panda exhibit. Eventually he turned his back on doing good all together and became an entertainment lawyer. Heard he just brokered the Paramount-DreamWorks buyout.” “Sometime in the 70’s we got all these new, politically-correct superheroes. Suddenly every ethnic group had a their own crimefighter. But they were all one-note stereotypes. Really demeaning. Plus, whenever El Dorado drove to the rescue he had like 12 relatives in the car with him.” “I never had a long-term partnership with anyone. Sure, some women were drawn to my mysterious air and somber mood. But two months later they’re saying I’m a miserable, detached bastard and I’m left thinking, “I’m the exact same person I was when they met me so what the hell just happened?!” “A lot of the new heroes ask me for advice and I always tell them the same thing—‘Don’t fly when you can run, don’t run when you can walk, and don’t walk when you can just call someone who is closer to the scene of the crime.’” “Today the superhero biz is all about appearance, not action. For example, a few years back there was this very popular heroine called The Maiden who had this beautiful ringlet hair. Top-shelf looker. Then on a lark one summer she cut her hair real short. I think she now does some field reporting for the Oxygen Network.” “Being a superhero has always been a hard road. You assume because you have the will to help people and the desire to do good you’ve got what it takes. But then some crazy bastard points a raygun at your genitals and suddenly you’re thinking, “Gee, would it have killed me to become a big and tall men’s tailor like my dad? Of course not!” Well, not literally, any way.” “Once Google started their own superhero unit, the rest of us were fucked.”

Sometimes it can seem like the whole company is against you. Your boss, who lets out an exasperated sigh every time you walk into a meeting, walk by his office or walk into glass. Your colleagues, who stop talking every time you appear in their workspace or ask them a question. The mailroom employee, who greets everyone everyday with “Merry Christmas!” but only points and barks at you until you run away. The little girl who shows up every “Take Your Child to Work Day” with the smart mouth and cruel yet astute insights into your personal life. The barista in the lobby café who really should have found an alternate career path by age 38 if only so she wouldn’t loudly and harshly correct you every time you mispronounce “frappe.” The guy who comes every two weeks to water the plants and shakes his head with derisive laughter whenever he looks at your monitor, in your appointment book or through your cubicle drawers. In short, the world as you know it. Such feelings of professional estrangement often surface at times when one questions their self-worth or contributions to the office. Of course, that doesn’t mean that you in fact haven’t been marked the organization’s outsider or—as Dale Carnegie was want to say—“bitch.” But how do you address such a hostile environment without sounding uncooperative, churlish or paranoid? By looking out for No. 1 and seeking to fulfill countless revenge fantasies, always keeping the following business truisms in mind: 1. You’re on your own. Many of us would like to think that office life is just as it appears in the movies, wherein even the most dejected employee has a good friend/coworker to help them get through the departmental rough patches. In such films the lead actress is, perhaps like you, being unfairly targeted by a self-serving manager or unwelcoming corporate culture. And in such films her compatriot is more than a professional associate. He is her voice of reason. He is her support system. He is so flamboyantly gay that he makes Harvey Fierstein look like Antonin Scalia. And just to make sure that the movie lets no broad-based character opportunity go unexploited, the assistant will most likely be African-American, allowing the film to be both inclusive and traffic in a stereotype so unbelievably swishy that it’ll make Provincetown seem like gathering of the John Birch Society. But life is not like the movies. There is no comforting and conclusive three-act structure. There is no lucid, linear narrative, incidental yet parallel subplot or peculiar comical cameo by Christopher Walken. And there is no one else you can turn to in times of great distress. That may sound cynical, that may sound dispiriting, but the sooner you realize you’re on your own the quicker you’ll be able to destroy the careers and lives of everyone around you to in the name “setting things right.” 2. Keep good, detailed records of everyone else’s work. One of the best ways to counteract an attack on your professional character is to have the documentation to prove your worth. But an even better way is to have the dirt to besmirch others’ reputations. This means keeping important files, notes of all meetings and every photo taken with a telephoto or night-vision lens. Anything that will cripple egos, crush dreams or shatter lives. Now granted, many people would counter that tactic by saying ultimate success and lasting happiness comes from leading a principled life, not by engaging in impulsive reprisals. People like Benjamin Franklin and Voltaire. People whose own deaths prove they could not survive in the harsh 21st Century business world. Let’s face it, ethics are like poetry. They’re nice on paper but they serve no purpose in the real world. Unless, of course, you’re an English professor. Or an Ethics Professor. Or you simply want to be able to look at your reflection in the bathroom mirror each morning without spitting toothpaste at your image or screaming at your distorted visage for 45 minutes straight. 3. Learn how to toot your own horn to supervisors or blare your accomplishments over a podcast. Many individuals shy away from the spotlight. Individuals who tend not to get promotions. Individuals who eventually find themselves at age 55 sharing a studio apartment with someone they met through Craigslist and regularly having to choose between spending money on Raman noodles or on the very gas necessary to cook those noodles. Individuals who if they had just made the effort to be recognized for their accomplishments at work would not currently be celebrating their 25th year in a bar band, not for the creative outlet but because complimentary drink tickets beat going yet another day without liquids. That’s why it’s important you take every opportunity to let your coworkers know just how brilliant you would like to be perceived. Whenever anyone has a great idea at a brainstorming session, exclaim, “I was just going to say the same thing!” (but only after the idea has received the nod of approval from corporate superiors). Whenever anyone receives applause for a stellar presentation, emphasize that it was a team effort (and that you, in fact, led that team). Whenever anyone does anything that in any way elevates, enriches or expands the company, stand up, clear your throat and say, “I’m glad I could help” (then quickly follow it with “I’ve never been prouder of us.”) Anything to make certain that when it comes time for the office holiday party you’re feted for the year’s accomplishments and not the only one on staff who’s manning the carving station.

Here's what we're listening to this week: Stands and Stares by Moto & Mouse Good Help is Harder to Find by The Pearls Ballad of Sleepy Hollow by Cara del Gato Wicked Conversation by Easterly If you would like to be included in the DrinkPod, email us a link to your mp3 and we'll check it out.

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More revealing than a mood ring, more fun than an Atari joystick, Frank Marciuliano's award-winning, iconic 1970's T-shirts are back, just in time to add a couple a couple more "X's"" to your Xmas shopping list! Created from the original illustrations on American Apparel shirts (no heat transfers), these high-quality T's have a rich history and more than a few famous Me decade customers (for more information, please read Conversations with Dad 7: The Belated Father's Day Post). They are the one and only legal versions of the shirts currently available anywhere. Whether your friends have been naughty or nice, this makes the ideal gift for people (read: adults) who really know how to celebrate the season! We're only offering them for the holidays, so buy now and get ready to stuff some stockings...with love. By the way, today is the last day to cash in on Cafe Press' Super Saver Shipping.

Every so often we at Drink at Work.com come into possession of highly classified federal documents. While we do not wish to go into the particulars of how we retrieve such information, suffice it to say that it involves PayPal and a vendor who has received a "Feedback Score" of 23. The following intel comes from our most recent acquisition--dated November 10th and featuring the signature of President George W. Bush, Grover Norquist of the Ronald Reagan Legacy Project and what appears to be the seared imprint of a cloven hoof (no doubt that of Vice President Dick Cheney)--and should be considered for your eyes only: Things to Be Renamed "Ronald Reagan" with All Deliberate Speed * Syria * The title character in "Henry V" * Pepperidge Farm Milano Cookies (plain, not the mint kind) * Adam in "The Book of Genesis" * Tuesdays * The Fortune 500 * The Rhythm Method * The Executive Branch * Denny's Grand Slam Breakfast * Jeb Bush * The NAACP * All prime numbers * Christmas

Business is not made up of products or profits. It’s made up of people. People that in any other situation you would have absolutely nothing to do with whatsoever. Some coworkers you may come to truly like. Others you may learn to truly loathe. And a few you may quietly envision getting hit by a bus…full of explosives…and acid…at the very moment they're cheerfully waving to their families. Sure, time will tell who will be your longtime lunch mates and who will be your Lex Luthors. But why wait? We live in an accelerated business world where everything keeps moving except the economy and employment figures. So rather than learn from costly mistakes and poor insight, let Drink at Work.com provide you with an instant field guide report on your coworkers, complete with commentaries indicative of their particular species. That way, the next time one of your associates opens up their mouth, you can peer right down into their soul…and probably recoil in horror from what you glimpse. The Arch-Conservative Salesperson Opinionated. Defensive. Easily riled by CNN.com reports

"I'm the least recist person you'll ever meet. I grew up in a multicultural neighborhood. I had plenty of black and Jewish friends. That’s why I can talk at length about how those people really are."

"What kind of world do we live in where they won’t teach creationism in science class but they will teach the Koran in a Muslim Studies course?"

"How come when a liberal voices their opinion it’s called ‘freedom of speech.’ But when I try to make my beliefs known I get thrown out of Shoney’s for creating a disturbance?"

The Grief Counselor in the Next Cubicle Very sympathetic. Very concerned. Very interested in getting the dirt.

"I couldn’t make out that last thing he said to you. Was it mean? Cruel? About your last presentation? The one that cost us the whisky account? Trust me, you’ll feel better talking about it."

"You know, people are talking. But maybe if you tell me what happened then I can tell them and they can know both sides of the story. After all, why suffer in silence?"

"Well, I wouldn’t put up with that. You’re just not getting paid enough. A little over 40K, right?"

The Cult Member Religiously follows every edict. Has no faith in others.

"Maybe we should check with the supervisor first."

"Maybe we should check with tech services first."

"Maybe we should check with janitorial first."

The Starmaker in Management Looking out for your career. Watching out for their ass.

"This project’s very important. Scratch that. It’s vital. And if you pull through for me, well, let’s just say some people upstairs will be quite impressed indeed."

"You have a lot of potential. You do. But you’re also easily confused. That’s why I’m here. So I can help you help me help yourself. Understand?"

"I was once a lot like you. Now I’m a lot like me. It’s my job to make sure you see the difference."

The Corporate Representative in Your Department The voice of your company. The ears for your supervisor.

"Don’t stop talking on my account. I just came to get some coffee…again…"

"But to be honest, we’re working for them. They’re not working for us."

"You can’t take it personally. At the end of the day a business is not about the individual. It’s about the team. And every team needs a leader. And sometimes that leader has to know when certain individuals aren’t doing all they can. That’s why I gave them your name."

The Patronizing Fuck Slaps you on the back. Smacks you in the face.

"That’s really good for a first draft!"

"Considering your background you’ve done quite well here!"

"I’m just really, really surprised."

The Short-Timer between "Art Projects"

Rages against the machine…mostly the copier.

"I couldn’t work here nine-to-five every day. Just wasted time. I have too much of my own work to do. Besides, I’m not used to getting up before noon."

"How can you let a company tell you what you can and can’t wear? Or when to show up? You know, there are laws against that. I’m not sure which ones they are. I’m no attorney. But I am an American and I know my rights."

"Oh man, I don’t know how you people can stand working in this environment. If I had to come in every day I would just tell everyone off. Really hold up a mirror so they can see who they truly are. Then there’d be some changes. But my week here is almost up."

The Semi-Retiree Down the Hall Bidding their time. Wasting yours.

"I’ve been here forty years, kid. I know how things really work around this place. Just because they shoot you a question down the pneumatic tube doesn’t mean they expect you to shoot them back an answer right away."

"Well, I don’t know about you, but back in my day we had a little thing called ‘coffee breaks.’"

"Why does my voice mail light keep blinking like that?"

Originally posted at Drink at Work.com on 1/12/04