I am literally going insane.

Really, absolutely, definitely and most certainly.

Folding cranes is sooooooo relaxing and helps me keep my focus. My most recent undertaking is to transform the Almighty Bible into 2094 cranes. So far I got about 20. . . good start.

I feel like I'm on my last strings. Like my mental stability is deteriorating at a increasingly, frightening rate. I don't get it. I thought I was doing well and now, all I do is wonder, walk and look around confused.

I mean who in their right mind would decide to fold 2094 cranes when he has already folded atleast 1400 already? This is not normal. I can't read anyone, even myself. Madness, my madness was not supposed to set on till around my 24th year. And I thought that I would have to self induce my madness then anyway(drugs specifically acid) But now it attacks me with a vengenance. What the Fuck? If  I go insane now . . . well . . . it ruins my future of trying to be insane.  And how sane can you be if you want to go insane. What the fuck is wrong with me.

I did not do anything after school today. slept, folded cranes, sore throat, watched a fight and t.v., thought about madness. So I did do things but nothing productive, except crane folding kinda.

And the thing is I could have done something. But I couldn't because I can't escape the random tornado ravaging my mind.

This is not for pity, for angst or for stupid crap like that.

I just wanted to warn you, whoever you may be. I don't want to flippin' out when I well flip out. And I wanted to share my newest project. By the way taking an exacto knife to a bible has an old satisfaction.

Peace and love

J-Todd

For the longest time well I have been silent

this is not a confession, not a denial, or a reflection. (though it may contain all of them)

Its a question.

Answer it....or don't, pretend like I have

We never, I mean I never, for I am singular, anyway I never had the time to tell everyone. Real or not. Infatuation or true love. Friend or newly met. Right now to be specific I am, not because I am single, or friendless, far from it, well except being single( I am sooooooooo available) I am very alone, reclusive, introspective and distant. I'm sorry, its not depression, its not hate or disgust for anyone. I can't figure myself out right now. Heres a wall IIIIIIIIIIIIII and I well somehow got stuck inside it. Like I was mixed into the concrete or something. but I can still breath. I'm just stuck. I can't escape myself if you understand. Distractions of late are few and inconsistant. I just need time to figure out why I can't free myself. like I said I can't figure myself out right now.

This is my apology: future or past.

No matter how much I recede I will always love you.

Take it how you will. . . no one knows, especially me. Just remember that I love you, be it platonic, spiritually, infatuation(though you probably wouldn't know) or even deeper . . . or even past. . . it is constant. I will never forget. I will love you always (especially you my dear) ( by the way I never call anyone dear so if you think its you, you probably are mistaken) Anyway............

I Love You

Peace, love and Happiness

this is Love

J-Todd

This post may or may not have explicit content.

Okay it really doesn't breech the bounds of being maybe like PG.

Who the hell am i kidding it is probably like on the same level as a home video of seven people with heads full of acid, fucking each other in every possible orafice while trying to wade in a pool filled with tapioca pudding.... yes...... sounds about right.

Now i know i am supposed to talk about drugs, but come on when have my "blogs" ever been about what the title is.

I will say this Anti-depressants = insomnia     (as verified by the time this was posted)

i guess i use titles to get attention, i hope i have not or will not disappoint you.

If you really want to know the scoop on drugs i would suggest reading the book Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter Thompson. or if you aren't the reading type or illiterate then watch the movie, equally as good. i have just recently finished the book after having fallen in love with the movie .

I am a child of the Counter Culture thrown into the sick future of the late *80's. but i hope to alleviate this handycap by expanding my consciousness.

Boy of the 60's and Jesus of the 70's

a sick joke was played when i was thrown into a time warp and my mind having already experienced the past was thrust into a future intent on forgetting said past and moving into a more materialistic society where the likes of me, being still fresh, was already a dinosaur (which i love).

But what the fuck do you care. You wanted action. you wanted the dirt. You want the misdemeaners. You click on this blog expecting something, say.... a lecture on drugs. But what do you want to know that the media, your parents or DARE can't teach you.

I see you want the inside story don't you.... You want what? the feeling, the fear, the technique, the euphoria, the ...... oh i see now.....well i can't help you there you need to experience it for yourself, sure there may be consequences but if you determined whos stopping you?

The Fuzz?

Fuck the Funky Fuzz and get funky, shoot straight

Or parents?

yes that is different, golden boys and girls should not degrade themselves to chrome(although shiny and inviting, and heavy(surprisingly)) but what use is a trophy?

Or morals?

Well fuck em' if you want to know what true ethics are. No morals instilled or ingrained are necessarily right.

But whatever you choose to do.... lets take a trip. Be it physical, mental or spiritual. Follow me to the land of plenty, lizards and Sheepman.

Peace Out

J-Todd

I have to say i have enjoyed my break thus far...... From galavanting like a school girl in the city to running from monster vaginas. It has all been different... it has all been fun. (period)

I seem to have been liberated. I have drank of the snowy icecaps (chocolate form, not seemingly irregular), I have towered over the inebriated, I have seen the crystallion blue of water against the dead, and I have smoked the city raw, blowing my smoke in a coppers face.

Side note: I hate spiders, especially ones on my new and awesome FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS poster. He must Die...................(enter Kill Bill theme song)(((where is nash)))((or a crash dummy, damn spider))

I don't have any Kleenex SHIT, this calls for a..............paper towel.

In other words, I don't know where this is going therefore i was so easily distracted. I would like to write more and this was some primeval outcry or some such shit. I really am just a nice guy looking forward to a nice fuc..... i mean futon where we can get down and have sexua..... sensual incense or candles to get us in the mood for whoop....... Whoopy Goldberge will not be invited if we have intercourse that is all I'm trying to say.

Good night

Good luck

Good will hunting

Good morrow to you lad/lass

Good golly molly

and last but Certainly and most definitely

PEACE OUT

"Stickin' it to the man"

Jesse Todd

So this blog i guess was on a whim.

My life as i used to know it has been like fucking flipped upside down and shit in like the last week. and it is totally not a bad thing i am thinking. And right now i'm just gonna tell it like it is for whoever the fuck cares to read this.

So like a week ago i was like in hell and i was like depressed because my girlfriend broke up with me and well you know it sucked anyway so i was totally consumed with that a lot and stuff. (by the way i have a great vocabulary and can articulate my thoughts beautifully(fuck you)) and so i was sad until i started to realize even though she said she eventually wanted to get back together that no fucking thing was ever gonna happen. So i threw in the towel and decided it was best to move on because the days before were leading me nowhere fast and its not healthy to think like i was. so anyway, then i totally had an awesome party and did a lot of shit and realized that i just need to relax and chill. just think about now and what i can do to help others, myself, how to have a good time and just live hakuna matata. Since like four or three days ago i just live and i really like it. i mean sure its not all rainbows and shit but why bother thinking about the bad and ruin a perfectly good day. like if something or someone pissed me off or fucking hurt me real bad i know that there are like a million things, people and places waiting for me to go to. And when i'm there i can feel better again. You can't always help the situation your in but you can help how you feel in the situation and how you learn from it. What hurts us can only make us stronger (cliche(fuck YOu)) you just need to find the love, because there is so much out there, and live like everyday is your fucking birthday. By the way the Boondocks Fucking rocks.

help me Stick it to the Man, that dirty bastard needs to be anally raped. Anyway...........Live life with no worries and live life like you have the fucking sun in your pocket, but instead of incinerating you it just gives you joy.

Oh by the way I'm going to See Sonic Youth in concert Aug 6th in Milwaukee anyone who would like to join me just call or contact me

Peace out and as always Stick it to the Fucking Man

J-Todd

hey

so ummm.........................so hows it hanging?

anyone see my new tat?  pudy tat?  hear hear puday tater.  hows it hanging? just uh.............reading... doing homework and uh.... I needed a distraction. and guess wahut  _-- = (stairs) ummm and in turn I distracted you! (!=old! school! b'yotch! mot!her! fu!ck!er!)  ummm well anyways I'm going to relate to you a story that is extrememly important to my sanity.  here it goes!!!!!!!!

In five days, when youre swimming down the road and a catfish jumps outta the asphalt, and he says "I come from a land down under." And you say, "no you dont! Youre a fish." And he be like, "where well do I come from?" And you say, "you come from nowhere" and you slap him, you take youre hand and you slap him. And he be like, "whats that for holmes?" And you be like, "cause youre a fish" and he be like, "thats discrimination!" and you be like, "slap" and he be like, "o my god what are you doing?" And you be like "I come from a land down under" and he be like, "ooooo" because he just pooped his pants.... and you be like, "fish dont wear pants, I wear the pants in this relationship holmes" and he be like, "well ima fish" and you be like, "oh yea bro" and when the fish is dead, cause you killed him, with your bare hands, and a jacksaw, and his mangle corpse is all over the road, and the police man go, "can I have some fish?" And EVERYBODY laugh.........except for the fish........he dead.......

so... how many people have I enlightened today?  raise your hands.  do it. and praise the Lord of Fertility for granting your immoral, unlawful, unwanted, unsanctioned, destructive and unnecessary birth.  yaa!a!a!a!ay! every!one's hap!py.!  except Gorbachev and chex mix.  jackie chan rest their souls.  saut.

Peace Out

"Stickin' it to the Man"

Jesse

Hey...people

So i am here in my room, on my bed at time listed above...if it is... i have never done this "blog" thing before so yeah.... We so... yeah... um watching Monty Python's Flying Circus at 2 in the morning on PBS i think is going to be my evening routine from now on. exept for the 15 min intermissions of pledge drives it was a cool and hilarious time..... by myself....Right now if anyone care i kinda have to take a shit but seeing as i am in a basement with no plumbing i might just have to wait..... But today.... i mean today like 4 hours ago was cool.... All you need to know about it was Theme From Shaft, the coolest, most funkiest, most fightingthemanist band recorded our first song...... Funk you brother or some shit like that....... O.k. i really have to use the lavatory.... so.....

Intermission

Ahhh......that was ummm... well I'll save you the details....So yeah things are alright with the.... me....... i guess....and yet....................................................things aren't always so hot................................................you see i have this "problem", in some places it's called "substance abuse" in others it's called chronic masterb...sleeping....yes chronic sleeping.....yup ummhmmm can't stop that sleeping.... nope.... I always gotta be sleeping..... HA ha dangly parts hehe.... that was an Inkblots poem reference... A poem that I wrote entitle Ha Ha dangly parts......

Everyone should join Inkblots

Everyone should support Theme From Shaft

Everyone should masterb...sleep A LOT

Peace OUT

Jesse Todd

"Stickin' it to The Man!"