i love feeling like everything around me is falling apart.

Things i hate...
liars
fakes.
gossip
hot weather
boredom
when people judge me
or assume things
periods
cramps
the smell of brown sugar
latex gloves
the fact that wade ALMOST ALWAYS smells like smoke.
tests
when you can see where a girls make up ends and her actual skin begins
girls that wear A POUND of make up
split ends
cold feet
cold hands
bruised bones
runny noses
headaches/tummy aches
bad days
monologues
the way i stand
the fact that my room is ALWAYS messy
when it takes like 20 songs on shuffle to find something you want to listen to
when you cant find the ONE song you want to download
crying
when your walking behind a couple, and then they just all of a sudden start making out
bumping into people
strangers
unfamiliar places
Drama.
when people get mad at me, and dont tell me
silence...awkward silence
dull conversations
cold classrooms
not being able to sleep in ANY of my classes
traffic
dumb drivers
lily being gone
when kiki cries out to me.
unecessarly long songs
missing people
when the weather teases me
when ms. villane tries to be a "actual teacher"
walking in late to a classroom
dirty bathrooms
obnoxious people
CRICKETS
being so damn tall
grumpy people
radio commercials
annoying DJs
the smell of hair dye
when the computer takes forever to load pages
when i just CANT win at solitare
overplayed songs
when i try to download a song and it wont or i cant find it
broken hearts
thinking about the future
the fact that pretty much all of my friends are going off to college
being shy
mean people.
keeping everything inside, then blowing up at an innocent person.

Things i love:
my friends (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)
my family
people that have changed my life for the better.
infectious laughs
smiles BIG smiles
winks
hugs
the smell of bread baking
the small patch of sun in front of our spot
lying in the grass
long talks about nothing
Kaili and I in Human Anatomy
being loud in the right moments
dirty jokes./sayings
quoting movies.
mosey-ing
Autumn
Christ the king
football games
CHEERING AND SCREAMING
BEING A SENIOR
moROSE
inside jokes
cool kids in my drama class
scratching peoples backs
holding hands
laughing until my sides ache and i cant breathe
that rare nap in school
sitting in the sun
the beach at night
the sound of a guitar being played
the sound of a piano being played
writing
thunderstorms
RAIN
baking
my dark purple sheets.
when my room is actually clean
finding a new good song/band
when i have comments/picture comments/messages on myspace
list making
quoting movies
being around happy people
Giraffes
watching a musical and knowing every word to every song
getting lost in a good book
lying around and being lazy for a day
boots
flats
making funny faces at people
having random strangers giving me wierd looks, because ive done something wierd
making an ass out of myself
making mustaches out of laurens hair in drama
bri's hand messages
dancing
Singing
brandon's talks
heartfelt lyrics
the fact that i borrow my brothers clothes
when the right song comes on at the right moment
being able to explain everything you feel in lyrics to a song
dane cook comedy
compliments
curly hair
finding random stuff in my room
old notes
photographs
photography
doodling
writing notes
soft hair
new magazines
ice-cream
quiet nights at home
sitting in different peoples' cars in the morning, jamming and talking
Pretty Dresses
Wearing flowers in my hair
dancing around with lauren p at lunch
trying to ambush scott and ALWAYS getting caught.
pretty pictures
cute pictures that make me smile.
knowing that if i have faith i will get through anything.
worship
old songs.
watching entire seasons of shows on DVD
making plans.
making shirts.
looking through old journal entries and pictures,
nice people.
San Diego
Hot Cocoa on a Cold Day
Things i want to do/learn/see
France
Live in london
be a part of something that goes down in history
to knit
do something meaningful in life
save someones life
change someone forever
learn french
visit spain
learn to play an instrument
have something i have written published
meet Andrew Mcmahon, not at a concert, randomly
date a rockstar
interview a hero of mine
visit graceland
go on a roadtrip to San Fran with my friends
fall asleep in a random field
see a shooting star
be in a movie
have kids
be a crazy lady that treats her cats like children
climb in a cab and say FOLLOW THAT CAR (elyssa's idea)
visit new york
Learn the piano
Learn some ballet
take a breath-taking picture
be someones wonderwall
work at the warped tour for a summer.
Meet Christopher Ender Carrabba and thank him for all hes done for me.
make mix tapes for all of of my friends, with songs that remind me SPECIFICALLY of them.
work for a magazine
knit a sweet hat like Kirsten Dundst's in Elizabeth Town.
write a good book
Chill all day in a bookstore
chill all day in a coffeshop
have a bike race in Toys R Us
spend all day in a park, basking in the sun and swinging
build a tree fort.
go on a camping trip with my friends.
be in a music video
be unforgetable

so my friends, this is it, the last day of summer tommorow i will officially be a senior in highschool i sat up until about 2 a.m last night just thinking, causing me to sleep in and miss church, i actually wanted to go. but yes while thinking i have come to a lot of conclusions:
i need to stop saying the word fuck, its not cute
i need to stop calling people tools.
i need to spend more time with my mom.
i need to learn how to keep my room clean.
i need to get closer to the people i drifted away from this summer.
i need to participate more.
i need to stop dying my hair.
this year needs to be the best ever
i need to get my permit.
i like music i can scream too.
my friends are the best people that i have EVER met.
i need to fix up my ipod.
well kids, have fun at school tommorow. dont do drugs.

New Years eve boyyyy:

 



new guitarrrrrr
RUFUS
the birthday cake that i made waders. it looks messy but it was pretty darn good.


Julie likes darth..

just because darren looks retarded.

Jess' Car= good times

and just because this is one of the best things i have ever seen
ok im done

1) Was 2005 a good year for you?
yes for the most part

2) What was your favourite moment of the year?
beach nights, sourprimos, youth groups

3) What was your least favourite moment of the year?
the two huge fights eric and my mom had.

4) Where were you when 2005 began and who were you with?
i was at the bowling alley i was with the youth group and elyssa

6) Where will you be when 2005 ends?
i was a julies house

7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends?
i was with the fab five minus one

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005?
no

9) Do you have new years resolutions for 2006?
i want to be happy and get better grades

10) Did you fall in love in 2005?
im pretty close to it

11) If yes, with who?
Matt

12) If yes, do they know?
i think so.

13) Are you still in love with them?
yeah

14) Do you regret it?
nope

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005?
nope

17) Who are your favourite new friends?
i dont have any new friends really. i guess the people at youth group

18) What was your favourite month of 2005?
December.. or maybe june

19) Did you travel outside of The US in 2005?
nope

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005?
4. arkansas,colorado,ohio and texas sure 2 of them i didnt leave the airport

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?
nope. not in death or anything

23) What was your favourite movie that you saw in 2005?
Chronicles of Narnia was pretty sick.

24) What was your favourite song from 2005?
too many to name. But im thinking "bruised" by Jacks Mannequin or the Lights and the buzz or Do you remember. By Jack Johnson
and of course. Dance Dance by FOB
25) What was your favourite album from 2005?
Jacks Mannequin: Everything in Transit
Jack Johnson: In between Dreams
Death Cab: Plans
26) How many concerts did you see in 2005?
1. the coheed show

27) Which concert did you enjoy the most?
 Coheed

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
yes

28) did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005?
no

29) did you do a lot of drugs in 2005?
no

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2005?
nobody. i fell asleep on matt alot

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
nope

32) What was the biggest lie you told in 2005?
i didnt tell any big lies

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?
i dont know

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?
no

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?
not really badly

36) how much money did you spend in 2005?
i dont know

37) What was your proudest moment of 2005?
winning 3rd place in the one-act festival
becoming closer to god

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?
"dont you hiccup at me" haha no. i embarass myself a lot

39) Did you learn to do something new in 2005?
yeah

40) What are your plans for 2006?
To live life. and be happy
----------------------------

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?:
hmmm i had a boyfriend, went on a date, kept close friends

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?:
no, yes
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?:
nope
4. Did anyone close to you die?:
nope
5. What countries did you visit?:
none
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?:
a lisence
7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?:
December 23, December 30 and most of the summer: just really good memories. and feeling loved
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?:
i have an a in math. getting 3rd place in the one-act festival. getting closer to god
9. What was your biggest failure?:
geometry
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?:
yes. i was sick for like a week, that sucked. and i hurt my elbow again. like 2 days ago
11. What was the best thing you bought?:
well. they were bought for me but, the i pod and the guitar
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?:
i dont know
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?:
hmm i dont think anybodys this year
14. Where did most of your money go?:
.sourprimos. just buying stuff
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?:
this winter break. afterpartys. spending time with my friends and matt
16. What songs will always remind you of 2005?:
Death Cab: soul meets body
Jacks Mannequin
Jack johnson
Fall out boy: Dance Dance
Iron & Wine: Such great heights
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i) happier or sadder?: happier    
ii) thinner or fatter?: thinner
iii) richer or poorer?: poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?:
going out
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?:
being lazy
20. How will you be spending Christmas?:
i spent christmas this year with the family
22. Did you fall in love in 2005?:
yes
23. How many one night stands?:
none
24. What were your favourite TV programmes?:
Greys Anatomy
Americas next top model
veronica mars
Instant Star
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?:
umm dislike, but not hate
26. What was the best book you read?:
The georgia nicholson series. The perks of being a wallflower
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?:
Jacks Mannequin
28. What did you want and get?:
an ipod, guitar, haha matt
29. What did you want and not get?:
a cell phone
30. What was your favourite film of this year?:
anchorman..was that this year?
ummm i dont know
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?:
i hung out in town with friends.. 16
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: .
More Thunderstorms. and rainy days
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?: I
jeans and  t shirts, and hoodies. so me
34. What kept you sane?:
my friends, my brother. the i pod
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?:
ohhh gosh, too many.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?:
the whole abortion thing, im glad it didnt pass
37. Who did you miss?:
my dad
38. Who was the best new person you met?:
hmmm. i think brandon.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
Just to trust god and to be happy and to live your life
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
" Sometimes perfection can be, it can be perfect hell, perfect"
" But everything looks perfect from far away"
"let go, let go just get in find out what your waiting for, its allright cause theres beauty in the breakdown"
----------------------------

In 2005 I...

{x} broken a promise
{x} made a new best friend
{x} fell in love
{ } fell out of love
{x} done something you swore never to do
{ } lied
{ } stole
{x} went behind your parents back
{x} cried over a broken heart
{x} dissapointed someone close
{ } hidden a secret
{x} pretended to be happy
{ } got arrested
{ } kissed in the rain
{ } slept under the stars
{ } kept your new years resolution
{ } forgot your new years resolution
{x} met someone who changed your life
{ } met one of your idols
{x} changed your outlook on life
{x} sat home all day doing nothing
{x} pretended to be sick
{ } left the country
{ } almost died
{x} given up something important to you
{ } lost something expensive
{x} learned something new about yourself
{x} tried something you normally wouldnt try and liked it...
{x} made a change in your life
{x} found out who your true friends were.
{x} made a total fool of yourself
{x} met great people
LOVE

( ) stayed single
( ) got your first kiss
( ) kissed someone
( ) made-out for the first time
( ) made-out in a car
( ) kissed in the snow
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) fell in love
( ) fell in love with a fool
(x) had your heart broken
( ) had a stalker
(x) have a good relationship with someone
( ) questioned your sexual orientation
( ) came out of the closet (if ur gay)
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) gotten someone else pregnant
( ) had an abortion
(x) gotten married (joke marriage)
(x) had a divorce
( ) had a gay marriage
( ) kissed someone of the same sex
(x) dated someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
( ) lost your true love forever
( ) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under mistletoe

WORK/SCHOOL

( ) got a promotion
( ) got a pay raise
( ) changed jobs
( ) lost your job
( ) quit your job
( ) dated a co-worker
( ) dated your boss
( ) dated your boss' daughter/son
( ) got fired from your job
( ) got straight A's
(x) met one teacher you really like
(x) met one teacher you really hated
(x) found the subject you love
(x) failed a class
(x) cut class
(x) skipped school
( ) got into a fight with a classmate
(x) did something you were proud of
( ) discovered a new talent
( ) gave the teachers a reason to teach
(x) proved yourself not an idiot
(x) embarrassed yourself in front of the class
( ) fell in love with a teacher
( ) got lead in the school play
( ) made a varsity team
(x) were involved in something you'll never forget

OTHER

( ) painted a picture
(x) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
(x) double-dipped
( ) skinny-dipped
(x) went to a sleepover
( ) went to camp
(x) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) flirted
( ) visited a foreign country
(x) visited a foreign state
( ) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) lost something important to you
(x) got a gift you adore
(x) realized something new about yourself
( ) went on a diet
( ) tried to gain weight
(x) dyed your hair
( )came close to losing your life
( ) someone close to you died
(x) reunited with a friend
( ) made an accomplishment that shocked everyone
(x) realized your truest friends
( ) told a secret that would ruin your life if revealed
( ) threw a wild party
( ) went to a wild party
( ) drank alcohol
( ) drank alcohol underage
( ) did (a) drug(s)
( ) got drunk
( ) got arrested
(x) read a great book
(x) saw a great movie
( ) saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
(x) saw your favorite band/artist live
( ) saw someone famous in person...and talked to them
(x) did something you want to tell everyone
(x) Enjoyed this year overall

i want a black goldfish with bubble eyes . i forgot that on my christmas list.

Before i die i want to.. receive a meaningful mix tape. fall in love, with someone that loves me back just as much go sledding grow my hair long travel to london live where it rains all the time live in a big city live in the middle of nowhere have a bicycle race in toys r us own a ferret learn to play the piano become a photographer. write for a magazine travel sit in bed for an entire day, just listening to music and reading watch movies for a full 24 hours sit and watch disney animated movies for a full 24 hours. conquer a fear sleep on my roof see a shooting star be kissed in the rain meet a rockstar date a rockstar be in a movie learn to knit protest a cause spend an entire day. from opening to closing in a store. be in two places at once win an award go on a roadtrip learn to surf visit graceland meet christopher ender carrabba become a reporter spend all day in a bookstore work in a coffeshop write a best-selling novel make a movie get married have a family be a part of something that goes down in history do something that makes a difference volunteer at a animal shelter become a crazy old woman that treats her cats like children have a song written to me or about me be in a big production have a summer romance have a penpal follow a band on tour. drive a racecar visit hollywood go on a missionary trip be unforgettable