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Awesome Jon.™© [M.A.M.]



Last Updated: 11/18/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 24
Sign: Leo

City: Colton
State: California
Country: US
Signup Date: 8/22/2004

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Blog Archive
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March 30, 2008 - Sunday 
Well, after being on a short haitus from blog writing due to technical difficulty, I have decided to go old school and write how I feel. after a two hour drive to san diego, I was really able to sit back and think about some of my true wants and goals. I think its so easy to get wrapped up in mundane things because others slice of pie always looks better and fuller, but has anyone ever really stopped to look at their serving? life is truly what you make it, but at the same time it takes work and I realize that. If you want silver or gold, mining and time is needed.I'm just learning that sometimes its reslly not that bad. Why not stop and say I really am beautiful, or stop and say I am worth it? to some degree we all have self distructive personalities because this world tends to beat us up about who we aren't or who we won't become. but what if one day you just said, so what? to everything minor in your life...you just said so what? I tell you kittens im growing and growing fast and what's helping me is other people and how they trest me. in time...when you realize you are are more you will become more and I tell you what a joy it is to finally look back on my problems and say so what. so just think about it...I once heard a quote that said when you give the power to someone to hurt you, they gain your right to happiness, its so true. just try it one day...look at whatever problem you have in life and just say.....so what. until next time. *AJ*
10:31 AM 
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January 19, 2008 - Saturday 

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*AJ*
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January 13, 2008 - Sunday 


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*AJ*
9:34 AM 
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January 3, 2008 - Thursday 
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January 2, 2008 - Wednesday 

Category: Life


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*AJ*
1:31 AM 
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December 26, 2007 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  accomplished


So the holidays are pretty much over, and I sit here asking myself what did I learn from this year. I had a few thing hit me with such a low blow, as well as a few highs.
The most important thing I learned this year is to simply not give up, or give in to the idea that life is suppose to go the way I want it. Control is something else...;-).
    I must say that it was an awesome year. I mean, I made new friends, but I also made new bonds. What was most benifical about this year is learning that some of the people I thought were suppose to be long term friends, were only the seasonal people in my life. I tell you my good friends, its important to have sales on your friends....sometimes, they must go because the people you think you care about, sometimes, don't care as much about you. point blank. I did get a new car, I got the best job ever, (Babysitting) and on top of that, me and my mothers relationship grew stronger during the time of my fathers death. We were able to really go back and talk about things that I was to afraid to discuss when my dad was alive. For the most part, I got my family back.
    I think the most important thing that I learned from this year is that I cant go into 08 with one set goal. My goal for 08 is to let go of the one thing ive held onto for sooo damn long. Without being to open, I must say that we often will only have one thing set in mind for our lives, and when it doesnt happen, we fall apart.

Thats wont be me next year.

I plan to be stronger, focused and more giving of myself to the people that matter most. I realize that my life isnt so bad, and that often we make our own reality. This, will often stop us from progressing to be the best person we can be. I want to also make myself more available for the people I love: friends, family : etc.

So as crank that year back, I realize that ive got more work in 08 to be done on myself. Every year is more work than the next, but I know the most important thing for me this up coming year is to stop comparing myself to others, and to bask in the glory of how my hard work has just started to peek its head through the door.

So, as you crank your year back: I hope you can see all the good and the bad, and learn from both.

*AJ*


10:24 PM 
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December 10, 2007 - Monday 
I have always heard different people say, "god got me through this, that, etc." Its hard, because as much as I want to believe that god has blessed certain people, I still have to be critical and question how true that is.

I mean: I sometimes wonder if people only use god as a cusion because they have good going on in their life. sometimes, Im even more critical because as much as I pray, and trust in him: it seems that I often have to put more faith in myself to make things happen. Now im not trying to say that I am not a believer that god exist. I really do believe that this active force exist but where my lines of critical thinking falls in to play is when I hear people curse god when things go bad, but when something good happens, everyone wants to run to church and praise him.

Now this is my thing. I have always said that I was more along the lines of spirtual. I always have been because dont think there is any other way of connection with "god" other than having a spritual connection with him. Religion, if you ask me: is a bunch of bull. No matter how you try to cut it. That is my opinion.

Back to my point: I wonder sometimes is it my lack of faith in life or in god that leads me to feel the way I do at times. I mean, going to church can always make you feel closer to him, but I guess what makes it hard for me is because I am a person who needs to see to believe. I mean, to me, its like believing in aliens. How can you believe in something you can't see?

One time I made a statement that I wish the bible was a lot more clearer, or was made to be more understood than what it is. I mean, often: I feel that the bible is meant to confuse you. That is just my opinion.

Bottom line: I just wish I could have so much more faith about certain things. Without going into to much detail: I always walk into things with the blinders that its not always what it seems, or that it just might go bad. For me, thats how I manage because being to optimistic sometimes leaves me more hurt than expecting for things to go bad. We all have our ways to cope...some better than others...but I am truly just wondering if we put more faith in god so that we have someone to blame when things go wrong, or if we only beleive in him because everything in our lives are going ok.

The problem I have is what do we do when things arent going our way...and who do we really have to blame when we are doing all that we can?

*AJ*
11:07 PM 
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November 30, 2007 - Friday 


Has anyone ever really thought about how emotionless our society is? I mean: think about it, when something horrible or very "shocking" happens to you, for one quick second people will pretend to care and within minutes, your told, "thats how life is, suck it up and deal with it".

Now its not to say that we should walk around with our heads constantly down, but why should we have to keep our emotion's in?

Ive been told that I were my heart on my sleeve. Ive also been told that Im emo, as well as jaded at times, but who are we really to depict or try to shape anyone else reality? To me, that has to be the most selfish thing to do. To try to shape or mold someone else reality.

take for instance, a person with low self esteem. Yes, we can say that a person with low self esteem is the most beautiful person in the world. But if that person has been called ugly their entire life, their is nothing we can say or do to change their reality.

Help them through it by listening to them: yes, but ignoring that person's reality and saying they need to just get over it? Well Ive never.

Its just bothers me that many people I know say, "I can't seem to open up to anyone", and that those who do open up are criticized. Its a lose/lose situation because no matter how you try to cut it, you are still being emotionless. To hold it in, to not express it only makes life that much more worse.

I think the best part of my life is knowing that me, my mom and my brother had a "Open Door Policy", while I was growing up. I mean, I went to my mom about everything, and each time I cried, I would say I was stupid for crying and my mom would say, "No. Real men Cry. Real men cry". For that, I always loved my mom....because she showed me that it was okay to express my frustration, to express my sadness, or my aggreviation.

So judge me accordly when you say that Im emo, or that I wear my heart on my sleeve, because honestly, I think thats what makes me such an easy person to go to and talk to. By claming up, the only thing you do is push people away. Bottom line.

*AJ*

8:35 AM 
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November 21, 2007 - Wednesday 

So the holidays are around the corner, and I must say that for most this is a very stressful time. For the most part, many are stressed about family that are going to get drunk and angry, or many are stressed because the have no family to go home to.

The one thing I can say is that im grateful for my friends, and how every year they make sure im not sitting at home alone eating tofurky. It truly is difficult to know that each year: the same senario plays out.

The two reasons why the holiday seasons is stressful for me is because both of my reasons are tied into each other.

 While most have significant others to spend the holidays with: I still don't. To add to that....my family doesnt celebrate thanksgiving or Christmas: because of my old religion.

To be honest, its not even about the holidays: its just simply my family (Excluding my mom and brother) hardly ever comes together to even do anything worth while to celebrate togetherness. My family only really consist of my Mom and Brother, so when they don't do anything: I'm pretty much left to figure out what the hell im going to do to feel a sense of togetherness, for the holiday season.

Its kinda sad, but I must say that I am grateful to have friends who realize this, and always leave their home open to me for thanksgiving and Xmas. Its a really nice feeling to know that on these days, I do have friends, and even their family who want to see me happy. Some people think I take it for granted, but I really don't. Ive always longed to have my family come together, laugh and be happy if not on the holidays, but even throughout the year, and it never has happened. Ever since I can remember the only time my whole family comes together is when someone dies. That: is a whole other blog and issue of its own.

So I must say to end on a happy note that Im so glad I have friends and "family" who really love me and want to make sure that Im happy on a day where im left to sometimes feel so lonely. I cant begin to thank any of my friends who have made sure that I was happy on thanksgiving or even on Xmas, New years: you name it.

I know that when life blesses me with a great partner: Im going to do my best to not only open my home to friends who are in my perdicament, but to those who need holiday love too. Whether it be at his home or ours, I will do my best to make sure that I look beyond the consumerism of the holidays and see the most important value: being with the ones you love.

So thank you friends..for making sure that every year im not isolated.

I truly and thankful and I love you.

*AJ*
6:38 PM 
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November 16, 2007 - Friday 


I've been thinking lately...and I just wanted to get others opinion on this topic.

So first, I've heard people make the statement that im looking to hard to find a boyfriend. Ok. Thats fair. Its a stupid statement...because if I was: then I'd have one, but anywho: thats just point one.

Second: Ive heard someone say that I need to stop looking.

The question that I have is, if I stop looking: isnt that the same as giving up? I mean, to some degree, if your in a relationship, did'nt you have to be looking in the first place? Otherwise, when the person your petitioned you to go to the next level, you would have said, "I am currently not looking for anything."

So if I say that I'm no longer looking, I will be seen as a quitter. But then, on the other side: people tell me not to give up.

Am I wrong or am I wrong?

It just bothers me how stupid the game of love is. You have to not be looking, but looking at the same time?

You have to pretended to not be interested in the dating game, in order for someone to be interested in you?

HOW STUPID IS THAT SHIT!??

I am too old to play game. Seriously.

thats just my take on it, and maybe I'm missing the scope of it, but c'mon...lets just get real.

*AJ*
6:47 PM 
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