OK, once again I must begin with last night's events...as if things could get any more insane on this rally....

I went to the bar for a beer. I went outside for a smoke. Lo and behold, this dude saunters up and introduces himself after borrowing my lighter to fire up his joint. He proceeds to drag me (kicking and screaming, I might add) around the corner to a STRIP CLUB I had no idea was there! In the same building as our hotel, no less! He's there hangin with his buddies from work, all who will remain nameless and are employed by a nameless company in town working as riggers in the black gold industry. They buy a few rounds and we see both dancers. The first one, Katrina Nightshade, was really sweet and had some good pole tricks. I sat at her rack and tipped her and she gave me a poster and autographed it. "To: Arctic Challengers. Good luck racing! I love things that go fast and hard. -Katrina XXX." The second girl was hotter, but not as nice, and then the bartender called last call, so it was time for plan B.

A couple more of these guys' buddies show up and we call a cab to head downtown to The Alaskan. So there I am, riding around in a cab with six 20-something, way-too-clean-cut-to-be-workin-on-oil-derricks dudes, and we're all singing along and rockin' out to Bon Jovi's "Bad Medicine." I glance over at the driver, who is calmly sipping his coffee. We make eye contact and he shakes his head. I do the same at least once every night I bartend. I understand.

So, The Alaskan is cool, and a few of us end up in the back smoking room. The front of the bar is almost empty, but the small back room is packed with what appears to be the REAL old-timers who do the REAL dirty work on the oil rigs. All eyes are on our out-of-place group. One of the brighter of the bunch says quietly under his breath, "We look way to preppie to be in here. We're gonna get the shit kicked out of us if we don't get outta here."

So we enjoy a few more rounds in the safe area of the bar and I call a cab to get back to my hotel. But of course, not before being propositioned by the first dude, and the oldest of the group, who started this night off. Luckily, all the younger guys were perfect gentlemen, and made sure I got home safely.

This morning came way too quickly. Gas, food, hit the road for our last stage.

The incessant radio chatter from some of our fellow competitors had been getting to me since the start of this thing. I had one mere frayed nerve ending left in my brain, and they hit it this morning. I don't need to know when people are pulling over to go pee. I don't care about how they're getting home. This is not emergency information that everyone needs or wants to hear on our leisurely drives through the mountains. I borrowed one of my favorite quotes from my favorite coworker, Mikey Sha Sha.

I grabbed the mic, pressed the button, and firmly stated, "Is there something wrong with the things in your brains that tell you people when to shut the fuck up?"

I got an instant smart-ass reply, "Woah, somebody didn't get their coffee this morning."

I wasn't done. "I got my coffee. But I don't need to know if you had yours, and if it made you go number 1 or number 2, or what STD's you might be carrying, either."

The radio was almost completely silent for the next few hours on our way to start our last stage of the rally.

We sailed through admirably, except for a wrong turn into what they described as an airport in the middle of nowhere on a hilltop. I prepared a plastic bag of roadside snow for chilling our champagne. The drive to Jasper through the national park was lovely. I had no idea Jasper was smack in the middle of this park. I'm hoping I can convince Paul to stop for a couple attractions on the way home tomorrow. The park system up here looks absolutely phenomenal and breathtaking. (Now that he's fully recovered, almost, from the Alcan Plague.)

We finished! We won! We drank champagne and relaxed in the jacuzzi. We're preparing for a night of festivities, so don't expect more pix to go up before I return home.

Thank you all for your interest, love and support! But most of all, thank you Buddha, Jesus, Nuestra Madre, Krishna, Zeus & Hera, etc, etc.

-Kala

Soundtrack: Modest Mouse, Scissor Sisters, Einstruzende Neubauten

Phrase of the Day: This IS NOT the AIRPORT!!!

OK, another night without wireless connection...where did I leave off?

Ahhh, yes, Rondy night in Whitehorse. It did not end with my last blog. The Fur Rendevous, affectionately called Rondy, is the biggest winter festival in North American cities throughout Alaska and Canada. It usually coincides with the finish of an important dog sled race, such as the Iditarod in Anchorage, or in this case, the Yukon Quest in Whitehorse. The whole town gets together to create amazing ice sculptures (actually many artist fly in to participate), throw axes, sling chainsaws, pack flour, sing, dance, drink and carry on, among other things.

Well, the bar at our hotel just happened to fill up with a troupe of can-can girls. I also met some other fascinating locals that night. In short, this all meant that I DID NOT successfully make it back to my hotel room that night. Some of what happens on the AlCan stays here, so let your minds run wild. I did not get too drunk, and a did get enough sleep, to successfully make it back in good time and great spirits to compete.

We started the day with the repeat of Day 4, the same TSD stage followed by the ice slalom on Lake Schwatka near Whitehorse. We managed to kinda botch the first control of the TSD, and both of us messed up the slalom pretty good. Paul finished both runs, but was still feeling under the weather and managed to break the front bumper and bend the light bar in a snow bank. Luckily, it was after the finish line. My runs weren't good either; I ended up using champ gear (reverse), so they were too slow to be competitive. The lake was WAY more slippy than last time we were there, so this story was similar to that of many teams.

We finished our Sunday afternoon in Whitehorse driving around to get Paul a prescription and antibiotics. I insisted he do that now, so he would feel better for our finish party in a few days. He was actually sick enough to oblige. Usually he fights about giving up so easily.

We were relieved to complete the day's journey at Liard Hotsprings....just what the doctor ordered. We lounged in the dark in the hot, steamy pool and gazed at the stars. After the short hike back to the lodge and hot showers, I passed out early while reading of Klondike prostitutes during the Gold Rush days.

We got an early start this morning, both feeling refreshed. The roads were fun and we finally started spotting some wildlife: bison, caribou, elk, deer, wolves, foxes. This cheerful mood quickly soured after the running of our two TSD stages in the afternoon. I take responsibility for one moment of confusion, but we're pretty sure some of the instructions and markers in our route book were incorrect, which throws off all the painstaking math I spent hours preparing. We almost had to delay the last stage today because a whole troupe of rally organizers were wandering around on the side of the road trying to figure out where the start line should be. Ahhh!!! I'll give you one guess where I wanted to put it!

We're sitting in our room right this second feeling sketchy and nervous about today's scores, which will be up in a couple hours. We were hoping to inch forward in the results a bit more, but it's not feeling good. We're left with just one more chance tomorrow morning to move up in the standings.

Regardless of all that, though, in many ways I have to say this AlCan Rally has been even more memorable than the last. The organization and structure of the event has been way more riddled with difficulties, including the cancellation of several races that we're a bit upset to have missed out on. But that happens on an extreme adventure rally like this. At the same time, my list of once-in-a-lifetime experiences seems to be growing by the minute. The country and the people up here rock, and every time I come back it feels more like home. I guess once a Sourdough, always a Sourdough.

OK, off to add to my list of stories.

-Kala (Paul is in full recovery mode, but napping as to not push his luck.)

Soundtrack: Miles Davis, Satan's Pirgrims, Tricky, Industrial G n R Tribute Album, and my favorite compilation CD of burlesque big-band tunes

Phrase of the Day: "The start marker goes by the pole next to the tree!" (pointing to a 40-acre fenced tree farm)

OK, sorry guys, we finally hit a destination with NO net service! It was quite relaxing ;-)

The trip up the MacKenzie River was awesome. I was the first, but not the last, to stuff it into a snowbank, but drove out of it under my own power with no proof left on the car. Paul was not as lucky, I had to push him out. April was even more unlucky; the rear bumper of her Mitsu is sporting a bit of duct tape. So it was 109 miles up the frozen MacKenzie to the quaint native village of Tuktoyaktuk under the light of the setting full moon. Once there, we gassed up, took some pix, and checked out the $600 wolf pelts in the general store (located between the sewing accessories and duct tape). Then we fought over both sets of keys for a bit before I decided to allow Paul to drive his car back down the river. I did get to drive there, after all.

Unfortunately, my buddy Paul has been feeling a bit under the weather for our few "vacation days" off racing. Our scores in that sense don't pan out so good; this is the second Alcan Winter Rally for us and the corresponding illness. Alcan Plague: 2 Arctic Challengers: 0. The only thing that has brightened his spirits lately was getting to (stop reading mothers and sponsors) go 121mph on the frozen river.

After a quick stop back in Inuvik for lunch and shopping, we headed south to one of our favorite destinations: Eagle Plains Lodge, home of the dreaded Eagle Claw (yes, that's a shot involving Bailey's, Yukon, and 151). However, before we could embark on that adventure, I had a promise to keep. There's this chick on this rally (fondly nicknamed "The Hot Older Chick," who has her own business painting silk scarves. She made us these scarves for the rally. Well, you see, after seeing my bikini shots from the Arctic Circle, she wanted pictures of me there wearing her scarf. So we had to stop back by on our way south to get her those damn pictures. I was a good deal colder than on bikini day. Luckily my nipples did not damage said silk scarf.

Back at Eagle Plains, I started off with a few shots of Crown and a bottle of Lead Dog Ale before dinner (and after playing nursemaid to my sick pardner). It was so warm in comparison to the photo shoot at the Arctic Circle that I ran outside in my wife-beater to enjoy the sunset from the top of a lookout tower thingy behind the bar. It was truly amazing. Then it was time to get down to  business in the bar. I think the pix tell the story better than I can, but one especially memorable moment was my friend Jeff with two Eagle shot glasses shoved in his mouth. Around them, he tries to say, "I've had five of these and I'm not even feelin' buzzed!" Well, the next morning at breakfast he was STILL buzzed. He drank 8, but yours truly filled up her hollow leg with 9. Needless to say, I needed lots of water and my ninja mask to face the day this morning. Somehow I made it back to my OWN hotel room with all my stuff....not even a missing glove! (Just missing about 60 bucks worth  of drink money.) Go Arctic Challengers!

It was a long road back to Whitehorse. Not really, but it felt like it. Thankfully Paul managed to drive the final leg in spite of his illness, giving me a chance for a much-needed power nap. The Fur Rondy is still in full swing this weekend, complete with an ice sculpture competition and can-can girls. It doesn't get any better than that, especially when the can-can girl sheds her skirt so you can try it on. I am also sporting a new garter, hand-made by that real can-can girl.

Back to frigid racing action tomorrow! We start the morning early with a TSD stage, then more laps around the ice lake course in the opposite direction of last time. Then we're off to a necessary and well-earned soak in Liard Hotsprings. Ahhhhh......

Soundtrack: Subaru exhaust leak, my churning stomach, Paul's coughs and sneezes, random radio chatter

Phrase of the Day: Stupid oughta hurt. Or I'm too old for this.

Our first "Day OFF!" No competitive stages today, so guess who took that to heart and tore it up last night? I made y'all proud. We had to celebrate after winning the ice slalom and placing well on yesterday's TSD stage, putting us in a solid 5th overall. We're still leading our class, but hope to continue to climb in the overall standings.

After being a good girl and getting pix and blogs updated last night, the sweet, cute bartender took me under her wing and I joined her for some "safety meetings." They involved Jager Bombs. I had been drinking whiskey. As with the racing we do, do NOT try this at home....professional drinker on closed course! I lasted through several groups of folks who came and left the bar. The last was probably our youngest group of competitors with the freshest livers, but I hung on til the end. We decided to decorate our fellow competitor Doug's truck for him for his birthday. What a nice surprise he must have had this morning. See pix ;-)

Amazingly, I still managed to pop up before sunrise at 5:45 am after maybe 4 hours of not sleep, but passed-out-ed-ness. Paul got to drive the first shift while I napped the rest of it off. Today was just a long drive with lots of photo ops....the breathtaking Peel River Valley, Arctic Circle and Northwest Territories crossings, and several frozen river crossings. Did I mention how balmy and warm it's been? I guess two weeks ago it was 60 below, but we hit the hot snap. Thinking we MUST be a little closer to the equator, Paul and I forgot where we were and ended up in swimwear at the Arctic Circle. Oops. See pix ;-)

Well, my sidekick is unfortunately not feeling well tonight, so I must go make him chicken noodle soup and gas up our turbo-charged chariot before setting off on my own to find trouble in this quaint native village.

Tomorrow we get to drive 100 miles up the frozen MacKenzie River and out onto the Arctic Ocean to the even smaller quaint native village of Tuktoyaktuk. Just like the ice road truckers you've seen on TV.

Mwaahhh! I love you all.

Kala

Soundtrack: The Out Crowd, The Makers, The Cramps, Danzig

Phrase of the day: Jager Bomb!

Aargh....a rough start this morning after too much Crown Royal, Yukon Gold, strippers, karaoke, and 5 hours sleep. So rough, in fact, that Paul almost high-centered the Forester on a snow bank in the staging area before the first TSD rally stage at 7:30 am. Thankfully, we made a successful run, and set out for our first frozen lake ice slalom event of the 2008 Alcan.

The weather has been unusually balmy for this time of year, with a high today of 41 degrees ABOVE zero! That meant the ice lake course got chewed up quickly. By the time I made my runs, there waws a nice layer of melted water on top of the slick ice. It was rough. But Paul ran first, being our ace driver, and once again (as in 2004), it was a contest for everyone else. The contest was, What is the Least Amount of Time by which Paul will Kick My ASS? Scores aren't out quite yet, but I'll get 'em up in the next blog. Hopefully tonight. Anyway, Miss Nude BC and Miss Molson Canadiene would be proud. We celebrated with hot apple pies from McDonald's (ya gotta take what you can get). I taped the "CAUTION! I'm HOT!" label to Paul's arm. He was happy and proud and deserved to be.

We completed the day with the long drive to Dawson City, once home to our favorite and highly successful northern ho of all time, Klondike Kate, who's painting on her house of ill-repute welcomed us to town. Too bad, no chiffon dances for us unless I get really drunk and end up on the pool table in a few hours.

We're off racing duty for the next couple days....or, I should say, *sanctioned* racing! The weather is still crazy warm, and my jeans are getting really filthy cuz I thought I'd be wearing real cold-weather gear by now. Hopefully Inuvik, Tuk, and Eagle Plains will bring snow and cold. At least we can depend on the Eagle Claws (signature shots at the bar in Eagle Plains). If you've been to Yen Ha, they're kinda like a Dragon's Blood.

Scores soon, I promise! And more pix from yet another night of drunken debauchery ;-)

Xoxo!!!!  -Kala

Soundtrack: Luscious Jackson, Cake, Crystal Method, Milla Jovovich (don't laugh, it's really pretty at sunset)

Phrase of the Day: I Touch Myself

This was our longest day....out at 7am, one quick rally stage, arriving in Whitehorse about 8:30 pm. We covered some serious ground, but not without incident of course! Some heavy right feet early in the day (hmmm.....who could that be?) caused us to almost run out of gas not just once but twice. The gas stop we depended on had busted pumps, so we had to lean on our teammates. Thanks, Steve and Kathryn! Yes, our rookies were the only ones smart enough to bring gas. Those of us "seasoned" competitors with the big gas-guzzling Foresters woulda been SOL. We knew there was a reason why we invited them to join the Arctic Challengers team.....

SCORES....we tied for high score of the day! If we don't do anything really f-in stupid, we have the class win pretty well secured. (Yes, we are knocking on wood and crossing fingers and toes as I type.) Our goal now is to bring much worry and embarrassment to the teams in higher classes than ours ;-)

How to end such a fantastic but long day? Strippers and karaoke, of course! I pride myself on being able to successfully sniff out both in just about any town I stride in to. We saw Miss Nude BC and Miss Molson Canadiene! I even got an autographed poster from the latter. Be proud, my friends, I kept my clothes on and stayed off the stripper pole. Everyone's ears were bleeding back at our hotel bar, though, when the mic came out and I serenaded my fellow rallyists with "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" AND "I Touch Myself." We'll win this damn thing one way or another!

OK, Race Face on, helmet ready, it's time for our first ICE SLALOM this morning!

Kala

Soundtrack: Nickelback, No Doubt, Sarah McLachlan, Paula Cole

Our day started not with rally, but with the shiny happy faces of 86 primary school students. We gave them a quick intro to rally and let 'em climb all over the cars before we started the first stage. We're prepared for extreme conditions, but we're still checking the vehicles to make sure all is in order ;-)

Then, they cancelled our ice race at Gold Pan Speedway this am and substituted a TSD rally stage. We *think* it went OK, no scores yet, but was fun either way.

We followed that with the Blackwater stage. More importantly, followed by the treacherous Blackwater transit....basically 100 miles of snowy, icy, extra-slippy stuff. It alternated between fast, flowing, wide, slick roads, and tight, twisty, slick roads. A stage rally wet-dream. Lucky me, I got to drive the entire thing. It was super fun, with only a few pucker moments. A couple cars had to be tugged out, but I led the procession pretty much the entire way through.

We finished the day with the Fraser Lake stage. AFter that, we were treated to a marvelous lunch in Burns Lake by our fellow competitor Marinus, whose pal has a really great healthy-hippie-restaurant/coffee shop in town. Probably the best grub we'll get the entire trip.

The sun set on our second day of rallying as we cruised through Smithers, BC, against a backdrop of snowy peaks. The sun cast a blushy glow on the stands of birch trees alongside the highway, beneath the waxing moon.

Off to the bar. Cheers!

Kala

Soundtrack: Peter Murphy, Killers, Jet, White Stripes

Car 1 (Hightower/Webb/Russ Kraushaar)   2 points

Car 4 (Horst/Wiley)  4 points

Car 24 Smith/Song/Piorier) 4 points

Car 2 (RDale Kraushaar/Glenn Wallace) Subaru Forester XT-Silver  6 points

blah blah blah

Car 3 (Paul Eklund, Kala Rounds) Subaru Forester XT-gold  21 Points  (first in class 3)