these word i can not say to u
the verses hidden within me
time ticking like a time bomb
slowing becoming silent killer
as think of the precious future that i wish for
the light over my heart darkens slowly
and i wonder what am i here for
am i just your filler for your space so you wont be alone
am i just someone to be used only for when u want
say  something i need to know
these words and verses become a silent killer
how can i say what i need to say when there is no ear lended
or how can i let you know when u wont here it

so much had been going on im life lately i havebeen goin to c.n.a school and things are
hopefully not goin to take a turn for the worst im not going to explain why i say this b.c its just to much to tell...but through all this stuff that has been going on i have  really come to learn alot about myself and how much i need to grow within myself there is a lot that i hold against myself that has happend in the past...and a recent person i meet that has been an absolute impact on my life told me ....in order to find true happiness within yourself you must realize how human you really are and acept it but not to a point where it is an excuse......and i have never found a statment to true and claming in my life but all in all i have grown so much these past two years and i feel now more than ever i need to grow so much more than a antcepated

alot of things have taken place here of late ......its different being married but too much .....idk i just hope we get where we both want not sure where that is but we'll know when we get there i guess......no altimatums, no destination, and no stopping point to worry about .......we are just here i guess.....

i wish i could write again i have lost my muse it seems ......idk i just felt like saying something for the simple fact my muse is gone ......i dont know why but shes ....so much have happend since a moved it has been the biggest change in my life ......and i guess my child ambition has left me as well think i could do anything ...any where and time ........i just miss it .....my poet has died and i wish it hadnt .....and right now there is something there wanting to be written but i just dont have it anymore ......and its drivng me nuts...

idk i just feel like my efforts are futile .......im stressing over so much and im getting no were fast you'd think i'd fix it but i dont know if that would even have and effect .......and i have no one to really tell how im feeling and feel like maybe ill get an answer

idk i just feel like my efforts are futile .......im stressing over so much and im getting no were fast you'd think i'd fix it but i dont know if that would even have and effect .......and i have no one to really tell how im feeling and feel like maybe ill get an answer

what is this ...all of this .....shes here and im stressed the fuck out .....but it sweet how he says " you deserve to be thanked for putting up with all of this"........and hes taking on more than i am.......if you didnt the baby's mamma moved in and im jsut so fucking out of my mind right now ....i wish i had my best friend here .....i just could really use her right now ...........this is gonna be a long road of hell for two months 

today marks the day i am offically off probation ......wow its been a year and within these last 12 months i have done so much i have grown learn a fallen questioned so much within myself and im still doing it i went from fucking nothing to maybe not quite something but im here and im makeing it ...barely but im doin it .....and all for something that i never thought i would have i know it stupid but the one thing that keeps reminding me that i did it is sitting down in my boyfriends shop right now .....and it my car ......the fact that i have it means so much idk why but it does and it something no one would even think to be grateful for something so common but to me it means and shows that i have worked my ass off b/c i havehad my job for 6 months and with in this time perido i have gotten my car payed for the tags insureance and the car payment which i have payed off and it just idk befor never in my mind it woudl happen this quick and i have grown  within myslef to ....no only that im learning to love and i cry when i think about it but its just im so thankful for it i mean i have had some shity times but we all do and to be where i am now its like fucking heaven ......granted there are so many things i'd like to say and do but it shit that will never change and i wish i could show this person  that im sorry and i didnt want things to end the way they did but thats a set in stone and it shall keep that way .....i just hope they find what they need and want and live....just live...........i havent done all this on my own as far as the car goes but im thankful and none the less i have done something .......and im conclusion ....is shit happens and life is one big fucking yen yang ......bad and good , good and bad...........my shitty times have presented and my good times are presenting .....i know that the bad will come but good will too .....and i really cant say i would changeings things b/c right now im so in love and that my friends is something i have ran from for so long and he even from the first dated just rested my karma and soul and just him made everything naturally within me just wow cant explain it .......he just idk and if all this that has happend didnt happen iwould have never meet him .....and i just even if i wanted to there would be and voice in my gut telling me this isnt what you want ..if i could take everything back and start with a clean slate ........from the first moment i was behind tully's car and the cop found my weed right then and the i knew .....this was ment to happen i even said it in my head ...weird huh? ......so im sorry to them and thats can say and do .......idk i have just been thinking about so much especally today ....it has been a very reflecting day .......so all i have to day to everyone is ......take life as it comes because you may think right now its not as it should be but i will ....and you'll know it ...you just will ....and take every lessone situation in mind b/c its one big puzzle and only you can make the peices into a big picture 

in our own ignorance and haze do we turth

sitting down counting it out

pace each lesson learned

taking in the words of those surrounding you

and hoping some turth there words will follow

see nothing but your reflection by actions of others

childeren we are until we truly see the leasons

laid out in the neat little plan destined for us

so sick am i of this gross and grim reality

heavy my heart for i seem to stay a child no matter what i do

thumbling the words of the gultiny people put upon me

too young in spirit people see in me

so worn behind what they see

breaking every mintue in hoping to find some truth in everything

feeling time i am wasting with all i do

throwing out all past happiness and turning into someone new

no one sees or gets this

not even i want this

another day passing and more time and life seems pointless

what do to what to do

just wishing to go back to the ignorance

so tried of people expecing from me

but this is the pricing still paying

a loss no one will comprehend if i tell

but life never stops always turning

just as i feel

something growing that i hide

but my price i shall take b/c that is what i do

contirdiction in everything that seems to be

tumbleing i stand and still i spin

for breaking away is just a sin

 this is the price still paying

 

 

By:Zeo

in this dream of dream that has been mine
i see a coridor of blue glow with soft touch that saves me
a salvation from the point where fantsy becomes reality
hazed and dazed i carry on
a drug they become
one not to kill me but revive me
rushing like a fall unespected
a love is not this
passion seems to recall
in this dream of a dream
a passion to wake up
but a passion to hold what has hazed me so
breaking down all barriers that where inforced
just by one look and touch
this is how they became and formed in this dream of a dream
if they only knew what this means
making this dream of a dream