I couldn't let your beatiful work of art go unappraised. Thank you. Now from my perspective, a more stupid one:

I remember it like it was 5 years ago. My mother told me to put on a navy blue dress. Freak. Where were we going? But all i got for an answer was, " Where are we going? Why do i have to put on a dress? Whats with all the questions?!" So oh well, nowhere else to go but umm to the car. So we arrived around 5 minutes later to a house. It was a nice house. It looked cozy fromt he outside. When i got inside, im not very social so i, first sat on the couch and began playing pokemon on my little brother's gameboy advance. Then i heard giggles. Girls. Three of them. Wow. So i followed the noises, it was very far, and i walked into a room. There was my little brother, my little sister, and three girls i had never met before. We began to mess around and before i knew it, we were scarfing down pizza. We left that house and i didn't think i would ever see them again. Well God had other plans. Next day, PARTY. Wedding Party that is. And there she was. The oldest of the three girls. She claimed her name to be Karla. We hung out cause we didnt exactly know anyone else. She told me about weird feelings she would have right before something horrible would happen, and i told her that i had no idea what puberty was but i wanted to find out. There was a trampoline at this party. and a lovely strawberry garden. Well those didnt matter really. What was kinda odd was that Karla's feelings on misfortune did happen to sense a tragedy. My little brother ran into the back bumber of an old truck. His forehead was bleeding like crazy. I looked at Karla. That was freaky. Well we started to hang out more and more. I think her house is the house that I have mostly visited. We went from flat chests to full together. My feet grew, and well she stayed with small feet ://. And we even went camping together every year. Boys came and went. And came and went. And came and went. And some even tried to hurt us. But we had the final laugh in the end. No ex of mine calls my BFFFFFFF a whore. We spent our days with eachother gossiping, talking about guys, and our parents. We compared our lives and noticed that we werent very differen, besides our height, that was about it. OUr moms had meltdowns, our friends through their punches, and our tears were wept. Together of course. We fractured our ankles around the same time, we lost good friends around the same time, and we got into a lot of trouble, at the same time. Just when you think Jesus has left your house, he leaves you an angel tp let you know that you still have something to live for. Even though i feel like going to sleep in the middle of the night, i can never turn my back on late nights with candy, pillows, and shiloh. Oha nd we shared our high school nightmares together. We found out together when harry potter went through puberty and what Blow jobs really meant. I stopped calling her a blow job after i found out. I really think that our friendship together wasnt a coincidence, nor is it a coincidence that we get hurt, get happy, and get skeptic at the same time. Its cause Jesus knew that we would need someone else to hold hands with during the long walk down those crazy roads. And he couldnt have gotten it more right. Wether we stay in the same appartment or not during college, I will never forget what scars you left on my heart :]] Cause I cant be a pixie stix without my sugar.  This is a relationship everyone wishes they had. Many people go through life without anything in comparison to this.  So for you i thank you

So to the real best friend that has held my hand, wipped my tears, and cried of laughter with me, I thank you:

(I can't believe you aren't butter)

Karla Rodriguez. <33

So this is how i feel after the last time i reflected on this. Which probably was like a month or two ago. I feel happy. Happier than before. No more depression recently which is considered to be a good thing i geuss. I have a new attitude towards everything. I am more open-minded and try new things. And i do all i can so that i dont regret not doing whatever it was later. Which is what i think everyone should do but i think it takes a ceratin situation for everyone to have this kind of revelation. That rhymed? cool. Anyways. I feel like, well going on the scariest and tallest rollercoaster. Which means a lot if you really know me because you'll know im the biggest chicken when it comes to roller coasters. I feel like climbing mount Everest. I won't actually do it. I siad i felt like it. I should do that sometime though. I think i sound high or something. Ive been straight for 15 years and im not planning on ruining it on one night. Ive also been sober 15 years. I think thats good. :]] What i do regret not doing is going into the cemetary at 2 am the other night i went out with Orlando, Martinus, and Rafael. Come to think of it, a huge black hole or a hand pooping out of the ground does sound ridiculus and impossible so what was i scatred of? Getting shot! You never know eh. There's weird people out there that wait until you walk into their territory so they can shoot you. It's happened. Not to me anyways. Hmm Well no one super close to me has died in the mast year and a half so thats a record. That's super good. I have a nice job. It's the best first job anyone can ever ask for. Life has turned itself around :]] And if you're reading this and you're having the worst time of your life, I give you my deepest apologies. I just want everyone to get a taste of what im feeling. I feel like buying ice cream for the entire world! Hmm that would also be a nice idea. Remind me if i ever grow up to be freakin rich. I'll buy you ice cream. I also want to buy Orlando a new cell phone, Rafael a car, Martinus a new car since he totalled his last one.... yes you totalled it so dont try to say its "in the shop." Hmm good days.

But then i remember that school starts on Wednesday :[[ It's not all that bad. All those people i didn't get a chance to hang out with at the mall or something will have a chance to hang out with me for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. How good can it get right? And i'm totally not procrastinating this year because i dont have the chance to. And im going to pass with a 4.0 and above... oh yes karla, when I am committed, there's no stopping me :]]

Wow i am happy. I though it was just a "sprung" feeling. Nope. Im happy :]]

Thanks for listening

I know its long but its about the day when my Godmother died. And the day my life was changed forever. Please read it, It would mean so much to me if you did. And then maybe you'll understand why ive made all the decisions i have in the past.

It was a day like any other day. Well, at least it seemed like it. I was in class. The class was noisy and rowdy but that was just because we were all excited about the holidays. Thanksgriving was coming up. Then suddenly, in the midst of all the noise, the intercom came on and the principal's secretary was on the other line. "Mrs. Saborio?" "Yes?" She resoponded. "Will you please send Blanca Gonzalez to the office to go home?" "Sure" As my substitute responded, she signaled for me to pack up my stuff. So i did. I was confused though. My mom never took me out of school early before unless i was sick and i felt just fine. Whatever maybe its nothing. Well my mother appeared outside the classroom door a minute later. My friend said, "Why is your mom crying? Did someone die?" "Of course not. Well not that I know of." Boy was I in for a surprise. When i walked out i ask my mom, "What's going on?" All she said was, "I'll explain in the car." We walked out and i saw Orlando's dad parked on the sidewalk. I hadnt seen him in a while so i thought it was odd he was giving us a ride. I asked again what was going on. My mom said, "Your godmother had an accident. Something terrible happened to Yessenia." I was in shock. "No!" i told myself. I was scared. I was the student council secretary and life was going good. I was going to run for presidency the following year. I was going to graduate 8th grade the following year. Why was this happening now? I played those words in my head the entire ride to where i thought was the hospital. Thirty minutes later, we arrived at my godmother's mom's house. It was different. I hadn't talked to them in 3 years. I was walking up the steps that lead to the garden when i saw my godmother's sister sitting on the steps with her baby! I didn't know she had a baby! That's proof that our families werent on speaking terms. I walked up and hurtful smiles were exchanged. What do you say to someone you loved and haven't had a relationship with for 3 years? Well I continued to walk until i reached the inside of the house. My aunt saw us and broke into shrieks, tears, cries, and sobs. She hugged my mom and yelle, "Why ME? Why MY DAUGHTER?! Oh my GOD!" I was confused. I walked to sit on the couch. My aunt sat down next to me. My mom signaled for me to hug her so i did. She cried. My shoulder was soaked. Then the first words my aunt had said to me after 3 years were, "Poor Paola, How she loved you so." Then two seconds later, a group of beautiful women entered the house. They seemed to be in their mid twenties. Then they said, "Oh my gosh is that PAOLA! My she's grown up!" Who are these people? I hadn't seen them in my life! How'd they know my name??  I was startled. They knew me so well. Then the came to where my aunt sat and hugged her and began to comfort her. My aunt yelled even the louder. I was confused once more. Why would a mother not be with her daughter at the hospital during and accident that seemed to be terrible? I went up to my mom. Her nose was read. Her eyes were red. Her face was red. I asked, "When are we going to the hospital?" The following words were the words that changed my life forever: "Hospital? No Paola you don't get it. Yessenia is dead." 
     DEAD?! What?! At that moment I felt a million gun shots blow through my heart. I suddenly felt light headed. I was getting dizzy. I was going to black out. I walked outside and took a seat on the steps. What was going on? It cant be true. No shes isnt dead. It cant be. It doesnt feel like she is. I stayed quiet trying to get air. I was shutting down. Then my godfather, whom i havent seen in 4 years at the time, arrived. "Hey paola." that was it. That's all he said. Hey Paola. Thats it after 4 years. I shook it off. I had bigger things to process.
     I tried to remember the last time i saw her. Which was in third grade during my first communion. I couldnt stop crying. My love. She was gone. Nothing left for me now. Those thoughts haunted me for the next 10 minutes. Then I told myself, :"It's not true. It's a joke right. IT is."
I ignored the fact she was gone for 2 weeks. Finnally. Funeral arrangements were made. When we arrived at the Mortuary. I was skeptical to go up to the coffin. I stayed glued to the wall. Then the woman that had seen me at my aunt;'s house, whom i didnt know and had a stricking resemblence to my deceased godmother, well she came up to me. She held onto me and said, "come on, we'll do this together." I slowly walked up. Tears ran down my face. I couldnt hide it any longer. I reached the coffin and saw my dead godmother. She looked like a doll. A real barbie doll. I thought she looked so fake and beautiful that it was a joke. I smiled. She was lovely. Unlike any beauty ever seen in my life. Then I stayed up there looking at her for 20 minutes. After a while, i decided that a hto chocolate would brighten my day. I headed to the caffeteria and had a hot chocolate. my dead godmother left my mind. I was in denial.
Then at the Buring, it came back. She really is gone. She'd not coming back. I was dead. Life was dead for me. Nothing left was there for me to live. Done.
A year later, that's when it hit me the hardest. I became incredibally depressed. I hid it from everyone with smiles. I graduated 8th grade and did the same. I cried myself to sleep the night of my graduation. IT wasn''t worth graduating if my nina wasnt there.
Then that year, in september, i cried once more. I had gotten my black belt. But it wasnt worth it if she wasnt there. My perspective changed on everything. Life was different. I was small anymore. I had to think now. I couldnt live pretending life and death didnt happen. I had to do something. My friends helped me get better but it never lasted long. No one truly knows why i do the things I do. This year on February, i cancelled my quinceanera. No one knew why. I did it cause if Yessenia was gone and she wasnt going to be my godmother, no one else was. The day of my 15th, i was happy for a while. That night i didnt sleep. I thought of Yessenia. I cried. She wasnt there. Growing up wasnt all it was cracked up to be. It was pain and agony. It was horrible.

I wont lie. There have been times where i wished dead. Life just doesnt seem worth living anymore. I had to get this off my back. No  one knows why i act like i do. But if you see me and youve read this, you know why. Now you understand why i make all my weird decisions. Sorry it took long. The pain in my heart is killing me :[[

Cutebutphsyco586:(4:49:33 PM): hmm

Cutebutphsyco586 (4:49:40 PM): im going to buy a hammer made out of pineapples

Cutebutphsyco586(4:49:47 PM): so i can bang people and eat at the same time

Cutebutphsyco586 (4:49:52 PM): i mean not bang

Cutebutphsyco586 (4:49:55 PM): i mean whack them on the head

eyeofthewonton(4:49:58 PM): LOL

eyeofthewonton (4:49:59 PM): sexual

Cutebutphsyco586 (4:50:03 PM): no

eyeofthewonton(4:50:04 PM): activity

Cutebutphsyco586 (4:50:05 PM): you you you

Cutebutphsyco586(4:50:12 PM): lol your the one that bangs your dog in the asss

eyeofthewonton (4:51:25 PM): lol

Cutebutphsyco586(4:51:37 PM): im going to save that and put in my profile

eyeofthewonton (4:51:46 PM): lol

eyeofthewonton (4:51:58 PM): RACHEL BANGS HER DOG

..> ..>

Loraine- What do you look for in a guy? Me- Blonde long hair, beautiful blue eyes, older. Hell give me Daniel and I'm good :]] Loraine- I mean personality wise. Me- oh. carring, trustworthy, tells me what wrong and doesn't hide it, tells me what he likes and doesn't like, listens to my girl gossip. Loraine-??? Me- Oh Come on we need someone else to listen to our girl drama besides best friends :]] Loraine- hmmm my first kiss was awkward Me- We should just choose what you liked from past relationships and put them together to make the ULTRA-MAN! Loraine- **Laughing Hysterically** Me- I want an Ultra Man :[[

wierd conversation with raffi

raffi- ahh i made an egg and im not going to eat it

blanca- who are you thinking of?

raffi- hurring be creative

blanca- you could **is interrupted**

raffi- sourdough!

blanca- have you checked the expiration date?

raff- what for? its supposed to be sour

blanca- you must be joking

raffi- what makes you think that?

___________________________later that day

raffi- watch im going to fall without finching

blanca watches

**smack right into the mirror**

Raffi- ow

(p.e. with alice)

alice- you left me

blanca- no i left with the idea that you were behind me

alice- you ditched me

blanca- no i left with the idea that you were behind me

alice- your pushing me off the sidewalk

blanca- no i left with the idea that you were behind me.... wait what?

____________________________________________________

karla- butterflies in the stomach doesnt mean you like him it means that your nervous

blanca- i dont know what butterflies means but i know it means you like him

karla- gosh with fernando its not even butterflies anymore, its a freakin zoo

blanca- man imagine imagining that :]] lol cool x-ray