Looking back, I realize that some of the happiest moments of my life are the little things that stick in my mind. Like helping my mom out in the kitchen. I realize now that I don't tell her I love her enough. I think back to times of just layin in the grass in the warm rays of the sun, just staring at the sky.

I miss the times with my friends, just us, sitting down and talking, no wild and crazy antics, just us. I miss the moments of the football games where you feel everyone connect for that single moment in joy. I miss the smiles on their faces. I miss the distinctive laugh that each of you had. I miss the twinkle in their eyes at the mention of their crushes names.

I miss the times when all it took to be happy was a new toy. I miss the times when you could snuggle up to your parents after a bad dream and just have them wrap you in their arms. I miss rolling in the mud with your best friend. I miss the way your mother smiled everytime you entered the room. I miss being afraid of the boogeyman. I miss having that stuffed animal that stayed with you at all costs. I miss eating ice cream cones from the bottom up.

I miss the that moment of joy the first tim eyou ride your bike without training wheels. I miss the days of childhood ignorance. I miss the fights you had your siblings because all you wanted to was be just like them. I miss the days of the family dinner. I miss the times of the family sitting down to watch a movie together. I miss the trips to gramdmas house and bouncing in the seat the whole way there knowing she'll spoil you. I miss the days when you pick out your own clothes and even though nothing matched, your mother told you you looked handsome.

I realize now that it's the small moments in life that get us where we are. Those happy memories that once reflected on make you wanna cry. So take the time, reflect, see what is really important to you in life, you might just be surprised...

Alrighty, here we go.

>One for my mother who has always been there and supported me

>one for my grandparents who showed me love when the rest of the family abandoned me

>one for Juliette who has walked me through troubled times in life

>one for Shawna who is like a sister to me

>one for love                                                                                       

>one passion---which I believe you are nothing without

>one to remind me to always put love first

>one to remind me that anyone can shine with their own light and it takes special people to be able to notice the light and admire it for it's unique beauty.

>one for for the future                                                                             

>and one for the past.

     Tonight at exactly 10:02 I figured out what I want. I want love. Not the crap that you find in a Lifetime movie or in a Hallmark card, but true love. The kind of love that no matter how much you know about that person you can't help but love them for their flaws. The kind of love that no matter how bad it gets they stick by your side. The kind of love that you wake up in the morning just so you can see their face, or to see the way their eyes squint when they smile, or to hear the way their voice cracks when they laugh really hard, or to laugh at  the way they swoon over yellow roses. The kind of love you see in the old couples holding hands at the park. The kind of love that no matter how much you fight you can't imagine your life without them. The kind of love that you hope to grow old together with. I want the kind of love that no matter how much you see each other you always look forward to the next moment you lay eyes upon each other. The kind of love that no matter how much time you spend apart, the moment you do meet again is the most serendipitous moment in life

     I know that I might never find this, but I want to believe. I want to believe that someday I will find it, this thing called love. I want someone who genuinely loves and  feels the same way I do towards them. I know that In today's world the chances of this happening are astronomical but I want to feel like nothing else on earth matters besides me and him.