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ben



Last Updated: 11/19/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 21
Sign: Sagittarius

City: yorktown
State: Virginia
Country: US
Signup Date: 2/20/2008

Blog Archive
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November 7, 2009 - Saturday 

Current mood:  depressed
Category: Romance and Relationships
it's been too long
since there was nothing wrong
it's been too long
since we sang eachother our favorite songs


and here we stand again
and i'm wondering if or when
how could you say you love me and then
change your mind once again like you never said


it's been too long since
i was the tingle in your toes up to your nose
it's been too long since you couldn't breathe
everytime you thought of me


there was this girl you used to be
a girl i fell in love with the first time she kissed me
what happened to that girl i used to know?
shes been gone too long..where did she go?


it's been too long since
you filled me up instead of ran me dry
it's been too long since
i've slept a night without tears in my eyes


say your tangeled up in me
but you've never fought for us to be
you always take whats given to you
and throw it all away..how could you


it's been too long since
there was something left to say
it's been too long since i was your crying shoulder
because the conversation is always over


i should have seen the signs
should have read between the lines
i shouldn't have drank and closed my eyes
when all you did is pour me lies


it's been too long since i've written how i was amazed
i've lost my inspiration these days
it's been too long since you made me feel
loved inside..and i knew it was real


i've always been your dirty little secret
the one you always regret
we're both always upset
we should just give up and end it


because it's been too long since we were almost there
since you've shown me you really care
...it's been too long..
that old you is truely..gone..
Currently listening:
It's Been Awhile
By Staind
Release date: 2001-07-03
October 8, 2009 - Thursday 

Current mood:  depressed
Category: Romance and Relationships
virginia is cold, the rain covers tears in my eyes
in the storm i can only cry
i cry and i cry till i feel dead inside
you said you loved me but you lied


i don't feel the love you speak
i only feel weak
what is it from me you seek
the torture of the already meak?


you must think love is like a reality t.v. show
but lauren conrad isn't real no matter how deep in the hills you go
i wonder if any of this he knows?
would he forgive you, or would it come to blows?


because if you loved me you wouldn't have put me through what you put me through
if you loved me, you wouldn't be moving in with him like you about to
it doesn't matter what you say it only matters what you do
and i think we know what your actions proved


if you loved him, he would know about that night we made love in my bed
and he would know all the things then and now you've said
i hope for his sake he'll look at this and take to heart what hes read
because i'm sure like me, hes clueless to whats really in your head


love isn't this never ending game you play
true love you can't walk away
have you ever actually loved someone other then yourself that way?
your just a spoiled little girl who wants something different each day


you said you loved me but you were wrong
you haven't loved me in oh so long
you said you loved me but chose him to bide
you said you loved me but you lied
October 4, 2009 - Sunday 

Current mood:  sad
Category: Life
it woulda been two years today
i think about it everyday
my sister's cut their birthday cake
and i think about my biggest mistake


i loved her
and all that we were
it's not fair
i miss her soft brown hair

am i ever on her mind
was it her fault or was it mine
does she ever wish we could rewind
does she look back fondly or think me unkind


i loved her
and all that we were
it's not fair
i try not to care


i never thought i'd become so cold
but i'm just getting too old
the things i'm told
i look at my hand and see it's time to fold


i loved her
and all that we were
it's not fair
i wish i could be back there


those were the best times of my life
and it's been years since i've held you in my sight
and it's been years since i loved you right
it's been years since i've seen the way you look in the candle light


i loved her
and all that we were
it's not fair
without her i'm scared


when she comes home at night
do they always fight
is she alright
is he there to hold her tight



i loved her
and all that we were
it's not fair
that here we are where.


i wish you would have given me two years notice
when i met you, you'd let me know there was no future for us
maybe then i could have thought twice about loving you so much
so much time passed, so many fights everyone our last,
and still i feel that..

"Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein
Ohne dich
Mit dir bin ich auch allein
Ohne dich
Ohne dich zähl ich die Stunden ohne dich
Mit dir stehen die Sekunden
Lohnen nicht ohne dich"


you don't know what that means
but in english the first line reads
"without you i cannot be"
i really wish before i kissed you in my loft
that you would have given me two years notice...
September 27, 2009 - Sunday 
theres times that i don't care
and times that aren't fair
when i'm all alone
i still sit by the phone
i guess you'll always be
the one who got away from me


you tell me your mad
expect me to bow my head
but that doesn't change you chose him instead
you left me in the cold for dead
that night we went to bed
i really believed everything you said
it was just a pack of lies
you always change your mind


i'm asleep on my side
when i wake and turn to find
it's not you in my eye
so i turn and look again
still only to find
it's still not you no matter
how many times i turn and try


i loved her so much
that i can't eat
and i can't sleep
i hope one day we meet
and she sees she really only loved me
then i could stand
where i had always planned
the top hatted man..
September 23, 2009 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  drained
Category: Life
i sit and i ponder the things i've done
some just for fun
others just to run
life at the barrel of a loaded gun
not knowing where i'm going or where i'm from

it feels like i been running my whole life
running from anything that ever felt right
pushing everything away with all my might
but i still remember your face in the candle light
and how you tasted that and every night

a distance has grown
been some others, how could you have known
that with them i feel alone
from arms to arms i roam
but only yours have ever felt like home
August 26, 2009 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  nostalgic
Category: Life
little red corolla
that i used to call from my motorolla
it used to drive to sarasota
if i had known you'd...

you'd leave
leave me here without repreive
down on my knees
and i feel so decieved


i miss the way we'd meet
and i miss the shoes in the back seat
and how nothing was ever neat
if i had known you'd...


you'd leave
leave me here without repreive
down on my knees
and i feel so decieved


these women that i lie with bare
there names that i don't even care
they aren't enough to compare
if i had known you'd...


you'd leave
leave me here without repreive
down on knees
and i feel so decieved


it feels like forever, and it feels like a day
i'm not this thing that i portray
i just want to be far away
if i had known you'd...


you'd leave
leave me here without repreive
down on my knees
i feel so decieved


the further i get from you
the further i get from me
i've become something horrible that i didn't used to be
if i had known you'd...


you'd leave
leave me here with no reprieve
down on my knees
i feel so decieved


i don't understand anything or why
and i wonder why i even tried
but i just can't get it out of my mind
if i had known you'd...


you'd leave
leave me here with no repreive
down on my knees
i feel so decieved

little red corolla always leaves
little red corolla always changes directions mid stream
little red corolla never drives for me.

if i had known...

August 4, 2009 - Tuesday 
for so long now, i've been feeling it in my heart
and i loved you right from that moment we got our start
i never had imagined us falling apart

you may be the only one i ever truely loved
losing you may be my punisment from above
alone in this world without my turtle dove

i just wish you could have seen
how much you really meant to me
but nothing in life is free

it just seems nothing ever turns out right
only wanted you to be the one with who i spent my nights
to hold me and tell me it's going to be alright

i thought i could prove to you that i could be a different man
he'll never make you feel the way that i can
the idea of you two is more than i can stand
done anything to be the one you gave your hand

now i have to do whats right and be strong for both of us
to walk away with a smile while my soul rusts
your never going to love me, accept it i must.

if i could i'd make it disappear
take back all the tears
remove the memories i used to hold so dear

i don't know what went so wrong
i don't know how this has gone on for so long
i think about it everytime i hear one of our songs

seems no matter how hard i've tried
all the lonely nights i've cried
theres nothing left, and it's time to really say goodbye
and know that this was the day the music died
April 21, 2009 - Tuesday 

Current mood:  hopeful
Category: Life
the time has come for me to leave
to settle my differences at the mercy of the sea
yet it seems no matter what happens i still want her with me
and i still look to a time when together we will be

 

it feels like all my anger and all my hate
overnight vanished, replaced by a longing that is denied by fate
where once i was so sure i knew everything, a commodity at any rate
now again...i'm am a fool life has been kind enough to demonstrate

 

i wish i knew what life has in store
however unlikely my dreams may be, i've never wanted them more
when everything seems forlorn
some small measure of hope is born

 

so it is as it all began
back to me wanting to be your man
and not knowing where you stand
why does nothing ever turn out the way we plan?

 

i'm left only to believe
that one day you'll see yourself again with me
that you'll feel the love that behind for you i leave
and that you'll soon come to join the life i tirelessly weave

 

...and with hope