If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:




I have an irrational fear of:
Pigeons, those beady-eyed bastards. Flying germballs.

What weight were you when you were born?
apparently, in all my excitement, i forgot to step on the ol’ scale. i’m sure somebody checked, but it wasn’t me.

I am most opposed to:
uninformed hatred. if you’re going to be that passionate about something, at least get the facts first, dickhead.

Do you stalk anyone on myspace?
not really, but i hang out here a lot in hopes that people will start stalking me.

I am too old to be:
involved in something like this:




I find the thought of childbirth:
much more appealing than the reality of it. that is some narsty shit, yo!

Next door to my house is:
there’s a playing behind our building. Even though no one ever rides the tire swing, there are three kids that stand there and push it pretty much all day every day.

My feet are:
large, wide, cold.

My preferred style of jeans is:
long enough for my legs, but small enough around the waist that i can forget to wear a belt and not have to hike ’em up every ten seconds. These jeans are in a cavern somewhere with the holy grail.

I know how to cook:
up a scheme.

I am annoyed at:
Lots of things, but i usually just pretend i’m not.

Men should never:



Women should never:


What sea creature scares you?



true, there are weirder looking things down there, but these dudes look MEAN.

What object have you broken most recently?
yesterday, while i was cleaning the bathroom, i dropped a bottle of my roommates’ shampoo yesterday and the lid exploded. i sort of just put it back and feigned ignorance.

Name one of the Spice Girls.
Victoria Beckham! husband of LA GALAXY superstar David. GAAAAALAAAAAXY!

What was the last thing to make you cry?



what are the stems of wine glasses for?
to attach the base to the glass? i dunno, i mean, seriously?

My favorite shoes are:
drying under the heater.

Can you use chopsticks?
Yup.

Do you prefer beaches or forests?
Beaches, bitches!

i arose absurdly early this morning with hopes of world conquest, but i had to go to a meeting instead. So i saddled up my (t)rusty steed (a decrepit, woman’s bicycle) and rode off into the dingy miasma of a typically grey morning.



there was a playground in the park.



To the untrained eye, it appears entirely dilapidated. i waited around for a bit to see if any rogue children would climb this structure, instigating its collapse. Sadly, this never came to pass, as i had places to be!

Not long after that, i discovered this tree.



Although i’m no dendrologist, my instincts told me this was man-made. Thinking back to a magazine article i once read about a book on the study of the hilarity of applying anthropological theories to modern cities, i deduced this must be some kind of primitive warning from the natives.

By jove, another one!



Now i’m positive there’s something mysterious going on around here...

Despite the almost-certain ritualistic death in store for trespassers, i pressed forward. Shortly thereafter, i discovered this:



A magic door! What secrets could it possibly hold? What majesty awaits? Thoughts of parallel universes and stump-dwelling gnomes battled for control of my cerebral cortex. As i neared the door, however, i realized that, judging by the rest of the park, there would most likely just be a couple dudes in there hanging out smoking cigarettes while trying to sell drugs to passersby. i decided that i would leave the door unopened for now, because the possibility of magic is a lot nicer than the knowledge of its absence.

i rode on, testing the sturdiness of my bike’s creaky chain.

But then... What the shit?



i thought i lived in a CITY? For some reason, i simply had to take a picture. Although i didn’t really know it until today, i guess i am an ass man, after all.

i left the park, it was too depressing in all its grey grandeur. Riding through town, i came across this picture of serenity.



Awwww!

Finally, i reached my destination! Yes! this is it! This is where my band will rehearse! This is where we will achieve greatness!



Coincidentally, this is also where i will dispose of the bodies... uh, nevermind, i said nothing.

Much later, on my way home, i saw a building that was so splendid, it could only exist in the most magical of cities.



my favorite part is the cloud mustache.

And, just as my legs ran out of steam, escalating pedaling from mere exercise to herculean task, my brain is pretty pooped. i think i got too adjective-happy near the start. ;)

so my friends, that is all for now!

here's my homey Greg, having some ice cream in the park...



it's kind of disturbing what actually happened that day.





man... so many more left to do... i think i'm gonna do a few in a different style, so if they start sucking again, that's why.

laters,
ben

giddyap!

Bradley at the fiesta!



Drunk ON his ass!

Haha, sorry Omid-ster!

this:



made me think of this:

i haven't forgotten my project to draw all my top friends...

underwater James gives it a big thumbs-up!



but this is what was REALLY happening.



i'll post more friends soon.

¡Hola Amigos!

Although it is ultimately pointless, i've embarked on a new project that has brought me (so far) much joy. The premise is simple--i'm taking photos of my friends that don't show the whole person and then i'm drawing the part we can't see. i'm not an artist, so they're not really very good, but sometimes they are not terrible, either. Anyway, i got a laugh from them, and i hope you do too.

this is how it all started...

for some reason, when i saw this:


it, for some reason, became this abortion:


i couldn't resist doing this one--the possibilities involving conjoined twins were too limitless...



i can't tell if the result is cute or creepy:



i kinda cheated on this last one of my friend Brendan:



i know his hands are already in the picture, but i just had to make that heart into a li'l tiny body.




Anyway, i'm working on some more of these, which i'll probably just post into the comments here. If you want me to draw you, first, consult a psychiatrist. Then, post a picture in the comments. i'm pretty slow, but i'll get to it eventually. :)

love,
Ben

hey guys, this isn't terrible at all!

Directions:
1 - go to Photobucket.com and type in your answers to the following 17 questions
2 - pick one of the pictures from the 1st page of results
3 - copy and paste the "HTML" code under the question
4 - pass it along to your friends


1. The age I will be on my next birthday:


2. A place I would like to travel:


3. My favorite movie:


4. My favorite object:


5. My favorite food:


7. My favorite color:


8. The town I was born:

BEN's NOTE: This international balloon fiesta actually occurs during my birthday every year.

9. The town where you live:

BEN'S NOTE: The crane makes it look like the guy on the right is wearing one of those "arrow through the head" things. haha! also, i am way into these mustaches.

10. First name of first pet:


11. Name of first love:


12. My nickname/screenname:


13. My middle name:


14. My last name: (i can't believe anything came up!)
Whoa! weird, somebody posted a picture of my brother!


but even so, this one was my favorite. this li'l broad is FIERCE


15. A bad habit of mine:

BEN'S NOTE: Bench chillin'--my number one bad habit! ;)

16. Favorite band:


17. Something I cant live without:




That was fun! i wanna see your life story in pictures, too!

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool... and a lot of the songs fit with the setting

opening credits:
Map of Your Head--Muse

Waking Up:
It Overtakes Me--The Flaming Lips

First Day At School:
Fell On Black Days--Soundgarden

Falling In Love:
HD Rider--Herman Düne

Fight Song:
Cool Scene--The Dandy Warhols -- pretty mellow fight song...

Breaking Up:
Shake it Out--Tilly and the Wall

Prom night:
These are the Fables--the New Pornographers

Life:
Ty Cobb--Soundgarden -- apparently, i have the AWESOMEST LIFE POSSIBLE.

Mental Breakdown:
Shining Star--Earth Wind & Fire -- hahaha, perhaps this song will also be the catalyst for the breakdown

Driving:
Angel in the Snow--Elliott Smith

Flashback:
Pageant of the Bizarre--Zero 7 -- how appropriate

Getting back together:
Ontario Plates--Do Make Say Think -- this song is most triumphant.

Wedding:
Criminal World--David Bowie

Birth of Child:
Sun's Breath 1 -- Deradoorian

Final Battle:
Bodysnatchers--Radiohead -- yesssssss, my final battle will kick a lot of ass

Funeral Song:
Velvet--The Toadies

Final Credits:
Falling Down--Muse

Your ex is on the side of the road, on fire. What do you do?
hose 'er down, of course.

Your best friend tells you she is pregnant. What is your reaction?
my best friend is a dude, so this is highly unlikely, but i guess if life imitates art, it could be a situation like this:




When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
probably the last time i drove a car. i've been pretty well-mannered recently.

What is the last thing you spent money on?
i traded a small amount of money for a wheaty bread roll. it tasted way better than the money would've.

Who is the most attractive female on your myspace top friends list?
oooh, this survey's trying to get me in trouble! oooh! i think they're all beautiful in different ways. ha! diplomatic success!

Do you think you gained or lost weight this past month?
well, when i had the stomach flu, i'm pretty sure i lost some weight, but since i've got my appetite back, i've put it back on. All things considered, it would probably be best if i could gain some more weight next month, but it seems unlikely to happen.

Crunchy or Puffy Cheetos?
both at the same time, on this sandwich:




If you had to sleep with one of your teachers from high school, who would it be?
ewww gross... none of them! there was a pretty constant rumor that one of my high school english teachers used to be in porn, but she was definitely at least in her mid-fifties eight years ago.

The first person on your friends list just called you a bitch. What do you have to say to them?
he would! haha! i would say: "you turd-nugget"

Congratulations! You just had a son. What's his name?
holy balls... i have always fantasized about naming my children after my favorite donut shops... my sons will be named (in this order) Duncan, Winchell, Spudnuts, Yum-Yum, and Fantastic Open 24 Hours.

Congratulations! You just had a daughter. What's her name?
hmm...i used up all the donut shop names on the boys... i guess i'll name the girls after my favorite characters from Doogie Howser, MD. So, in order: Wanda, Janine, Katherine Howser.

What are you craving right now?
just a shower, really. i'm kinda narsty this morning.

What was the last thing you cried about?
i murdered an onion with a knife and lamented the crime with a tear or two.

When you buy something and your change is 2 cents, do you keep it or tell the cashier to keep it?
i keep it in a plastic jar in my room. not sure what i'll do with it once the jar is full.

What color is your tissue box?
imaginary-colored

Do you have a ceiling fan in your room, and if so, is there dust on that fan?
no ceiling fan.

What is the last voicemail you received about?
the other day, i got a message from my brother about trans-Atlantic collaboration.

Have you ever blocked someone on MySpace before?
no need to

Scariest thing you've experienced in the last year?
i am not really scared of much. i am perpetually ANXIOUS about pretty much everything, but not really SCARED.

Do you wear a name tag at work?
it would be pointless, since the "customers" can't read. i do, however, sometimes wear an elephant hand-puppet.

What kind of car do you drive?
none at all! yaaaay!

What do you order when you go to Taco Bell?
i always get two double-decker tacos with beans instead of beef, then i load those li'l bastards up with hot sauce.

Have you ever had a garage sale?
yes. fascinating!

Are you happy right now?
i am not UN-happy. :)

Who came over last?
hmm...well, Bart was here last night, but he really came to see Lisa

Do you drink beer?
i've quit, temporarily.

Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
not that i recall.

What was the last movie you watched at home?
last night, i watched a Finnish movie with my friend Katja. for some reason, it was in French with German subtitles. i forget what it was called, but it was about some dudes who aspired to be artists. For a "comedy" it was rather bleak.

Who introduced you to your bf/gf/husband/wife?
my imagination!

Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear?
no, but i made one once for a girlfriend and told her it was our child, and that really freaked her out for some reason. hahaha

What's something fun you did today?
woke up super-early! yaaaay!

How many states in the US have you been to?
i don't want to count, but i imagine it's around 15 or eighteen. maybe more. crap, now i'm gonna count. 20.

What kind of milk do you drink?
shelf-milk, with the lowest amount of fat possible.

Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?
nope, unless my middle name counts.

Do you like pickles?
ew, gross.

Is someone in love with you?
probably lots of people. i am walking sex, oozing awesome. hahaha! sometimes, i wish i really were that confident/arrogant...

What color is your couch?
hmm...i wish "ugly" were a color...

Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?
only on the telephone. or my mom, when aggravated, will sometimes rattle off the name of every male in the house (this used to include the dog) before settling on the correct one.

Favorite pop-tart flavor?


Do you know anyone in jail/prison?
possibly. between the ages of 4-10, i ran with a pretty delinquent crowd. i HOPE no one i know is in jail...

What are your plans for the weekend?
holiday... four day weekend... not sure what to do with it. Suggestions?

Do you like the color green?
yeah, it's great.

How many hours did you sleep last night?
about four.

Do you swear at your parents?
not AT them. sometimes AROUND them, but i've cut back on my swearing since leaving LA.

Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle?
yeah, i've even changed shirts while DRIVING. boom!

What were you doing at midnight last night?
giving a keyboard lesson--i am training a small army of women to play instruments so that i won't have to.